Unrequited Wrong
Chapter 9: A Man Named Severus
"You know, you should come and spend the holidays with me," Monica says as the holidays are approaching. We are walking down the halls towards the Great Hall for lunch and I think about Monica's offer. I have spent many of the holidays with her and her family and they aren't exactly pleasant being as her mother is tight lipped and rigid woman who obliges to her hard-ass, bastard husband who likes to spend all his time criticizing his daughter. And boy does Monica love to make her father's eye twitch and to see her mom go pale by bitching back at him.
I don't really feel uncomfortable about it, being around a dysfunctional family I mean. After the first time of being with Monica's family, they have given up trying to hide their dysfunction and they treat me like I'm the one that corrupted their daughters. It does put me in a compromising position though. I mean, I have to stand their bitching at me without being able to bitch back a them because they have been oh so kind enough to accept me into their home. However, that doesn't stop me from thinking very ill of them and punching their ego with some well disguised insults.
"Well as much as I would like to see your darling parents and make their hairs turn grey... I don't think I should ditch Snape. You know," I say as we walk into the Great Hall and take our seats at the Ravenclaw table. Monica nods as we sit together.
"I guess. Did you hear about the Weasleys?" Monica asks. Between my last Occlumency and the last day of the term, there was only a week. At some point earlier this week, I noticed that a couple redheads were missing from my classes and soon noted that it wasn't only the twins that were gone but that Ginny, Ron and Harry Potter were all gone too. It made me wonder so I had asked Snape about it. He said that their father had been attacked when on Order business and that he was in St. Mungos. He didn't really seem to want to talk about it, but I knew that they must've all been taken out of school to see how Mr. Weasley was doing.
"Yeah," I respond simply as we sit down together at the table. I've never actually met the twin's parents, but I know that they are in the Order of the Phoenix. They sure had a lot of kids though. There are the four that are still coming to school with me, then there is the one I just met, Bill. There was another who was Head boy a couple years ago, when the Chamber of Secrets had been opened. And then I'm sure there was another that was about, two or three years older than him. So that's about seven kids. Really, I wonder if they wanted that many or if they simply did not think to use potions or charms to prevent it. Jake used this one charm every time.
"So... are you going to get," Monica pauses and looks around her to who is sitting around her. From what I know, our of the Ravenclaw seventh years, only about five of us are married. Mainly because we were the ones that were of age when the law was reinstated. One of them is this girl named Christina and she goes home to her husband everyday because he is a couple years older than her. Monica says she travels by special portkey. "A Christmas present for..."
"No, or well... I haven't thought about it," I say as I look at Monica, cutting her off as she can't think of a way to refer to Snape. I know who she is talking about already anyway. Monica raises a brow as she looks at me.
"You know you should. After all, he did give you Shadow, even though that damn cat is as much of a prick as he can be," Monica says. I glare at her, but suppose she has her reasons for disliking Shadow. Shadow does seem to have taking an instant disliking of Monica and loved to bite and claw her. He's super jealous of her. I guess its because she's the only person he's seen me give so much of my attention and affection to.
"Yeah, I guess, but what would I give him?" I ask as I look at her. I really have no idea what the hell Snape would like or what to get him. I hate shopping for gifts cause I never get anyone the right thing. Its the reason why Monica and I really don't exchange gifts. We tend to just do something nice for each other. Like breakfast or something. There was this one year when I made Monica this difficult light show with a complex spell. I involved millions of lights, but they could depict scenes and even better still, you could smell the landscape it created like you were actually there. I suppose it was something fleeting and useless, but I doubt Monica will ever forget it.
"Hmm... a book? New cauldron?" Monica says with a shrug as she realizes the problem with getting Snape something. At least Snape had some clue of what I might like for my birthday cause Sinistra told him. However, I doubt that Snape has ever told anyone what he may of may no like. Although, I suppose it wouldn't hurt for me to ask someone. Perhaps one of my Professors might know. It seems most logical to ask Professor Dumbledore, but I doubt that Dumbledore has any time for something so frivolous as that. "Why don't you poke around his rooms, see if you find any clues of what he may like."
"Well... I should get him something and as I'm going to be at the castle for so long, I guess I have plenty of time to think of something," I say with a shrug. Everyone will be heading home in a couple days and even after that there will be a couple days till Christmas. I probably have about five or six more days to come up with something. If I can't think of anything, I suppose there shouldn't be much of a problem. I doubt that Snape will be expecting anything or that he will give me anything either. "But I refuse to snoop around in his stuff. Its not like I'd want him to look at my private things. Besides, I got plenty of time."
"Yeah, you got plenty of time," Monica says, slightly sarcastically. I ignore her as we begin to eat out food. I do have plenty of time. Screw her.
