The Gods of Virginia

by jazzywazzy08

When an accident sends Bonnie Bennett back to 1864, and circumstance forces her into becoming a "kept" woman, she is less than excited to find that Damon Salvatore will be the one for whom she will play placée, but it is the price she must pay to live amongst the gens de couleur, a society that holds the only ancestor she has with the power to send her home. However, Bonnie begins

10. Part Ten: Heaven

Title: The Gods of Virginia

Rating: M

Genre: AU/AH, Time Travel/Romance

Pairing(s): Bonnie/Stefan, Bonnie/Damon, Elijah/Katherine, Tyler/Caroline, Rebekah/OC, Matt/Katherine, etc.

Summary: When an accident sends Bonnie Bennett back to 1864, and circumstance forces her into becoming a "kept" woman, she is less than excited to find that Damon Salvatore will be the one for whom she will play placée, but it is the price she must pay to live amongst the gens de couleur, a society that holds the only ancestor she has with the power to send her home. However, Bonnie begins to interest Stefan Salvatore as well and to make matters worse Mystic Falls isn't ready to witness open concubinage between a white man and a black woman especially when that woman is suspected of witchcraft.

Warnings: Time Travel, Non-Canon, Racism, Sexual Content, Violence, Original Character etc.

Part Ten: Heaven

There are people in this town who speak of morality. There are people in this town that speak of God. There is no morality in Salem. At least not in this time. There is no God. There are only men. Men that damn the innocent in God's name. Men that torture and murder because they feel that they have the God given right. There is no God in slavery. There is no God in burning a woman alive. There is no God in raping a mother. There is no God condemning someone that is different. I would not believe in God at all anymore if not for one thing. The people that I love. When they care for me and encourage me to take care of myself. When they still see good in the world that would seek to rip them to pieces. When they smile in the face of tragedy and find strength in things that would break others I know that there is a God. They call my powers evil but I've used those powers to heal the sick that they left to wallow and mend the wounded that they beat with whips. I have seen sin. I have seen hate. I have seen malice. I have seen what it can do. No, my powers are not evil. My people are not soulless, but they are angels trapped in Hell. Perhaps one day we will see heaven.

― From the Journal of Alice Bennett; Salem, Massachusetts circa 1693

Mystic Falls, Virginia, 1864

Giuseppe Salvatore looked over the letter mandating that his son serve in the confederate army before he slid the decree over to Damon who sat across from him at his desk. He watched as his son scanned the page and his face hell. He knew the source of his gloom. It had little to do with the idea of his possible death and everything to do with the fact that he would have to leave his brother and that girl behind.

His son was selfish to the bitter end. He didn't think about what it would do to Giuseppe if something happened to him and he were to lose his heir. He didn't think about the service that he would be doing to the south in fighting. While Giuseppe had been unopposed to Raoul's interventions in the beginning he was now of a different mind. The military would teach Damon structure, duty, and obedience. Things he was severely lacking and traits that had become even more absent since Raoul and his illegal wife had strutted into town and taken over.

He had known that this would happen. That Raoul was only delaying the inevitable and now there was not only the matter of saying goodbye to his son to contend with but the matter of running Raoul and the rest of the filth out of town.

"The fact that Raoul was keeping you from fighting was the only thing that protected him for me and my will," Giuseppe said, "I no longer see any reason to allow him and the trash that he brought into this town to continue to inhabit it." He watched as Damon's jaw ticked but he continued before his son could reply. "But the problem is they have integrated themselves into our society," he said, "Though all it would take was a well-placed rumor and it would be the beginning of the end. I do not need to tell you that whatever arrangement you started with that girl is now over and soon enough I will have the ammunition needed to get rid of her and the others completely. I suggest son that you inform her of this and you say your goodbyes. I hope that you enjoyed this unbecoming like tryst while it lasted."

Damon shook his head as he stood. "I will not argue with your father," he said, "I'm tired of arguing. You refuse to see things from my perspective and even knowing your own I cannot agree with it. But know this…that girl has a name. Her name is Bonnie and she has a better understanding of your sons then you ever will. She has more kindness and conviction of character than anyone you will ever encounter or know. She is more deserving of my love then you ever were and more human that you could ever be. If I come back here alive from the war that you were so desperate not to have me fight then know this…it is because of that girl. If I live it is because she and my brother have given me something to live and fight for. Whatever man I become…it has nothing to do with you."

After he had said his peace, Damon walked away from his father without looking back.

:::

Mystic Falls, Virginia, 2011

Aimee Bennett-Mercier sat across from Stefan Salvatore at a table at the campus library at Whitmore College. Stefan had been going over Noah Salvatore's journal with a fine tooth comb and he had found some interesting things outside of his past with Alice and the tragic story of their time together that Stefan didn't want to dwell on for reasons of his own. The first was the fact that Noah had an older brother by the name of Isaac. But Stefan wanted to look into that last. There was something else he wanted to research first and that was Alice's father Arthur. Stefan had recruited Aimee to help him look into things. He might have asked Raoul but the man had a short attention span which meant that he didn't have a head for research. Aimee on the other hand was used to pouring over books and grimoires with worn yellow pages when researching magic and spells.

"Are you sure you're not just doing this because you are trying to avoid this situation with Bonnie, your brother, and Mila by diving into something else head first so you won't have to think about it?" Aimee asked.

Stefan looked up from where he was reading an account of the history of the Salem witch trials and frowned. "I've made my peace with everything," he said, "There isn't anything I can do outside of wait for Bonnie to come home and go with whatever she wants after I say what needs to be said. Besides if I'm wrong about this then what will it hurt? I can still find out about what happened in Salem. I've read most of the journal but I'm kind of afraid to get too far. It's already a little too surreal and the things that Noah says about Alice…they're so close to how I feel about Bonnie. To the things I've said to her. It's kind of unsettling."

Aimee closed the book that she was looking in and reached for another. "Does it bother you that you two have had other lives together?" Aimee asked, "I mean does it make you feel as if it invalidates what the two of you feel for one another?"

Stefan shook his head. "No," he muttered, "That's not it at all it's just…Bonnie said that she felt like she had said goodbye to me before. Noah…said the same thing about Alice. He said…he said it felt familiar that one of them had to watch the other die. As if they had watched each other die a hundred times before. I keep wondering if we ever got to watch each other live. How many times that we'll have to say goodbye before it's all over with. If it ever ends."
Aimee frowned slightly as she looked down at the unopened book in front of her. "She said that she was tired of losing the people that she loved," Aimee whispered, "No matter what happens…you won't walk away from her right?"

"Never," Stefan said, "Not for as long as I live. And apparently not even in death."

Aimee's lips twitched upward. "Then you have nothing to worry about," she said, "I swear you and Bonnie are too alike for your own good."

"I guess when you live tons of lives with a person they rub off on you," Stefan shrugged. He pushed the book he was reading aside and reached for another. A log of members of the Salem township. He flipped through it and stopped as his eyes landed on a name. He read over the paragraph and flipped to the next page, his eyes landing on a graphite sketch. The sketch was faded but the resemblance was still enough for him to be certain. Nodding to himself he smiled. "Do you have the list my mother gave you?" he asked, Aimee, "The one that the witch that took her in made of Solomon's former names in other lives. Anne was it?"

Aimee nodded as she pulled the slip of paper out of her pocket. "I don't see why you couldn't have asked her for yourself," she commented, "She is your mother."

Stefan sighed as he took the piece of paper from her hand. "I know," he said, "It's just that I don't really know her. All my life she's been kind of a hypothetical thing. An angel looking over me that I could never reach but knowing that she's alive…that she's been alive all this time. That's she's a vampire. I'm not sure how to deal with that."

Aimee shrugged. "I couldn't tell you," she said. She watched as Stefan scanned the list of names and then smiled widely. "What is it?" Aimee asked, "What'd you find?"

"You said that when you went to see my mom you saw her wedding photo," he said, "The one with her and this Jonah guy? The one that's Solomon's reincarnation in this time." Aimee nodded. "Would you know him if you saw him again?"

Aimee nodded. "Just hand me the book Stefan," she said, "Tell me what you found." They didn't have much time. She would have to get back to Mystic Falls soon so that she could start the preparation for the spell. Bonnie would be home soon and so it was almost time.

Stefan pushed the open book over to her. He watched as her eyes scanned the page and then widened in surprise as she looked down at the picture of Alice Bennett that looked so very much like Bonnie, for she was Bonnie in another time. Standing next to her was a man that looked like Mary's husband the caption on the picture identifying him as Arthur Hardaway. But it wasn't the names that caught Aimee's attention Stefan knew but the rest of the caption that identified their relationship. Arthur had been Alice's father. "Are you really that shocked?" he asked.

Aimee laughed a little shaking her head. "No," she said, "But still…if this book is right then that means that the incarnations of Solomon and Bonnie that lived in Salem were father and daughter. This explains so much." The instant connection between them had been because at one point in time a long time ago, some incarnation of Bonnie had been Solomon's daughter. Aimee closed the book and looked at Stefan seriously. "I think that you should be the one to tell her," she said, "Not just about Alice and Noah…but about Solomon and Arthur and Jonah too. I haven't met the guy but considering their ties to one another before…I'm sure he'd want to know her."

Stefan nodded. "I know more than anyone what Solomon meant to her," he said, "But Aimee…there's got to be a reason for all of this right? I mean where the hell did this start? And is it ever going to stop? I don't mind being this connected to Bonnie. I like the idea…it makes me feel closer to her. I keep thinking that if it doesn't happen for us when she gets back…if she wants to let me go…maybe some version of us in the future will have a chance. Though, from the looks of it our time in the sixteen hundreds wasn't any better than it was in the eighteen hundreds. I know…my mom said that our souls were reborn into different bodies across time and space again and again after death …. That they seek each other out. But why? Why is it that some people are born without being reborn again after death? Some people live one life and then their done. What does it mean for us?"

"I don't know Stefan," Aimee said, "Maybe there isn't an answer. But your mother was in contact with this witch right…this Anne. She seemed to know about all of this? Maybe if you stop running from your mother and allow yourself to reconnect with her then you can find out."

Stefan frowned. "It isn't that I don't want to reconnect with her," Stefan sighed, "It's just that…"

"You're afraid that she won't live up to the image of her that you have in your head?" Aimee asked.

Stefan shook his head. "I'm afraid I won't live up to image that she has of me," Stefan muttered, "I mean everyone always either saw as saint or sinner. Ignoring one side of me in favor of the other. Even Damon placed me on the pedestal…still does sometimes. The only one who ever made me feel as if I could just be was Bonnie…I promised Solomon that I would watch over her. Sheila trusted that I would keep her safe. In his journal Noah said…part of the reason he was willing to die for Alice was because he made a promise to Arthur that she would never have to pay the price for being who she is. What I'm trying to say is…I might not like it but if it's for Bonnie then I'll do what I have to and I have this feeling that no matter what form I was in I always did. My mom has information about all this history between me and Bonnie so I'll talk to her for that reason alone."

