thanks for everything!

Disclaimers all day everyday!

Angel paced his office like a caged animal plotting to escape. He refused to sleep and he was too busy worrying about her. That woman drove him crazy. All he was doing was looking out for her. Sure he was throwing his heart to the ground and watching it get ran over a million times because he couldn't be with the love of his very long undead life but that wasn't the point. He was used to darkness…he was used to pain but she…she was his light. Said light needed to be protected from the world, from him, and from herself.

"Angel, my man Cord had a vision thing we need to head out. Wes got the add…", Gunn said trailing off as he heard a low menacing growl and took in Angel appearance. Gunn actually took a step back. Angel was in game face, his hair was a mess, and he had blood stained tears running down his cheeks.

"Get out", Angel barked out. "You think I give a shit when Buffy is out there somewhere doing gods know what. I'm not going anywhere lass until me Buffy come back", he growled slipping back into his old accent.

Gunn knew that Angel wouldn't kill him. He knew Angel could with no problem besides the guilt but he was fairly confident that he wouldn't, which was the only reason he jumped in Angel face getting ready to tell his boss about himself. "You know what Angel; you need to get your shit together. Here you are with this hot mortal combat Barbie chick that loves you…that face included and you're pushing her out the door. It's no wonder she didn't come back last night. You got what you wanted…Buffy's gone. Sorry to tell you it's probably all your fault now get off your sorry ass grab an ax cuz someone needs our help. In case you forgotten you can't exactly say 'sorry come again later I'm not in the mood', when we're in the business of helping the helpless."

Angel grabbed Gunn by his collar pulling him off the floor. Gunn feel were dangling in the air. Despite his anger Angel spoke nice and calm. "Boy, you know nothing of Buffy and I. You don't know what we been through, you don't know how much I sacrifice to make sure your still breathing. You think you seen monsters from hell, well I'm telling you that when I get to cloud nine I'm like the devil himself. So don't walk up in here like you know me because you don't. You know the highly revised edited clip notes that they tell second grades for spooky stories. So don't tempt me boy, I'm not really a nice type of guy". With that Angel threw Gunn down and picked up an ax, whipped his face of the bloody tears and walked out.

Turns out Wesley and Gunn wasn't even needed. Angel effectively used that demon as his personal punching bag receiving a couple nasty hits in return. Wesley simply couldn't hold it in any longer as he watched Angel go to his cabinet and pull out the Irish whiskey he kept there.

"Angel", the British man called.

Angel glanced over at Wes, "do you want some", he asked giddily as he poured himself a shot.

"No, and I don't think you should have any more either. What would Buffy think? You have been drinking that all morning", he asked hoping to get Angel to come to his senses.

"Wanna know a secret", Angel asked really low.

"I'm afraid to ask", Cordy chided as she came into the office.

"Buffy isn't here, I'm tired of turning my brain to mush wondering when… no if she's coming back. The old me before her wouldn't care but she changed me…both of me and now I can't even kill things to take out my anger because the demons wanted to run and hide. So what Buffy doesn't know won't kill her, apparently nothing does", he said dropping the empty glass in his hand and chugging the bottle as he sat in his big chair.

The three stared at him with wide eyes too scared to do anything else. Cordy finally had enough of this and ushered the two guys out and closed the door behind her when she returned. "Okay, I think someone drunk enough tonight, big guy why don't you hand it over and tell cord what hurricane did this time", she cooed grapping the bottle and putting it back to the cabinet.

"I don't know, if I try hard enough I don't remember but she was so angry at me Cor I needs to fix this so her and I can be together", he said pounding his fist into his chest.

"You will", she said taking his hands and kneeling before him causing him to look down at her. "You will get through whatever this is but maybe this relationship thing has finally come full circle. Hear me out but maybe you need to let go. There are other good fish in the sea", she said wincing on how Angel tightened his grip on her hand into a steel tight grip unconsciously.

Pain must have been adamant on her face because he immediately let go. "I'm sorry", he winced pulling his hand away to avoid anymore harm. "You're going to need ice soon", he noted as he stared at her wrist. "It's not broken but possible sprung, definitely swelling up but there's no problem with the blood circulation", he continued staring at it.

"Forget about the wrist, please it's creepy that you can do that", she replied suppressing a shiver. "This is about you and your happiness not perfect but you know what I mean", she joked and he caught the ghost of a smile.

"You're trying to force this because you feel obligated because you weren't there to save her. Everything was good before she came back. You were healing and us", she started unsure of how to finish.

Angel looked at her curiously. "Us', he repeated extremely confused until some type of recognition drawled on his face. He picked up her hand gently messaging it since she refused to get some damn ice. "Cordy, you been there for me since the begging and I care about you a lot" he trailed off as the smell of his mate close by registered in his senses. "Buffy", he said breathlessly like always letting go of Cordy and getting up to go to her only to succeed in falling right back in his chair. Guess he was still drink after all.

Buffy stood on the wall observing their interactions coolly. The scene she just walked in on was bizarre. Now Angel was fighting to stand up and Cordelia was still kneeling on the floor with her dare caught in headlights expression before it turned smug. "Don't let me interrupt", Buffy stated dryly. Her eyes became hard but she kept her cool passive posture up even though inside she was fuming.

Angel felt her bottled up hostility and immediately sobered up determine to get to her this time. "Buffy it's not like that I was just telling Cord", he started.

Buffy shook her head. She didn't need to hear the rest of that confession of whatever the hell it was.

"That even though she's been there through so much", he said turning to look Cordy in the eyes as she finally stood up. "You're just a friend, a really good one I don't deserve but I'm lucky neither the less". He turned towards Buffy again grabbing her hands relived when she didn't hit him. "Besides", he adds softly. "I already given my heart and soul away"

All Buffy anger deflated. "I love you too. I don't want to fight anymore but we have things that can't be left unsaid".

"Your right, Cordy can you leave us for a second", Angel asked noticing the fact she was still in the room.

"You're asking me to leave", she asked appalled.

Buffy snapped, "I'm back now Cordiela your services are no longer required but be sure to ring us if you get a vision kay".

"Cordy stormed out muttering, "oh I'll get a vision alright'.

Angel opened his mouth to say something but Buffy lifted her hand to stop him.

"Not tonight, I didn't get any sleep last night and you didn't get any today plus you're drunk. So what do you say we call a truce and sleep off whatever we're feeling at the moment and talk tomorrow because I can't sleep another night without you", she reasoned.

Angel smiled and lead the way to their bed room stumbling here and there. As they lay in bed wrapped in each other's arms quickly drifting off to sleep they marveled at how right it felt. Neither knew it would be a long while before they had this again.

"I love you beloved", Angel said groggily pulling her closer and kissing her forehead.

"I love you too my Angel".

short i know but i felt they needed some more mush and i didn't want them to end on bad terms!

please review!