Disclaimer: The great Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I'm just using her amazing characters to tell you a story.

Warning: "Life in the Balance" is the story of Bella facing the consequences of the way she chose to end the vicious cycle of an abusive relationship. The telling of such a story requires the retelling of the events that led to her choice, many of which contains acts of domestic violence and abuse in all its incarnations. If you are uncomfortable with reading these types of depictions, please do not read the flashbacks as they will tell her story as it happened.

Thanks as always to Loulabelle and AgoodWITCH, my most awesome pre-reader and beta. I love you two so very much. I can't forget all my WC girls for all the encouragement. Ladies, you are the best. Love ya tons.

A/N:I just want to say that I am so very sorry for the long delay between chapters. I will do everything I can to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Chapter 10 – The Choices We Make

December 28, 2009

I heard the heavy footsteps on the concrete floor, so I did a quick check to make sure it was him. I was happier than I should have been when I saw Paul's reflection getting closer. I leaned over to put the mirror on my bed before sliding my hand through the bars where he would see. This was how I let him know that I needed to talk, without actually speaking. If he could, he would stop but if not, he would make two quick taps on the railing so I knew he was unable to talk.

I pulled my hand back in when I heard the two quick taps and watched him walk past me seconds later. Not knowing how long it would take him to come back or if he was even able, I silently moved back to my bed to wait. I had filled several pages of my journal with the things that had happened in my meeting today and I needed to talk about it. Since Paul was the only friend I had, I needed him right now.

I was trying desperately to stay awake, but losing the battle as the night wore on. I didn't think I was going to be able to hold out much longer, but I was rewarded for my patience when I heard his quiet voice.

"I've missed you the last few nights."

Allowing myself to smile at the sound, I breathed a sigh of relief as I hurried out of bed to sit next to the bars so we could talk.

"Whitlock told me what happened. I'm so sorry, Bella. I wish there was something we could do."

"It's okay. Don't worry about it. Believe me, I was prepared for what my life would be like here. I hoped that if I could keep to myself, things like that wouldn't happen, but I knew there was always the possibility. I just have to be more careful from now on."

He reached through the bars and grabbed my hand, the warmth of his touched felt good. I missed it after the last time he was here.

"I wanted to see you just to make sure you were okay but I knew that would raise too many eyebrows in this place. I couldn't even ask questions to find out what happened after they took you away." His eyes dropped and a guilty expression crossed his face. "I'm not doing so well in the friend department, am I?"

That brought a tear to my eye. It had been more than a year now since I had someone around to care about me so much. I liked having a friend again. Until that first conversation with Paul, I hadn't realized how much I needed the connection with someone after being alone for so long. I guarded myself so thoroughly that no one got through but he was different, and I wanted him in my life.

"No, you're a great friend and I know if you could have, you would have been right there next to me, making sure I was okay. I also know that nothing would really happen to me if someone ever found out about us, but your life would be ruined." I reached out and lifted his chin so he would look at me. "I've wrecked so many lives already, Paul, and I refuse to let you ruin yours because of me." I smiled at him. "I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. Promise me you won't do anything that would put your career and your life in jeopardy because of me."

With a smile, he said, "I know I have to be careful and I'm going to do just that because I don't want to leave you alone here, but you have to promise me something too. You have to be more careful. Whitlock told me how you were zoning out all day, not paying attention to the other women around here. That's a dangerous game you're playing with your life, Bella."

"I know but that day was hard for me, harder than most to keep the memories away. If he wouldn't have…no, I'm not going to blame him anymore. It's not his fault that I lived the life I did or ended up here."

I paused for a second but it was enough for Paul to ask the one question I wanted to talk about.

"Why the sudden change of heart? The last time we could talk, you were ready to rip his head off and give up on him all together. What changed in three days, Bella?"

"Try a single afternoon," I mumbled.

"What?"

"I walked into that room today still hating him, but also expecting his normal concern and…I don't know...caring behavior," my voice rose in question, not sure if I was using the right words. "But that didn't happen. He was pissed, blaming me for the whole thing and you know me." I rolled my eyes.

"How bad was the fight?" he asked, confident that there was one.