"Stefan," Aimee frowned, "That's all well and fine…but you need to talk to your mom and try and build a relationship with her, not just for Bonnie's sake but for you too."

"I'll be fine," he said, "About my mother I mean. I'll talk to Damon and he'll tell me I'm being an idiot. Then I'll talk to Bonnie and she'll say what I'm probably thinking anyway and it'll be clearer to me in her words than it is in my own head. Then I'll be fine. I'll talk to my mother and Damon will call me an idiot again for not listening to him and then he'll tease me for needing to go to Bonnie for guidance and then he'll force her to make him a pie. Mila said that everything will be okay in the future…between the three of us. I hope she's right because we need each other. All of us."

"I know," she said. Aimee smiled and stretched her arms over her head. "Well in any case it's time to stop brooding over all of this and get going," she sighed, "I can't wait until Bonnie gets back. You're a lot more fun and a lot less broody when she's around. Well…unless you guys are brooding together."
"Like you said we're too alike for our own good," Stefan laughed as he stood, "'There could have never been two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison, no countenances so beloved.'"

"Are you seriously quoting Jane Austen?" Aimee grinned, "You take your role as tragic romantic hero far too seriously, Stefan. It's no wonder women fall all over you. I am waiting for the day you ride on horseback with your shirt open and your hair flowing in the wind." She laughed as Stefan grimaced at the image. "Save the waxing poetically for my little doll when she gets back and I won't have to tease you," she chastised.

Stefan shook his head. "I think when she returns I'll skip the quotes and just tell her how I feel," he said.

Aimee reached out and patted his cheek affectionately. "There may be hope for you yet," she said.

:::

Mystic Falls, Virginia, 1864

Solomon Hardaway picked up the package that the mail carrier had left on the porch of Bonnie's house. He expected that it was what she and Aimee had been waiting for. He had asked them both about it but all that Bonnie would say on the matter was that it was the key to her returning home. He didn't like the thought of her leaving but with things being the way that they were he knew that there was little choice in the matter.

He walked across the porch and was about to reenter the house when he heard the sound of foot steps behind him. Turning he frowned as he saw George Lockwood ascend the porch steps. Solomon had heard Aimee and Raoul speaking late the night before. Speaking about magic and witchcraft. Her power and the talk of Bonnie's own hadn't surprised him as he knew that it had to be some kind of magic or miracle that had healed him with they first met. But another part of him had known as well, a part of him that he could not explain. There was magical barrier keeping those inside safe.

But the magical barrier that kept those with malicious intent out wasn't completely effective. If the person didn't find their own intentions malicious Aimee had told Solomon that there was a chance the spell would let them pass. She hadn't told Bonnie because she hadn't' want to frighten the girl. But Solomon knew that there was a chance that going inside would not protect him and opening the door could endanger Bonnie. He decided that he would have to get rid of the man himself.

Lockwood smiled at him and Solomon kept his face blank. He knew better than to trust the man smile or not smile. "Can I help you, Mr. Lockwood?" Solomon asked, standing up straight. He might've been an old man but he wasn't weak by any stretch of the imagination and he could be intimidating when he wanted to be.

"I'm here to see Miss Bennett," George said, "I'm sure she is expecting me."

Solomon blinked. After everything Emmanuelle had warned the girl about, she had been expecting him. Waiting in fear and solitude for the man to show up. But he was sure that wasn't what Lockwood meant. The man had a crazed look about him. There was something unsettling in his eyes that made Solomon even more determined to keep the man away from Bonnie. "She isn't home at the moment, sir," he said, "Perhaps you should try to call again another time."

George's eyes became lethal. "Don't you lie to me now, boy," he said.

Solomon stood his ground. "Now," he said, "Why would I do think like that sir?" The man let out an inhuman growl a moment later and then he seemed to snap.

The first blow brought Solomon to his knees and sent the package flying out of his hands and across the porch. Another came and then another. He fought back the best that he could but the man seemed so strong, unnaturally slow. He was on top of Solomon in an instant slamming his head against the porch again and again. He began to feel dizzy as blood dripped from his temple and the back of his head.

He saw the man's eyes flash yellow and then he was let go. The man sped off and Solomon could feel himself slipping. But he had to hang on. He had to hang on just a little bit longer so that he could warn Bonnie. So that he could tell her what he needed to tell her.

After what seemed like an eternity the door opened. "Solomon," he heard Bonnie's voice call, "Did we get any mai-" The sentence was cut off by the most pained scream that Solomon had ever heard and he felt the tears sting the corners of his eyes as suddenly Bonnie was there kneeling beside him in a pool of his blood. "Solomon?" she said, her voice frantic, "What happened? No don't talk. I'll fix it, I can fix it." She called for Aimee and then Stefan.

There was shuffling and more screaming as the others appeared. Aimee. Corrine. Stefan. Raoul. Damon he would not get to see and for that Solomon was sorry. "Aimee," Bonnie begged her voice more of a sob than anything, "What do I do? How do I save him? Help me!"

"Shhhhh," Solomon said, but it came out more like a wheeze than he had intended. Bonnie looked down at him and took his face in her hands. "I'm going," he murmured, "You got to let me go." Bonnie shook her head violently and he spoke as quick as he could as Stefan and Aimee knelt beside her. "Listen to me," he said, "You…be careful. Lockwood."

Bonnie's face distorted in rage. "He did this?" she spat, "I'll kill him."

"No," Solomon coughed out, "You run. Get out. I was…on borrowed time. Should've died the night…" He blinked rapidly as he began to lose focus. "Night you saved me. But you…and Aimee…were my angels." His eyes drifted shut in spite his best friends.

"Solomon," Bonnie cried, "Please…don't. I love you. I need you. Open your eyes. Please."

Solomon forced his eyes open. "Love you…," he muttered, his eyes shifted to Stefan, "Take care of my angel…and your brother. You hear?"

Before Stefan could nod Solomon began to cough violently. Blood spewed from his mouth and Bonnie's eyes widened. "Solomon?!" There was no answer as he seemed to look past her at something over her shoulder. She frowned in confusion as his lips formed a smile.

"Grace," he murmured, "I see…Grace." His words ended in a gasp and then another and then he stopped breathing altogether.

"Solomon?" Bonnie said. No answer. "Wake up," she cried into the stillness, "Please don't leave me." She shook him roughly and then she apologized her tone becoming more gentle as she kissed his face and apologized again and again.

"Bonnie," Stefan said cautiously, touching her shoulder, "He's gone." He was trembling and so was she. Both of their father's had failed them in different ways and now the one that hadn't was dead.

"Then I'll bring him back," Bonnie said, turning to Stefan, "I've died for lesser people than him. I've brought lesser people back to life. He deserves to live Stefan."

Stefan glanced at Aimee and Corrine who both nodded at him encouragingly through their tears. "I know," he said, "but you heard what he said. He wanted you to let him go. He's with…he's with Grace now. I know it hurts but you have to let him be for his sake."

Bonnie knew that he was right but her heart was telling her to save him. To save him and kill George Lockwood. But she felt powerless because she didn't have it in her to do either. She would respect Solomon's last wishes, she would let him go and she would run. "I'm so tired of losing everyone Stefan," she muttered, through her sobs, "I'm so tired."

Stefan wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest ignoring the blood that stained her face, dress and hands. "I'm still here," he said, "I'm still here. I'll take care of you."

Aimee turned her eyes away from the scene and noticed the package across the porch. She stood and went to pick it up. She recognize the name on the box. Shaking her head she opened the package and found four pocket watches all still intact. "If only they had come sooner," Aimee sniffled, "Just one day sooner and she would have been gone and spared all of this."

:::

Mystic Falls, Virginia, 2011

Abby Bennett's brows knitted together in confusion at the sound of laughter coming from her mother's kitchen. She had been upstairs for a while contacting Lucy so that the woman could be present for the unbinding spell. Aimee said that it required the blood of all living Bennett witches. Since Abby and Rudy were Bonnie's parents their blood would stand in for hers. Aimee said that it would work and Abby trusted that he woman was right.

It had been so long since Abby had heard laughter in her mother's home or since she had smelled the sweet smells that were wafting out from the kitchen. She hadn't in fact since the last time she had seen her mother alive years ago. Bonnie had still been a little girl then and they had been making sugar cookies to share with Bonnie's kindergarten class.

"Seriously gramps," a feminine voice said as Abby approached the kitchen door, "if you keep eating the chocolate chips then there isn't going to be any left to go into the cake. Come on we still have to finish this. I have a pie and strawberry tarts to make too you know."

The response was more laughter and Abby's confusion on grew. As she opened the door the first thing that Abby saw was Rudy standing behind the kitchen island with a bag of chocolate chips in his hands. The sight was familiar to her. When they had been married Abby had made him a chocolate chip bundt cake every year on his birthday. They were his favorite. But she had always had to buy an extra bag of chocolate chips because he would always eat them as he baked and when Bonnie had been born and gotten old enough she had helped him polish them off.

"There's a whole other bag right there on the counter," Rudy grinned, "You sound like your grandmother."

Abby's eyes moved to his female companion and she started slightly as she studied the girl. She was a Bennett to be sure. It was in her features. It was in the way that she moved. Abby frowned slightly and cleared her throat. "Rudy?"

Her ex-husband looked up at her and he gave her a hesitant smile. "Abby," he said, "I'm glad you finally came down. There's someone here that you should meet." Abby looked between him and the girl who was close to their daughter's age who stood close to him smiling at Abby apprehensively. "This," Rudy said wrapping an arm around the girl's shoulders, "Is Mila. Bonnie's daughter. She came all the way here from the future to help us to help Bonnie."

Abby blinked several times as she tried to digest his words. Slowly she crossed the kitchen and walked up to the girl. It was odd. She hadn't been a parent in a while. She was out of practice. She didn't even know where to start in terms of grand parenting. She didn't know if it would be appropriate to hug the girl given all the hugs she had neglected to give the girl's mother over the years. Besides that she hadn't been affectionate with anyone for a long time. Even Jamie, though she had at the very least taken the time to raise him. Something that she felt guilty for given the current state her daughter's life had come to in her absence.

"It's nice to meet you," Abby said holding out her hand. The girl just blinked at her a moment laughing a little before she bypassed Abby's hand and hugged her. Abby hugged her back somewhat awkwardly before she pulled away. She watched as the girl went back to stirring the batter in front of her and as Rudy gave her an encouraging nod she spoke. "You know," she said, "There's a trick that my mother used to use to make sure that the cake wasn't too dry…"

"She added a little honey to the batter right?" Mila cut in smiling. At Abby's nod she smiled wider. "Mom told me," she said.

"Oh," Abby nodded, "I guess her grams told her. Makes sense."

