Harry didn't know he could hurt this much. He had never felt so horrible and miserable in his life. How could something emotional cause so much physical pain? He felt like his stomach was eating itself, twisting and turning in knots, attempting to cause as much gut-wrenching pain in the process. Combined with the anguish he felt in his chest from his aching heart, Harry felt like he was going to die. He wished he would because then the pain would subside.
He had taken the rest of the week off and had done nothing but cry hysterically for three days straight. Without looking in the mirror he knew his face was red and puffy from the countless hours of sobbing and crying and he was glad that no one was around to see him in this state.
'Come see me when you are older?' Harry thought bitterly. What the fuck does that even mean? I'm older than he is by a few months. Fucking Prat. But Harry knew the meaning before he even finished the thought. Sure Harry was new at this, but he knew what he wanted. And he wanted Draco.
Harry walked to the kitchen, determined to actually eat something. He had gone through this ritual many times over the last few days; making something to eat, only to sit at the counter staring at the plate of food for hours, eventually resigning the plate to the sink, the food untouched. His stomach screamed at him for nourishment, but Harry knew the majority of the screaming was for Draco…..
A large brown owl tapped at the kitchen window and Harry turned his head to examine the bird. He felt his heart twinge for just a second in the small hope that the message would be from Draco, telling Harry that he was sorry and had changed his mind. He knew he would be disappointed.
Harry flicked his wand, releasing the latch on the window and the large bird fluttered into the room, coming to rest on the counter. Harry released the scroll attached to the bird's leg, and the owl stared at him blankly waiting for Harry's reply.
The wording on the scroll was in elegant script and would have been difficult to read if he hadn't recognized the handwriting immediately. Hermione.
She wanted to come over and comfort Harry. Shit, Harry thought. I don't want anyone seeing me like this. I'm a fucking wreck.
Knowing full-on that Hermione wouldn't relent until she got her way, Harry grabbed some paper and began his reply. He hadn't even finished the first sentence, when a soft woosh from his sitting room caught his attention and Hermione walked into the kitchen.
"Impatient aren't we?" Harry mumbled, crumbling up his half-written reply.
Hermione rushed over to Harry and put her arm around him, pulling him into a tightly wrapped bear hug. "Har, I'm so sorry."
Her voice strangely soothed Harry, and he was instantly glad for the company. He turned into her as he felt hot tears threaten to burn their way down his puffy cheeks. Hermione simply held him as his body shook violently with sob after sob. Perhaps this would be what a mother would do. Harry hadn't known this type of comfort from a mother, and he immediately wished his was around to comfort him during his anguish.
After a few minutes of sobbing, Harry tried to calm down. This feeling was new to him. After everything he had been through and all the pain of the war, pain of sobering up, pain of disappointing those he loved; this pain was new and foreign. Harry hated feeling this way and that added anger on top of his already pained feelings.
"Sorry Mione," Harry cried into her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to calm down."
"You're okay Har. It's okay. I understand."
After regaining his composure, Harry pulled away and moved to brew tea for the two of them.
"Thank you." Harry said, staring blankly at the counter.
Hermione simply nodded, taking the kettle from Harry's hands and filling it with water. "Let me take care of this, you go sit."
Harry followed obediently, grateful for the instruction. He needed something, anything to take his mind away from Draco.
"So," Hermione broke in, "what are you going to do Harry?"
Harry shook his head.
"He wants you to experiment, to make sure that you are ready for a relationship. He probably just doesn't want to get hurt by you running off with someone else when you finally decide you are ready to express yourself."
Harry surprised himself with his anger, "I DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE!"
Hermione looked stunned, but quickly composed herself. "I know, Har, I know."
"I'm sorry. Mione. I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just so tired and frustrated with the whole thing."
Hermione's face brightened, "Then let's talk about something else."
For the next hour, they talked about anything that didn't have any potential ties to the blonde slytherin. The relief of conversation was nice, and Harry was able to somewhat forget about his pain for a few moments. Although Harry participated in the conversation, his mind was always removed, thinking about Draco.