--
"Professor Sinistra?" I say as I walk up to her at the end of class on Friday. She looks up from her desk were she was gathering up all the charts that we handed in and she smiles at me. I hate lingering behind at the end of class, trying to make everyone believe that you really are taking so long to gather up your things so you don't have to wait on your teacher or have your classmates staring at you like you are weird.
"Yes Delilah?" she asks kindly as she straightens up and looks down at me. I cast a glance around the classroom, just as the last person leaves and shuts the door behinds themselves, before I ask her my question. Its the last day of classes before break and Christmas is a few days away. I haven't been able to think about anything to get Snape. I really didn't want to ask anyone other than Sinistra what to get Snape, 'cause unlike Sinistra, I don't think that anyone knows that he got me a present and I don't feel like explaining that I just want to return the favor.
"I wanted to ask you, if you know of anything Professor Snape might like for Christmas," I ask as I stare at her. She seems genuinely surprised by this as she straightens up and pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose. Sinistra doesn't always use her glasses, but she is tonight.
A smile breaks out over her face. "You are going to buy Severus a Christmas present?" she asks as she looked at me. I feel a blush creeping onto my cheeks (thank god her class is so dark) at the way that she is smiling at me like I am something so very special. I downcast my gaze as I tuck a couple of hairs behind my ear and wonder why she thinks that it is such a big deal.
"Well you know, Snape gave me a kitten for my birthday, I thought I'd get him something for Christmas," I respond with a nonchalant shrug as I look up are her. Her smiles brightens at this.
"I didn't know he actually took my advice to give you something," Professor Sinistra says with a broad grin. I feel the blush on my face become deeper as I stare at her. Crap! So Snape didn't say anything about having gotten me something. I wonder if Sinistra will mention it to him and if Snape will be pissed about it. Considering that this is Snape we're talking about, how probably will be. I don't think he would want anyone to think of him as being a considerate person, I really think he likes the reputation he's got going for some reason or other.
"Yes... well anyway, do you think that there is anything that he would like in particular. I mean I'm kind of drawing blanks here and I thought maybe you might know. I mean you've been colleagues I'm sure, for longer than I have been at Hogwarts," I say as I look at Sinistra with a hopeful expression.
To my disappointment, but not necessarily very surprising, Professor Sinistra's smile breaks a little and she gives me a sorry look. "I'm sorry Delilah. Severus is very private person. I really wouldn't know what to tell you. Something potion's related perhaps?" she asked as she looked at me. I nod at this, figuring that no one would really know. I sigh as I droop my head a little and rub my temples. This is far more trouble than I really should be going through for Professor Snape. I don't even really like him. Although... lately he isn't so much of a jerk, really. But then again, I'm not his student and not someone he hates like Sirius, Harry Potter of Gryffindor in general.
"Well, thanks anyway Professor," I say as I look at her, with a small smile. "I should go. Snape'll get pissed if I get in too late," I say as I look at her and sling my bag back onto my shoulder as it had started to slide down my shoulder. Sinistra merely smiles as she leads me towards the door and holds it open for me.
"Good luck, Delilah," she says as she looks at me. I nod as I hurriedly make my way down the steps and head down towards the corridors. Its pretty late, so all the Prefects and everyone is probably in bed. If anyone is up and about, it will probably be a teacher or Filch. However, I don't worry too much about it as I finally read the seventh floor and start making my way down towards the dungeon. However, as I was rounding down towards the second floor I heard a very annoying "Hem Hem" causing me to turn around and glare up at Umbridge who is standing on a landing between the third and fourth floor.
"Miss Lovett, what are you doing out at these hours?" she asks in her sickly sweet voice as she begins to descend the staircase slowly. I stare up at her and feel like my body is going to convulse at the sight of her. The little pink bow sitting at the top of her head is still there, but she's actually wearing this pink, filly, lacy, horrid nightmare of a nightgown and pink fuzzy slippers. What the hell was she doing walking out at this hour?
"I had Astronomy, I'm heading to my rooms," I respond defensively as I glare up at her. She is still descending towards me with that fake sweet simile on her face as she looks at me. I look around the hall and remind myself that we are completely alone and realize that this isn't a particularly good situation. There is no one around to stop me from doing anything to the old toad if I so chose to. And really, considering what a bitch Umbridge is, I would really have no choice in the matter because I simply will not be able to control my temper and violence.
"But you're in Ravenclaw, you are quite far from the tower," she says as she looks down at me. "And Astronomy has been over for over fifteen minutes," she says as she comes to a stop a couple of steps higher than I am on the landing.