Mila shook her head. "No," she said, "she always kept it a secret and mom didn't too much care for baking while Sheila was alive anyway. It was a woman in the eighteen hundreds that got her to love it. Her name was Corrine. Anyway…Sheila didn't tell mom about the honey…you did."

Abby shook her head. "I never told her that," she said.

"Not yet," Mila grinned, "But you will." Abby smiled at the girl more genuinely as she continued to stir the mixture. She glanced over at Rudy to find him smiling as well as he tossed another handful of chocolate chips into his mouth. For the first time since Bonnie had vanished Abby felt as if there was hope that things would be alright once her daughter returned.

:::

Mystic Falls, Virginia, 1864

Bonnie Bennett hugged her knees to her chest as she sat in the lukewarm water that Corrine had filled the claw foot tub with. The water was stained slightly red with the blood that had been on her hands but she didn't notice it as Corrine washed her back.

Everyone else had left. Raoul and Stefan to take care of Solomon. Aimee and Thomas to contaminate the town's water supply with the elixir that would facilitate in making the town forget their presence. Bonnie wouldn't even know where the man was buried. If his grave would even be marked or if it would be as if he had never existed at all. As if he had never taken care of her. As if he had never been there whittling figurines and fixing things in the house. As if he had never been there to tease her and give her sage words of advice. As if he had never been there to love her.

"He's with his Grace now," Corrine whispered, "And Miss Mary. You don't have to be upset. He loved you while he was here."

Bonnie blinked shaking her head. "Everyone who loves me unconditionally dies," she said, "My grandmother is dead. She was the only parent I could count on to never leave me alone. I never really knew my mother and my father is always gone but I had her. But then I didn't. Now Solomon…who was more of father to me than my own father is dead. And they both died for me. I'm not worth it."

"You are to them," Corrine said, "I know it hurts. But they would want you to keep going. So you got to keep going, Bonnie."

Bonnie shook her head, and turned to Corrine and looked at her. Her expression was serious as she spoke. "You should go," she said, "You should run. You should take William and get the hell out of this town. I don't want anything happening to you. You should have a life with your son."

Corrine gripped Bonnie's face in her hands and smiled sadly. "William will go," she said, "And he will take Emmanuelle with him. They will both find safety with Thomas's sister. But I am going stay here. It's my place. My son will be safe once he flees but I…I still have a daughter to protect and I'm looking at her right now. I'll leave when you get home safe and not a moment before."

Bonnie frowned and opened her mouth to object. "But Corrine-"

Corrine shook her head firmly. "This is not your choice to make," she said. Still Bonnie moved to argue. "Let me ask you something little girl," she said, "If the situation was reversed would you do the same for me?"

Bonnie closed her eyes as she remembered asking Elena the same thing the night that she had chosen to die for her the first time. She had been met with silence but she had taken that silence as confirmation because she knew that she wouldn't be able to handle it had it meant the opposite. She shouldn't have because now she knew that the silence had meant exactly that. Silence. Nothingness. There might have been a time when Elena would have but that time had passed long before Bonnie had ever made herself realize it.

"In a heartbeat," Bonnie said, and she meant it. And if she did she wouldn't regret it like she had with Elena. Because she knew that it wasn't one sided.

"Then you see why I have to," Corrine said, "besides...Solomon asked us to look after his angel. So that's what we have to do. The wishes of the…of the dead are sacred you know?"

Bonnie nodded and stood to get out of the tub. As Corrine wrapped the towel around her Bonnie wanted to cry but she had no tears left. Now she was on the other side of things. She wasn't the one sacrificing herself for others, she was watching the people she cared about sacrifice themselves for her. She didn't like it. It was a different kind of pain. A different kind of guilt. A guilt she doubted that anyone had felt when she had put herself in the line of fire before she had come back. But she vowed silently that no one else would die for her.

Corrine led her into her room and helped her into a nightgown before she left Bonnie alone. She would go to cook Bonnie knew. Try and make her eat. But the thought of food turned Bonnie's stomach. Bonnie walked across her room and grabbed the tiny wooden horse on her desk. She smiled she thought of Solomon and Stefan teaching her to ride and Solomon toiling on the tiny details when carving the little wooden figurine. "I'm sorry," she whispered, hoping that wherever Solomon was that he could hear her.

There was a knock on her door and a moment later she watched as Emmanuelle and William entered. They both looked at her sorrowfully but it was Emmanuelle that stepped forward. "We've come to say goodbye," she said, "I…I'm sorry to hear about Solomon."

"I'm sorry too," Bonnie nodded.

"John doesn't know I'm leaving so…if for any reason he asks…," Emmanuelle trailed.

Bonnie smiled sadly. "I know nothing," she said, "Come on then…give me a hug." She opened her arms and the other girl walked into them easily. "Take care of yourself…and be careful," Bonnie whispered.

"You do the same," Emmanuelle said as she pulled back. She placed a pair of lace gloves into Bonnie's hands. "In case you ever need a spare pair," she said.

Bonnie laughed a little. "I won't need them where I'm going," she said, "But I'll treasure them just the same."

As Emmanuelle stepped aside William stepped forward. "I'll make sure your mother follows behind you quickly," Bonnie said, "that she gets to wherever you go safely." Bonnie would be leaving soon. Now that the watches were there, it wouldn't be too long now.

"I know you will," William nodded, "I trust you. You're one of the good one's Bonnie. Don't let this place break you. You do what you need to do before you leave and when you leave you live your life the best you can. You hear me?"
Bonnie nodded. "I hear you," she whispered, "I will…I promise. You take care of yourself."

William smiled as she leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I will," he said, "and you do the same."

Bonnie watched as the two turned and left. She smiled after them. They had both been jilted and suffered loss in life and love. They were running together now out of necessity because it was too dangerous for Emmanuelle to go alone. But she wondered what it would turn into overtime. Where the journey would take them. It saddened her even more that since these people and this place would be loss to her and forget her, she likely would never know.

:::

Mystic Falls, Virginia, 2011

Damon Salvatore stood next to his mother at her grave marker. They looked down at the headstone and Damon frowned. It was odd being there with her standing next to him.

"I didn't like to come here often," he said, "But this is where we came when we wanted to talk to you."

Mary looked in between him and the gravestone and back again. "I came to talk to you as well," she said, "You and your brother. Not here. I had markers made where I was. Every time I moved I made new ones. It's silly I know but I liked to think that I was taking you both with me."

Damon glanced at her. She looked much like he had remembered. She was still his mother but a part of him felt detached from her. A part of him was angry for her leaving, though he understood her reasoning. A part of him was angry that she hadn't found them sooner. But he didn't know what to say to her. He didn't know how far he could push her. He didn't trust that she would be around after he did.

"What did you say to us?" Damon asked after a moment.

Mary shrugged. "I asked how you were," she said, "But mostly I imagined what your lives would be like. I had hoped that you were happy. Hoped that you had become successful and educated. Hoped that you would find love. I had never expected that you would both find it with the same woman."

Damon sighed. "We have," he said, "More than once…nothing as pure as what we both feel for Bonnie but it's been there just the same. Stefan thinks…that we were both looking for you in the women that we encountered which was why we always looked in the same direction. We never found you."

Mary looked away. "I gave up on finding you before I even knew either of your real fates," she said, "I…should have looked harder. But Solomon…I was sure of him existing in some other form at least. It was a certainty that he would be there somewhere eventually. I couldn't be certain of either of you and I was too afraid to hope. Hope can be a dangerous thing you know."

Damon nodded. "Yeah," he muttered, "I know."

"Thank you," she said, "For opening up to me…I know that it must be hard for you. I've missed you so much. I loved you…I still do. I hope that one day your brother will open up as well…but I will wait for him."

"Will you?" Damon asked, raising a brow at her, "Are you actually going to be sticking around this time?" There was a chance that he could be a father. He didn't know the first thing about parenting. Both of his parents had failed him in different ways. But he hoped having his mother back would help him in that respect. He had thought that he would never love any one more than he loved Bonnie but he did. He loved Mila more and no matter what she was to him, he wanted to do right by her.

"I'll be here," Mary said, "I'm not going anywhere this time."

"Good," Damon nodded, looking down at the ground, "And you don't have to worry about Stefan." he continued to looked down as Mary stared at him. "He's probably brooding over how to approach you and overthinking everything," Damon grinned, "That's kind of what he does. Well…that's kind of all he does." He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "He'll be fine…once Bonnie comes home," Damon sighed, "She'll talk to him and he'll have an epiphany. She'll say something he knew already but he'll act like he's hearing it for the first time and then things will be clear. That's…what they do for each other. Make things clear. They both do that for me too…they're my calm, my conscience, and my sanity. I could never return the favor in that respect. The best I could ever do for either of them was protect them and be selfish when they couldn't. But it was always enough…we'll be okay…the three of us. No matter what happens…we'll be okay if we're together. We need each other."

Mary smiled and nodded. "I'm starting to see that," she said. She studied him a moment before she spoke. "This Bonnie," she said, "I've heard things about her…from Mila. But a child always has a skewed view of their parents."

Damon shook his head. "Whatever Mila said about her she was telling the truth no matter how exaggerated," he said, "I took Bonnie here once. I introduced you to her. Promised I would take care of her and I did…the best I could. At least I did then. I haven't…I haven't done the best job of that in this time. I'm not proud of the way I treated her…even if I didn't remember…she didn't deserve that. Stefan did a better job of it in the beginning in this time. Protecting her I mean. From me….from everyone. But that's what he does. And after her grandmother died she pushed him away and closed herself off to us both. Then when he turned off his emotions...let's just say it's been a rough couple of years. She has enough reasons to hate us both…more than enough even with our history. She might forgive us but I wouldn't be surprised if she walked away from us both. At least in the romantic sense. But whatever she needs us to do we'll do it. It was always like that. Even if we don't like it. Now that we remember there's no way we could do anything else."

:::

Mystic Falls, Virginia, 1864

Bonnie didn't move as she heard the knock on her door. She stayed silent and still as it opened and someone walked inside. She was tired of death. Of seeing people that she loved die. Solomon was gone and he had died protecting her. For what? When she herself had only just realized the value of her on life.

"Aimee told me about Solomon," a familiar voice said from behind her, "Stefan…he still had blood on his hands when he came home."

Bonnie choked back a sob as she sat up in bed and turned on him, her eyes angry and sad. "Why are you here Damon?" she asked. She wasn't angry at him…not really. She was angry at herself. Angry at the scene of Solomon dying in her arms playing over and over again in her head. "I know that it's my fault…that all of this is my fault," she muttered, "I don't need you reminding me about what happened. Every time I close my eyes I see it."

