By the end of the chapter, Loki will be 20. Erwin will be 25.
After the town shut down for curfew, Loki started packing up her things. She packed all her clothes, and found one of Erwin's old cloaks in his dresser. Sighing, she brought it to her nose and breathed deep. It still smelled like him. She didn't want to do this, but Erwin was giving her no choice. Ever since she nearly overdosed on drugs after her third attempt at quitting, Erwin had been staying at the barracks instead of at home. She found out the old doctor suggested it because she was too dependent on him. She had been found out. What she was doing obviously wasn't working anymore. She wasn't getting his attention this way, so Loki decided she'd have to go to him. The only way to do that was join the military.
She rolled all her things up into a pack and threw it over her shoulder. Before she left, she found a pen and paper. Her writing was shit, and she only knew a few words. Ever the dumbass, eh Loki? Still, she needed to at least give Erwin some idea of where she was at so he wouldn't be worried if he ever came home. Hopefully he'd be able to understand what she was saying even if she couldn't put it in writing. He was pretty smart though; of course he'd know. At the bottom of the paper, she sketched the training crest. For someone with such shitty writing, she had to admit she was pretty good with drawing things. Maybe that was her mind's way of compensating.
Go to you.
She left in the shadows and traveled for almost an hour before she found the wagon that was picking up cadets in the next village over. There was a short line of about five being registered and accounted for as they climbed up into the covered wagon. Loki got in line behind a boy of probably twelve and waited until she reached the front of the line. She was definitely one of the older ones there.
"Name and age?"
"Loki Smith, age sixteen."
"Alright, sign here. Looks good, get in. Next!"
The recruits stood at attention in the baking afternoon sun, trying not to pass out from heat stroke and exhaustion. After being given uniforms which they were forced to figure out themselves, they were shown the proper salute and how to stand when at attention. Then they were marched outside and arranged into rows and told to stand at attention until they were given the command to stand down. Within ten minutes, three recruits were already on the ground in crumpled heaps. Others were getting pale and woozy, rocking back and forth on unsteady legs.
Thankfully for Loki, she had endured worse heat when living on the streets. Her body had long ago acclimated to intense heat as well as freezing cold. Loki could hardly remember what her life was like before the day Erwin tackled her in that market. That was the one memory from her childhood that was clear as day.
They waited thirty minutes outside when a man finally came to look them over. He had choppy black hair and a goatee made up of finely groomed black and grey hair. He wasn't wearing the traditional uniform but instead opted for lighter clothing. Typical military asshole. He did have the training emblem on his sleeve, though. Loki eyed him warily as he weaved through their lines as if daring them to move out of his way.
All this time, Loki had kept her hands down. She wasn't about to risk dying from lack of blood to the brain. Now that he was out here though, she stood at full salute. He didn't seem to catch her but one of his lackies did. Loki stared at him cautiously.
"Do you know who I am?" the man asked as he started coming down the line towards her. Loki was tensing, sensing a threat.
"Yes sir!" they all yelled.
"Who am I?" the man suddenly screamed.
The girl with glasses and platinum blonde hair standing beside Loki stepped forward and raised her arm. Loki watched the girl out of the corner of her eye. She was twelve, but she was already almost as tall as Loki. "Chief Disash, sir!" she screamed in response.
"Good. Who are you, soldier?!"
"I am Rico Brzenska, sir!"
"What was that?!"
"Rico Brzenska, sir!"
"And you," the man stood in front of her. "You little disrespectful brat! I saw you bringing up your hands. Explain yourself!"
Everything in her mind screamed danger and threat. The last time someone from the military who wasn't her brother was this close, she got her fingers cut off. Man she could've used a fix right about then. She could practically taste it. Then she thought of Erwin. She needed to get to Erwin. Loki locked her jaw and looked up, meeting the man in the eye with a glare that mirrored his own.
"I am Loki Smith, sir," she snapped. "I chose to put my hands down because I didn't want to endanger my health. If I am to be of service to the military, I must be in top condition, Sir!"
"I decide when you're healthy enough, smart ass. Fifty laps around the compound, Smith. For that smart ass tone of yours. That should teach you a healthy dose of respect. The rest of you can do thirty when we're done here. Apparently Smith thinks you aren't healthy enough!"
