Zilo: Look! They're not mad and planning to kill me!
Risty/Zoe/Al: Yay!
Envy: Well, that sucks.
Riza: It's time to reply to the reviews, isn't it?
Zilo: Yes! YourFavoritePlushie, Katherine, thank you so much for your nice and kind words!

Risty: Well, Arktos, at least you're reviewing now, right?
Zilo: Right. Yeah, poor Risty May, can't have a normal I-swap-bodies-with-Ed adventure! Fortunate Izumi arrived! Oh, and about your question, it's partly both. She sort of noticed Risty May, but didn't pay much attention to her or her injuries. She was completely devoted to delivering her message!
Risty: Im wondering about when me and Ed meet up, too! Whose P.O.V. will it be in, I wonder?
Zilo: Oh my gosh! How did you know my Koga and Hoho theory? You must be psychic!

Zilo: Thanks so much, Marie blaze!
Ed: (explodes) ! IIIIIIIIIIIIII AMMMMMMMMMM NOOOOOOOOOOT !
Zoe: And now we're all gonna die. Joy!

Risty: Hmm? Whats' the paper airplane?
Zilo: Mur? Is that Koinu-chan's voice?
Inuyasha: Oh, crud, a fangirl! (runs)
Risty: Look at him go!
Wrath: OW! FLYING CANDY HURTS!
Roy: (snorts) Of course you do. I'm irresistible.
(ten awkward seconds of silence pass)
Zilo: Um...yay! COOKIE, HUG AND POCKY! (accepts hug while devouring food)
Envy: Zilo, don't help her. I want to see her get killed.
Zilo: Bad Envy! C'mere, K-c, you can hide in my ideas trunk! (points to trunk with box of cookies inside)

ZILO: YAY FOR ALL CAPS! THEY ROCK! THANKS, JAZZYCAT!
ROY: AND THEY PROVE YOUR INSANITY!
ENVY: CUT IT OUT, ZILO!
ZILO: SORRY! I mean, sorry! Eh, I'm used to raw cookie dough highs (coughSHIcough) But thank you so muchly! I'll be sure to update on time from now on! Unless someone, like, kills me!

Zilo: I so agree, Atemu'sLotus! Izumi pwns like whoah. You're welcome! Stay tuned for more Izumi!
Risty: All right, everyone, here's the chapter!

TEN: Safe!
AKA "Don't Let Izumi Kill You"

(Edward's P.O.V.)

When we all made it to Roy's office, I sat down on the sofa in front of the desk with a sigh. Zoe joined me, and Roy sat behind his desk, Riza sitting next to him. "So," Roy said, "how did you get back here?"

"Has Risty May told you about the letter?" Zoe asked.

Roy and Riza nodded.

"We used that to get over here," I explained.

Roy rubbed his forehead. "If only you'd gotten here a little sooner, Full Metal," he said. "As you now know, Risty May's gone, and no one has any idea where to. We're assuming she was kidnapped by someone out to get you."

"Then that's not good," I said gravely. "My enemies aren't known for their kind treatment to me. Hopefully she can take care of herself until we find he-"

The phone rang, cutting me off. Roy rubbed his temples again before reaching over and picking up the receiver. "Mustang," he said.

I watched as he blinked and straightened up. "I see. Listen, Edward's here." He listened again, and then nodded. "Yes. Come back in as soon as possible. Oh, and...he is in a girl's body. He'll be the short one."

"'TGETINACHAIRWITHOUTALADDERHUH?" I automatically screamed. The nerve of the bastard.

Roy shrugged. "Hey, I call them as I see them." He listened on the phone again. "All right. See you then." He hung up. "That was Alphonse. He's coming back to the office," he said.

I brightened. I would get to see Al! I had missed him those two days. We weren't very often apart for even that long.

"So, what's been going on?" Zoe asked, sounding curious. "No one else knows, do they?"

Roy shook his head. "No. It's just me, the lieutenant, Alphonse, and of course you two and Risty May. We have been trying to figure out a solution to switch you two back on our end. I can only hope you've come up with one, Full Metal."

