Chapter 10
Jack left her again two days later. Sam had to take care of everything herself while he drifted in and out of delirium, ranting one minute then mumbling incoherent words the next. She did everything she could think of to keep him alive, but he seemed to fight her every step of the way. He'd throw off the blankets she piled on him when the cold sweats took over or pulled away from her whenever she tried to cool his brow with a damp wash rag. The fever that raged within him took him to the very depths of his soul, pitting him against the demons he talked about whenever they plagued his thoughts.
It was the dark places he talked about that scared her the most. She knew this man so well, having spent years under his command and as a friend, as well as the last few months as lovers. Yet she backed away when he snarled words of hatred and threats to the foes only he could see; mourned with him as he begged his son to live; and fought with him to keep him stable as he thrashed about in their makeshift bed.
Then there were the quiet times. Terror filled her heart every time he'd lapse into what appeared to be sleep. She put her fingers to his throat every single time, dreading the worst and sighing with relief when she felt his blood pulsing beneath the hot, fevered skin.
But Sam also took advantage of the quiet times. Between taking care of a seriously ill Jack and running after a very active baby, Sam barely stayed one step ahead of a breakdown. Constantly on the verge of exhaustion, she usually put Katie in her makeshift playpen while Sam grabbed whatever sleep she could get.
Catnaps were more like it. She rubbed her eyes and sat down on the floor next to Jack to try once more to force some soup down his throat. She managed to spoon a few sips through his parched lips, but he turned his head away and mumbled something in a soft voice. Sam sat back and sighed. "Come on Jack, please. Just a little more."
He didn't seem to hear her. She put the spoon back in the bowl and reached over to pull the blanket up to his shoulders, shrugging off the baby who had come up and was pulling on her shirt. Katie fell and knocked over the bowl, which proved to be the last straw.
"Oh great. Now look what you've done," Sam yelled, frustration and exhaustion taking their toll. "Why would you do that?" She stormed off to grab a towel to wipe up the mess, then bent down to mop up the liquid with angry swipes while taking her anger out on Katie. "Look at it," she shouted. "It's all over the place."
Katie sat on the floor with huge tears in her eyes and her lower lip stuck out in a pout. Sam stopped wiping up the mess as she stared at her baby while shame washed over her. "Oh honey," she said, now feeling like an ass. She threw down the towel and picked Katie up to pull her into a hug. "I am so sorry baby. I know it's not your fault." Katie clung tightly to Sam's neck as she rocked the baby from side to side, a fact that added on to Sam's guilt. "I'm just so tired," Sam said, needing to explain despite the fact that Katie didn't understand a word. She pulled back so that the baby was now facing her, and she wiped her eyes with her thumb as she said with a smile, "You okay?" Katie reached up to put her fingers in Sam's mouth again, and Sam pretended to bite down in a playful manner. "Mmm num num num," she said, her efforts bringing on a smile to Katie's face. Sam grinned back, kissed her then got up to put her down for a nap. Now that Jack was quiet and Katie ready for a nap, Sam looked forward to closing her own eyes - at least until Jack woke up shouting and cursing or Katie woke up screaming, whichever came first.
She laid Katie down on the floor in her playpen, covered her up and told her go to sleep. Katie immediately rolled over to sit up, which didn't surprise Sam in the least. "Go to sleep," she said, as she gently laid the baby back down. Katie stayed put, although her lower lip stuck out in a pout, a sign that warned Sam of the tears that were sure to follow.
Sam was too tired to fight with her. She just smoothed her hand over Katie's dark hair then left her in the safety of the play area. The towel was still on the floor where she'd left it and Sam got the mess cleaned up in no time flat.
She checked on Jack one more time to make sure he was still alive, then lay down on the other bed, intending to just rest her eyes until Katie went to sleep. A loud bang startled her awake, but she relaxed when she realized that Katie was making the racket. "Go sleepy, Katie," she said, unable to even open her eyes. Silence lulled her back into the arms of sleep and Sam went willingly.
The stifling heat was unbearable. Jack threw off the covers and relished in the cool air that flowed over his body. He thought about getting up to check the fire, but decided against it. His limbs felt like lead and all he really wanted to do was sleep. He turned slightly to find Sam sleeping on her side with her back to him and one arm slung over Katie who was splayed out over one of the absorbent maintenance pads Sam used only when absolutely necessary. Exhausted and feeling strangely week, Jack turned so that he was curled up next to Sam and put his arm over her waist to pull her close.
He woke up again sometime later to find that Sam had gotten up and was sitting on the floor next to their bed and counting Katie's toes. "One, two, three," she said, pointing to each toe as she went.
"Hey," Jack said to get her attention.
Her head popped up as she turned to face him and her smile lit up her entire face. "Hey back at you. How are you feeling?"
"Okay," he said, although he felt like crap. "I guess I am a little thirsty."