I raise a brow as I look up at her. I thought Snape said she knew all about the whole us being married. "I stayed after class to ask Professor Sinistra a question and I'm not heading to Ravenclaw tower," I reply simply. "If you don't mind Professor, I'm really quite tired," I lie as I turn away and start heading down the stairs. I really don't want to deal with her.
However, I don't get too far away from her before I feel her hand clamp down on my upper arm and turning me around. "Miss Lovett, where do you think that you are going? I have not dismissed you," Umbridge says, her tone becoming a slightly higher in pitch than it was a moment before as she spins me around to look at her. I try and tug my arm out of her grip, but the old toad has a real good hold of it. What does she want? "What did you ask Professor Sinistra?" she asks as she looks into my eyes.
I try and tug my arm out of her grasp once more but it doesn't budge. The bitch is actually hurting me and I can feel the anger rising in me. I feel like spitting in her face, however, I push that notion away, reminding myself that I do not want to go to Azkaban and meet my father. I try to think of a response to her question. If I could I would have told her that it was none of her fucking business what I had asked Professor Sinistra, however, I know that that will probably only get Professor Sinistra in trouble and I really don't want that.
"Is there a problem here?" a velvety voice says before I was able to respond to Umbridge. My stomach churns as I turn and see Snape walk up behind me. A shiver runs through me to see the hard look in his eyes as he looks past me towards Umbridge as he steps up beside me. Umbridge hastily lets go of my arm as she smiles towards Snape.
"I was just asking Miss Lovett why she was not in her dorm when her Astronomy lesson was over fifteen minutes ago," Umbridge said in her usual sickeningly sweet tone as she turned that acidic smile of hers towards Snape. I look over at him as he casts a glance at me and raises a brow at me. I shrug as I roll my eyes and turn to look at Umbridge in her fat toad face. Seriously, no one should be tortured by having to look upon the face of this woman. Its worse torture than the Cruciatus, I'm sure.
"And as I already explained to her I wanted to ask Professor Sinistra a question and that I was just going to bed. I'm tired. So can we go now," I say as I turn to look at Snape impatiently. He turns to look at me and raises a brow at this. I feel my face turn pink slightly, that must've not sounded right, however, Snape doesn't seem upset. Actually he seems sadistically amused. I roll my eyes at him as I turn to look back at Umbridge who is looking between us strangely. What the fuck is up with her? Is the fact that she is wearing a sleeping gown sent her into retard land or something that she really doesn't remember the fact that Snape and I were married thanks to her fucking ministry fucking around with our lives?
"Being law abiding citizens as we are, we live together, or have you forgotten that Professor Umbridge?" Snape says silkily as he looks at the fat toad. A look of realization dawns on her face and I suppose that the stupid, fat, bitch did forget. However, before she says anything Snape turns away from her and looks at me. "You're cat is growing impatient waiting for you, its starting to claw at the door," Snape says after bidding Umbrige good night and leading me by the elbow down the stairs.
"Thanks for that, old toad-face was going to give me a bruise," I say once we emerge a floor or two beneath where we left Umbridge standing as we make our way down. Snape lets go of my elbow as the smirk on his face disappears as we walk side by side down the stairs. That same hard look that had initially been on his face has reappeared and replaced the amusement that had come into his eyes once we had gotten talking. I wonder what that is about but don't have to wonder for long.
"She should not be touching you. Professors should never lay a hand on their students," Snape says as we emerge in the dungeons and begin to walk through the freezing halls towards his Private Quarters. Shit its like the temperature has just dropped like twenty degrees or something. If I thought that the dungeons were cold in November and October, they are much, much worse now that December is coming to a close. My stomach churns as I realize that Christmas is only a couple days away and that my time for getting Snape a present is running out. And after just having saved me from doing something awful to Umbridge, I feel he deserves it. Besides, he hasn't been an asshole to me lately. He's been quite tolerable.
"She does worse in detention," I say with a shrug as we walk down towards the dungeon. I look over at Snape and despite the darkness of the Dungeons halls, I see his expression becoming harder. Is he so angry about that? Wait, Snape can't be angry about students being mistreated, he's supposed to be a sadist who hates children. Hmm... well maybe I shouln't make him any angrier considering I have to be alone with him now and don't really want to deal with his surliness. "Besides, I seem to remember a certain Potions Master smacking both Monica and I with a a magazine on the back of our heads," I say with a sly grin at him.
The corners of his mouth twitch and it looks like he is trying to fight a smile. But that can't be right. "That's quite different Delilah, that hardly would've caused any damage. Besides, was I to stand two silly second years reading a magazine in my class. I think not," he says dryly as we reach the portrait into his room. "Sobria Inebrietas," Snape says, causing the portrait to swing open.
