Chapter 10: Tension
Byakuya stirred in Renji's arms, waking to an uncomfortable feeling of nausea and a disquieting ache in his belly. Renji sighed in his sleep and his hand slid down to gently tease the noble's soft, warm privates. Byakuya felt a twinge of guilt at being deceptive, but felt unprepared to speak to the redhead about their child when so much else was nagging at them. And Renji's words to him from before only made him feel more certain that remaining silent was the better course of action.
"I'm...really sorry about all of this. I wish there was some way to take it back...to do it over again and just...have gone to bed with you that night. But I can't undo this. It's just this...awful thing hanging over our heads, Byakuya."
"We will survive this," Byakuya whispered, seeking Renji's lips, "And we will move forward. We will come through this, Renji."
He thought carefully for a moment, and concluded that it was best to be honest about his pregnancy.
"And..." he went on, "I want you to know that...I am keeping the promise I made to you. I...am going to have your child, Renji, just as I said I would."
He caught his breath in surprise as Renji lowered his eyes and shook his head gently.
"I know you will," Renji said, misunderstanding his words, "But...I think it wouldn't be a good thing right now, you know? Everything is really messed up. We are both under...so much stress. We couldn't really enjoy it. I'm not saying that it won't happen...just that now isn't the time."
Byakuya gave him a sad smile.
"I see."
"Byakuya, I'm sorry."
"I understand."
Byakuya bit his lip gently and sent a soft throb of kido through the redhead, deepening his sleep. Then, he brought Renji's hand up from where they rested on his privates, and set it on his trim abdomen, letting his reiatsu tease Renji's, until the redhead's began to flow out and pour into Byakuya's body, slowly stabilizing the baby's reiatsu and his.
It is not honest, perhaps. But Renji is so wrapped up in this chaos around us, he just doesn't want to do this now. So, I will respect that and wait for a better time to tell him.
Once things settle...
He relaxed in Renji's arms, letting the balancing reiatsu fill and stabilize him, then left Renji sleeping and slipped out into the early morning semi-darkness.
Despite the fact that the sweet scents of the garden just before dawn usually calmed him, they seemed instead to bring him only a vague discomfort, an ache in his belly that sent him out the back gate and along the forest trail, where the heavier scent of pine took away some of the nauseating sweetness. He reached the top of the waterfall and spotted someone sitting underneath the sakura tree he favored. A moment later, he recognized the person as Tetsuya.
"Nii-sama," the blue-eyed noble said softly in greeting as Byakuya sat down, "You are up as early as usual."
"You as well," Byakuya replied, "though, if I recall correctly, the last time you were with child, you seemed to develop a habit of 'sleeping in.' It is not like that, this time?"
"No, actually," Tetsuya reported, "In fact, except for the initial nausea, vomiting and fainting, both Tomio and I are finding there are not so many cravings or aversions, and we have not had any need for the bonding that was so critical last time. Unohana taichou is exploring that, because it differs so greatly from the way we are usually impregnated."
"It does seem very odd, though a relief that the bonding is not needed, as Rukia and a few others seem uncertain about the identities of the fathers of their babies."
"Have you spoken to Rukia yet?" asked Tetsuya.
"No," Byakuya said, shaking his head, "I have not seen her. She has either been at the fourth division for appointments, herself, or she has been there to visit her taichou. Ukitake taichou is in a bad way, because his condition makes his health a tenuous thing. Unohana taichou was conflicted about allowing his pregnancy to proceed, but he seems very set on having the child."
"And who can blame him?" Tetsuya said, looking down at his belly.
Byakuya followed the path of his eyes and caught his breath softly.
"Tetsuya, you already have a 'baby bump?'" he queried, "Is this because it is your second?"
"Ah...I don't think so, because both Tomio and Arashi are also developing at an accelerated rate. I was planning to go to Unohana taichou to ask about it lat..."
He paused as Byakuya's face paled, and the clan leader winced.
"Are you all right, Nii-sama?" Tetsuya asked, frowning, "You look very pale...and you look like you might be ill."
"I am fine," Byakuya assured him, standing, "I think the stress is just catching up with me."
"Perhaps some more sleep," Tetsuya suggested.
"I was hoping that the walk and fresh air would clear my mind so I could sleep."
"You have a lot on your mind right now," Tetsuya acknowledged, "I...overheard Tora telling Kiko about Renji-san nearly leaving."