It only took a few weeks to get the hang of the training and all the military officials. She was slowly becoming desensitized to it. She was excellent at the physical training and workouts, but the educational stuff wasn't her cup of tea. At all. At the beginning, she was failing miserably. She got made fun of a lot for not being able to read or write properly, and the professors would do nothing to help her. Rather than risk being kicked out, Loki found a loophole. Technically, drawing was a form of writing, so she began using pictures to get her ideas and thoughts onto paper.
They were currently working on setting up the 3DMG aptitude training stands. Loki was working with a pair of twin boys and another boy much older than her. He was nineteen. That was almost unheard of. All three of them belonged to the same village though. The oldest one's name was Giovanni. The twins were Lovino and Beppe.
"Get a move on!" Disash called out for the fiftieth time, then turned to one of the twins. "Drill here, here and here. And make sure they're secure. These are pretty important."
"Pretty important," the boy mocked, whipping his bright red hair out of his eyes. He was the younger one, Beppe. "Why can't they just show us instructions?"
"That'd be too easy," Loki remarked from where she was straddling one of the massive pieces. She hammered in a nail at a marked spot and started hammering in another.
"Why do you say that?" Lovino asked. He was the prettier of the twins. His hair wasn't so bright red, and he had pretty blue eyes. He also looked more mature even though he acted like a six year old.
"They're keeping us alert at all times. They're trying to keep us guessing so they drive us into full submission."
"Sounds pretty fucked up to me."
"Shut up, Beppe," Giovanni snapped.
Lovino stared at her for a while before Loki finally looked up. He looked away quickly, his ponytail swishing behind his head, and went back to his own work beside her. "You're...Loki, right?" he asked without looking up at her.
"Yeah."
"I'm Lovino."
"Uh huh."
Loki sensed that he was trying to start up a conversation, but she wouldn't let him if she had any say in the matter. Conversations led to connections with others, and she wanted none of it. Here they called her Stonewall for her cold shoulder and strong resolve. If only they knew. Sometimes at night, Loki would walk past the fences and sit in the darkness to cry. Sometimes she would scratch her skin raw or bruise her body because she missed her brother and the anxiety was becoming too much to bear. It was like some sick cycle she couldn't break. She couldn't live without him. She was nothing.
"What are you doing here?" he asked. "I mean, why are you joining the military?"
Loki paused. "Family."
"Ah," he said knowingly. "I get how you feel. Me and my brother are close."
Loki felt a surge of jealousy. Why couldn't she and her brother be close? "Lovino."
"Yes?"
"Shut up."
Loki lay in her bed the night after they finished their zero gravity training. First, they pinned your torso between two bars. Then they pinned your arms and legs into an "X" position. To get moving, the one strapped in had to shift their body. Then they began to spin in all directions. This control required every muscle in the body to be used evenly. It was apparently the only stationary device in use by the military with the ability to move in any direction via counterbalance. The spinning motion gave an addictive feeling of being weightless. Loki was automatically floored. A lot of recruits couldn't handle it and ended up backing out, passing out or puking. They wouldn't be moving forward. That just made it all the more easy for Loki.
She wasn't beyond sabotage either. If she could get away with it, Loki would put just enough poisonous weed in someone's food to make them sick when they started training. In class, she'd switch out pages of books to confuse the student and make them fail. She'd do anything to make it through training. If anything, it proved she had more resolve than anyone there.
She looked at the envelope in her hand from Erwin. That word she could recognize almost instantly. Loki waited until everyone was asleep before sneaking over to the boys' barracks and slipping inside. She nearly gagged from the smell, and if she did, no one would hear her with all the snoring and wet dreams going on. She searched each bed until she finally found what she was looking for.
"Lovino," Loki hissed, shaking the blanket cocoon that encased him.
"Mmmmm," he groaned. "Not now, mama. I don't want to eat gnocchi now."
"Lovi, get up."
"Five minutes."
Loki frowned and found a way to get Lovino's arm out from under the blanket he wore like a second skin. She bit down hard and covered his mouth when he went to scream. He flailed wildly until he flipped himself onto his back and saw her. When he realized who it was, he tensed up. She made a come hither motion with her pinkie and left quietly, escaping behind one of the empty buildings. Lovino wasn't very far behind. He was staring at her with very red cheeks. Loki just grinned and shoved the letter at him. He knew she couldn't read, so he always read things for her. Especially on tests.
"You woke me up for this?" he grumbled, plopping down on the cold ground. Loki curled up beside him. Pressing her chest into his arm. She knew he liked it, so she was persuading him. "Who's Erwin?"