"What does that mean? I've been meaning to look that up," I say as I walk past him and open the door. Shadow jumps into my arms the second I step in through the door and purrs as I scratch his head. Merlin I love this cat. Snape definitely deserves for me to get him something.
"Sober Intoxication," Snape replies as he closes the door behind himself. "Now if that is all for tonight, good night," he says coolly as he walks to his bedroom and closes the door behind himself. I raise a brow at this as I sit down on the couch. Hmm... maybe I should get Snape something to drink. Would he like that? He sure could use something to loosen up.
--
"So have you decided what to get Snape for Christmas?" Monica said as she looked at me the following morning. She's asked me to walk with her down to Hogsmead from where she was going to meet her parents at the Three Broomsticks and they were going to Portkey home. I look over my shoulder to see her trunk bobbing along after us, while we trudge through the snow. I could've been a bitch and told Mon that there was no way in hell that I was going to meet up with her parents at the three Broomsticks or walk through this cold, but I figure at least this way I can look into the whole getting Snape a gift.
We were already in Hogsmead and the Three Broomsticks seemed to be looming ever closer. "I was actually thinking about getting Snape something to drink. Like a good Fiirewhisky or something," I said with a shrug as we walked closer. Monica smirks at me as she nudges me with her elbow.
"Not planning to date rape our poor Potions Master are you?" Monica asks mockingly earning herself a rough punch to the arm. She laughs it off as she rubs her shoulder. "I was just kidding Del, geeze lighten up. You would almost think that it is you that is going to go home to my lovely parents," she says, her comment ending in a sarcastic tone. I don't say anything in response to that as we finally reach the Three Broomsticks and enter after taking a deep and calming breath. Monica walks in ahead of me with her trunk before I follow.
Standing inside, we look around and spot Monica's parents sitting somewhere in the back. There are a few other seventh years that are going home (seventh years that have their apparating licences have the option of apparating home if they wish). Apparently people seemed to like to stop by for a drink before heading home to their families. Is family life really all that terrible. I really don't know. Nothing I ever had was normal, considering I wasn't really those people's kid and the only family I've really seen is Monica's and hers is quite dysfunctional, isn't it? Or is that actually normal?
Looking at the look of disdain that crosses Mon's parents' faces I grimace. "Do I have to go say anything to them?" I ask as I look at her. Mon rolls her eyes and just drags me over to where her parents are sitting. Both Mon's parents are thin and tall and Mon looks just like her mother, though of course her mother has a much more rigid look about her. Her father on the other hand, is a robust man with very large shoulders. He looks like he's all muscle and he has a rather thick black mustache that matches his hair and eyes. I wonder how a man like that ever fell in love with a woman like Mrs. Roberts. Of course, considering the fact that Monica's mom is beautiful despite her up-tightness, I'm not too surprised.
"Mother, father," Monica says in greeting to her parents. Her mother doesn't respond as she looks at me, her lips nearly disappearing as they are compressed into such a tight line. That's the one feature that Monica got from her dad. She has her fathers full lips. Her mother hardly has any lips to speak of.
"You're not spending the holidays with us this year, are you Delilah?" Mr. Roberts says as he turns his dark eyes to look at me. I turn my gaze to him and glare at him.
"I've love to Mr. Roberts, but unfortunately I've found someone who's company is more delightful," I say dryly as I roll my eyes at him. Mrs. Roberts makes a slight choking noise as she sits up straighter and more rigid than before in her chair. I look over at her and wonder if she was always like this. Did she always have that stick shoved up her ass, or was it her husband that placed it there? The woman's beauty is so frail, like its falling away, despite how stunning it looks in her robes. Her chocolate locks of curls are tied up in a fancy twist, but they are already graying prematurely.
"Ah yes, you were married were you not?" Mr. Roberts says, knowing only because Monica had to tell her parents why she was leaving early the previous summer. They know she was attending my "wedding". I look over at him once more and see that his eyes are glinting with pleasure. Bastard kind of creeps me out. Sometimes he looks like he is a rapist. Or one of those guys that beats on his wife and kids. Only I've never actually seen evidence of any of those things. "I hope that he is treating you as a husband should treat his wife and that you are adjusting to your place." Oh yeah, this bastard is definitely a domineering bastard. But I kinda knew that already, though he's not around all that often, come to think of it. Probably cheats on his wife. Monica once told me that she thought that he was.
"Well for you it must've been quite a relief to find Mrs. Roberts, wasn't it? I doubt that any other pureblood would have taken you, despite your money and name," I say with a faint smile. I smirk at the way he turns blotchy red and sputters and the way that Mon's mom whimpers. I roll my eyes and look at Monica who seems to be trying very hard not to laugh. "Have a nice holiday Mon, I got shopping to do," I say as I give her a quick peck on the cheek and purchasing a bottle of Firewhisky before walking out.