"It was pretty bad. I tried not to fight with him. You would have been proud of me because I even tried to get up and leave, but Whitlock wouldn't let me out of the room. Then, when the pressure in my ribs was too much and I couldn't breathe, he hugged me and went all loving on me until I was able to calm down and breathe again."

"And that bothers you?"

He looked me in the eye as he asked his question, looking like he wanted to say more. I nodded and he smiled.

"Having someone care about you isn't a bad thing, Bella."

"I know that and I can deal with the hand holding and the hugging that he seems to be so fond of doing lately. It was what happened after that, that's bothering me."

I sat quiet for a second, not sure of how much I wanted to tell him. He poked my knee to get my attention.

"Well, are you gonna tell me or should I start guessing 'cause I'm sure I could get pretty close."

"What does that mean?" His words made me curious.

"No way, Swan. I asked you first." He sounded like a kid and my mind flashed to Jacob. They were so much alike it was scary.

"Very mature, Paul." I rolled my eyes.

"Tell me."

I ignored the horrified expression on his face as I gave him the short, condensed version of what happened with James and his father so he could understand the argument it caused. I told Paul everything down to the way he had me pinned to the wall and how the intensity in his eyes held me captive, not allowing me to move. I told him that, no matter how close he came to me, it wasn't close enough for him. I told him that he claimed my life had some kind of affect on him, but when I asked why my life mattered his answer was cut off.

The vibration of Paul's cell phone cut me off before I had a chance to tell him how much I wanted to kill Whitlock right now for not letting us finish because I really wanted to know the answer to my question.

He pulled the phone out of his pocket and read the message. It was obviously amusing since he was trying to keep from laughing as he flipped it closed and put it away.

"How perfect is that," he mumbled.

"What's the smile for, Mendez? Your girlfriend telling you how much she loves you?" I used my girly voice and batted my eyelashes at him.

"Like I have one," he scoffed. "No, it's just funny that Whitlock interrupted your conversation this afternoon and he's doing it again by interrupting ours."

"Ugh, I could kill him. What is he even doing awake?"

"Nice choice of words, Swan," he teased and I cringed. "I better get moving anyway. No sense pushing our luck."

We both stood, knowing he'd been here long enough. He turned to face me and held his hand out to me again. "Bella, listen to me. In this situation, I can only go by what you tell me because I can't see the two of you together but from what I hear, it sounds to me like he's in love with you."

"Yeah right." I rolled my eyes.

"Seriously Bella, think about it. With as close as he was to you, what do you think would have happened if you had more time?"

I didn't speak as my mind went over the whole scene again, trying to see it from a different angle. He interrupted my thoughts.

"You can see it can't you? That man has fallen for you." I focused on Paul's face. "Who could blame him? You're amazing, Bella, and the sooner you see that, the better. I know I've said this before but I feel like I have to say it again; he's a good man…give him a chance." He squeezed my hand. "Now I have to go. Hopefully we can talk soon."

~..~..~..~..~..~

December 29, 2009

Sleep evaded me as Paul's words played over and over again in my mind. The morning passed without incident today. I was hoping Victoria and her little bitch were getting tired of sitting in solitary and would leave me alone, but I knew better. Today was their first day out and the look of vengeance on their faces at breakfast told me I had no such luck. My guard was up, ready for anything.

The storms were over but I still wasn't allowed out in the yard…doctor's orders. It would have been a nice change from the dull gray walls that I was staring at all day. Not only that, I loved to be outside just after the rain stopped, everything was fresh and the air smelled pure and clean again. I could picture myself sitting in the corner under a blue sky, gazing out at yet another wonder of God's creations; the wide-open space, so silent and undisturbed. The barren field never offered anything to look at, but the emptiness was somehow calming to me and I could use that today.

In a few hours I would be stuck in a room with a man who, according to Paul, was in love with me. I knew there were feelings there just by his actions and some of the looks he gave me across the table. But it wasn't until Paul put the idea in my head that he could love me that I really started to think about it.

Paul's question played in my mind. What would have happened if we had more time? I jumped out of bed and started pacing my cell. I almost gave myself whiplash from trying to shake that thought out of my head. I shouldn't even be thinking about this shit; there was no point. I was never getting out of here, end of fucking story and for him to be delusional enough to think he loved me was wrong. People around me got hurt; that was just the way life worked and I wasn't going to be responsible for ruining another life.