Zoe and I glanced at each other. "Unfortunately, no," I admitted. "We thought it'd be beneficial if we were all in the same...dimension."

"And we could have a brainstorm," Zoe piped up.

Roy sighed. "Well, we've been brainstorming for two weeks and haven't come up with anything."

"Risty May's mom is still working on it in our dimension," Zoe said helpfully. "Maybe with us all working together, something will come up."

"Let's hope so, Miss Ferguson."

Risty May's P.O.V.

I didn't look up from Izumi's shoulder once. I was so relieved that she hadn't killed me and that I was now safe that I let myself practically pass out on her back. I listened to her steady footsteps on the ground, appreciating the quiet.

"So who are you, really?" Izumi suddenly asked. At least her voice didn't have the really scary tone anymore.

I shifted a bit so my automail wasn't holding on so tightly. "I'm a girl," I sighed. "My name's Risty May, and I got here by accident."

"How old are you?"

"Fourteen."

Izumi seemed to be walking up a slight incline. "How did this happen? How exactly did you take control of Edward's body? And where is he now?"

"Our theory is he's stuck in my body," I said. "As for how I got here..." I sighed again and told her The Story, which now came quite easily after several tellings.

Izumi didn't say anything at first after I finished. She seemed to be thinking on it. I had to work on staying awake.

"Does anyone else know?" she finally asked.

"Al does. And Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye. And of course, Old Lady Dante and her minions." I couldn't help grimacing at that. I don't think I'll ever look at Envy the same.

"And that also," Izumi said. "Why were you being held at Dante's house anyway?"

"Because she's an evil old bodysnatching biddy," I grumbled.

"Speak up, I can't hear you mumbling into my shoulder," Izumi commanded.

However, my even mentioning Dante twice in five minutes had triggered tears. I lifted my head briefly to wipe them away and sniffled, using my sleeve to rub off the ones that had smeared on Izumi's shoulder. "I'm sorry," I said, "I get upset really easily."

"Don't worry about it," Izumi said in a softer voice. "We'll talk about it later."

"Okay." I put my face back down on Izumi's shoulder and promptly passed out.

When I woke up, Izumi seemed to have made it back to her butcher shop thing. I was lying on what felt like a bed. I opened my eyes and sat up, looking around. I was in a room. Night had fallen, and a lamp illuminated the room. Someone had removed my coat, jacket, and boots, draping the coat and jacket over a chair and lining the boots up next to the bed. I could see bandages wrapped around my arm, and felt them on my forehead, chest, waist, and shins. I hadn't had as many injuries as I had thought.

Just then, the door opened and Izumi walked in, followed by her husband Sig, who closed the door behind himself. "I see you're awake," she said.

"You don't think Old Lady Dante'll send her minions here?" I asked.

"I doubt it." Izumi pulled up a chair and sat down. "She's never been here, so unless she had us followed, she won't know where you are."

I nodded. "Okay." Unconsciously I pulled my knees up to my chest, pulling on my toes. "Um, I should probably, you know, call Headquarters. I'm not sure how long I've been gone, and they're probably worried," I said meekly.

Izumi seemed two seconds off of a snort, but instead she crossed her arms and sighed. "Fine, go call them," she said.

"Yes ma'am." I hopped off the bed and started for the door, but stopped. "Um...where's a phone?"

"There's one in the hall," Sig said, surprising me a little. I had figured he wouldn't say anything to me.

"Oh. Right. Thanks." I started for the door again, and stopped again. "And...and thank you, Miss Izumi. For rescuing me, I mean."

Izumi looked over at me. "Of course. Do you think I would have left you there?" she said.

I was pondering whether or not it was a rhetorical question, when Izumi smiled at me and made a shooing motion with her hands. I pulled an Alphonse and bowed politely before finally leaving the room.

There was a phone in the hall, just like Izumi had said, sitting on a little table. It took me a while to remember Headquarters' number, since I had only seen it a few times on paper, but when I did I picked up the receiver and dialed. It was answered on the first ring.

