Chapter 10

When Sirius awoke in the night, he savoured the warmth of being so close to Remus, scared that this was his last chance to hold him.

He held the young werewolf as close as was physically possible. He took in the scent of Remus, the feel of Remus, the taste of Remus.

Remus' eyes fluttered open and he snuggled closer to Sirius as though understanding what he was doing.

Sirius sighed deeply and buried his nose deep in Remus' hair, his heart aching at the thought of them being separated.

When morning finally came, James got out of bed to find them wrapped so tightly together they looked like an intricate knot, both eyes awake and wary.

When lunchtime came, Remus left for the library, knowing he needed to rehearse what he wanted to say.

Sirius spent the Saturday dreading the night.

Several times James approached him to give the winnings over but every time Sirius would wave him off with a pained expression and go back to staring off into space.

When the time finally came, Remus entered the dark dormitory to find Sirius curled up with his back to the door, silent sobs racking his body.

Remus cleared his throat uncertainly and Sirius froze.

"Sirius… You know why I'm here." Remus said softly, as much as he didn't want to, as afraid of the truth as he was, Remus knew it had to be done.

"No… No Remus I don't!" Sirius' voice was high pitched and the nervous werewolf sank onto the bed next to him.

"You do. It has to be done Padfoot."

"Why can't we just leave it in the past where it belongs?" Sirius asked desperately.

Remus shook his head slowly. "No… it opened too many wounds, it hurt too much. I need to know Sirius, believe me, I don't want to but I need to!"

"Please Rem! Please! Just forget about it, I'll never do anything like that ever again! I promise you!" Sirius pleaded.

"You have a habit of breaking your promises Sirius."

"But I mean this! I mean it! I'm sorry! I was stupid to go along with it. I'm sorry, just please, please don't leave me!" Sirius couldn't stop the panic entering his eyes.

"You'll only hurt me again -"

"I won't! I - I - I'll do anything for you! Anything! We can't just leave things now Remus, you mean too much to me! And after the other day…"

Remus bit his lip and looked away. "You still let me down."

"I didn't mean to! I was forced into it Remus! You've got to believe me."

"How can I though? How can I trust you again?" Tears were threatening both of them.

"Because I love you and because you love me." It was the first time the words had been spoken aloud and yet instead of feeling awkward and strange, it fit.

"Why did you even go along with it in the first place?" Remus shot at Sirius suddenly.

"I've already told you."

"Oh yes, the legendary 'I'm not yours and your not mine.' Revenge never works Sirius, why have you never learnt that?" Remus asked bitterly, Sirius' pride was his biggest fault.

"Those words stung! You don't know what that feels like." Sirius laughed sourly. "In some sort of twisted way, it's your fault really."

Sirius knew this was the wrong thing to say the minute Remus' expression hardened and his fists clenched.

"My fault? MY FAULT? How can you even suggest such a thing!" His eyes were turning gold and Sirius shrunk back nervously.

"I just - I just mean that if you'd never have said that then I would never have done it." Oops, wrong thing to say again, observed Sirius.

"Don't you have a brain or something? Didn't you think I'd find out?"

"Well no." Sirius said reasonably.

"No? I'm a werewolf Sirius! A BLOODY WEREWOLF! My senses are better than a humans, a lot better." His voice was hollow and dead.

"Don't speak as though you're not human." Sirius said gently, he hated it when Remus spoke like that.

"I'll speak about myself as I wish to." Remus said coldly and got to his feet.

"I'm sorry, okay? Sorry. It was a trap and I'm sorry. I love you. I was wrong to kiss her. I was wrong. And I deserve this." It was the first time that Sirius had ever admitted being wrong.

Remus' expression softened again. "And I love you too. But right now Sirius, you've pissed me off. And I don't even want to look at you. Things can't happen between us because I can't trust you. I mean, what if I accidentally say something like that again? Then what will happen? You'll sleep with some girl or something?"

"… You love me is that not enough?"

"It should be, but what's a relationship without trust?"

"I trust you with my life."

"Yes, but can I trust you?" Remus asked, already knowing the answer.

"Honestly? No … no. The minute anything good happens to me, I mess it up. And I don't want to mess us up Remus, it means too much to me." Sirius climbed to his own feet.

"You already messed things up!" Remus spat angrily.

"I've apologised! And in more ways than one." He said with a flirtatious wink.

"Please Sirius! Please don't make this harder than it already is!"

"If it hurts so bad, then why do you do it? Give me one thing, anything, and I will do it for you." Sirius wrapped his arms around the werewolf.

Remus was silent, his mind ticking over the offer. "Prove to me that Maria ambushed you. Prank her."

Sirius smirked. "My perfect prefect werewolf is actually telling me to do a prank?"

"Yes, I need proof Sirius. Proof that you're not lying to me again. Proof that she cornered you. Proof. Solid proof."

Sirius bit his lip. "Fine. But if she doesn't give then don't blame me!"

"Don't blame you? This whole thing is yours and James' fault!"

"How? Me I get, but James?" Sirius asked, bewildered.

"Yes! The pair of you always arguing about that stupid prank!"