What the fuck is your problem, Bella? You can't let that shit happen. Make him see that you're useless and falling for you is pointless. You can't let anyone else get hurt.

"Talk to yourself often?"

I spun around so fast that I lost my balance, causing me to run into the wall, gasping for breath from the shot to my ribs. Whitlock was in my cell trying to hold back his laughter. I wanted nothing more than to punch him in his smug face for the shit he pulled yesterday, but hitting a guard only did one thing…it got me thrown into solitary and I wasn't going back in there.

"What the fuck do you want?" I couldn't hit him, but he was going to know what I felt about him.

"It's time to go."

"Fuck you Whitlock." I stayed against the wall and crossed my arms. "Bring fucking Newton in here, I'm not going anywhere with you, you fucking asshole."

He stepped next to me and I turned my head away from him like a petulant child. I heard his laugh and felt his hand on my wrist and I instinctually tried to pull away. His grip tightened as I fought against him.

"Get the fuck off me!"

"You know you're not going to win, so just stop." His uncaring attitude pissed me off even more.

"Why would I go with you after what you did yesterday? At least Newton would have let me out of that room when I asked. No, you fucking held me there like some fucking prisoner or something."

"Swan, you are a prisoner, remember?" He laughed even harder as he forced my wrists into the handcuffs.

"You're an asshole."

He shrugged and led me out of my cell without another word. Silence followed us all the way to the meeting room, but just as he unlocked the door to let me in, he turned to me.

"Play nice today, Swan, or it's going to be a long two hours."

"You seriously are an asshole."

"You said that already."

He opened the door and walked me into the room, sitting me in the chair so he could take the cuffs off. His uncharacteristic whistling as he walked out of the room was his way of pissing me off even more and I couldn't hold back.

"Fuck you, Whitlock!" I screamed at the closed door.

I turned my head to see the surprised look on my lawyer's face as he looked from the door back to me.

"Bad day?"

"Kiss my ass, Counselor."

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay, that's all."

"I'm fucking perfect. Can't you tell?" Sarcasm dripped from my words.

"Bella, I…"

His sentence started exactly how it did yesterday and my eyes flashed to the door half expecting Whitlock to interrupt again. When I looked back, he was staring expectantly.

"Well?"

"Well, what?" I realized that I had missed what he said.

He smiled and wrote something in that damn notebook again.

"Don't you own a tape recorder or something? Wouldn't that be easier?" My irritation came out with every word.

"Yes and no. I use the tape recorder when I have to know exact words, but I find it easier to capture emotions on paper." He looked up. "Does this bother you, because I do have a recorder in my briefcase?"

Hell yeah it bothered me but I wasn't going to let him know that.

"What the fuck ever. What was your question?"

"I said I wanted to pick up right where we left off yesterday."

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at him. "You do?"

The sharp intake of air stung a little, but I couldn't hide the question in my voice. I wanted to talk about that too. I was dying to know what he wanted to say yesterday. There was an immediate tension in the air and my hands actually started sweating with the nervous feeling coming over me.

"Yes, I do." He looked down at the notebook for a second before meeting my eyes again. "You said that you and James didn't see each other for the two weeks following the holiday."

I chuckled, while rolling my eyes and shaking my head. The case, of course he wanted to talk about the case. Fucking Paul got me all worked up for nothing. This man was clueless.

"Are you sure you're okay?" His concern broke down my tension and I felt myself relax now that the situation wasn't going to be awkward.

"Just rollin' with the punches." I laughed at my own joke.

"Very cute." He was all business today, obviously not amused. "I'm curious. Why didn't you try to get out of the relationship with James in those two weeks? What made you go back?"

"Why does anyone go back?" I shrugged. "I feel so stupid saying it now, but I loved him. I let him take me out on a date because I felt awful for taking my anger at his father out on him." I leaned over and rested my head on my hands as I spoke. "That date was the final nail in the coffin. He had me and after that night, he wasn't letting go."

~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~

December 9, 2005

I wasn't in the mood for shopping, but James was taking me to another nice restaurant for dinner and he wanted me to have a new dress to go out in. My hands were shaking a little as I pulled the dress off the rack. I had never bought anything this expensive before but James wanted the best; he even told me what store to go to, to get it.