"Central Headquarters," a perky voice said. "How may I direct your call?"

"Colonel Mustang's office, please," I said.

"One moment." There was silence, then a click, and finally ringing. The phone was picked up halfway through the second ring. "Mustang."

I was so relieved at hearing a friendly voice that I started to cry. "Colonel Mustang!" I exclaimed, tears starting to run down my face and into my voice. "I'm-I'm so glad to hear you!"

Roy seemed to perk up at that. "Where are you?" he demanded. "Are you safe?"

I could hear a bit of commotion in the background, like several people were talking. "Y-Yeah, I'm okay," I said, sniffling up a few tears. "I'm with Izumi Curtis in Dublith. She saved me. Is Alphonse there? He knows her. Tell him."

"Hold on," Roy said. He then spoke in a more faraway voice, and I realized he was relaying the message. There was silence as he spoke, but as soon as he finished the commotion started again. I could hear some girl railing about "damn Homunculi" and Al trying to calm her down.

The phone seemed to get jostled. "Risty May?" It was Al. "You're with Teacher?"

"Yeah, she saved me," I said, now wiping away the last few tears from my impromptu crying session. "The Homunculi kidnapped me, Al. They found out about the bodyswap and-"

"Oh! Speaking of which," Al cut in, "and sorry to interrupt, but you'll never guess who showed up today! Brother's here!"

"He is?" I said in shock.

"Yes. And he's in your body, too! It turns out our theory was right!"

"Can I talk to him?" I asked.

"Sure. Oh hold on." The phone was jostled some more, and I heard someone yelling about not breaking the phone. There was some more yelling that got louder and louder. Then a sudden gunshot made me jump, and all the yelling ceased. I hoped Riza hadn't really shot anybody.

"Risty May?"

I nearly fell over backwards. It was me! My voice! I swallowed my shock and managed to squeak, "Edward?"

There was a moment's silence, and then Ed spoke again. In my voice. Which was sooo creepy. "Listen, are you okay? We're taking the first train out to Dublith to get you. Al says the Homunculi kidnapped you?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed. It was never as obvious before, at least since the first time, that I was speaking in a boy's voice. "It was because D-"

I suddenly stopped myself. If Dante was still the old lady, then she and Ed hadn't met yet, right? Then if I told Edward about her, I might mess up the series! I could spiral it into a circle of doom! I could wreck the ending! By changing this one point in the series, I might get all the good guys killed or something!

...Have I not already established my overactive imagination? Lay off, please.

"Because why?" Ed asked. Even in my voice, there was an underlying Ed-ness to it.

"Because...uh...because the...Homunculi...wanted to...make you, uh...make the, uh...Philosopher's Stone," I said, my voice getting more deadpan-ish as I kept it up. "But then they found out you were me, and, uh...decided to beat me up?"

Edward seemed quite gullible, for he proceeded to say several words I don't like repeating. I winced hearing them being spewed in my voice.

"Well, listen. Stay with Teacher until we get there, got it?"

"Of course," I said, wincing as one of my injuries suddenly decided to complain.

"We can get there in about three days. Think you can stay under the radar that long?"

"I resent that!" I said hotly. "Of course I can. I'll be the most incognito bodyswapper you've ever seen!"

"Right," Ed said, sounding just a bit sarcastic. "Okay, we'll call you in a bit. Don't go anywhere." There was a click, and I pulled the phone away from my ear, staring at it. "That jerk! He totally hung up on me!"

"Problem?" I jumped, not realizing Izumi had come into the hall. "Oh, uh, no, M-Miss Izumi. I just talked to Edward. He's coming to get me."

"Hmmm." Izumi looked deep in thought. "Well, good. You'll stay here until he arrives."

It seemed everyone was telling me what to do a lot. I nodded to Izumi, and winced at a pain in my side. I reached out to steady myself on the wall and nearly toppled over.