"My brother."
"Ah, alright.
"To my sister Loki,
"I just recently found your letter on my bed because I just got home. I'm sorry about always being gone, but I'm glad you're venturing out on your own. I sometimes worried you'd never branch out because of me. This will be good for you. If you make it into the top ten, you can live the life you always deserved. Being in the Garrison would be a good place too. I hear they have god housing.
"I miss you, Loki. I miss you more than I want to admit, and I'm sorry for that. Isn't that typical for me? To be so shut off and private? Maria told me that when we were seeing each other. I'm seeing a new girl now named Cerin; she's one of the medics in the Regiment, and she's amazingly talented. I told her about you, you know. She wants to meet you. I really like this girl, Loki. She may be the one. I think you'd get along well with her.
"I heard from Dr. Angehlescu that you haven't relapsed yet. He says he makes sure you keep in touch with him. I'm glad. Dad would be proud. Try to stay strong, and I'm sure you'll make it through your training. You're tough, a lot tougher than some of my peers. You're probably tougher than me.
"Your brother, Erwin."
Loki was silent for a while, thinking over what Erwin had written. It was so bloody typical of him to act like everything was okay when it most definitely wasn't. Why couldn't he just come out and say it?! Why couldn't he say, Loki, I know you love me, but I don't love you in that way so how about you piss off and we'll play nice?! She snatched the paper from Lovino, crumpled it up and tossed it past the fence into the darkness. She pulled her legs into her chest and glared at her knees as if they were Erwin.
"Uh...Loki? You want to write him back?"
"No, what good would that do me?" she grumbled. "It would just hurt me more."
They were quiet for a while. "Okay, well I'm going back to-" he stopped. "Loki? Loki, why are you crying?"
Loki knew what was going on now. She got why she never heard from him and why he never came home. He didn't love her. He didn't need her anymore. She sobbed into her knees and started shaking. She wanted to be high. No, she wanted to overdose. She wanted to die. Control. She needed control. Loki started punching herself in the gut. That didn't work. She started banging her head against the back of the building. Not enough. Suddenly, she felt someone holding her. Lovi. Loki snapped out of her episode and realized she had been crying and screaming. He was holding her as she wept into his chest and clung to his night shirt.
"Shhhh, that's right. You're okay. You're okay. I won't leave you. I promise. Shhhh."
When Loki had calmed down somewhat, Lovino pulled her into his lap. "I-I didn't want...want to come here. Y'know? I-I'm here because...it's nothing." Loki exhaled shakily. "Thank you for doing this. I know I'm crazy and fucked up, but-"
Lovino leaned down and planted a soft kiss on her lips. Loki pulled away instinctively since it was rather out of the norm then began returning the kiss with equal gentleness. He was giving her attention, love and affection. That was something she hadn't felt in so long. She placed her hands on his shoulders, and pulled him closer to her. He leaned in closer to deepen the kiss, though he couldn't quite complete it fully. Loki let out a loud, mournful cry; she could feel her barriers dropping, and felt exposed and it hurt.
"It's alright, Lo," Lovino whispered. "I'm here."
Her sobs came out in droves, but that didn't hinder her. She forced through them. Her lips crushed into his in a manner that one could almost consider eloquent, and trailed her tongue across his lips as if asking permission to enter which he obliged. Lovino would, every so often, bring his hands up to her face to wipe the tears away, though more would replace the ones lost. After a while, his lips moved to her neck, where they did nothing more than plant small kisses.
Loki gripped his right hand, and guided it along the hem of her pajama shirt, purposely allowing the tips of his fingers to touch her skin. She could feel him shudder. He gasped and started to study her skin, every curve, every breath. He didn't rush to her breasts like her clients would back when she worked in the brothel. He planted a few more kisses to her neck before returning to her lips, his right hand trailing slowly up her side to reach her breast, his left hand just holding her close to him. Her hands managed to slip beneath his shirt to rest against the small of his back. He was so warm; it had been so long since she allowed someone to get so close. It felt so good.
Lovino lifted the thin material of her shirt and pants off of her, and she immediately shivered at the cold air against her skin. He took in a breath as he studied her, admiring every small detail and accepting every blemish and scar. Her skin was a pale in contrast to her ruddy hair. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him, tightly, their chests pressed against each other. Loki was the one to press her lips to Lovino's.