"I'm not here to blame you Bonnie," Damon frowned, "I would never blame you. You should know that." He sighed and shook his head. "I'm here because I got a letter calling me to serve today," Damon said as he pulled off his gloves and tossed them onto her nightstand, "Because I have just lost the only man I could ever truly love as a father. I'm here because I wanted to see the woman I'm in love with before I had to leave. Because I wanted to look upon her face while I was still able. I know you don't want to hear me say that. I know that. But I wanted to tell you that while I still could."

The words hung in the air and Bonnie closed her eyes. She wished that he hadn't said it and yet she was glad that he had. She was glad that he was there. She needed him. This him, this him that protected and loved her. While he still existed. "Everyone I love I lose," Bonnie said, "I'm tired of losing the people love. I don't want to lose anyone else…and that includes you Damon. It does."

"I know that," he nodded taking off his hat and setting it atop his gloves, "I feel that. Even if it isn't exactly what I feel for you…I know that you love me Bonnie…I've known for some time. Or at least I had hoped…" He looked down at his feet as he hesitated. "I'm here. I'm with you. I'm not leaving."

Bonnie frowned as she stood to her feet. She walked up to him and gripped his coat, pushing it over his shoulders in spite of his objections. She let out a dejected laugh as she revealed the military uniform underneath. "You're here but for how long?" Bonnie asked, as his coat hit the floor, "How long will I be here for that matter?" Bonnie sighed as she shifted in her night gown. Had it not been for Aimee and Corrine she might have still been in her blood covered dress.

"Death is permanent," she said, thinking of her grandmother and Solomon, "At least in terms of the people I truly love. It's a loss but at least it's a clean break…at least I don't have to wonder if I could ever have the connection back. The same is true for Aimee, Thomas, and Raoul. Emmanuelle is gone now too. But you and…Stefan…a part of me will always wonder if I could get those connections back once they're gone."

She knew he didn't really understand her completely. That he didn't get the fact that once she came home they would both be there and yet not at the same time.

"Even if I have to go and fight for a while," Damon whispered, "I'll come back. If not here to wherever you are. You are the love of my life…my passion and my peace. Where else would I go?"

Bonnie felt the urge to cry but she had already cried so much for Solomon that there were no tears left. "I wish that you hadn't said that," she said, "It would be easier to let you go if you hadn't."

"I know," Damon sighed, "But you know what I told you. I don't need you to return my feelings I just need you."

Bonnie nodded. "I remember. But that's not what I meant, it's not that I don't return them. I just…wish you hadn't said it."

As he leaned down Bonnie knew his intentions but allowed it as he kissed her. Partially because she knew that he wouldn't remember and partially because she wanted to feel something besides grief and fear and emptiness. But mostly because she wanted to feel his lips against hers before she was no longer able to.

She would drown herself in him because everything else that she was feeling at the moment was unwanted. She had felt enough loss and grief to last a life time. But she had never been touched by someone who loved her and only her. She had never been kissed by someone who wasn't longing for someone else. She had never had a relationship that wasn't one sided. But this was mutual whatever it was they felt, even if Bonnie was uncertain of everything else, her feelings for him now seemed clear.

With that in mind Bonnie began to unbutton the buttons of Damon's military jacket fumbling slightly as one of the buttons broke off and fell to the floor.

"Bonnie," Damon said, grabbing her hands gently, "You don't have to do this."

"I know that. I want to." Bonnie couldn't take if he was rejecting her not now. Bonnie's eyes began to water, in spite of herself. "I need you," she said, feeling as pitiful as she probably sounded, "If you want me even a little…"

"Of course I want you," Damon said seriously, "But I don't want you to regret this."

"I won't," Bonnie whispered, "I love you…I wouldn't want my first time to be with anyone else."

Bonnie watched as Damon began to disrobe. She eyed him openly until he reached to remove his pants. A part of her could not believe that this would be her first time. That it would be with Damon. But it felt appropriate after everything. She felt safe with him in a way that she hadn't thought that she would ever be able to. She felt safer with him than anyone else now, as strange as it was.

"Bonnie?" His voice drew her attention and she turned to face him. Her eyes met his as he looked at her expectantly.

Bonnie had never been naked in front of a man before but she trusted Damon, this Damon at least. She reached down and grabbed the skirt of her nightgown. Pulling it over her head she let it fall to the floor revealing her naked body underneath.

His eyes studied her in the same manner in which she had been studying him. Only he didn't look away. She fought the urge to cover herself with her hands. "Will you say something?" She asked self-consciously.

He could barely make her out in the low light of the lamp but he could see enough. "You're beautiful," he whispered.

"Thank you," Bonnie smiled.

Bonnie walked over to her bed and Damon watched as she laid down on her back. He hesitated a moment before joining her. He leaned over her and as she met his gaze he swallowed. He was usually so sure of himself, or he always appeared to be. But he wasn't in the face of everything he wanted laying there before. "Are you sure?"

Bonnie nodded. "Just be gentle," she said.

"Always." Damon leaned down brushing Bonnie's lips with his own silently asking for permission even as she gave her acquiescence.

It wouldn't be long now and she would be gone. But they would have one night. He could kiss her this once. Taste her mouth. Feel her touch against his skin.

He kissed her and silently begged her to remember him. Bonnie wrapped her arms around his neck and melted into him. Her grip on him was tight as if she was scared that he would disappear if her hold on him would loosen.

Damon pulled back to breathe and when he leaned down to kiss her again his movements were more sure. Bonnie kissed him again and again pushing away the ugly thoughts that threatened to surface. The dark thoughts that would ruin the moment.

Her eyes shut tight as Damon's hands began to explore her body. She felt the familiar nervous clenching in her gut as his hands moved down her stomach.

Damon smiled into their kiss as her body began to respond to him. He had spent his days hoping it all wasn't one sided. Even if he could only ever affect her in this way it would be enough. The brush of his fingers making her gasp. Her hips jerking upward at tiniest touch.

She could feel him everywhere and she wanted it that way. Wanted the warmth of his body on top of her. Wanted his hands palming her breasts. Wanted his legs parting her thighs. Wanted his fingers pinching her hardened nipples. Her mind was blank outside of what she was feeling. She could block out the outside world and the disaster that her time in this time period had become. Forget everything but Damon.

But even as he released her mouth and his tongue came out to taste her skin she could not lose herself completely. Could not clear her mind fully even as the only things she could manage to vocalize were long sighs and soft moans. This relief would be temporary she knew. Temporary and incomplete. Still she wanted to lose herself in him. Even if it was just once.

She forged ahead even so. Whispered Damon's name and grabbed his hand guiding it between her legs.

Damon couldn't take his eyes off of her as she guided his finger inside of her. His other hand slid down to her hips pulling her flush against the evidence of his need. Her hips moved upward and he slipped another finger inside of her. Stroking her, stretching her, making her ready for him.

Her hips moved in time with the rhythm that Damon formed with his fingers. There was beauty in every movement and sound that she made. Beauty in the fact that she was giving herself to him in this way. He could have never hoped for anything close to the happiness that he was feelings in that moment.

Bonnie could feel the pleasure began to build inside of her and it freed her mind even more. Her hips stalled as she lost the rhythm as she felt a third finger slide into her body. She closed her eyes as Damon whispered that he loved her. She whispered it back because she did. He had given her more than he would ever realize and even if he forgot her she wouldn't forget him. She couldn't forget anyone in this time and that was a part of the problem.

Damon chose to believe her words as he removed his fingers from her body gently. But there was something missing from the moment. Something telling him that she wasn't entirely there with him. That too much had happened for her to be. Still he repeated his words of love as he positioned himself at her entrance. Asked her to remember him as he slowly began to ease himself inside of her.

Bonnie ignored the sharp pain as Damon slowly entered her. A part of her welcomed it. A part of her felt herself deserving of it.

But then Damon was there being gentle and kind the way he always was with her in this time. Pausing every so often to kiss her forehead. Whispering words of adoration as he waited for her to adjust to him. Bonnie placed her hands on his shoulders once he was fully seated inside of her filling her completely.

Damon froze and studied her face. "We can stop if you want," he whispered.

Bonnie remained still and thought about doing just that. But they had come so far already and the part of her that wanted him and the part of her that wanted to forget was much bigger than the part of her that was uncertain.

Bonnie moved her hips until her discomfort eased some and then she nodded. At her signal Damon pulled out and pushed back in slowly his eyes watching her as he remembered her warning to be gentle.

When the expression on her face gave way to one of pleasure and her hips began to raise to meet his, that was when Damon gripped her hips guiding them as his pace became quick. He kissed her as her legs came to wrap around him.

This was not the goodbye that he had expected. It was the one he had hoped for but dared not dream of. He had wanted to be with her this way at least once. Wanted to hear her voice moaning his name. Wanted to feel what it was like to be inside of her. She was warm and she smelled like honey. He wanted to please her, to give her even a portion of what she had given him. That thought consumed him as he held her thighs apart as he drove deeper into her.

They were both sweating, Bonnie's nails digging into his shoulders. Oblivion was near when her own release came. Her body jerked and she gasped again and again.

Damon pushed himself toward his own release as he felt her body spasm around him. But as it came his pleasure only lasted mere seconds before her witnessed Bonnie face crumble and her eyes shut as reality began to sink in.

Damon fought the urge to collapse on top of her as he came down from his high. He looked down at her but her eyes were closed and she was shaking. The outside world had already come back in.

Slowly pulling out of her, he rolled over to his side. He moved to wrap his arms around Bonnie and she clung to him as she did. He wanted to enjoy the embrace but though she was silent the faint sniffling wasn't a good sign.

"Bonnie," he breathed, leaning over and kissing her neck affectionately. She leaned into his touch and he felt a kiss press against his jaw. Still the sniffling continued and he pulled away slightly. "Are you alright?" He asked his voice was hesitant.

Bonnie shook her head. "No," she muttered, "I'm not. I'm a mess and I'm stupid and I'm sorry." This wasn't supposed to be something tinged with grief. This wasn't supposed to be something that would end in goodbye. It should have been a moment of happiness. She wanted more soft touches and to fall asleep in his arms and to wake up to declarations of love. She wanted to pretend like they had time. All the time in the world. But her emotions were too muddled for that. The worst part was that this was it. There wouldn't be a next time to remedy things.

Damon frowned as she sat up. "No," he said sitting up as well, "Don't feel sorrow or regret. Not for this."

Bonnie swallowed and shook her head. Sighing she wiped at her eyes. "That's not what I meant," she said, turning and looking at him over her shoulder, "I don't regret being with you. For a long I've wanted….needed to be with you. I've given so much of myself to people who…who didn't mean to me what you mean to me and who didn't care about me half as much as you do right here and right now. Being with you is probably the only choice I've made for myself that I'll never regret."

Bonnie turned to him as he sat up as well and took his face in her hands and pressed her lips firmly against his before she continued. "Never doubt how I want you. Every time you touch me I feel more real. I feel more alive. Every time."

Damon smiled still not understanding her tears but loving the words leaving her mouth.