"Yes," Byakuya said, shifting uncomfortably, "She was very upset. We did make sure she was asleep before we left her tonight. You mean she...?"
"She apparently couldn't sleep and joined Kiko in her room. Her attendant went with her."
"Ah, I see."
Byakuya bit at his lips as a stronger swell of nausea swept over him, and his face paled even more. He rose and turned away from Tetsuya to hide his discomfort.
"Well, I had best go back. I am feeling somewhat tired after all."
"Oh, good night, Nii-sama...or rather, good morning," Tetsuya said, smiling as they parted ways.
Byakuya flash stepped back towards the manor, but found himself overcome before reaching the back gate, and moved into the trees to relieve himself of the feeling of sickness. He sat quietly for several minutes, until the ringing left his ears, then slipped into the garden and picked a few fresh mint leaves to chew on. He sighed softly and turned back towards his room, longing for the warmth of Renji's arms, despite all of the troubles surrounding them.
He was surprised upon entering the room, to find that Renji was no longer in their bed.
A moment later, Koji entered the room.
"Ah, you are back, Byakuya-sama," he said, his eyes betraying some anxiety.
"Yes," he agreed, "Will you tell me? Where is Renji?"
"Ah...um," Koji said, looking more uncomfortable, "He asked me to tell you that a hell butterfly arrived from Hisagi Shuuhei, and that he seemed very out of sorts and in need of Renji-san's assistance with...something."
"Oh," Byakuya said, swallowing against the renewed feeling of illness, "Arigatou. You may go."
"Yes, Byakuya-sama," Koji said, turning and fleeing the room.
"D-daddy Bya?"
Byakuya turned to find Akitora standing in the doorway, peering into the darkened room and rubbing her eyes sleepily.
"Daddy Bya?" she repeated in a scared sounding voice, "Where is Daddy Ren?"
Tears welled up in her eyes and overflowed onto her face.
"He d-didn't leave us, did he?" she asked in a trembling voice.
"No," Byakuya said, reassuringly, "He just...had to go to work at the ninth division. You know that Renji and I are taichous and we sometimes have to work. That is all he is doing. He will be back soon enough. It is early yet. Go on back to bed."
"But, I can't sleep. Can I stay with you?" the girl asked.
Byakuya sighed.
"I thought that you were sleeping over with Kiko tonight. That is what Tetsuya told me."
"I was," Akitora explained, "But she fell asleep and I was still awake, and I started thinking about Daddy Ren and how he was going to leave us, and it made me sad again."
"Well, there is no need to be sad, child. Renji promised us that he would not even think of saying such a thing to us again. He realized that he made a mistake, and you remember that he did apologize to us and we accepted his apology."
"After hitting him and yelling at him," the girl recalled, "But, Daddy Bya? Even though Daddy Ren said he was sorry and we accepted his apology, it still made my tummy hurt to think about it and I still wanted to sit on him and hit him a lot."
"Hmmm," said the clan leader, "Well, sometimes, though we make ourselves do the right thing in forgiving someone when they make a mistake...the pain of their mistake takes some time to leave us. We just have to be strong and make ourselves let go of the anger and hurt."
"Are you mad and sad too, Daddy Bya?" Akitora asked.
"A bit," the noble admitted.
"That's why you aren't sleeping either," the girl observed, "Does your tummy hurt? My tummy hurts when I just think about when Daddy Ren said he was leaving us."
"Mine too," Byakuya agreed, "But it is nothing that people of strong heart like us cannot manage, if we put our minds to it. Now, lie down and go back to sleep for a while."
"Okay, but can we have pancakes and whipped cream and strawberries when we wake up?"
"I will tell you what," said Byakuya, "You and I will not just have pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. We will make them ourselves. Would you like that?"
"Ooh, yes, Daddy Bya!" Akitora said, sounding pleased.
"But, first, you must get a bit more rest. Lie down."
Byakuya slid into the bed and smiled as Akitora curled up behind his back and yawned sleepily.
"Good night, Daddy Bya," she said, then she giggled, "I mean, good morning, but I'm not getting up yet."
"Well, good night and good morning, but I am not getting up yet, either," he said, smirking.
He rested quietly, enjoying the warmth of her face where it rested on a nest of silken hair on the back of one of his shoulders.
The only thing missing now is Renji.
I wonder what Hisagi Shuuhei encountered that could not wait until morning...
I do not want to give in to the feeling of anger it gives me that he just left like that. But, in all fairness, he doesn't know that I, too, am pregnant. And despite the fact that before all of this, he would never have missed the signs of the changes in me, he is distracted. I just have to let him work this out in his own way.