--
Christmas Eve came much more slowly now that I had a gift. I was bored at the castle all alone. Shadow could only be co much entertainment on a given day. Snape disappeared early on in the morning, leaving the room to me alone, which I supposed suited me because it meant I could wrap his bottle properly and tie a bow on it. However, I felt a bit uncomfortable about giving it to him, so I merely set it on the night stand before I decided to jump in the shower.
When I came out, I wrapped a bathrobe around myself and cursed myself for having forgotten about bringing the robes I was going to change into with me. So I quickly ran into Snape's room, grabbed the one at the very top of my trunk and quickly ran back to change in the bathroom. When I was through getting dressed and drying my hair, I cursed the fact that the robes sitting on the top were the Slytherin robes Monica had given me for my birthday, which I had sworn never to wear.
Sighing unhappily, I walked out of the room, grabbed one of my cloaks and stalked out of the rooms so as not to run into Snape in these robes. I suppose I really can't avoid him all day, but I suppose if I'm not in the rooms, I won't run into him until late evening. However, as I step out into the hall and start to wander around, I wonder what I'm supposed to do for the most part of my day. Considering its hardly past lunch as I spent my whole morning with Shadow and grooming. Yes, that's something that I do when I'm bored. I actually take my sweet time with all those processes I usually race through. I even bother to wear a little bit of makeup. For instance, the lilac eyeshadow over my black eyes, the black eyeliner, the mascara, the light pink lip-gloss on my lips. And you know what, I really hate to admit this, but Monica was right and these stupid robes really do bring out the color in my pale complexion and they fit me much better than my school robes.
Passing by a windowpane on the ground floor, I look at my reflection and grimace slightly. My hair is contrasting horribly with these robes, and so is my light eyeshadow. Tapping my chin lightly with my index finger as I stare at myself, I reach into my robes and pull out my wand. Flicking it at my hair, I temporarily change the color from lilac to Slytherin green, before doing the same to my eyeshadow. Scrunching up my nose in scrutiny I shake my head. TOO MUCH GREEN! ARGH! Flicking my wand at my hair once more, I turn it to its original black.
Furrowing my brow deeply, I stare at my straight black hair. Since I started to consistently dye my hair lilac since I was a first year I haven't seen myself with my natural hair color in so long. Its amazing how much just the color of your hair can altar your appearence. When I was younger, I remember that my hair made me so plain and yet right now... no, I've said so myself I'd never be beautiful. No, it's just the robes and the makeup that make me look like this. My hair just goes well with this color.
Turning away from the glass window, I walk out onto the grounds and ignore the fact that my hair is black. It's so strange that I feel so self-conscious with black hair, when it is something quite typical and mundane. However, as strange at it may sound, having lilac hair made me as invisible as anything else and ... I feel like the same could not be said if I'd kept my hair black since I was a first year.
Reaching up to my hair as I walk out onto the grounds, I stare at the silken strands. No, this isn't my hair. This is a charm that has turned my hair black. Yes my hair color, beneath the potion really is black. However, when you hold it up and look through the strands and see the sun shine through it, you see an array of golden colors. Like warmth washing through to you in golden brown, and reds. That is not something that artificially created jet-black hair can do, charm, potion or otherwise. This is no more my hair than my lilac mop. Though I feel more comfortable in lilac than currently, or then I did when I was a first year with my black hair. But I suppose that was the Weasley's fault. Growing up in the orphanage, I never had a problem with my hair before.
Making my way around the castle towards the lake, I think about the orphange and my childhood. I really hate Christmas you know. Its the time of year where not having a family gets shoved into your face. Emerging by the lake, I walk onto the now frozen surface a bit, before sitting down on the frozen ice.
I spent most of my Christmas's in the Orphanage. I'd say I was adopted about four times before I decided I was tired of it and didn't want anyone to adopt me anymore, because it always ended the same way. I was always sent back to the orphanage because the families I stayed with thought that I was damaged and strange. It made me feel quite horrible and if it weren't for the fact that I was constantly surrounded by people who were just like me, I probably would have felt rather down about it.
Staring out at the expanse of the lake, I could see that for the most part the lake hasn't completely frozen over just yet. But I find it hard to concentrate on the lake when my thoughts keep turning to my childhood and I keep thinking about the kid that I'd completely forgotten about. I looked happy, latching onto his back, my thin arms wrapped around his neck. Life in the orphanage, while never having been completely miserably, I didn't remember being happy in that place. But I'd forgotten him. Even now, as lost memories resurface, I can't recall his name at all.