Izumi steadied me with her hands. "Don't push yourself," she told me. "You still aren't fully recovered, and it looks like you've had a number done on you. Someone named Envy did this, you say?"

"Yeah," I sighed, letting her half-lead, half-drag me to what I guess was the dining room. We sat down at the table across from each other. Mason was in the room also, moving some heavy-looking boxes. "He would hit me every time I didn't tell Dante something she wanted to hear."

"What did Dante want to hear?" Izumi asked dangerously.

I swallowed. I wasn't sure if Izumi had ever learned of Dante's true evilness, or if she knew about her bodyhopping. Fearing a complete collapse of the series, I explained haltingly, trying to leave out as much spoiler-type things as possible. Izumi's face darkened as I spilled, and I began to fidget and look everywhere but her face.

"Hmmm," Izumi said once I had finished.

"W-What are you going to do?" I asked fearfully.

Izumi gave me a look like I was insane. "Confront Dante, of course. What else?"

"No!" I cried, seeing series meltdown flashing before my eyes. I stood abruptly, making my knee hurt, and Izumi looked at me, surprised. (She couldn't look up because I still wasn't tall enough, even with me standing and her sitting.) "Y-You can't! Miss Izumi, I...I know this may sound crazy, but you have to leave it to Edward!"

"Oh do I?" Izumi said in one of those I-dare-you-to-stop-me tones.

"Yes. Please," I begged. "You can't tell him about Dante, and...and you can't tell him about anything I told you. And you have to let him handle it! Otherwise..."

"Otherwise what?"

"Something awful might happen. Somebody might die who isn't supposed to die! Everything could get twisted on its ear. Dante could end up winning!"

Mason, who I'd completely forgotten about, was giving me an odd look over a small stack of boxes. Izumi crossed her arms and raised a brow.

"Listen. W-Where I come from, people here are like stories that we can see, from beginning to end. I know it sounds completely psycho, but I do know what's supposed to happen to Edward. He's got to find out about Dante on his own, or something awful might happen."

"So you know the future?" Izumi pressed.

"Um...I guess, in a way."

Izumi looked like she was considering something. I realized I had stood and sat down, blushing. Mason left with the boxes.

"What happens to him?" Izumi asked quietly.

I started, then fidgeted. "What...will you do with the information if I tell you?" I asked nervously.

"You don't have to go into details. I just want to know if he'll live."

I sighed a bit with relief. "Well...yes. He will. He'll live a long time. To like, 100, I think," I told her, drawing from things I had seen in the movie and FMA omake. "And...I think he'll do good things. Like world peace and junk."

"World peace and junk," Izumi repeated, gazing up at the ceiling. I watched her as she closed her eyes and sighed, then opened them at looked at me. "Thank you."

"Um, no problem," I mumbled, embarrassed. I ducked my head, feeling heat on my cheeks.

Izumi got out of her chair. "So how much do you know about alchemy?"

My head snapped up. "Whah? I mean, umm...a little, I guess. I can blow stuff up really easily, and I sorta fused a door with the wall once..."

Izumi let out a chuckle. "So you've got all of Ed's ability with none of the knowledge, is that right?"

"Yeah, something like that. I'm just glad I haven't hurt anybody."

"Well then, let's fix that. You could do with some alchemy training until Edward gets here," Izumi said.

I paled. "Am I going to get beat up even more?" I said fearfully.

"Only if you have bad reflexes."

I have bad reflexes.

"Owww..." I groaned, pulling my face out of the dirt. "How, um, does getting pummeled make you better at alchemy, Miss Izumi, ma'am?"

"To train the spirit, you must train the body," Izumi commented, walking up to me. She held a cookbook in her hand, which she planned to start reading once I actually attempted to attack her. "If you're going to have Edward's alchemical abilities, you'll need to know how to use them, should the occasion arise."

"Um, but shouldn't I focus my energy into switching back with Edward?" I pointed out, standing and attempting to stretch some pain out.

"Maybe the answer you need is alchemical. What will you do then?"