I will not get into a competition with that man for my own husband's affections.
Renji loves me.
He will not hurt me by being unfaithful.
He will come back.
A mental image of Renji, sitting at the noodle shop, laughing and talking with Shuuhei, flashed in Byakuya's resistant mind, bringing on another wave of nausea. He slipped out of bed and flash stepped to the bathroom, where he fell gracelessly to his knees and emptied his stomach as quietly as he could, so as not to wake his sleeping daughter.
"Daddy Bya, are you okay? Your face is all white."
"I will be fine," Byakuya said calmly, "Go back to..."
He broke off as another wave of nausea passed over him and was joined by a smattering of glowing stars across his field of vision. Akitora's frightened voice sounded beside him, and he tried to answer, but found himself unable.
The next thing he knew, everything had gone black around him and he was falling.
XXXXXXXXXX
Renji swallowed an uncomfortable knot of guilt and slipped out of the manor and onto the darkened streets, his heart afflicted by memories of the pain he had caused Byakuya and Akitora, and the fact of his leaving the noble to attend to 'the other man.'
Not that I would ever leave Byakuya to go back to Shuu. He was a good friend, but I never should have...ah, well, it's in the past.
Except that now the past is coming back to slam me in the face. But it isn't even me taking the worst of it. I really hurt Byakuya and Tora. And the sad thing is, I made it seem like I really would choose Shuu over them, when that is the farthest thing from the truth. I'm only doing what I am right now, because I got the guy pregnant, whether I meant to or not, so I have to own up and be there for him.
But...I wanted so much for Byakuya to get pregnant with my kid. I know that he doesn't really enjoy bottoming or the idea of carrying a child, but I can't help craving the sight of him sporting a cute little baby bump and letting me spoil him rotten, because he's usually so tough and independent. But everyone needs to let down and be taken care of sometimes. I guess I just like being in a position where he needs me. I usually feel like he could get along just fine without me.
Still...the way he reacted when I started to leave made a lie out of that.
Byakuya may be really strong, but the guy has a heart. And he let me inside it. I haven't forgotten what a struggle that was for him. I don't want to screw this up. There's too much at stake for that. So, I'll do what I have to for Shuu, but as soon as that's done, I'm going home to Byakuya and I'm going to make things right with him and Tora.
He opened the door to the ninth and was taken aback as Shuuhei's arms wrapped around him, and the other man's distraught voice sounded.
"Renji, thanks so much for coming here!" he said, sounding genuinely relieved, "I don't know what's wrong with me. Unohana taichou said that everything is fine, as far as they can tell. But, I keep throwing up...so much I can't even make myself a cup of tea. And I keep having nightmares, and I start laughing or crying for no reason! It's so weird!"
"Well," Renji sighed, feeling annoyed at having been dragged away from his family for what seemed to be relatively minor symptoms of pregnancy.
But then, Shuu is a guy, and unlike me, he has never been pregnant. So, every little thing is going to scare him. I was kinda that way, so I do get it.
He gently extracted himself from the other man and started down the hallway.
"Go and get out of that uniform," he said, shaking his head, "I'll make you some tea and be right there."
"Thanks," Shuuhei said, biting his lips nervously, "Thanks a lot, Renji."
Renji watched him go off to his room, and went to the squad kitchen to make the tea. Halfway through, he realized that he had made the tea the way that Byakuya took it, which happened to be pretty much the opposite way that Shuuhei liked his. He sighed in annoyance, yawning sleepily as he started the tea over again, then stumbled down the hallway to Shuuhei's quarters. He stepped inside the room and caught scents of soap and shampoo in the air. A moment later, Shuuhei stepped out of the bathroom, dressed only in a towel. He spotted Renji, standing just inside the room, carrying a tea tray.
"Oh, thanks, Renji," he said, a blush rising on his skin.
He moved to the bed and sat down, then took a sip of the tea.
"Ah...that is better, although I had to get out of the shower to throw up twice. I didn't eat that much today. I don't know why I'm throwing up so much."
Renji nodded and indicated a few leaves of peppermint that he had taken from his pocket and set on the tray.
"You're just having normal pregnancy symptoms, that's all," Renji assured him, "Just chew on those mint leaves and keep some lemons around. The scent of lemons always helped me with the nausea. Eat little bits every now and then, and cat nap during the day so it won't be so bad if you can't sleep at night. That's what I did."