He let out a small squeak of surprise, and followed it with a small nip at her lower lip. A light moan escaped her lips. He smiled against her, his hands trailing from her back down to her hips, and even lower still. Her hands explored his body, feeling every muscle he'd acquired, though not without her nails dragging across his skin to leave marks in their wake. Another moan flooded the air, though this time from Lovino's throat. He gripped her backside and lifted her onto his lap so that she was straddling him. She bit her lip when she felt his hardness against her.
Lovino looked at her for a long while, before kissing her neck again. Loki's left hand drew towards the center of his pants and the hard organ inside them. She quavered but steadied herself enough to allow the tips of her fingers to brush against the fabric. The light touch was enough to send a rather heavy shiver through Lovino's entire body and elicit a moan. Surely he wasn't a virgin? Did he really like her that much?
"L-Loki."
She smirked at his reaction.
Their breathing became heavy, and his lips dipped from her own down to her chest. His tongue swirled lightly around one of her nipples, his spare hand reaching up to play with the other. Loki drew in a sharp breath and clutched his shoulders for support. His face turned bright red when she fully removed all her clothing.
"You're beautiful. So beautiful. The Goddesses pale in comparison."
Loki ignored him and gripped his pants, pulling them down slowly. After she removed his pants, she studied his length, making him turn his face in embarrassment. She pulled him in close, and wrapped her legs around his waist. She pressed her lips against his and lapped at his teeth. The two shuddered when their lower bodies touched. Loki lifted herself slightly off of Lovino's lap to position herself above his cock. She took in a deep breath and held it as she lowered herself. Lovino tightened his arms around her to support her.
"D-does it hurt?" he asked softly.
"No," she moaned, arching her back. "It's amazing." It had been so long since she actually enjoyed sex.
Lovino didn't move for another few seconds, just to be sure, but when he did move he elicited a sigh from Loki. He smiled and pressed his lips to her throat while she ran her hands along his back.
He enjoyed saying her name, and each time he did he'd thrust his hips upward causing moans from Loki, and they grew louder each time. It wasn't long until Loki's inner heat overflowed and she, without muffling herself at all, screamed into the night. Lovino quickly shoved her off of him as he came, a sequence of moans ripped from his throat, spilling his seed onto the ground rather than on or in Loki. The two came down from their highs one after the other. They didn't wait for their breathing to become stable before holding each other, consoling one another.
"Loki, I…"
"Don't say it Lovi…not right now. I'm not ready."
"That's okay. I can wait."
"Thanks."
"Dammit, Erwin, when I tell you I can handle myself, I mean it!" Loki snapped as she roughly saddled her horse.
Loki's horse was a massive black horse. In fact, he was one of the bulkier breeds. He was a mixed breed of the military bred Arabian and a Clydsdale. He had all the speed, but he was also pretty big. When Loki went out on the lot, she had been looking at a nice purebred Arabian, but then she saw her horse. He was the wildest, most unruly horse on the lot. She wanted him instantly. The sellers said he was the horse of a Survey Corps member who didn't return. He had given it to his wife to sell to keep herself above ground. That was just what she needed.
They didn't get along well for the first month or so. One day though, Loki had enough and punched him in the neck. When he backed up, she clamped her teeth down on his ear. After that, he was one of the tamest horses in the stables. Hell, he was even tolerant of that stray dog that came around looking for a free meal. The only problem was that she called him Dipshit so much that he actually thought that was his name.
"I know that." Erwin was pissed too, angry at the choice she made to join the Survey Corps.
She was in the lower bracket of the top 10. She might've been number 3 if she actually tried to do her vest. She wanted to avoid the top 10 so the Military Police wouldn't even be an option for Erwin to consider while he watched from the side. Apparently her supervisors saw something they liked. Loki hadn't been paying attention, but she thought they said she was seventh. Or was it ninth? Erwin had apparently asked his superiors if he could come along, so perhaps he heard. She'd have to ask later. Loki nearly busted out laughing at the look on his face when she chose to join the Survey Corps.
"Then why don't you trust me?!" she practically screamed as she chucked her pack onto the horse's back and started strapping it on.
"I do trust you. I trusted you not to do something-"
"Something what? Come on, say it!" Go ahead and call her stupid. She'd beat him black and blue. She got the highest grades in hand-to-hand combat.
"Something stupid."
"Ass," she snapped darkly. Tha was one thing she couldn't stand being seen as. Stupid. She hated that when it came down to it, she couldn't hit him. Even if she wanted to. "I don't need rescuing, dumbass!"