But I remember him. I remember the way that he kept the other children from hurting me when he was around, I remember the way that he would carry me when I was younger, the tickling matches that he would enter with me, though really they weren't really matches as he was the one doing most of the tickling. I even remember the way that I cried so bitterly when I realized that he was gone and I know that that was the first time I ever realized that I was really alone in the world, the first time I had ever felt it. And I feel tears well up in my eyes to think that I could have ever forgotten him. I wonder, how could I have forgotten the first person in my life who showed me any kind of kindness and love? I wish I could remember his name and see his face more clearly. But all that I really have left of him is his chin-length, greasy black hair, his dark eyes, pale skin and the clothes that he wore. All I remember was that he was tall and thin. Wish I could remember his name.
--
"What are you doing out of your dorms?" Snape paused as I turned to face him. In the dim lit hallway, I could see his eyes narrow at me, like he's trying to recall who I am. I raise a brow as I look at him, wondering of he really can't recognize me considering we live together, for a moment completely forgetting about my hair being black. "Ah. Have you finally decided to join the world of adults and wash out the dying potion from your hair?" Snape asked, his voice dripping with mockery as he stepped closer to me, though only close enough for me to see him better by the halls nearest torch light.
"No, it's just a charm," I reply. He raises a quizzical brow at this. Rolling my eyes at him, I move my cloak aside to reveal the robes that I am wearing beneath. "My hair clashed with them," I say with a shrug, before letting my cloak settle over them once more. Snape merely sneers at the robes before looking back into my eyes.
"And the makeup?"
"Bored, had nothing better to do than to fix myself up," I respond with another disinterested shrug. I suddenly look up at him and cross my arms over my chest. "You must be bored to if you are already patrolling. Its not even going to be curfew yet for another half hour," I say as I look at him. He clenches his jaw shut, but say nothing in response to this. I noticed that he'd finished up all his grading a day or two ago. Makes me wonder what on earth teachers do during their holidays. Don't they get bored being at school year around? "Do you always have to stay at the castle for the winter holidays?"
"Usually. As Head of House I must stay and tend to my students. However, if none of my students remain at the castle, which isn't quite the rare occasion you might expect, I am free to spend the holidays where I wish," Snape replied in a the same tone that I remember he would use when he was lecturing in class. I nod in response to this as it makes sense. Switching the weight of my body from one foot to the other, I ask him if there were any Slytherins in the castle. I couldn't recall seeing any in the past couple of days. "No, there aren't," he replied simply. "You didn't eat dinner," Snape says just as I was about to open my mouth to ask him why he decided to stay at the castle.
"Umm... no, I didn't," I say in response, though he wasn't actually asking me a question. I'd gotten so caught up in my thoughts that I had lost track of time and completely missed my dinner. Wouldn't be the first or last time that something like that has happened to me. If I didn't eat with such fervor whenever I did eat, people would accuse me of being anorexic. "Lost track of time, sitting on the lake," I said as I looked around, before turning back to Snape who was scrutinizing me. However, his eyes didn't really seemed to be focused on me. He looks more like he's studying something internally, like he's turning something over in his head.
"We should get you something to eat," Snape said, turning around and motioning me to follow. I furrow my brow as I follow him down the halls, trying to keep up with his long and quick strides. It's a bit hard to do, considering the fact that Snape has long legs. However, as I follow along behind him silently, I find my mind turning back to my earlier thoughts and wondering about Snape. What was his childhood like? What were his parents like? Did he know them and did they have nice Christmas's? And why hadn't he gone home this year for the holidays if he could? Did he not have an actual home outside of this castle?
Despite all the questions formulating in my mind, I can't really bring myself to ask any of them, especially as Snape doesn't seem like the sharing type. Besides, do I really want to know anymore about Snape? He had to have a dark past, he did become a Death Eater after all. I can't imagine that he had a very happy home life when he was a child and I know that he is a half-blood. There must've been some hate in him towards muggles is he joined Voldemort; there must be something in him that agrees with Voldemort's views, or had at some point.
"Where are we going?" I ask as I suddenly realize that I have blindly followed Snape out onto the grounds. The sudden cold, December air brings me out of my reverie. I jog to catch up to Snape as he trudges quickly through the snow and down towards the gates of Hogwarts. Makes me wonder why I have followed him thus far to begin with. I should probably be more curious about people and their motives. Well I am a curious person, but mostly that pertains to knowledge rather than the personal matters of others. "I'm sorry what?" I say when I realize I lost myself in my thoughts and that he must've responded. Snape gives me an annoyed look that clearly says he is not about to repeat himself.