"You're the one that interfered! You know as well as I do that if you'd just left us alone then we'd have just argued as per normal. You interfered!" Sirius said angrily.

"I didn't kiss Maria though did I?" Remus spat back.

"You know what Remus, I don't know whether I want to be with you anymore actually!" Sirius said spitefully.

"Why not?" Remus asked, instantly flaring up.

"Because even though I've apologised, even though I admitted I was wrong, even though I've said I love you, you still won't believe me and you still won't trust me! And as long as we go out, you'll hold that over my head and I don't want that!" Sirius pushed Remus away angrily.

A sudden ringing, silence filled their ears.

"I can't do this, not now. I can't do it." Remus said shakily, walking to the door. "If you want to leave me, then go ahead and do it, I'm not stopping you. All I want to do is talk but you're not co-operating and I - I can't be bothered with this right now. Don't even think about following me because I won't be responsible for my actions!"

He walked out the door.

And in a split second decision, Sirius followed him.

Sirius grabbed his arm half way down the stairs and forced him to a stop.

"Don't walk out on me, you're right, we need this sorting now. You can't trust me, hell nobody can trust me! But I don't want to be in a relationship without trust." His voice rose and Remus twisted out of his grip, turning round to face him.

"Would you rather I hated you for the rest of eternity? You've let me down too many times Sirius! I just wanted to talk but clearly you just want to shout!"

Sirius leant back and shut his eyes, trying to regain control.

"I want to talk as well Rem, but you won't listen to me!"

"I have, I've listened but I don't know what to believe! It just, it just doesn't make sense Padfoot! Normally, you won't let anyone tell you what to do, so why did you kiss her back?"

"Why are we even having this conversation?" Sirius asked, frustration ripe. "You were right the first time, what's a relationship without trust? You clearly don't trust me!"

"I caught you with your tongue down another girls throat! What else did you want me to think!?"

Sirius didn't say anything.

"Precisely, precisely my point. You knew I'd find out! You wanted me to find out! Why?" Remus' voice more contained, more hurt audible.

"Because you hurt me and I was in love with you. I wanted to hurt you too, I wanted you to hurt as much I hurt."

"You say something like that and still claim you love me?" Remus spat bitterly.

"Yes… but you won't trust me, so it doesn't matter anymore!" Sirius clenched his jaw and they reached the common room.

"How can I trust you after that?! You said this prank was perfect, you said it was fool proof! Well look what it's doing to us Sirius! It's tearing the Marauder's apart and that, that is all your fault!" Remus raised his voice slightly and pushed Sirius bodily away.

"No, no." Sirius shook his head, panic gripping him, it wasn't his fault, he wasn't destroying the Marauder's, he couldn't, he wouldn't… "It's your fault for being so bloody paranoid and interfering."

Remus' temper snapped.

"Fine then! If that's how you feel! Go! Leave! As you keep threatening to do!" The normally placid werewolf screamed across the common room to a certain black haired animagus.

"Why should I leave! You're the one with the problem!" Sirius screamed back, the Gryffindor spectators sat wondering what had possibly caused the usually very best friends to fall out so spectacularly.

"I'm the one with the problem!? I'M THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM!? YOU'RE THE ONE THAT COULDN'T YOUR HANDS OFF HER!" Remus' voice grew in pitch and volume. He walked over to the animagus and stood a foot away glaring at the Hogwarts playboy.

And slapped him.

A sudden, stinging slap.

And everyone suddenly realised what had happened.

Remus had probably caught his supposed boyfriend with his hand's all over another girl.

"IT WASN'T LIKE THAT!" The now distraught Sirius cried, the first signs of anger creeping into his eyes, a visible red mark appearing on his face.

"SO WHAT WAS IT LIKE THEN?" Remus turned and stalked away as he spoke, his eyes brimming with tears and his curled fists visibly shaking.

"I - I - It - I don't know." Sirius' voice dropped to nothing more than a whisper and the werewolf stopped in his tracks.

"Doesn't matter anymore Sirius, I knew couldn't trust you. How right I was." His voice was hollow and dead and he quickly left the room, hiding his tears from all but himself.

As his feet pounded along the corridors he realised that the night was growing dark and soon the moon would hang low and full.

He could already feel the wolf inside him getting ready to rear it's ugly head.

Bitter tears fell down his face, his vision blurred as he stumbled down the corridors.

He felt as though his heart had been torn in two in front of his face and unceremoniously stomped on.

He hurried to the shack, alone in the darkness, a pain surrounding him, cutting him off from reality.

He reached the tunnel, his mind blurred and he fell to his knees, sobbing into the dust as pain started to take over.

He had warned them not to appear.

He had warned them that this month was going to be bad.

He had warned them.

But since when did The Marauder's listen to warnings?

His last sight before he passed out from the pain, before the wolf took control, before he morphed into a monster, was of a huge black haired dog bounding up to him, alone.

About the arguemnt:

To me the only thing that would really rally Sirius his comments about friends and Remus.

And Sirius really isn't one to think about what he says and also Full Moon Add Remus Equals grumpy.

And yes I know that they swap view points several times, that's just the way I see it happening!

Merry Crimbo Evryone!

Have a good day tomorrow!

Reviews Make My Christmas xD