The club felt noisier and busier than the last time Harry was here. The lights assaulted his eyes, and he had to close them for a moment until his eyes adjusted to the barrage of flashes and strobes. He glanced around the crowd, searching for a particular blonde-haired boy, knowing he wouldn't be found. Harry had decided that it was time he took Draco's advice. He was going to experience being single before he would go back to Draco, confirming the boy's request of 'growing up'.
Although the faces were different, the vibe and atmosphere of Throb were the same; sweaty bodies pressed up against each other virtually everywhere Harry's eyes looked. Some were dancing, some were at the bar trying to order drinks, while still others were pressed into the edges of the space, talking, snogging, or participating in a barrage of other activities.
Harry was dressed in a fitted white v-neck T-shirt with a pair of snug jeans, and he knew that everyone's eyes were on him. He was used to being looked at, but this was a different sort of gaze. Those that ogled him with their eyes wanted him, sizing him up and judging their chances. It made him uncomfortable with the attention.
Harry made his way to the bar and caught the attention of the black-haired bartender that had served him the last time he was here. Harry took his drink, winked back at the boy in an attempt to be suave, and made his way to a small, round table near the back of the club.
Harry was nervous at the potential of picking someone up, but knew that he just needed to get a few out of the way before he could go back to the safety of Draco.
Safety of Draco? Harry thought. He never believed he would consider anything about Draco safe. Harry barely knew him and yet he was willing to put his complete trust in the boy.
Harry surveyed the crowd for a few minutes, sipping on his drink. He needed to dance. He needed to get worked up and participate in the "experience". Isn't that what Draco had said?
Harry meandered out on the dance floor, and started moving his feet in time with the music. He didn't feel like he was a particularly good dancer, but hey, who was right?
Harry felt a pair of hands grab his hips from behind, and he looked back to see a tall boy with no shirt moving up to grind with him. The boy was thin, not as thin as Draco Harry thought, and muscular, he has bigger muscles than Draco, and had piercing blue eyes, Draco's eyes are prettier. Blonde-hair topped his tan head, Draco's hair is white and beautiful, and his torso was perfectly chiseled. He smiled at Harry, Draco's smile makes my heart melt, and began to worry his lower lip while pressing his body into Harry's.
I've got to stop comparing every boy in here to Draco, Harry thought. That wouldn't get him anywhere.
Harry tried to lose himself in the music, resigned to make this experience good; as much for the boy now grinding against his backside as for himself. Harry felt his groin tighten as the boy ran his hands seductively up Harry's sides and back down to where the top of his jeans rested on his hips. Harry reached back and wrapped his hand around the boy's neck, leaning into him.
The music continued to thump and Harry turned to face the slightly taller boy who was staring at him with a gaze that said 'I wanna fuck you senseless'. Harry stuck his fingers into the waistband of the boy's trousers and pulled him closer, causing their groins to grind against each other forcefully. A moan escaped the boy's lips as Harry rocked his hips forward again, sending shivers through his body. The boy was noticeably hard now, and Harry grabbed the boy's arse, forcing their bodies closer together while they gyrated in time with the music.
The boy's eyes fluttered shut and he grabbed Harry by the neck to bring him into a kiss. Harry allowed the motion, taking the blonde's mouth in a deep kiss. He tastes different than Draco, Harry thought. It wasn't necessarily bad, but it was definitely different.
Harry threaded his fingers through the boy's hair and traced circles on his neck. He was sufficiently hard now, but was missing the excitement of his encounter with Draco. Stop thinking about Draco! Harry scolded himself.
The music began to change again and the tall boy broke off their kiss, moving to Harry's ear.
"Wanna get outta here?" He asked breathily.
Harry nodded quickly, hoping the action wouldn't betray the nervousness he suddenly felt at the prospect. He wished he could be with Draco here tonight. Harry had never been with anyone fully before, and now, the prospect of this boy being his first caused Harry to hesitate.
They apparated into a sparsely furnished bedroom. Harry blinked as dimly lit lights acted as mood lighting for an experience the boy had obviously planned before leaving home.