"Ever since I came here you have protected me…and taken care of me. And I love you for that so much…even if…even if it's not something that I fully understand. Even if it's something I never wanted to do. Something I tried to avoid. And I wish it could be simple and there weren't so many other feelings confusing things. Because you deserve it…this you that's human and full of goodness and hope…but I am…not what anyone needs. I'm broken and damaged and everything I love or care about dies and I'm not perfect…I'm not. I'm not this angel that came to save any of you. You all saved me…every day. You made me feel human. You made me feel loved…and I just wanted to keep feeling that for just a little longer that's all." Because she knew that he wouldn't always feel that way which was something that she knew he wouldn't understand.

For the first time Bonnie was glad that she would be going home to a Damon that wouldn't remember her. She didn't want him to remember her. Not like this.

She had been trying to find something to keep going for. To keep living for. She had been trying to hold on to something before she had lost it. Just as she had lost her grams. Just as she had lost herself. Just as she had lost her friends. Her parents. Solomon.

She had been trying to find her passion in the arms of someone that she loved but she should have looked inside herself. She should have found the will to keep going all on her own. She understood that now. But at the same time she had realized that he meant something more to her than she had thought. That just because she was living for herself, didn't mean that she couldn't live with him. That she couldn't find the passion she had been seeking. But it was too late for that now. She had to leave and there was still whatever it was she felt for Stefan. They wouldn't remember her. None of it really mattered anymore.

Bonnie was stiff as Damon leaned forward and rested his chin on her shoulder. "I don't care how you love me as long as you do," he whispered, "I know you do. I can feel that. And you…you are the first person I have ever loved. The greatest love of my life whether you accept it or not." He smiled slightly as he heard Bonnie laugh a little at his words though he knew she was on the verge of sobbing. "I have something to ask you," he said, "Something important."

"Damon," Bonnie sighed pulling the sheets around her to cover herself as he wrapped his arms around her middle.

"Let me speak," he said, "You've said your peace many times over so let me say mine."

At her nod Damon spoke.

"Tonight I lost a man who was more of a father to me than my own father," he said, "I lost my mother before that. The only people left in this world that I give a damn about are myself, my brother, that bullheaded buffoon Raoul and his dear wife, and…you. When I leave to fight that is who I will be fighting for. I know that soon you will have to leave but I want you to wait for me wherever you are. Wait for me and I will hunt you down when this war is over and I will take you to France and make you my wife. Will you do that?"

Bonnie felt the tears come unabashed them. Marriage. He loved her enough to make her his wife. In this time in this place where it could easily get him killed. She wanted to say yes. She wanted to be like Raoul and Aimee. She wanted to live a life of passion and fight against the laws that policed and degraded her people. But she could not. That was not her life. Not her real one.

No matter what she wanted her life was in another time and in another place where the Damon that she knew would laugh at the thought of her being his wife.

Bonnie shook her head and gently unwrapped his arms from around her. She stood, taking the sheets that she was using to shield her body with her.

"No," she said as she turned to him, "I can't." He wouldn't understand all of her reasons but she knew he had to refuse him. "My whole life I have put myself and my feelings on hold for other people. I have stopped my whole world. Given up the things and people I love so that other people could be okay. If I waited for you or anyone else I would just be doing the same thing. My life would stop so that you could have the assurance that yours could go on."

Her words had enough truth that she hoped that he would accept the answer. She was tired of putting her life on hold but if she had a choice, a real choice, she felt as if for him, this him that was human and madly in love with her, she would have waited.

Biting her lip Bonnie continued as Damon opened his mouth to object. "My future would depend on the steadfastness of your feelings. It isn't that I don't trust what you feel for me. That I don't believe it. Because I do. It isn't because I think the war will change you, though I'm sure that it will. It isn't because I don't know my feelings for you. Because I do. And it scares me because it isn't something I've ever felt before for anyone. But would it really end well if I stayed and waited for you to come home? If I ran tomorrow would I live to see the next day or get caught before it was all over? Would you come back from the war the same? Would we be the same people when all of this time had passed?"

Her reasoning was valid. Especially since he was operating off the assumption that she was running and not what would really occur. Not that she was jumping hundreds of years into the future and that he would forget her presence entirely.

"If I change and you change wouldn't our love change too?" She was speaking of time in the same since now. She was speaking of the decades in between now and where she belonged in present day Mystic Falls. Decades of time he would live without her. Decades where he would not even remember her. Because she couldn't entertain the thought of staying. It wasn't a choice. She had to go home. It would change too much of the timeline if she didn't.

"Who knows? But all those hypothetical things could never change one thing that would be definite. Damon you would keep going while I was standing still. That isn't fair to either one of us Damon. I need to live. I need to move forward no matter what the outcome is. Even if I do it alone. Even if I am miserable." And she would be in a time without him and with him there all at once. Feeling things she knew would never be returned. "I've spent my whole life standing still. Dying mentally and physically so everyone else could keep going. Stunting my growth emotionally to the point where I can hardly face my own feelings even with they are glaring me right in the face because I am so used to trampling them down to make room for someone else's. I can't do that again. I won't. Not for anyone…no matter who asks it of me. No matter how much I love them. Can you understand that?"

There was something that she wasn't telling him he knew but for the most part she was telling the truth. He was torn between respecting her choice and her strength of character to begging her to wait for him just the same. "I understand," he muttered, "I don't like it…but I understand." Damon stood and began to put on his clothing.

He wanted to say something more. He wanted to argue his point. He wanted to beg. To show her his mother's ring that he had brought with him. He wanted to do and say so many things but in the end it all felt hopeless. She would leave in the morning and like she said there were no such things as certainties in their case no matter how great the love.

Bonnie turned and looked the other way. When he was done he cleared his throat and Bonnie turned to face him again. "I'll run soon," she said, "Perhaps we should say goodbye here."

Damon looked away and ran a hand through his hair. "I thought we would have more time," he said.

Bonnie smiled weakly as she walked up to him. "Maybe we will one day," she whispered taking his hands in hers, "I won't ask you to wait for me. I don't want you to do that. I want you to go on and live and love and do whatever you need to do to be happy. But just because I'm not waiting for you and you aren't waiting for me…it doesn't mean that we won't see each other again one day. That we won't bicker and you won't protect me just the same. That I won't threaten to set you on fire and we won't argue over a piece of pie."

Damon wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry and he was somewhere in between the two as Bonnie grabbed his face and forced him to look at her.

"No matter what labels the world puts on you," Bonnie whispered, "You remember who you are. You are reckless, you are stubborn, you Stefan's big brother, you are my protector, my lover and my friend. The man who made me love you even when I didn't want to. And you were never selfish with me. And there was never a time I looked at you and saw someone else. I saw you and I loved who I saw. If you want to stay alive for someone then stay alive for you and for Stefan. If you want to do something for me, you remember what I said okay?"

A tear slipped down his cheek as he nodded. Damon wrapped his arms around and pulled her into his chest. The embrace felt desperate on both their ends and Damon wasn't sure if he would ever be able to let go.

He placed a kiss on the top of her head. On her neck. On her shoulder. On her lips. "Thank you," he said, "I love you. Promise me you'll be happy. Promise me you'll be safe."

"I love you too. More than you know. I promise," Bonnie said as she hugged him again. Bonnie clung to him slightly as she knew that this would really be goodbye. "Goodbye Damon," she whispered.

Damon pulled away far enough so that he could lean down and kiss her. As she kissed him back he pulled away abruptly and let go of her. "I can't say those words to you," he said, "I'm sorry but I can't."

A moment later he was gone. Walking out and closing the door behind him. Bonnie looked around the room and felt utterly alone. The leather glove on her nightstand and the button off of Damon's military jacket were the only things that she had left of him. Sighing Bonnie retrieved them both and placed them into the keepsake box that he had given her and closed the lid. When the lid shut her tears could no longer be stayed.

:::

Mystic Falls, Virginia, 2011

Elena Gilbert knocked on the door of the Salvatore boardinghouse and waited. Up until that point she had been ignoring the situation with Bonnie for the most part. She had been silent and complacent. She had been accepting and she had felt powerless to express her needs and her emotions. But she was ready to confront Stefan and Damon both, mostly Stefan. She deserved to be heard. She had listened to him and his feelings and now it was her turn.

As the door opened she frowned at who was on the other side. Raoul Mercier raised a brow at her before he moved to allow her to enter. "Why are you here?" Elena asked, "Where are Stefan and Damon?"

Raoul rolled his eyes as Elena walked past him and into the house. "I'm here because I am a welcome guest in their home," he said, "I have been their friend longer than you have known either of them and seeing as they have both dumped you in a sense, I have more of a right to be here than you do. Now…as for where they are…have you decided which one of them it is you actually wish to try for or are you still a bit confused?"

Elena crossed her arms over her chest. "Seriously whatever problem that you have with me makes no sense," she said, "I get that you're their friend or whatever…even though I had never even heard of you until you popped…but whatever is between me and Stefan or Damon and I for that matter is really none of your business."

Raoul scowled, but his face cleared just as quickly. "You're right of course," Raoul shrugged, "It is none of my business. But they are both my friends. No my brothers and it concerns me that someone like you has infiltrated their lives. Because I know what kind of friend that you are and I could only guess what kind of girlfriend that would make you. My problems with you have very little to do with Stefan and Damon and everything to do with Bonnie."
Elena blinked at him. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"You've known her your whole life and yet you haven't spared her so much as a real thought since finding out where she was," Raoul spat, "You have the nerve to call her your best friend when you have done nothing to facilitate anything that might help her when she returns. Do you know anything that is happening to her as we speak? Have you asked? Do you know my wife's name…who is her kin? Do you know the names of anyone that she has encountered in the past? Do you know that she is bound to Klaus's mother and has been targeted by him since the last you've been here? Do you know that she is in a time of slavery and war and racism and injustice being persecuted and losing person after person that mean everything to her? Matt knows. Caroline knows. Tyler Lockwood knows and apparently they weren't that acquainted and she has very bad history with his ancestor which makes it even more flabbergasted that he has taken the time to help Bonnie and to ask about her plight when you who have the nerve to call her sister has done neither." Raoul looked at the guilt that marred the girl's features but he didn't feel sorry for her at all. "Yes I know of your other friends of Bonnie's' life here…because I care enough about Bonnie to learn these things."

"You're acting as if I don't have a right to be upset that my friend is somewhere getting swept off her feet by someone I love," Elena said, "That I should be happy that I lost the man who I have been with for over a year."