"You don't have to go, Bella." Emily put her hand on mine to steady it. "If you're this nervous about being around him, you should just cancel."

Emily had noticed that I pretended to be busy a few times over the past couple of weeks and she finally got me to sit down and talk to her about what happened during Thanksgiving. She backed me up the whole way and even took me out a couple of times to make my lies to James about being busy, true.

"I don't want to cancel, but I don't know if I'm ready to see him again either." I blew a strand of hair out of my eyes. "The few times I have seen him, he's been so sweet and loving that I keep thinking I'm crazy. I don't know what's real anymore, and I feel like I have to give him the chance to show me. Did I tell you that, when he called me for this date, he almost begged me to accept? He even sounded like he was crying?"

Emily turned her attention back to the racks, looking through the selection.

"I know he cares about you, Bella, but can you really forgive him for what happened?"

"I may be crazy, Em, but I want to try. He's been good to me and maybe it was just his father's influence that took over to make him act that way." I rubbed the back of my neck to massage away the tension that had been there for the past few hours. "He's been nothing but nice since then."

"So, you've made up your mind." It wasn't a question.

"I think I have. I have to go even if it's just to get the truth." I started looking through the dresses again. "Besides, I miss him."

"Well then, let's find a dress that's going to blow him away." She smiled and winked at me as we continued shopping for the perfect dress.

By 6:30pm I was standing in front of my mirror, staring at the brown-haired girl that looked nothing like me. In the past few months, Emily and Leah figured out exactly what James wanted me to look like when we went out, and they created that look tonight. I wanted to look my best for him as some sort of apology for all the cancelled dates these last couple of weeks. Lost in my reflection, I didn't realize Emily was in the room until her hands were on my shoulders.

"God Bella, you're shaking like a leaf." She was in front of me now. "You can't go out like this. Honey, are you sure about this?"

"I'll be fine, Em. I'm just a little nervous. Things will get better once he gets here."

I gave her a fake smile that she recognized immediately. She pulled me into a hug and just held me for a minute, showing me her support. I took a step back once I felt the tears form in my eyes.

"Quit making me cry or Leah's gonna kick your ass for messing up my make up."

"Emily, you better get your ass out of that room," Leah shouted from the front room. "If I have to fix even one eyelash…"

Our laughter drowned out the rest of her sentence, but I was sure there was a threat in there somewhere. I got myself together and we walked out to where Leah was waiting on the couch with a bottle and three shot glasses.

"Come on, Bella. Sounds like you could use it."

I didn't drink the hard stuff very much, but I would have taken anything to calm my nerves before he showed up.

"Alright, one couldn't hurt."

She poured a shot for each of us and we held them up, but before we could drink, Leah had something to say.

"Bella, you deserve the best, so here's hoping that your man gets his shit together."

Our laughter filled the room just before we all took the shot. We talked for a bit while I waited for James to show up. I wasn't shaking nearly as bad as I had been before, so the shot must have worked. When the knock came twenty minutes later, I was ready.

Dinner was awkward. I couldn't sit still, fidgeting through the whole meal. My eyes searched the room looking at anything to keep my focus off his face. There were fleeting glances, but I never looked at him for long. He asked me to dance several times but I told him I was tired so he would stop asking. This wasn't the way things should have been with us, but something just didn't feel right.

After dinner, he took me to the park, which I thought was kind of odd since it was December but he said he had something to show me. He walked around to help me out of the car and held my hand as we walked down the path to one of the picnic tables. We got closer and I noticed the lights on the table.

Candles were placed on the table in a heart shape with his two favorite flowers in the center. A bucket filled with ice and a bottle of champagne sat off to the side with two crystal glasses waiting to be filled. He must have had help to set this up because there was no way you could leave a set up like this without it being disturbed somehow.

I was in shock, never expecting something like this. I looked up and finally saw his eyes. His smile was there, but it looked like it was forced. He obviously felt the tension of the night and was acting like things were okay. He sat me down at the table and kneeled in front of me. Panic shot through me at the thought of what was coming next.

"Bella, I know things have been different between us for the past couple of weeks and I know I had a lot to do with that. But, babe, I miss you so much. I never realized how much a part of me you've become until you wouldn't see me anymore."