Just as we reach the gates of Hogwarts, Snape grabs me by the arm and Dissapparated us with a pop. I grit my teeth ad the unpleasant feeling before I feel ground beneath my feet once more and open my eyes (didn't realize I had shut them). However, when I open my eyes, I can't resist the urge to smile. The Leaky Cauldron, while not being the classiest, cleanest, nicest of places to spend your Chrismas Eve, it certainly warms my heart to be in the familiar, dank tavern.
Not realizing that Snape had not let go of my arm, I find myself being hauled over to one of the tables and sitting down as Snape sits down opposite of me. Before I can ask him what this is about, Snape motions for Tom and asks for something to drink before turning to look at me with a quizzical brow. Realization suddenly dawns on me that Snape means for me to eat something. "Oh," I say as I look over at Tom and smile at him. "I'll have what I usually ate when I lived here," I say with a smile at him, knowing that he remembers me very well. He merely smiles before walking away, sending over one of the barmaids a couple minutes later with our drinks.
"Did you usually drink with your meals?" Snape asks sneeringly as he brings his glass to his lips and drinks. I smile to see that he seems to like firewhisky while I merely stare at the class on the table and remove my cloak so that I can eat without it hindering me.
"Only in the evenings," I replied as I looked at him. I see him raise a brow at me and I merely shrug. "I've been building up my drinking endurance since I was fifteen," I say with a shrug as I look at him. There were plenty of opportunities for me to drink when I was staying with Monica's family, and once I had started dating Jake, who is a year older me, he showed me and Monica how to get the House Elves to get us alcohol. You see, Hogwarts stores it for the teachers, and its not that difficult to convince one of the elves to knick it for you.
Snape says nothing in reply to this as the barmaid brings over my food, just some soup as I really don't trust the cooking here for anything else, and refills Snape's glass before walking off. "Professor Snape, if you could go home for the holidays this year, why did you chose to stay at the castle?" I ask as I start shovelling soup into my mouth. Snape turns his gaze to me, he had been looking around. I guess he's not greatly comfortable sitting there, watching me eat while he drinks. To tell the truth, I'm not that comfortable with it either. I've never seen any of my Professor's drink and this wigs me out.
"I would think that was obvious," Snape said dryly as he took another sip from his drink. I looked at him blankly as I continued to eat my soup rapidly, earning myself an annoyed look. "Do you always eat like you are in such a hurry?" Snape asked as he looked at me with mild disgust. I merely grinned at him and nodded, while continuing to shovel the food in my mouth. I'm famished and I really don't care if Snape is disgusted by me scarfing down my food; I can't help it. In the orphanage you'd get your food stolen by other kids if you didn't scarf it down. Snape glared at me before looking away and drinking some more. "I'd hate to give the few daft people who think that you and I are actually involved reason to believe it anymore," he said in a low murderous tone as he finished off his drink and motioned to the barmaid for a refill.
"Hmm... than maybe I should have gone with Monica to spend the holidays with her," I say, pausing in my soup binging as the barmaid refills Snape's glass. If I were him I would just tell her to leave the bottle already.
"You didn't why?" Snape asked as he turned his gaze to meet mine rather sharply. I feel myself turn a little pink. Was it terribly considerate of me to not wish to leave him alone? Shrugging nonchalantly, I bend over my soup and begin to scarf it down once more while muttering something incomprehensible about hating her parents. Looking up suddenly, I tell him about the meeting with them in the Three Broomsticks
"Sounds like my father," Snape said darkly as he stared at the bottom of his glass before tipping its whole contents in his mouth and swallowing it hard. I pause with a spoonful of soup in my mouth and stare at Snape with my eyes wide. "My father was a muggle, my mother was a pureblood. He was always domineering, perfectionist who demanded perfection from his wife and only son. But when he found out my mother was a witch he didn't take it very well," Snape continued darkly as he glared at his glass. As if it were its fault that it was empty.
"Are they... still alive?" I asked hesitantly, pulling the spoon out of my mouth. Snape set the glass down on the table and looked over at me, as if realizing that I was there for the first time. He stared at me for a moment, like he was evaluating me and trying to decide whether to crush me or not. I wriggled a bit beneath his intense glare and felt like I wanted nothing more than the earth to open up and swallow me whole. Anything really would have been better than the way that he was staring at me in that moment.
"My father passed away when I was nineteen. I hadn't seen him since I'd turned seventeen. I left home as soon as I was of age," Snape muttered as he grabbed my drink and drank it. I would have been thoroughly pissed off at this, cause I hated it when anyone takes my drink (or food for that matter), however, considering Snape was baring something of himself to me, I was a bit too shocked and stupefied. However, I felt pity for Snape. It sounded like his dad was a real asshole. "I couldn't stand any of the arguments and punishments anymore."
