I laid in my bed tossing and turning until I realized that I was never going to be able to sleep. Too much was running through my mind. Tomorrow I was going to be thrown into an arena to fight for my life, but all I could think of was Katniss. I sighed and rolled out of the bed. I slipped on a t-shirt and opened the door to my room. I walked up the stairs to the roof and the cold air hit me. The roof wasn't lit, but plenty of lights from the Capitol made it easy to see. I walked to the edge of the roof and looked down. The capitol was alive with lights and parties. I growled at the thought of them celebrating my slaughter. I was going to die for their entertainment.
"You should be getting some sleep," I jump at the sound of Katniss's voice.
"I didn't want to miss the party. It's for us, after all," I replied.
"Are they in costumes?" Katniss asked as she squinted down at the people.
"who could tell? With all the crazy clothes they wear here. Couldn't sleep either?" I asked.
"couldn't turn my mind off," she replied.
"thinking about your family?" I asked her.
"No, all I can do is wonder about tomorrow. Which is pointless, of course," she said. She looked down at my bandaged hands and her face softens.
"Peeta?" She said.
"Yeah?" I replied.
"Why didn't you tell Effie that I pushed you?" she asked. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Then I opened them again.
"It's illegal to harm another tribute before the games begin I was afraid what they'd do to you," I replied honestly.
"I'm really sorry," she said after a minute of silence.
"it doesn't matter, Katniss, I've never been a contender in these Games anyway," I said.
"That's no way to be thinking," She replied softly.
"Why not? It's true. My best hope is to not disgrace myself and…." I stopped. And keep you alive, I finished the sentence in my head.
"And what?" She asked softly.
"Nothing," I said and shook my head.
"Tell me," She whispered. She already knows I love her, but could I tell her I was going to keep her alive? I quickly thought of something else. It was true, but not what I was going to say originally.
"I don't know how to say it exactly. Only… I want to die as myself. Does that make any sense?" I told her. She shook her head.
"I don't want them to change me in there. Turn me into some kind of monster that I'm not," I explained.
"Do you mean you won't kill anyone?" she asked.
"No, when the time comes, I'm sure I'll kill just like everybody else. I can't go down without a fight. Only I keep wishing I could think of a way to….to show the Capitol they don't own me. That I'm more than just a piece in their Games," I said.
"But you're not, none of us are. That's how the Games work," she said.
"Okay, but within the framework, there's still you, there's still me. Don't you see?" I asked trying to make her understand.
"A little. Only. No offense, but who cares, Peeta?" she asked.
"I do. I mean, what else am I allowed to care about at this point?" I asked.
"Care about what Haymitch said. About staying alive," Katniss said.
"Okay. Thanks for the tip, sweetheart," I said mimicking Haymitch.
"Look, if you want to spend the last hours of your life planning some noble deat in the arena, that's your choice. I want to spend mine in district twelve." She said angrily.
"Wouldn't surprise me if you do. Give my mother my best when you make it back, will you?" I replied and I instantly regretted being so mean.
"Count on it," she growled and walked off the roof. I sighed, well my chances with Katniss are getting lower every time I talk to her. I stayed on the roof a little longer.
"This could be the last time you see the stars," Haymitch said from behind.
"They have stars in the arena," I said without turning around.
"How do you know they're real?" Haymitch said. I shrugged.
"Then maybe they aren't real," Haymitch said.
"What's your point?" I snapped.
"You don't have much time left it's now or never?" He said.
"What?" I asked confused.
"The girl," he replied.
"I already told her how I felt," I said.
"She pushed you didn't she?" Haymitch asked. I nodded.
"And you lied to protect her," he concluded. I nodded again.
"She's going to be the death of you," Haymitch said.
"If it brings her home, then it's worth it," I said.
"Get some sleep, you'll need it," Haymitch said and left the roof. I sighed and returned to my room. I stared at the ceiling until sleep finally came. When I opened my eyes my prep team stood above me.
"Ready?" They asked. I groaned and nodded my head. I stepped into the shower and washed myself for the last time. When I stepped out I put on a simple t-shirt and pants. Portia leads me to the roof.
"Where's Katniss?" I asked.
"She'll be picked up after we are," Portia replied. A hovercraft appears above us and a ladder drops down. Portia motions for me to grab on. I walk over and hold on to the ladder and I'm frozen in place. I begin to panic, but the ladder begins to rise.
"This is your tracker. The stiller you are the more efficiently I can place it," The woman says when I make it to the top, of course I didn't move. How could I? After the tracker is placed in my arm the ladder released me. I relaxed a little as the ladder dropped back down to get Portia. An avox came and led us to a room where breakfast had been put out for us. I knew I should have eaten something, but I couldn't bring myself to pick up my fork and eat.
"You should eat, Peeta" Portia said. I simply shook my head. The hovercraft stops and I was taken back to the ladder that would take me down beneath the arena. I put on the clothes that arrived in the package, khaki pants, light green t-shirt, and a long, black jacket. Now all that I can do is sit and wait. My mind wanders to thoughts of Katniss, about how much she must hate me. I'm probably the first one on her list for her to kill. Tears sting at the corners of my eyes so I push away the thoughts. Then it is time for the games to begin. I stepped onto the platform and a tube came down around me. Portia watched me with sad eyes as I was lifted up into the arena.
"Ladies and gentlemen, let the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games begin!" Claudius Templesmith's voice booms around me. As soon as my platform is locked in place I looked for Katniss. She's about 5 tributes to my left. I could see her searching the cornucopia and then her gaze landed on a bow. Somehow she looks at me. I begin shaking my head. If she goes in, she might not come out. Then the gong sounds and everyone jumps off their platforms, including Katniss. She ran towards the cornucopia.
Idiot, I wanted to scream at her, but instead I ran towards her, to protect her.
Please review! Whoa sorry! I updated the wrong chapter. I believe this is the right one!