He took a deep breath and held my hands in one of his while pulling a box out of his pocket with the other. Suddenly there wasn't enough air and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Bella, I love you so much and I want to have you with me forever." He let go of my hand to open the box.

~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~

"He did what!" His angry voice interrupted my thoughts.

So much for all business.

"He asked you to marry him! Are you fucking serious? After being such an asshole while his father…and you just…"

He was out of his chair, pacing the room and mumbling to himself. I watched him walk back and forth, not even paying attention to me anymore. He was completely lost in thought as I sat there, replaying the words Paul said to me last night.

"It sounds to me like he's in love with you."

Every look and touch over the past couple of weeks told me cared about me but…love. Love wasn't possible. How could you love someone you didn't really know? How could you love someone who had no real future? How could you love someone who could take another person's life without guilt? His hand hitting the table brought my attention back to him.

"Answer me, damn it!" He was fuming.

"I'm sorry. What?"

"God, you are so infuriating."

His hands rose like he wanted to strangle me, he spoke through his teeth and the vein on his forehead was back, as my inattention seemed to piss him off. He turned his back on me and I had that picture in my head again of him counting to ten before he turned back around with his hand on the table again. I wanted to laugh. I hadn't seen him this worked up in weeks and my sick little pleasure returned; I kind of missed pissing him off. The sound of his other hand coming down on the table made me jump as he leaned his body toward me.

"Tell me you told him no! Tell me, in a million years, you would never consider marrying a man like that!"

This time I couldn't stop it. The intensity in his face and voice mixed with the ridiculous idea of ever marrying James had me laughing hysterically.

"God damn it, Bella!"

He pushed himself away from the table so hard that it moved a good six inches in my direction. He was pacing again and I couldn't stop laughing. My arms wrapped around my chest as my aching ribs screamed at me to calm down. I labored through a few deep breaths and was wiping the tears from my eyes when he finally came back to the table.

"You couldn't have said yes. I'm not going to believe you let him off the hook like that. What did he think…one nice dinner and you're going to run straight to the church with him?"

"Jesus fucking Christ will you calm the fuck down already?" There was still amusement in my voice. "No, I didn't say I would marry him."

Embarrassment crossed his face as he uttered a small "oh" before sitting back down again. In a move that surprised even me, I grabbed his hand this time. His eyes moved to our joined hands for a second before they looked up to me, questioning my action.

"Now that you got that out of your system, can I finish?" He nodded. "He didn't ask me to marry him…not that night anyway. The box had a key in it. He wanted me to move in with him."

I squeezed his hand a bit and explained my decision before he blew up at me again.

"Knowing everything I do now, I know it was another majorly stupid fucking decision, but yelling about it now isn't going to change the facts."

"I'm sorry," he said as his other hand covered mine.

"He played his part well and I loved him then. Sure, what happened with his father was bad, but I did miss him and I didn't want to be without him. You honestly can't fault me for that."

"I know and I'm sorry. It's just hard to keep your two lives separate. I mean, yesterday you're throwing pictures of yourself in a hospital bed at me and today you're telling me about him getting down on one knee and…" He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before continuing. "It's difficult sometimes to remember that you didn't know what he was like back then."

I huffed. "Tell me about it. I've gone crazy thinking about this stuff, constantly wondering what I missed or how I should have listened to my friends or even to…" I took my own calming breath now. "Never mind."

"What did your friends think when you told them you decided to move in with him?"

"They had mixed feelings about it. Jake, as you can imagine, blew his fucking lid. He screamed at me for hours, warning me about what a fucking mistake it was, asking how I could be so stupid, and telling me that he wasn't going to let me move." I shook my head at the memory. "He knew my attitude better than anyone and probably knew his words were making me more determined to go, but he tried anyway. The girls were sad to see me leave, but they were excited because I finally found someone who loved me so much."

I stopped as that day filled my mind.

"And Sam?" He asked.

"Sam was always the most level-headed out of all of them. He never yelled or got overly excited, no, he always made sure I thought things through completely before making decisions. I remember it being one of our warmer days, so he took me for a walk. He asked if I knew what I was getting myself into; I told him yes. He asked if it was something I truly wanted; I told him yes." I smiled, remembering Sam's words. "He told me 'Babe, you know I love you but'. They were the words that always meant he was going to let me figure it out on my own."

I paused and he studied my face.