"What about your mother?" I asked tentatively, motioning for the barmaid and telling her to leave the bottle when she came over to refill both of our glasses. She nodded and set the bottle between us before walking away. In the meantime, Snape was gulping down another of his drinks as I sipped at mine, completely having forgotten that Snape had put his mouth to my glass. Not that I really would have cared either way. Not like he was going to spread some disease to me.
"We keep the bare minimum of contact and I visit her on her birthday. We prefer to be alone. We remind each other too much of that failed marriage for us to want to be close to one another and I'm sure she blames me for my father's death," Snape replied bitterly once the barmaid had moved away and we were left to ourselves. I stared at Snape and found it strange that he was telling me all this and I supposed it was the firewhisky that was loosening his tongue. However, hearing about his family and a bit about his childhood made him seem more human to me.
"I suppose she actually loved him, despite what he was," I said as I watched Snape closely. He merely nodded as he took another sip of his drink. "What is your mother like?" I asked curiously as I looked at him.
"Quiet, brooding, sour," Snape replied coldly. I couldn't help but smile at that, to which Snape glared at me. "What do you find so amusing?" he asked as he looked at me. However, I wasn't going to be intimidated by Snape, even if his reasoning was a bit impaired by the drinking. I knew he wasn't drunk or even tipsy yet, the man sure can hold his liquor, however, I knew what he had drunk could certainly cause him to lose control.
"Your description of her, made me think of a female you," I replied, earning myself the death glare. I smiled at him. "On come on Professor Snape, you got to admit that anyone could use those very same words to describe you," I say lightly as I look at him and take a sip from my drink. Snape's mouth twitches, but he doesn't say anything as he takes a sip. "What's her name? When's her birthday?"
Snape raises a brow as he looks at me. "Where has all this curiosity suddenly sprouted from?" he mocks. I roll my eyes at him as I finish my drink. "I see," Snape says, as if he took my drinking as the response to that, and maybe it is. "Her name is Eileen Prince. Her birthday is April 17th," he replied dryly as he set down his glass and started to turn it in his fingers, staring at it intently.
We sat in silence for several moments and I couldn't help but watch Snape, who seemed to have lost himself in some thought or memory. "Professor Snape?" I asked softly as I looked at him.
"Severus," he said as he continued to stare at the glass, not breaking contact with it, as though it held the secrets of the universe. "I'm no more your Professor than Lupin and you are more worthy of calling me by my rightful name than he," he said, almost ending it in a snarl. I never understood why he allowed Remus to call him by his name if he didn't like it, however, I don't say anything about that. Merely nod in response, though I don't think I'd be very comfortable calling him by his first name.
Finishing off my glass, I think about what Monica once said about me blocking Snape out, and I know that she was right about that, because I'd never particularly tried to get along with Snape like I did with other people. Even now, I was reluctant to call him by his first name. Of course, when Remus had asked for the same thing, I had been reluctant too, but I tried to be less formal with him. I honestly did and I found myself wondering whether I was capable of giving Snape that same benefit.
"We should get back to the castle," Snape said suddenly rising. I merely nodded and did the same, watching him as he deposited a couple of galleons on the table top before apparating us back to the castle and making our way up silently, both of us lost in our own thoughts. I figured that for Snape, like me, Christmas was never a good time and I found myself wondering if he had ever received presents. I had, from the orphanage, but it was always something from a local charity and something usually very cheap.
As I followed Snape... Severus, into our rooms, I realized as he disappeared into his room that I had gotten to his room that I had gotten him a bottle. Actually, I didn't really remember until after I had plopped down on the couch with Shadow and he re-emerged from his rooms with the bottle in hand. "What is this?" he asked as he looked at me. I turned around and smiled bashfully.
"Merry Christmas Professor Snape," I said as I looked at him. He raised a brow at me. "I mean Severus," I said correcting myself, thinking that it was what he meant. However, he still continued to stare at me in a puzzled manner.
"Why?" Snape asked me.
I shrugged. "You got me Shadow and saved me from Umbridge," I said with a light shrug. He seemed uncomfortable with this still and I realized that he was probably uncomfortable because he hadn't gotten me anything. "Lets call it even? After all, you saved me from a horrid Christmas with the Roberts," I said as I smiled up at him. Snape merely nodded before turning around and muttering a good night. I sighed as I leaned back in the couch and curled up with Shadow, glad that he hadn't made more of a fuss about it and relieved that was over with.
TBC...
Authors Note: I hope that everyone enjoyed the chapter. Oh and the boy from the orphanage is not Severus. Please Review!