"According to Stefan you lost him long before Bonnie left," Raoul said, "And you have the right to be angry and hurt and sad. But that should not stop you from being a friend to someone who died for. Who sacrificed everything for you? Are you really that bullheaded and self-absorbed that you can't understand that? All the while that Bonnie was in the past she talked of everyone as if she was unsure that they would even care about the fact that she was gone. She worried about you and your feelings when she saw that Stefan and Damon had feelings for her. She worried about you getting hurt even as she was unsure as to whether you gave a damn about her one way or the other. She felt inadequate. She felt less than. She pushed them away because she couldn't bring herself to believe that either of them could feel for her a fraction of what they felt for you because she thought that she wasn't good enough. And why? In what world are you…selfish waif that you are better than her? Perhaps you weren't always like this. I would like to believe that you weren't for Bonnie's sake alone. I couldn't imagine her doing a fraction of the things she claimed to have done for you if this was who you always were."

Elena swallowed and fought the urge to cry. This man didn't know her at all. He had not right to berate. "Fine," she shrugged, "I'm a terrible friend. So since you know so much about Bonnie…so much more than me why don't you tell me, hm? Tell me about my best friend?"

Raoul laugh shaking his head. "You don't even understand," he sighed, "Even now. I bet you if I asked you the state that she was in before she left you couldn't give me an accurate answer. If I asked you the things that plagued her a month ago or a week ago or a year ago could you tell me? Perhaps that is her fault as well. She has the bad habit of keeping things to herself that she should have spoken about but she was growing out of that and for that I am glad. And there was a reason that she didn't feel comfortable talking to you in spite of everything she did in your name. You want me to tell you about Bonnie?"

He grinned making a scoffing noise. "Who the hell are you to her now?" he asked, "What right do you have to that information? Especially when it took me berating you for you to even ask for it. You are not here best friend. Thomas La Belle is her best friend. You are not her sister. My wife, Aimee Antoinette Bennett-Mercier is her sister and I am her brother. You are not her one constant in this time. That honor goes to Caroline Forbes, the one who she wrote to everyday and the one who is even now with her boyfriend collecting supplies for a spell for Bonnie's sake. She isn't even your best friend anymore, because there is a difference between who she considers her best friend and who considers her a best friend. I cannot believe that you consider her in that role. But Matt Donovan does, Matt who is fixing up her house so that she can have a place to call home when she returns. So tell me Elena…what are you to Bonnie? Can you give me a real answer? An answer that is cloaked in your own self-absorbed gaze and months and months of denial? What is she to you outside of a devoted magical mule willing to give life and limb for your sake? And she isn't even that anymore. I can guarantee you that."

Elena was silent and stoic as he stared her down. She didn't want to accept his words even if there was truth in them.

Raoul almost wanted to tell the girl about Mila as the final nail the coffin. But he wasn't going to do that. It wasn't his place and he respected Bonnie too much to use her daughter's existence as a means to hurt someone that she once called a friend. "Even given their reputable behavior toward Bonnie before she left," Raoul said, "All those people from her present that I named can answer those questions. The same goes for Stefan and Damon who have done almost as much damage as you have to her. And I only give them leeway because you are the one who had memories of her. You are the one that has more history with her even given their past with her. You are the one who had her loyalty and should have given her yours. I am not excusing them for one moment. They are not good enough for her and probably never will be but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that they love her. I cannot say the same for you," he stated, "So I will ask you again. What are you to her and what is she to you?"

Elena looked away from him and still she said nothing.

"You have nothing to say and a so I am assuming that nothing is your answer," he said, "But then again…I'm not the one you're going to have to answer those questions for in the long run. Bonnie is. And I can assure you if she is met with the same silence then nothing is indeed what the two of you will be to one another. I cannot say that this would displease me one bit." He walked around her and headed toward the front door. "Enjoy your conversation with Damon or Stefan…whoever it is that you're here to see. But I'm sure that's another question that you don't have the answer to right?"
Raoul left without another parting her word and Elena stomped her foot making a sound of frustration. She didn't have to justify herself or her actions with some stranger. Nor did she have to justify her friendship with Bonnie.

The door opened and closed again and Elena was relieved to see Stefan. He eyed her in surprise and he gripped the book he had in his hand tightly, clutching it protectively to his side. "What are you doing here?" Stefan asked.

"Is that how we greet each other now?" Elena asked frowning.

Stefan sighed. "Listen Elena," he said, "I don't have time for this. There's a lot going on that you don't know about. Bonnie will be home soon and I'm busy making sure things will be okay for her when she gets back."

Elena's hands clenched into fist. "Can you at least tell me what's going on then?" she asked, "It's obviously important enough for you to be dismissive of me even though your emotions are back on."

"Bonnie coming back is important enough to fit into that category," Stefan said, not liking her tone, "But even if it wasn't there are things that you can't know about. Things that I don't feel comfortable telling you. Especially before Bonnie knows about them herself. All you need to know is that I'm working to make sure Bonnie is safe and happy. Just like everyone else is."

"Everyone besides me you mean," Elena spat her eyes narrowing.

Stefan shrugged. "You said it," he said, "Not me." There was a time when he might have defended her but he was tired of it. He was trying to close the door between them but she wouldn't leave it shut.

"I'm so tired of this crap," Elena said throwing her hands up, "First your friend Raoul gives me some lecture about being a friend toward Bonnie and now you. Everyone wants to get on their high horse now that she's gone but you didn't care all that much about her while she as here Stefan."

Stefan nodded. "I did to a point," he said, "Not as much as I do now. But I respected her. I should have done more for her but I was too busy trying to protect you and Damon. I don't have the right to judge you and I won't. But your relationship with Bonnie doesn't have anything to do with mine or vice versa. If you feel like you're failing her in whatever way then that is your business."

"Why is it that no one can see why I am upset?" Elena asked, "I mean you left me all summer and I never gave up on you. I try everything I can think of to get you to turn on your emotions and all it takes is Bonnie being gone and some memories returning and she's enough of a reason. I loved you through everything and now you just expect me to stop because you were in love with my best friend a long time ago? Something that happened because of some freak accident."

"I didn't leave you Elena," Stefan said, "I did what I did with Klaus both times to protect my brother. To keep you safe. I've done some things that were wrong, that I regret. Some things that I am sorry for. But at the end of the day Elena if we were meant to be together we would be. It wouldn't matter who was in the way. But we're not. And no I'm not expecting you to get over this overnight, but you can't expect me to feel nothing for Bonnie just because that's what you're used to me feeling. Just because you can't accept that I feel something for her. That she is important to me in a way that you never were. You keep complaining about everyone seeing things from your perspective but that is all we've been doing since we got her. Protecting you and putting you first, especially Bonnie. Your losses, your safety, your needs and your wants. You didn't ask her to do it but after a while you stopped trying to stop her. I'm not blaming you but this isn't black and white. This isn't something that you twist to make yourself into the victim. There are lots of victims here but the difference is that some of us are trying to move on and do better. If you want to hate me that's fine. If you want to blame me that's fine. But this isn't Bonnie's fault. She shouldn't have to take responsibility for my feelings for her or the way that I've hurt you. I should. And in case you've forgotten we weren't together when she left."

"That's not the point," Elena sighed, shaking her head, "I know what she's' done for me. She's given up so much and I appreciate that I do….but everyone is acting like she's some kind of saint. Like she's some kind of angel. Like she's the perfect friend. Even if we weren't together when she left she knew how I felt about you and how…how I was beginning to feel about Damon. I know she had no control over how you felt about her but if…if she was thinking about me at all she wouldn't have let things get too far between either of you. Not with knowing how much I love you and how much Damon means to me."

Stefan blinked at her several times wondering if she was being serious. He had always ignored this side of her before. The selfish side. The side the brought everything around to her and how she felt. He had seen it all along but he had told himself that it was because the supernatural had ruined her. He had ruined her. Damon had ruined her. But that wasn't it. At least not entirely. While he still didn't believe that he or his brother deserved either her or Bonnie or anyone else that had even the fraction of a chance of making them happy because of what they were and what they had done, the Elena that he had loved was no longer there. He wasn't sure if she had ever been there or if he had been projecting the traits that he was searching for onto her.

He remembered when he had told Lexi about her. He had gone on and on about how kind, brave, and self-less she was. Those had been the things that he had admired in Bonnie. Those had been the things that he had missed once she had gone even though he hadn't remembered. Those were the things he had respected in Bonnie before she had left but he had never allowed himself to look at Bonnie in that way. Because she was Elena's friend. Because she was above them all. Because she was too good for any of them, let alone him. But Stefan was starting to think that it hadn't been his mother that he and his brother had been looking for in the women that they had been with but Bonnie.

He had been attracted to Katherine because she was ahead of time, it hadn't just been the compulsion. She was different than the women of the eighteen hundreds just like Bonnie had been. Lexi hadn't taken him too seriously, she had been his sense of humor and she had encouraged him to be accountable for his actions and she had helped clear his muddled mind. Was even able to reach him as a ripper. She had done those things that Bonnie had done for him as a human. She accepted all of him just as Bonnie had done.

He had been attracted to Rebekah because she had spoken her mind, she had been able to tell when he was lying. She had been able to read him almost as well but not quite as good as Bonnie had. He had already admitted the things about Elena that he projected on to her due to his past with Bonnie without realizing it. He had been looking for Bonnie without knowing it. Trying to find his soul mate in every woman that he had allowed into his life.

Even his blind devotion to Elena hadn't stopped him from seeking Bonnie out and trying to be her friend in the beginning. It hadn't stopped him from saving her life. It hadn't stopped the loss and hurt that he felt when Bonnie had shut him out after Sheila had died and the little ways he had tried to reconnect with her since then. He should have tried harder.

"You're not saying anything because you know I'm right," Elena said, breaking into his thoughts.

Stefan had almost forgotten that she was there. He had the urge to fling Noah Salvatore's journal at the girl's head to make her see sense but it wasn't his job to help Elena anymore. It wasn't his job to make sure she didn't suffer loss in whatever form. She would lose Bonnie and it would be her own doing.

"I'm not saying anything because I can't believe that you just said that," Stefan scowled, "She did think about you by the way. She kept us at arm's length for as long as she could for a number of reasons and I know that you were one of them. But even if she hadn't…after everything she's done for you, you have no right to ask her to deny anymore of her feelings or desires whether it has to do with me or Damon or anything else for your sake. If you were her friend the way you think you are you would see that. You would want her to be happy. You can be hurt if you want but don't act as if you have the right to feel hurt and Bonnie doesn't have the right to her feelings as well. There was a time when I could tell what Bonnie was thinking just by looking at her. But I don't know what she's going to want when she gets back. If she's going to want me or Damon or if she's going to tell us both to go to hell. We don't really deserve her so she just might. You don't know what she is going to want either and despite knowing her your whole life you're not in any better position to guess then I am. But the fact of the matter is she has the right to do whatever the hell she wants. She doesn't owe you or me or anyone else a damn thing. The only person that Bonnie owes anything to is herself."

"What about you Stefan?" Elena asked her tone pleading, "Don't you owe it to me to hear me out."

