Chapter 10 : Accept me Without Change

Cousland's legs felt weak. Without anything to support herself against, she slowly stepped back, and felt her back brush against a hard wood edge. She looked back to see it was the bow of the ballista. She didn't have it in her to meet his gaze. It was as if she were afraid… to see something in his eyes. Even when his knuckles brushed her chin lightly, tilting her head up, her eyes remained away… as if refusing to meet his. But, her hand gripped his arm… Despite her fear, she didn't want to let him go. They were conflicting thoughts and emotions of which she was not familiar.

His hand found rest on her shoulder, and for long silent moments he stood there. Meanwhile her heart was beating harder. Her skin was on fire and she had begun to breathe deeper… her skin feeling prickled with sweat.

She didn't look at him, but she heard him speak...

"Mm... sage. The very smell of it invokes a feeling of peace... even for this weathered soldier."

Her eyes snapped open and she saw the sage Velanna had given her, in his free hand, poised before his face. She was still tense, and after a moment his eyes focused on her again. She felt her hair stand on end and a shiver crawl up the back of her neck.

He stepped closer.

His hand slid behind her neck, cradling gently. Then, he pulled her in, as he bowed his head. Their armor clanked as they gripped each other in an embrace. His mouth against her hair… her face against his neck, breathing the warmth of his skin. He smelled of sweet sage. Her tense body felt suddenly at ease… and she trembled against him. Her head tilted up a bit, eyes flickering up… and his chin shifted slowly to the side. She felt the graze of his stubble against her jaw. Her hands gripped tighter against him… her breath stopping, and her heart pounding.

Amidst her pain and her conflict… she gave into her desire, and inconsequently let her mouth greet his. His arms wrapped tightly around her, so tight, the embrace he nearly lifted her from the floor. She hadn't noticed the streaks of wetness on her cheeks, until he had brushed them away with his calloused thumb.

Cousland sighed and felt her breath hiccup, and in that moment, she broke the kiss, bowing her head in shame.

"I'm sorry…" She breathed, unable to look at him, but, she didn't pull away.

She felt his warm breath against her ear, and it tingled the hairs against her neck. That's when she lifted her eyes to his. The bonfire light splashed across his face, making his expression quite plain to her, and the sight of the devotion and caring in his eyes made her loose all sensation in her legs. She crumpled, and her hand came up to cover her mouth as a sob wracked her body. He held her up, pulling her close.

"Shh… don't cry," He whispered.

Despite her strength and her resolve... she had no power against him. His devotion overpowered her like an unstoppable force. Like a tidal wave and she was impotent to stop it.

He felt her weakness in his arms and he cradled her, easing her to lean back against the ballista. His touch was like a flare and her skin like the fuse and she felt her blood was burning hot, loud, as the sounds of the festival below was drowned out by pure silence... and the quiet thudding of her heart.

She felt the pressure of his hand along the small of her back and around to her side, feeling over the tasset of her armor, and she suddenly felt the weight of the armor piece lessen as it clinked to the floor... removed without her notice. Her heart stopped and quickened at the same time. Her hands gripped at his arm and his shoulder, and a sound escaped her mouth. His cheek was pressed against hers, her breath coming fast and leaving flat clouds of steam on the guardbrace of his armor.

She felt his fingers deftly unfasten her elbow cop."I know the purpose of my life, Warden-Commander..." His voice rumbled against her hair, and she felt every fiber of his bravado made her heart flutter. His hand slid over her shoulder and flick the snap of her pauldron. "... and it's you, Cousland," He whispered and her eyes closed, warmth flooding her body as he said her name. He'd never done that before... it felt so... intimate.

"Varel..." She barely heard herself say it, but she knew he did. She felt her breath forcing her to struggle to speak more so then ever. "What... do you... want from me?"

She felt his eyes pierce her, so intense, she had to turn her head away. He paused and leaned closer as she smelled his hair in his nearness. "I want you to trust me without questioning," On that note she felt her gorget loosened and his mouth smooth over the exposed skin beneath. Her grip on him tightened and her mind went spinning.

"I want you to need me without demanding," He said, and she felt the resolve of his voice against her neck. She swallowed around her drumming heart. "Accept me without change."

There was a clink sound as her left cuff fell to the floor. The second followed after, exposing the chain beneath. "I want you to desire me without inhibitions," His hand slid up the back of her neck and she felt his fingers entwine in her hair... gripping lightly and pulling, forcing her neck into an arch. She gasped and looked at him, his eyes locked on hers.

He worked the buckles of her breastplate and he was shrugging it off her. It fell heavy to the floor, spinning like a tortise shell, exposing the padding within to the starry sky. His arms encircled her frame, and she folded against him, biting her lip. As their bodies melded together and shifted, she felt the cold cuisse of his leg armor nestle between her legs. It shifted up and she tensed further.

"Want me without restrictions," He said, voice dropping, soft, and whispery. The softness of his mouth, the passion of his body language and the intensity of his words were like a draught.

"Varel-" She shuddered.

"-Love me without fear,"