"What was that look for?"

"What?" I asked.

"That look? You always make the same face when something didn't go the way you thought it should."

That threw me for a minute. I felt my eyes widen as I stared at him. There was no way he knew me well enough to know the faces I make. I didn't know how to process that information. What do you even say to that?

"Well…um…" I stammered. "I've always wondered what I would have done if Sam ever told me what he really thought of James. Jake told me all the time and I never really listened because he was playing the protective brother role, but Sam was my voice of reason. I listened to him and all of his advice. He never came out and told me whether I should or shouldn't do something; he let me make my mistakes." I sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"I wonder if my decision would have been different if he would have just said that he didn't trust James or that he didn't like him or I needed to stay until I got to know him better. He didn't say any of those things. He just let me go."

~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~

December 12, 2005

"I hate to say goodbye, but it's time." Sam's arms were tight around me.

"It's not goodbye, babe. We'll see each other in two weeks." I squeezed him tighter.

Emily's voice came from my right side. "Bella, you call us if you ever need us. I don't care what time it is." She pulled me away from Sam to give me a hug of her own. "I love you."

Leah was there with the next hug. "I don't know what I'm going to do without you, girl."

Saying goodbye, even for a couple of weeks was hard, and I was crying after Leah let me go. I turned to Jake, who was holding his hand out to me. He jerked his head toward the house. "Come on. I'll walk with you."

Jake grabbed my hand and walked with me to the door. A few steps away he wrapped me in his arms and held on like he was never going to see me again.

"I love you, Bells. I don't want to let you go like this, but you've always been hard headed."

"God, why are you all acting like you're never going to see me again."

"We're just going to miss you so much. It's hard to leave you in someone else's hands, knowing that he's not…"

"Jake, stop. I'm going to be okay. He loves me and he'll take care of me." Stepping back, I put a hand to his cheek. "Now go. It's getting late and you all have somewhere you have to be. I love you, little brother."

He kissed me on the forehead. "Love you too, sis."

I waved to my friends and walked in the house, closing the door behind me. I stood at the front door, looking around the house that I had been in countless times in the past six month. It was still the same house with everything in their proper places, only now my things were incorporated with his. A feeling of warmth flowed through my body as James walked up behind me, wrapping me in his arms.

"Welcome home, babe."

He kissed me on the cheek as he held me against his chest. Happiness swelled within me as I began to think of his home as our home. I turned in his arms, clasped my hands behind his neck, and pulled him down to give him a soft kiss. When we broke apart his huge smile matched my own.

"James, you've made me so happy. I love you."

"It's you and me now, babe. No one else matters anymore. I am yours and you are mine…forever."

Thanks for reading. I love how worked up my dear Counselor can get. But I love even more how Bella just laughs and thinks it's funny. The two sometimes keep me up at night…crazy, I know but their arguments constant keep my mind working.

As always, I want to take the time to give a couple of quick recs of some great stories I'm reading.

The first is a new story. Chapter 1 has already captured my interest and I have to know what happened to these two to get them where they are. Join me and find out: Caged Ambitions by laurnorder

Due to horrible childhoods, as well as bad decisions in adulthood, Bella and Edward each end up in trouble, which will change their lives forever. Will they be able to learn and grow from their mistakes with help from each other and some new friends?

http:/www .fanfiction .net/s/6789651/1/Caged_Ambitions

The second story has quickly become one of my favorites and I'm just a few chapters in. I can't wait to keep going: Always Leads Back To You by Dinx

Do you believe that 2 people can be made for each other? Bella and Edward tried dating in their teens and again in their 20's, but couldn't get it right. Will fate bring them together again in their 30's? Will they have a chance at a future... together?

http:/www .fanfiction .net/s/5934046/1/Always_Leads_Back_to_You

And finally, I can't forget my boys. Normally, I'm a huge Edward/Jasper fan, but this short Carlisle/Edward story was amazing: Trouble by Savanah-Vee

Professor Carlisle Cullen gets all he can handle and more when he meets Edward Cullen, a very persistent student who wants to become his favorite student.

http:/www .fanfiction .net/s/6784847/1/Trouble

If you haven't checked out the awesome fics in the Carlward contest, go there now. You don't know what you're missing. http:/www .fanfiction .net/u/2705041/