"Great!" She came to sit next to him and put the back of her hand to his forehead, then to his face. "It's about time." She sat back, then said, "Welcome back."
Jack stared at her in confusion, wondering what that meant. "I've been gone?"
"You were out of it for four days, Jack. I was scared to death you were going to die on me."
She still wasn't making much sense, but Jack tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. He thought back to the night before, remembering her fussing over him because of a little fever, then of going to sleep. He pushed away the flashes of nightmares that haunted the memories, not willing to dwell on those images at all.
The fever, he realized with a startled look at Sam. That would explain the weakness he was experiencing, as well as the dryness in his mouth and throat. "I've been out of it?"
Sam nodded. "Four days."
He stared at her, noticing the dark circles under her eyes that belied the happiness in her expression. "I'm sorry."
"Not your fault," she said with a shake of her head. She set Katie down next to him. "I'll be right back. I'm going to get you something to drink."
Jack didn't argue. His mouth felt like theSaharaDesert, but he still felt guilty for putting her through that. She came back and sat down next to him as he drank greedily, the water soothing the rawness in his throat.
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hands and said, "Thanks!"
"You're welcome."
Jack stared at her, trying desperately to come up with the right words to make up for all the trouble he put her through, but nothing came to him. She reached over and grabbed his hand, pulling it up to her mouth to kiss it. "You don't have to say anything, Jack." She smiled then, obviously enjoying the fact that she had surprised him with her words. "I'm just glad you're feeling better."
He nodded at her, totally at a loss for words. He wasn't so sure he liked that she knew him that well.
She gave him a secret smile then stood up. "I'm going to break into our special stash."
That announcement did the trick. Jack grinned at her and said, "You don't mean..."
"Yes," she said with a flourish. "I think we should celebrate your survival, and what better way to do it than with a meal of MRE macaroni and cheese!"
"But we were saving that for a special occasion," Jack told her with as much seriousness as he could muster, which wasn't easy considering the battle he had with the urge to laugh.
"This," Sam said with a brilliant smile, "Is our occasion!" She came over to give him a quick kiss then stood up to smile down at him.
Katie squeaked and Jack turned to her and said, "Oh girlfriend, you are in for a treat. No chicken that tastes like mac and cheese for us tonight. No siree! We're going to have us a genuine, real macaroni and cheese MRE." Katie babbled at him and Jack told her, "I know, I know. Exciting isn't it?" Sam laughed at him, making Jack feel much better.
They were going to make it, he decided. He and Sam and Katie were family now, and he'd make sure they survived for many, many years to come. He sobered at little as he thought about a possible rescue. He shook that off and smiled at his baby. He'll cross that bridge IF and when it comes down to it.
Snow swirled over the ground and through the trees, heralding the news that winter was still in full bloom. Jack glared out the window at the mess. By all reckoning, at least by Earth's standards, flowers should be sprouting up by the dozens, blooming brightly in the spring sunshine. He put his feet up to brace them on the control panel and glowered as he stared out at the remnants of winter. Instead of spring flowers, they had snow. Lots of it.
"Getting antsy?"
Jack nodded. That was the understatement of the year. He leaned his head back and turned around a little until he could see Sam standing by the door. He turned back to glare at the snow as he asked, "Katie finally asleep?"
"Finally," Sam said with a relieved sigh. "That play area was the best idea we ever came up with."
Jack wholeheartedly agreed with that statement, but he felt obligated to tell her, "She'll be able to climb out of there soon enough."
"I know," Sam replied as she came up to sit in the other chair. "But until then," she put her hands up and spread her fingers in an outward motion, "Bliss!"
Jack grinned despite the grumpy mood. She definitely had a point there. The grin faded as he watched the snow swirl around outside the window. Spring couldn't arrive soon enough for him. Cabin fever had settled in and antsy didn't even come close to describing what he was feeling right then.
"Why don't we go out for a bit," Sam said. "Now that your leg is completely healed, we could maybe even make a trip to the river."
"Yeah," he said as anger rose up to consume him. It sounded like she was giving him permission to go out and play. He resisted the urge to tell her where to shove it and resorted to silence in order to keep the peace.
He rubbed his thigh absently, glad that he got off as well as he did. It had been months since that spear pierced it through, and although they had the necessary first aid supplies, Sam was no doctor. Jack was still amazed that it healed up as well as it did.
She was right about the river though, he thought, as silence built up around them. They were getting low on water, and despite all the white stuff just lying around ready for the taking, melted snow didn't yield much. It might do them all good to get out for a little while.
Yeah. The more he thought of it, the better it sounded. They would take extra ammo with them in case they ran across undesirables, but Jack highly doubted they would need it. They hadn't seen any other human since that day he'd almost lost Sam and Katie.
Jack was saved from dwelling on that incident when Sam said his name in a wary voice.