I gulped. "Hope Edward's got an idea?"

I saw the shoe flying at me and just barely managed to avoid it smacking my face, falling flat on my back. It glanced off my head and flipped into the sky.

"THAT IS A TERRIBLE ANSWER!" Izumi yelled at me. "WHAT KIND OF SAP ALWAYS DEPENDS ON OTHER PEOPLE?"

"I'M SORRY!" I screamed, fearful for my future.

"Then prove it! Attack me!" Izumi said.

Oh, by the way, it was the next morning. Izumi had been nice enough to postpone my beatdown until the sun came back up. I was feeling much better, thanks to some miracle painkillers Izumi gave me. At least I had been, until she persuaded me to come into the back yard. (By "persuade" I mean she brandished the biggest knife I've ever seen and herded me out the back door as I screamed in terror)

"Well?" Izumi said, opening her cookbook and flipping a few pages.

I sighed, hoping she would part with more of her painkillers afterwards, and ran towards her. I figured my automail was my best bet and threw a punch. Izumi caught it and didn't even flinch. I could only suck in a quick breath before she brought her elbow down on the inside of mine, bending my arm, and then flipped me into the ground.

"Ahahahowww!" I wailed.

"Stop it. You're making Edward sound like a sissy," Izumi commanded. "Now get up and try again."

So I did. And I ended up in the dirt about three seconds later.

"If I die, will you tell the others I had a good time?" I said weakly.

"You won't die," Izumi said, immersed in how to make a delicious soufflé. "Get up."

I did so, rubbing the back of my neck.

"I expect you to hit me once before lunch," Izumi suddenly said, "or you won't be eating."

"Um, when's lunch?" I asked.

"In two hours."

I was doomed to starve.

After the lunch I didn't get to eat, Izumi handed me a cup of water and some painkillers. I realized I might become addicted, but I didn't care, as I popped four and drank the water in a gulp.

"Come on out back," Izumi said, picking up another book. "Dinner's in five hours, and you wouldn't want to miss it."

I recognized the underlying challenge and followed Izumi outside like a death row inmate heading for the chair.

"Now, before we begin," Izumi said. "I don't want you just relying on Ed's automail because it's hard. You just have to hit. It doesn't have to have a certain force behind it. If you can just hit, and it actually hurts, you'll get dinner."

"And one of your winning smiles?" I ventured, liking Izumi smiling better than Izumi not smiling.

"That too. You must have had some kind of fighting classes before. I can see it in your movements."

I shook my head. "No ma'am," I said. "I'm not a fighter at all."

"Then aerobics? Flex? There's something."

"Oh!" I shot my hand into the air like I was in class. "I've had gymnastics classes, Miss Izumi. From age five to ten. I was great on the uneven bars."

Izumi didn't seem to have a clue what I was talking about. "I was all right on the floor mat, too," I rambled. "I was good at chain flips and cartwheels, but uneven bars was my best. The balance beam I-"

"Very well. Then use those skills to your advantage," Izumi interrupted. "Now attack me."

I swallowed. Here we went again.

An hour before dinner, I was exhausted, and I still hadn't landed a hit. Izumi didn't even have to look to knock me away. She had almost finished her book. I had almost finished my life.

"You'd better hurry," Izumi said, turning a page. "Dinner will be soon."

I swallowed back some spit and stood, wiping off my mouth. Who was I kidding? No way would I hit Izumi. I was going to starve. This sucked.

But I kept trying, using whatever gymnastics abilities I had. Izumi blocked them all, though a couple actually seemed like they would be successful (at least until they failed). The sun was starting to go down.

After yet another failed attack, I was on my hands and knees, face pointed at the ground, tears leaking. It was too much to ask me to try and hit Izumi. It wasn't fair at all.

Izumi's feet, clad in their W. C. sandals, appeared in my line of vision. "Almost dinnertime," she announced.

"That's not fair!" I cried, looking up at her. "I don't know anything about fighting, and you're the best in the whole world! How could I be expected to hit you? How? Why are you being so mean to me?"

