Chapter Ten
"Do you want to get over her?" Linda asked.
Joey looked up sharply.
"Of course I do!" she said, although she wasn't entirely sure that was true.
She sighed and rubbed her face.
"You want to be with Fiona?"
"Yes. That's why I'm here," Joey said quickly.
She didn't like the line of questioning. It was awkward and she wasn't sure the answers she wanted to give were the truthful ones.
"So, why do you think you can't share things with Fiona?" Linda asked patiently.
Joey just shrugged. Linda smiled.
"I need a little more than that," she said.
"The words get stuck in my throat when I try and tell her what happened to me," Joey began. "I just... can't."
"What did happen to you?"
"I was raped," Joey said, confused as to why she was asking when she already knew.
"I know that," Linda said. "Can you tell me about it?"
Joey sighed.
"We worked together. He was friends with Brett. I'd known him a while. We didn't get along. I couldn't bear him and he didn't like having a girl working on the trawler. He was bullying me and then one day... it just went too far," Joey explained.
Her voice was shaking a little.
"We were below deck and he pressed me into a corner. He forced himself on me and... I couldn't do anything. I couldn't stop him. I fought so hard against him but the harder I fought, the harder he pushed and the more it hurt," she explained tearfully. "Then he just laughed, zipped up and walked away. He left me in shreds."
Linda offered her a tissue and sighed compassionately. While she tried not to get emotionally involved, to hear a rape description was always going to be hard.
"Why do you feel okay to tell me about it but not Fiona?" she asked.
The question caught Joey off guard. She stuttered and stumbled over what to say.
"You're a therapist," she finally said. "You're paid to listen to me and not judge me. Fiona... she..."
She sighed heavily.
"You're afraid of Fiona judging you?" Linda asked.
"I'm afraid of her opinion of me changing," Joey said. "I'm afraid of her seeing me as weak and pathetic and damaged. I'm afraid that she'll realise how worthless I am."
"Why do you think you're worthless, Joey?"
"I wasn't good enough for Charlie," Joey pointed out. "She was happy to treat me like trash. I gave her everything I had and she just trampled all over it."
"Charlie made you feel worthless?"
Joey nodded and twisted her fingers together until they hurt.
"And yet you're still in love with her?" Linda said.
Joey nodded again.
"Pretty pathetic, hey?" she said.
"Not pathetic," Linda said. "And you're not worthless."
Joey just laughed.
"You're not. And it's a shame that you feel that way about yourself. Perhaps working on that will help you make things right with Fiona."
Joey exhaled loudly. She didn't know how things would possibly ever make things right with her.
"If you want to," Linda said.
Joey eyed her curiously.
"Joey, do you want to make things right with Fiona or do you want to go back and see if you and Charlie could try again?"