Loki could see him fighting for self-control. She always knew what buttons to push to get him to yell, to give in to that anger that lay deep in hiding. Fighting with Loki got to him in a way that nothing else did; it broke through his calm, twisted up his insides and made him say things he didn't really mean. She loved it.
"Killing Titans is nothing like what you trained for, Loki."
She looked up at him at that, her ire flaring. "How can you know? How could you fucking know if I could or couldn't?!"
"Because by then, you'll be dead!" He roared, making her flinch. He tensed and clenched his fists before speaking quietly. "And I'll be alone."
"You'll have Cerin, won't you?" she asked as she checked her horse's feet.
"Cerin died. She was...she sacrificed herself to save me."
She deflated a little at that and dropped her head. Fuck. She may have hated the bitch, but she didn't want that. She would have preferred her having her face melted off with acid. She scrubbed her eyes, looked up at him, even started to speak a few times, but thought better of it.
"I can take them," she said finally.
"I'm not going to argue with you about this anymore, Loki. I know you're trying to rile me."
"Yes you are, Erwin. Did you see my grades for ingenuity? Did you see how I adapted my 3DMG equipment so I could pull it off with three fingers? Did you see my flexibility scores? What about my medical skills? Did oyu see those? Did you see that my horse meets all of the requirements of the Survey Corps? He cost me more than you'd ever dream."
"How much?"
"Fifty thousand gold coins. That's beside the point though. Tell me that if I was anyone else, you would still make this big fuss."
Erwin was silent. "What do you want me to say? I'm biased? Of course I'm biased. You're my sister, not anyone else."
"Tell me," she said, still staring at him with a dark expression.
He exhaled, tried to deflect the question. "Loki-"
"No. I want to hear you say it."
"No, I wouldn't. I'd probably try to recruit you."
Loki mounted her horse, nearly doing the splits because of his width.
"Loki?" he called after her, but she firmly ignored him. He hated being ignored. If Erwin Smith had any single pet peeve, it was being given the silent treatment. If he was determined to finish this, he'd have to follow her. "Loki!" he snapped as he and his mare caught up.
"What?!" she barked.
"Loki, I know you can handle yourself. Shit, you can kick my ass any day of the week." She grinned a little at that, just a twitch at the corner of her mouth. "But I don't want you hurt."
"You're too late for that one, Erwin."
"Loki! Loki, wait!" Erwin and Loki stopped their horses as a boy with dark red hair and blue eyes came riding up on a quarter horse. "I heard you joined the Scouting Legion."
Loki looked over at Erwin. He almost did a double take. Was she blushing? Loki never blushed. Ever. She dismounted as did the boy. Was Loki in a relationship? Why didn't she tell him? Erwin was pretty sure he deserved to know who Loki saw. He was actually pretty sure he had a say in who she saw. She was his little sister after all. He needed to keep her safe. He listened closely while pretending to stroke and talk to his mare.
"Uhm...yeah I did actually," Loki mumbled, looking at him solemnly. "I heard you joined the Garrisson."
"Yeah. I did. So did Beppe."
"Good."
"Hey, I really like you, Loki. No, that's a lie…I-I love you."
Erwin nearly came off of his horse when he heard that. He had some nerve saying that in front of him. Something strange slowly seethed and bubbled within him, saturating his brain as he stared at the two of them.
"I know," she said, kissing him briefly. "But I have to do this."
"Can't you say it?"
"I…I do love you, Lovino, but I won't change my mind for something like love. That's what got me into this fucked up mess. Come find me sometime."
The brat actually pulled her into a kiss that time. Erwin clenched his jaw and burned daggers into the back of Loki's head. Was this just another attempt to get his attention? If it was, she was actually doing something right. "Be safe," he whispered after pulling away.
"I will."
Erwin watched as Loki mounted and followed as she kicked her horse into a slow walk. "Who was that?"
"A friend."
"You kiss all of your friends like that?"
"Why? Jealous?"
Erwin blushed. "No, you're my sister. I just…I'm worried about you."
Loki's grin was almost scary. Erwin was immediately reminded of a titan's mouth. Dangerous and filled with teeth. "Good to hear."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I in no way condone animal abuse, but this is actually based on what my great grandfather would do when he bought wild horses. He'd punch them as a warning and then he'd bite them on the ear. According to him, he never had a single problem with them after that.