"Yeah?" She looked over at him and Jack could see she was debating with herself. He waited though, worried now about what she wanted to tell him.
She finally gave in and said, "I've been thinking."
"That's usually a good thing, Sam."
She looked over at him in surprise then shrugged her shoulders. "I think I may have found a way to fix the communicator so that we can send out the emergency beacon."
"What?" He straightened up a little and turned to look square at her. The emergency beacon was designed to send a signal to the SGC if there were any problems, and this was definitely one of those times. Sam shrugged again, which had Jack wondering what he was missing. "That's good news, isn't it?" he finally asked.
"In a way. The SGC would be able to find us... if they're still monitoring it, that is." Jack was well aware of the odds that the SGC was still monitoring a tel'tak that had gone missing for at least six months, if not more. Still, there was always a chance.
"But so could a mother ship that just happens to be cruising in the neighborhood," Sam said quietly. "We could be setting ourselves up for disaster."
"It might be worth the risk," Jack told her. Thoughts of what he would do first if he ever made it home flashed through his mind as he debated the wisdom of giving her the go-ahead.
Sam nodded, but he could tell she had misgivings. He tried to list all the pros and cons, while at the same time wondering if he had the right to put Sam and Katie in danger on the off-chance they could finally go home. The pros were outweighing the cons when Sam spoke up.
"Jack?" He looked over to her and waited. "Do you ever wonder what will happen to us if we're rescued?"
"Yeah," he said to her. "A long hot shower. The biggest bottle of ice cold beer I can find. Steak and potatoes... anything but MREs and boar meat, that's for sure." She laughed, but Jack had thought of something else. "I wonder if the Simpsons are still on?"
"A nice soft bed," Sam said with a dreamy look on her face. "Soaking in a hot bubble bath until my toes wrinkle up."
"Preferably with me in there with you," Jack said as he wiggled his eyebrows at her. "In both of them."
Sam lost the smile and Jack suddenly realized what she was worried about. He could relate to her worry now that he thought about it, but he still tried to make her feel better. "We'll find a way, Sam," he told her. "One way or the other, we'll make it work." A sudden thought occurred to him and he hurried on to say, "That is, of course, if that's what you want."
The smile returned to her face as she nodded. Relief flowed through Jack and he smiled back. He had already decided that they wouldn't go through with it if it meant losing Sam. He loved her way too much to give her up. But the thought of giving up that beer and steak was just as hard. He wanted it all.
"I'm going to formally adopt Katie," Sam said. "I already think of her as my daughter." Her expression turned thoughtful. "And I'm going to request a transfer out of gate travel. I can do practically the same thing I did before from my lab." Jack gave her an encouraging smile. He was happy with whatever made her happy. She looked away for a moment then turned to him. "That is, of course, if they even let me stay at the SGC."
"They will," Jack said with conviction. "They can't hold this against us Sam." Doubts crept up and tried to move in, but he refused to let them settle. "We've been here for months," he went on to say. "Almost a year. We just figured they'd given up on us."
"Think that will work?"
"I hope so."
She rolled her eyes and said, "Well that makes me feel so much better."
Jack grinned at her then said, "What?'
She just shook her head at him. Jack smirked, but his mind had already turned to more important matters.
"Can you fix it so that only the SGC will get the signal?"
"I can try to modulate the frequency, but..." She shrugged then said, "There are no guarantees."
Jack nodded then sighed. "Do it. It'll take several weeks for anyone to get to us, which will give us plenty of time to fortify the ship." His mind made up, he set about making plans to survive the consequences of his decision. "We'll head to the river tomorrow for water, restock the wood, drag in the rest of that meat and batten down the hatches for the long haul."
"Yes sir," Sam said, causing Jack to turn to look at her with a scowl. She gave him a lopsided grin then said, "Anything else, Colonel?"
"Very funny, Sam." She continued to smirk at him, while Jack went back to plan A. "We need to have an easier access to the guns," he said, his heart racing a little as he remembered the reason why they locked them up in the first place. "And the ammo too." She nodded at him with a sobering expression, apparently remembering the incident when she had laid down her gun for minute to do something. The gun was completely out of the baby's reach, but close enough for Jack to nearly have a heart attack at the very thought. He had bitched at Sam for a good twenty minutes as fear that she would even do something like that fueled his rage.
That's history now, he thought as he gave Sam an apologetic smile in an attempt to let her know he had forgiven her for that a long time ago. "We can do this Sam," he told her with confidence. She nodded in agreement, her eyes telling him that she had no doubts.
He turned to look back out the window, anticipation replacing his earlier feelings of doom. "We can do this," he said again. "We're going to be sitting in that hot tub before you know it."
"Bubble bath," Sam said in a determined tone.
"Yeah," Jack said with a wicked smile. "That too!"