Stefan shook his head. "No," he said, deciding to take a page from his brother's and Raoul's book and not mince words, "I don't Elena. No one owes you anything. In any case…you wouldn't be telling me anything you haven't been saying since the beginning of the summer. I can't be who you want me to be. You never knew me the way I was. You're in love with someone that never existed. Not really. You're latching on to the part of me that appealed to you and ignoring the rest. The same way that you doing with Damon. We're an idea. We're not real. You don't see us."

"Not the way that Bonnie sees you, you mean," Elena cut in.

"That's right," he said, "Not that way she sees. Definitely not the way we see each other. Not even the way that Raoul sees us as much as you dislike him and as much as he is a little biased and prejudice in his assessment of you because of his love for Bonnie. But considering how many people have been conditioned to skew things in your favor it might be good for you to meet someone that is immune to that. But I am sorry…for everything you went through because me or Damon."

"I'm sorry too," Elena muttered.

"You owe it to yourself to let go and try to move on," Stefan sighed as she began to cry, "You have your whole life ahead of you. To make mistakes. To fix things. To screw it up and get it right. But I'm not the answer. I'm not your future and I never was supposed to be. I don't like seeing you hurt but I'm not going to lie to you. I'm in love with Bonnie. I was in love with Bonnie before. And if I died tomorrow I would love her in death. If I came back from the dead I would still love her. There is nothing anyone could do to change that, not even Bonnie."

"Okay," Elena nodded, "I get it. I wanted closure and I guess this it. When I hear the same from Damon then neither one of your will have to deal with me ever again."

Stefan frowned as she stared at him expectantly. He was sure even now she wanted him to object. She was testing him, to see if there was a chance. Perhaps, she even thought that mentioning Damon would provoke him. Once upon a time it had. Again he shook his head. "I'm sure he'd be happy to talk to once you find him wherever he is," he said, "In the meantime like I said I'm busy. You can see yourself out the same way you came."

Stefan walked away from her and didn't look back as he headed for the stairs. In a way he knew his words had been wasted. She hadn't heard him. Not really. But that wasn't his problem. He had said what he needed to say and there was value in that. Solomon had taught him that and so had Raoul. It was the leaving of things unsaid that caused problems.

:::

Mystic Falls, Virginia, 1864

Stefan Salvatore sat across from Raoul Mercier in one of the sitting rooms of his home. He was livid. They had managed to arrange a proper burial for Solomon but Lockwood had had the nerve to come to his father. To blame Bonnie for Solomon's death. It was the opportunity that his father had been looking for. Solomon was his property and it gave him the green light to act against her.

"I have to tell her," Stefan said, "I don't have a choice. My father is a monster. Solomon is dead. Damon is being called to fight and Bonnie will likely be gone by morning. I want her to go. She will be safer. I have half a mind to run with her but I want to be here for Damon when he returns. I'm losing them both and I'm so afraid. Without them I am nothing Raoul."

Raoul frowned as he eyed Stefan. "Without them you are still you," he said, "You can love and lose again and again and it will change you and remake you but you'll still have yourself. The problem isn't the fact that they will be going Stefan…not entirely. The problem is that you haven't said what's important. Your brother knows that you love him but what of Bonnie? Does she know that you love her Stefan? I can assure you that most everyone else does. But does she?"

Stefan shook his head. "I heard Damon say to William that she was the love of his life," Stefan sighed, "That she was his passion. He has never had that before. He has never spoken those words. I've tried to stay away because of that alone but…I've never loved anyone before. I've read about it but no book could prepare me for the way I feel for her. For the way she makes me feel. I can't describe. Nothing in the world has ever come close."

"Then tell her," Raoul said, seriously, "You're running out of time."

:::

Mystic Falls Virginia, 2011

Mary Salvatore-Hardaway sat down across from her husband and smiled. Jonah looked to be in deep thought as he mulled over the yellowed pages of a book he had yet to identify but seemed rather old and rather meticulously hand bound.

They had been staying in a hotel just outside of town. She had wanted to move into the boarding house but Stefan and Damon weren't ready for that and Jonah had yet to meet them so this would be their home until they moved or went back to the home that they purchased right after they got married.

Mary frowned as she saw Jonah's dark eyebrows knit together in confusion. When he looked up his brown eyes held the same depth and concern that Solomon would get sometimes when Mary had taken ill. She felt a sort of sense of déjà vu. It happened around him a lot. Knowing intellectually that he and Solomon were essentially the same person was different than seeing it and living it. She never quite got used to it even after all of this time.

"What is it?" Mary asked, "And don't say nothing. I know that look."

She grinned as he rolled his eyes. "You know I don't lie to you," he sighed, "Things just…got a little more complicated."

Mary stood up from where she was sitting in a chair across the room and walked over to sit next to him on the edge of the bed. "I'm listening, darling," she said.

"You never actually read all of Noah's journal when Mila gave it to you right," he said, "You just took the information she gave you at face value and went with it. And even then…she could only know so much because the journal cuts off after Noah's death. So whatever happened to Alice after he was hung…that information wouldn't be in there right?"

Mary was confused as to where this line of conversation was leading. "Are you saying Mila mislead us?" She asked. She didn't want to think ill of her granddaughter. It had been a short time but she loved the girl just the same. And she would love her all the more after Bonnie came home and she got to watch the child grow up. If Bonnie allowed it, that is.

Jonah shook his head, running a hand over his shaven head. "Not intentionally," he said, "Like I said. She only had access to Noah's journal and it's basically a love letter to Alice almost from start to finish, littered with poems here and there. Is your boy Stefan that sentimental?"

Mary laughed. "Yes," she said, "Though he and Damon can be categorized as such in terms of their feelings for Bonnie."

Jonah sighed. "I figured as much," he said, "I looked into things. Technically Bonnie was my daughter at one point when we were Alice and Arthur. She was like a daughter to me when I was Solomon. I wanted to know more about what happened in Salem. I wanted to know how Arthur and Alice got out after Noah's execution. I wanted to know how they survived. It took some hunting. But there was a journal in Salem archives of the museum my sister used to work at. She got her boss to loan it to us when she told him I was married to one of the man's ancestors. Not entirely true but it got the job done. The journal belonged to Noah's brother Isaac."

Mary finally managed to understand his train of thought. "What did you find?" she pressed.

"Isaac is the one that got Alice and Arthur out of Salem," he said, "He tried to stop his brother from sacrificing himself, as did Alice but Noah wouldn't be swayed. As Isaac put it, 'he insisted on being the martyr until the bitter end'. Noah made Isaac promise to protect Alice. Promise to take care of her, promise that his sacrifice wouldn't be in vein. He did. He led her and her father to out of Salem. They ended up in Virginia. It wasn't settled then, the land but it was according to my sister present day Mystic Falls. Isaac had planned on leaving her in her father's care but Alice didn't trust him to fend for himself. She told him to stay so that she could repay his kindness. He planned on staying a short time but…by the time it hit the three month mark he was in love with Alice. He kept quiet because she was still mourning his brother. More months passed and then a year which I skimmed over. After some time Alice returned his feelings and they lived rather happily together as a couple until…until Alice was killed by a vampire. Isaac lost control. He had lost the two most important people to him and began to obsess over the supernatural. He became a hunter and that's likely how certain views regarding vampires and later witches got down to Giueseppe in the first place. You said he didn't take you being turned well."

Mary frowned. "No he didn't but that doesn't matter now," she said, "What matters is if you're saying what I think you're saying."

"I don't know," Jonah said, "I've never seen your son's aside from the photographs that you showed me in which they're very young. You're going to have to tell me. Alice was somewhat of an artist. Isaac carried a sketch that Alice had done of himself, her, and Noah in his journal. He believed that the three of them would be together again one day."

Jonah took the sketch out from between the folded pages. He handed it to Mary and she carefully unfolded it. In the center there was a girl who looked very much like Mila, and very much like the pictures she had seen of Bonnie Bennett. On either side of her were two men, men that were no doubt some incarnation of her sons. It would seem that Stefan wasn't the only one with a past life with Bonnie after all.

:::

Mystic Falls, Viriginia 1864

Bonnie had just gotten out of the tub for the second time that night when she heard a knock at the front door to her house. She pulled her robe closed as she walked toward the sound. It was raining outside. Storming. It was her own doing. There was a storm brewing inside of her as well. Disjointed thoughts and feelings that didn't seem to have a place.

She opened the door not sure who to expect on the other side. As the door open she smiled at the sight of Stefan soaked and shivering standing on her porch. The turmoil inside of her stopped and suddenly so did the rain. "Sorry about the rain," she said, "Come inside or you'll get sick again."

The last time that she had seen him they had both been hovered over Solomon's dead body covered in blood only hours before. "You're not going to ask me why I'm here?" Stefan asked as he walked over the threshold.

"You're here to see me," Bonnie smiled, "Why else would you be here? Are you okay?"

Stefan shook his head sadly as she closed the door behind him. "No," he said, "But you know that. Neither are you."

Bonnie thought of everything that had happened in the span of a few hours. With Solomon. With Damon. With the arrival of the watches. With Aimee preparing to do the spell that would erase the town's memory. "No I'm not," Bonnie sighed. She ran a hand through her tangled mess of curls and reached for Stefan's hand. "I'm glad you're here," she whispered, "I'll be gone tomorrow."

"That's what Raoul said," Stefan frowned as he allowed Bonnie to guide him through the house and to the parlor, "My father is planning something. Solomon...he heard about Solomon. He looked…calculating afterward. We believe that he plans on accusing you of his murder. Solomon…was his p-property and so he has the right to bring you before the law. For that reason alone I'm glad that you will be gone."

Bonnie let out a bitter laugh as they made it to the parlor room. "I'm so numb I can't even be upset about it," Bonnie said, "I mean it makes sense that he would go that far. He hated Solomon in life so why not use his death to bring down someone else he hates. I suppose my means of murder will be witchcraft."

"Most likely," Stefan muttered, scowling as he sat down, "But I didn't come here to talk about him. Or Solomon."

Bonnie raised an eyebrow at him but for once his face was blank. She couldn't read him and that bothered her more that she was willing to let on. "Wait here," she said, "I'll go and get some towels."

Stefan grabbed her arm before she could leave the room. "I don't need towels Bonnie," he said, "I need for you to listen to me." His tone was frantic and on the verge of demanding but she didn't flinch. They weren't afraid to hurt each other's feelings most of the time. They could read each other well enough that the other understand their intent.

Bonnie searched his gaze a moment before she sat down next to him. "I'm listening, Stefan," she whispered.