"Oh...okay."
Shuuhei looked down at the floor.
"You must think I'm really stupid for calling you over here for something so minor. I feel better now. You can go if you want."
"Don't worry about it," the redhead said, shaking his head, "I was pretty nervous my first time getting knocked up too."
"Really?"
"Yeah. So don't worry about it all. Just...call me if you need me and don't feel bad about it. I may not be able to drop everything and..."
He paused as a hell butterfly arrived.
"Abarai taichou," said Soutaichou's gruff voice, "There has been a disturbance at the shinigami base in Hueco Mundo. Eleventh division forces were sent, but are being overrun. Intelligence indicates that the hollows have heard rumors of the outbreak of pregnancies and are attacking because they think that it has weakened us to where we are vulnerable. I would send another unaffected taichou, but the truth is that all have been given assignments. You are the only taichou available to respond as Kuchiki taichou was just admitted to the fourth division. Unohana taichou says that his condition is stable and she is running some tests, but she does not see any need for you to abandon your duties to go to him. And the simple truth is, we cannot spare you. Go at once to the base and show the hollows that they have underestimated us!"
"Shit!" Renji snapped furiously, "Just great!"
Shuuhei stood and his towel fell away as he grabbed his uniform and started to dress. At the same moment, Koji flash stepped into the hallway, calling Renji's name. He slid to a stop at Shuuhei's open door, staring in dismay at Renji, then at the half naked man beside him. Renji cleared his throat and ignored the blush that roared across his face as he took Koji by the arm and hustled him out of the room.
"What's going on?" Renji asked, "Is this about Byakuya being taken to the fourth divison?"
Koji gave him a startled look.
"I just got a hell butterfly telling me that, but with no details. What happened?"
"Erm..." the young man said, looking obviously flustered, "W-well, Torio said that Byakuya-sama was restless and had been walking in the gardens."
"I knew that," Renji said tersely, "I saw him leave the room. I was going to find him when I was summoned here."
"R-right," Koji agreed, glancing at Shuuhei's door.
Renji frowned.
"Koji, I think you might be misunderstanding what you saw..."
"Oh, um, no sir," the attendant said, shaking his head firmly, "I am sure that there is a perfectly understandable reason that you were in there with that man and he was naked."
"He had just showered to relax him so that his pregnancy symptoms wouldn't be so bad..."
"You don't owe me any explanations, sir," Koji said quickly, "I will assume that it was all more innocent than it looked."
"Hey, it's not like I was touching the guy or anything!" Renji objected.
"No, of course you weren't," Koji agreed.
Renji gave a frustrated sigh.
"Look, don't do that! I know you think that something was going on and you just don't want to say it. And I'm telling you, nothing happened. I am not cheating on Byakuya with Shuuhei, okay? I'm not going to do something stupid like that!"
Renji nearly groaned as he realized that a fully uniformed Shuuhei had entered the room, and was blinking back tears and wiping his eyes.
Holy hell, can any damned thing go right?
All I can think about is that Byakuya's in the hospital, and he's going to wake up and I'm not going to be there.
"Look, we have to go," Renji said, turning towards the door, "Come on, Shuu. We need to get to the base before the eleventh gets obliterated. Move. Koji, take a message to Byakuya and wait there for him to wake up. When he's conscious, you tell him that I am coming to him, okay? You tell him I will be there as soon as things are stabilized at the base."
"Yes, sir, Renji-san!" Koji said, turning and flash stepping away.
"Well, that's one problem solved...sort of."
He caught sight of his weepy-eyed fukutaichou and gave him a bracing smile.
"Hey, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but..."
"I shouldn't be so sensitive," Shuuhei said, sounding disgusted with himself, "I know that, but I just can't seem to help it."
"Pregnancy..." Renji muttered, shaking his head.
"So, why aren't you even sick now?" Shuuhei asked as they started towards the base.
"I don't know...been pregnant before, so maybe I am just dealing with it a little better or something. Come on, we need to move faster. You gonna be okay now?"
"Yeah," said Shuuhei, keeping close to his side, "As long as you're around, I feel better."
Great...
What the hell am I going to do about this?
It's pretty damned clear that Shuuhei is still attracted to me.
And because he's pregnant, I can't just hit him with the facts. I have to be gentler with him while he's messed up like this.
Fuck...I don't want to deal with any of this shit!
All I want is to go to Byakuya right now. I want to know he's okay. The second I get back, I am going to him.