The boy grinned at him with a smile that Harry probably would have found adorable if his heart hadn't still been longing for Draco. Harry returned the smile with a hesitant one and said softly, "My name is….."
The boy held up his hand as his smile faded.
"No need my friend. Neither of us will remember the other's name in the morning anyway, so why complicate the situation with them?"
The boy's smile returned. How could Harry spend his first time with someone who didn't even care about his name?
The boy moved closer to Harry, and tilted his head down to meet Harry's lips. Harry returned the kiss, feeling the boy's tongue immediately probe for entry into his mouth.
Harry wrapped his arms around the boy's neck, desperate to ignite some form of passion into the situation. The boy responded by grabbing Harry's shirt near his waist, and lifting the fabric over Harry's mass of brown hair. The boy returned his mouth, trailing kisses over Harry's neck and down to his chest.
Harry gasped as he felt the boy's tongue flick over each nipple, softly biting and nipping at each one until they responded with full attention.
Harry went to kiss his chest, but the boy moved away from him, undoing his pants and letting them fall to the floor. He moved over to Harry and did the same, leaving Harry completely nude. The boy shucked off his boxers, and Harry felt his eyes fall to the boy's groin, where his cock was standing at full attention, awaiting Harry's ministrations.
Harry realized that while he too was hard, he felt none of the passion and energy that had filled the air when he and Draco had…..
His thoughts were interrupted when the boy gently grabbed his shoulders, and backed Harry onto the bed, their cocks rubbing together as they moved. The boy uttered a low groan, and pressed his manhood into Harry's while kissing his mouth fully.
Harry started to relax, but was interrupted once again as the boy leaned back on the bed and grabbed each one of Harry's legs, forcing Harry's arse into the air. The boy uttered a lubrication charm and Harry immediately felt his insides go wet.
Wait, wait, wait! Harry's subconscious was screaming at him now. He didn't want this. This boy had no idea he was still a virgin. He didn't know what was going on.
"Hold on." Harry muttered, but the boy either pretended not to hear or simply didn't.
"Wait!" Harry said more forcefully and the boy looked up to meet Harry's frightened gaze.
"What's up man?"
"I don't want to do this." Harry shifted his legs out of the boy's grasp, and let them drop on either side of the boy.
"I've never done this before. I can't…"
The boy laughed. "Yea right. You expect me to believe you are a virgin? The way you were rubbing that arse on me in the club tells me differently."
The boy grabbed Harry's legs again and bent his knees up towards his chest, leaving Harry's arse exposed once again.
Harry struggled against the boy's grip, finally rolling off his back and onto the floor.
"No!" Harry said again, his body trembling. "I don't want to do this. I can't do this….."
The boy looked at him with narrowed eyes. "What do you mean you can't do this? I thought you wanted this?"
Harry shook his head, "I'm sorry. I thought I did, but I…I just can't"
The boy's shook his head. "Are you fucking kidding me? How is that supposed to fucking help me? I wanna fuck! So let's fuck!"
Harry grabbed his pants and threw each leg in, zipping the jeans up hastily.
"Look….i'm sorry….I…I need to go."
Harry grabbed his shirt and pulled out his wand.
"You fucking twat. You're nothing but a fucking cock-tease…."
Harry didn't hear the rest as the room swirled out of view, and he arrived in his sitting room with a pop. He let out a deep breath he didn't realize he was holding, and slumped down on the couch. Not exactly the way he anticipated his first excursion to go. He was so glad he hadn't gone through with it. He knew he wanted Draco before, but the experience with that boy simply reaffirmed to his mind that something had to be done...
Author's Note: Hope you are all enjoying. this could have gone a couple of different ways, but i'm happy with the way it turned out. Let me know what you all think! Reviews please...please...please?...
Thank You to WinterStorrm, your reviews are always appreciated! Nina thank you for your opinion and ideas! emiliexox thank you for your rant! I love it and it totally wasn't too long.
I love hearing what you guys think and your reviews are what keep me going! xxoo
Happy reading!
~MU~