"I'm not being mean," Izumi replied. "How do you expect to train your body if you can't pass this test?"

"What kind of test is this? It's completely one-sided!" I stood up. "It's not like I can just walk up to you and go, 'Hi, will you let me hit you?' or something! You're like a conforking ninja! It's impossible to touch you! It's not fair!"

I got slapped. Reeeally hard. "Stop acting like a brat!" Izumi commanded. "Whining and complaining will get you nowhere! No one who had only actively complained ever got anything. They achieved what they wanted through hard work and dedication. And you have to do the same."

I sniffled, touching my burning cheek.

"You still have ten minutes," Izumi told me, walking a few feet away. "Hurry up."

I took a deep breath to calm my hysteria. Izumi was reading again. I cracked my knuckles and shook out my feet. Was there any way to surprise her? I doubted it. Maybe if I could fake her out...but that probably wouldn't work either. I had to think of something, though, and fast.

I decided on the head-on approach and ran at Izumi, fist cocked to punch. Izumi easily dodged and threw me to the ground. I was about to cry out in frustration and complain about it being unfair when it occurred to me: that was what I always did when she threw me down. What if I tried something else?

Desperately, I tried kicking one of Izumi's legs. She dodged my clumsy attack, but instead of giving up, I scrambled to my feet and threw another punch at her. Izumi dodged, and I kept throwing punches, hoping one of my wild swings would connect. Izumi avoid them all and karate-chopped the insides of my elbows, causing me to temporarily lose the feeling in them.

"Agh!" I yelled in frustration. But I didn't give up. I switched to wild kicking. Izumi weaved around all my kicks, and when I got the feeling back in my arms, I alternated between punches and kicks. I was getting short of breath, but I was determined to hit Izumi. After all, I was really hungry!

Izumi dodged another kick while turning a page in her book, and I was suddenly really angry at the book. I'm not sure why, it just made me mad. So I aimed my next punch right at the book. To my complete surprise, I punched the book out of Izumi's hand, denting the spine. It flopped to the ground, and the sound seemed to silence the world.

"Dinnertime!" Mason called from the back door, obviously unaware that there was about to be a private execution in Izumi's backyard.

I stared at the book, and then looked up sheepishly at Izumi. She also was staring at the book, and looked mad. "That was one of my favorite books," she commented dangerously.

I immediately shielded my face with my arms. "I'm so sorry, I swear, I swear! P-Please don't murder me!" I wailed.

Silence. I waited to be beaten to death. Instead, I heard Izumi's feet crunch across the grass, and the sound of the book being picked up. I waited again, thinking she would use the book to kill me, like some sort of poetic justice. Instead I heard the sound of Izumi's feet walking away. I looked up warily to find Izumi heading for the back door.

"Well? Aren't you hungry? It's dinnertime," Izumi said.

"Whah? But...but...I thought I had to hit you," I said, hurrying after her.

"You did. You hit my book, and now it's dirty," Izumi said. "That hurts. And, you finally got the point I was trying to get across. Every time I knocked you down, you would stop fighting and groan over your injuries. But at the end, you finally kept going, even though it had to hurt. The whole point was not giving up, which is a vital lesson in both fighting and alchemy."

My mouth opened slightly, and I furrowed my brows. "Really? But..."

"If you're not hungry, you can-"

"No, no, I'm hungry! Starving!" I cried.

Izumi smiled. "Thought so."

Winry: ...And that's how you turn a washer into a robot in disguise!
Zilo: That is so interesting!
Risty: (asleep)
Roy: (paperworking like mad)
Riza: (has a bead on Roy)
Ed/Al/Lust/Envy: (playing Go Fish)
Havoc: Finally! I get to say something! Now! Weeeeee'll-
(Wrath kicks him in the head and takes his place)
Wrath: Seeya, kiddies! (evil laugh)
Winry/Risty/Ed/Al/Roy/Riza/Havoc: ZILO!
Zilo: What?