Stefan reached out and took her hands in his. He forged ahead even as she looked startled and frowned. "That day…," Stefan swallowed before he continued, "That day in the garden I lied to you. When I said that I misplaced my feelings. That I merely wanted to be your friend. I lied. I lied because I was afraid. I lied because I heard Damon confess his feelings to you and I didn't want to hurt him. I lied because I didn't know if you would want me. The only time I was truthful with you was when I told you that you are a piece of my soul. I had planned on telling you so much that day. I had wanted us to run away. I had talked to Raoul about schools in France. I couldn't put my feelings into words but I was going to try. I was going to try to tell you that everything in me longs to be with you. That I am utterly and completely in love with you. That always means always and it will for the rest of my life and in death and even beyond th-"

Stefan stopped speaking as Bonnie jerked her hands away and stood. She pinched the bridge of her nose and started to shake. "Why?" she yelled, "Why are you telling me this now? Why now Stefan?"

"If you don't feel the same way-" Stefan began only to cut off again.

"God you're such and idiot," Bonnie spat, "I'm an idiot. Everything else we can read in each other. Everything else. Thoughts. Feelings. But not this…God I didn't want to be this person. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to come in between you two. I just…I never thought you could possibly have feelings…for me…so when you said… When you said you wanted to be friends it made sense to me because I never really believed that you could…love me in that way. And you were… no are the best friend I ever had Stefan. I never wanted to lose that."

Stefan watched as she began to pace. "But when I kissed you," Stefan said, "When we went night swimming you didn't seem to be open to the idea."

"I wasn't," Bonnie admitted, "I was shocked and afraid and I was trying to keep my distance from both of you. I should have kept it that way. I should have kept pushing you away."

Bonnie stopped pacing and looked down at him. His eyes were hopeful and looking for answer and she didn't know if she wanted to scream of throw up.

"I slept with Damon," Bonnie blurted, "I could make an excuse and tell you it was because I was upset about Solomon. Or that we were just saying goodbye. But even without all of that I would have wanted him. He brings out this fire in me that I don't understand but it's like those stupid romance novels we read and Damon laughs about."

Bonnie threw up her hands and laughed but there was no humor in it.

"He's protected me. He's always protected me in his own way. And he knows me, sees me differently than anyone else. Even you. And I love him so much. I do. I just…It's just so different… not in magnitude. Neither is bigger than the other. Neither is more. It's just different. What I feel for you and what I feel for him is like two sides of the same coin."

Stefan frowned understanding something even if she didn't. She was rambling but there was something in the rambling that made him want to hate his brother even though he couldn't.

"But at least Damon and I got some form of closure. Things were out in the open. I really want to hate you right now. I hate myself. So much. I just…I should have said something. I tried to but I wouldn't let myself go there because I thought that you wanted to keep things as they were. I wish you had something sooner…things could have played out naturally and it wouldn't such a mess. I don't really know what to do."

Stefan scrubbed his face with his hands and tugged at his damp. In truth he wasn't all that surprised. He had hoped that it hadn't gotten that far. But he knew that they had gotten close. Knew his brother was in love with her. Knew that Bonnie had thought things between he and her weren't anything more than what he had said. He hated himself for being a coward and hated himself for not following through and keeping his feelings quiet. He was hurting her even more than she had been hurt already that day and for that he was sorry. "I wish I had said something sooner too…," he whispered. Stefan stood and he was sure Bonnie was expecting him to leave, but instead he stopped in front of her. "I know I shouldn't have lied to you but I'm telling now and whatever your answer is I need to hear it. "

"Stefan," Bonnie sighed, "Its over…it's done. Damon asked me to wait for him God's sake. I said no…partially because of you. I don't want to see you hurt. But mostly it was because I'm tired to putting my life on hold. I want to move on…I'm leaving tomorrow so let's move on, okay?"

"It would be easier to move on if I knew the truth," Stefan said, "If I knew what I was moving on from. I'm not a fool…I know I'll never love anyone the way I love you but I can live my life. I want that for you…I want you to live and love and travel to all the places we've read about…I want you to be safe and happy. But if you don't tell me then we'll both keep looking back and wondering…" Bonnie opened her mouth to object and Stefan shook his head. "I don't," he said, "I need to hear it."

Bonnie didn't want to say anything for many reasons. But she had been silent about her true feelings for long enough and not just in terms of Stefan. It was true about many things in her life. The fact that she was leaving in the morning gave her strength. The fact that wouldn't remember anyway made her bold enough to speak her mind even if she hated herself for it. "'You know I love you,'" Bonnie whispered looking down at her feet, "'You know that I have loved you long and dearly.'"

"Dickens?" Stefan laughed. Bonnie shrugged her shoulders as if to say 'what else'. "I'll take it," he said.

"Books have all the answers," Bonnie murmured. Bonnie's lips twitched upward slightly and then she shook her head. "This is going to sound very weird but I feel like bad timing is kind of our thing," she said, "But we don't have a thing and now we probably never will."

"Because we are both cowards," Stefan sighed, "I suppose we only have tonight." Stefan took a chance and leaned down and pressed his lips hers. He was surprised and pleased when she kissed him back in spite of the pain and the guilt he was feeling.

As she opened her mouth to him there was something almost hauntingly familiar about the feel of Stefan's lips against hers and his arms around her waist. Everything became so very clear to her and it was perfect and tragic all at the same time. This was how they were meant to end. This was there goodbye.

It felt more like a goodbye than even her night with Damon. It felt like closure.

Still she allowed herself to get lost in the sensation a moment. Allowed her hands to card through his hair and wander beneath his damp shirt. Allowed herself to be lifted and laid onto the couch. Welcomed Stefan's weight on top of her. Allowed herself to be touched and kissed until she couldn't bring herself to allow it anymore. Because though it felt familiar, it didn't quite feel right.

"Stefan we have to stop," she said, pushing at his chest, "With everything that's happened. It doesn't feel right."

They could go further. He wouldn't remember anything. Neither would Damon. No one would know but her. But her knowing was enough. She had done enough damage. Even without that, this wasn't what she wanted. It was something that seemed like it wasn't meant to be. As if it was supposed to end. As if this was the resolution it was meant to have all along. Them having to say goodbye and her leaving him behind.

"What are you thinking?" Bonnie asked in a whisper as he pulled away.

"You know," Stefan said, "You always know." Stefan sat up and sighed.

Bonnie shifted and laid across the couch with her head in his lap. She closed her eyes and let the tears fall freely. "I love you too," she said.

"I told you, you knew," Stefan said. He leaned down kissed her forehead. She would be leaving soon. In a few hours. He refused to say goodbye just yet. He would stay and watch her sleep and say goodbye in the morning.

:::

Salem, Massachusetts 1693

Isaac Salvatore stood stiffly as Alice Bennett turned accusing eyes on him. They had managed to sneak into the dungeons where his brother was being held but it wasn't for the reason he had told her. They weren't breaking him out, they were saying goodbye.

"You're saying that you would see your brother dead," she spat. He wanted to hate her in that moment. He had wanted to hate her for a long time. She had used her powers for good and that was why Noah was sacrificing himself for her. That and because he loved the girl. Loved the girl enough to die in her place. And he loved him enough to die with him rather than let him do it,

Isaac wanted to blame her. It would be easy to. But Noah made his own choices. He always had been the martyr. "If you use your powers to release him they will come after us all if we run," he said, his voice portraying a false sense of calm, "We wouldn't make it past the town limits. If we leave before the…execution we will have time get far away before they turn on us. We are tied to him. We will be the next suspects on trial if we stay here."

"I do not care," Alice said, ever defiant.

"I do," a small voice said from behind them. Isaac looked at his brother where he stood clinging to the bars that held him prisoner. His eyes looked at Alice pleadingly. "If you stay then you will both be executed alongside me," he said, "If you release me and we run it will end in the same result. I will not have the two people I love the most die."

"But you expect us to allow you to die," Alice frowned. She looked wild. There were shadows beneath her yes and her dark curls were all over the place. She hadn't been sleeping. She hadn't been eating. Only crying and pleading with anyone who would listen to find a way to save Noah.

"I expect you to let me make this sacrifice," he said, "I expect you to realize that it is too late for me to be saved. I expect you to not let my death be in vein. I expect you to continue your work. To keep helping people. I expect you and Isaac to take care of each other, as you promised me you would."

Isaac could not hate Alice because he knew too well what she was feeling. His pain was all the more great as he was losing a brother and not a lover. But he could hate his brother in that moment. For his stupidity. For his sacrifice. It was easier to be angry than face the loss. "He has made his choice Alice," Isaac said stiffly, "We have to respect it."

She turned on him and he expected her to slap him but she just looked at him. Really looked at him. She tried to understand his words and his motives. Tried to understand how he could just let go. She must have saw it, the pain he kept behind his mask, because the next moment she was taking his hand in both of hers and pressing his palm to her lips.

They were not friends. They had rarely spoken. He knew of her relationship with his brother because Noah told him everything. But in that moment as she looked at him, all the sorrow he was feeling on her face as placed feathery kisses on his palm, each on an apology for her harsh words, he was convinced his brother had been right all this time. She was not a witch but an angel.

"I apologize," she whispered, "What I am feeling must pale in comparison to your emotions at the moment. If you…can let go then I can let go."

Not knowing what to say he merely nodded stiffly. He watched as Alice turned and hugged his brother through the bars. Watched as they kissed and whispered words of love. She seemed unbothered by the dirt caked on his brother's skin. Unbothered by the tatters in his clothes. He didn't understand it. He had never known such things himself. Never had love in the romantic sense of the word. But he knew whatever it was, was real, his brother was willing to die and so it had to be. "I will love you always," she said as she pulled away.

"And I you," Noah replied, "My body will leave this earth but my soul will remain here, with you."

To Isaac it was a ridiculous notion but Alice seemed to believe him. As she stepped away, he stepped forward and said his own goodbyes to his brother. When Noah reiterated his orders to protect the girl he nodded. "I will," he murmured, "Always."

As they left the dungeons neither he nor Alice spoke. It was time to run and Isaac suspected the silence would reign for some time.

"I wish he had never met me," Alice said after a time, "At least then he would live."

Isaac frowned. "He would have lived not knowing love as I have," he said, "It would not have been a life. I do not blame you."

Alice frowned looking skeptical. "I think that I would prefer it if you did," she said, "I blame me. I have saved so many people in this township and now….even with my powers I cannot save him. If it were my choice I would die at his side. But I cannot deny him anything."

"Even if you decided to martyr yourself I wouldn't allow it," Isaac told her seriously, "I promised to protect you and I will. Whether it pleases you or not, I will take care you. Always."

There was a ghost of a smile on her face. One that had not appeared since Noah was placed on trial. "He said that you were good," she nodded to herself, "I did not believe him. You seemed closed off and duty bound. Not like him. So free with his emotions. But now…you are good Isaac and not just because I believe you to be. You have always been good. I see that now. Noah will live on in you."

Isaac would not cry in front of her. He would wait until he was alone. She needed strength and so he closed himself off again and this time she seemed to understand the reason behind it. Understand in the way that Noah always did. "He will live on in you too," he muttered, "Now let us leave this place. After tomorrow, there will be nothing left for us here."