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I missed the forest as soon as I entered the prison compound. As soon as my vision was awash with grey my stomach sank, and I lamented ever leaving the forest. We should've stayed in the forest, I thought. We should've gone back to the van. I knew I was being irrational. The forest was dangerous, too dangerous to stay there for too long without protection. But however much I tried to convince myself that I was relatively safe, a large part of my mind missed the sight of the water, of the forest and of the Na'vi. It would be better to die in the forest than to spend the rest of my life in prison. The sight of the real Pandora gave me more motivation however. The forest took the place of the photo. It was the first thing I thought of when I woke up and the last thing I thought of at night. It gave me a reason to be there; a reason to live.
Hilton and I managed to get back into the prison without any trouble. It came as a surprise to me. We'd been taken out of the prison, and then we just came back the morning after. The guard at the gate or any of the guys at inspection didn't ask any questions, didn't even look at us funny. I figured maybe they knew we'd been taken out by the now dead guards, and didn't want to know what happened. For whatever reason, I was glad that we'd managed to get back into the prison without any hassle. Never thought I'd say that, but there you go. I thought that maybe if it was this easy to get back in, it could be easy to get back out. But then I thought that maybe somebody wanted us back in. I tried not to think about it too much. When we got back, Al wasn't there. I was glad. I didn't want to ever see him again. Inevitably I did, but that's for later. For now my only other friends were Hilton and Thomas. Hilton and I didn't go to breakfast, as we didn't go mining the day before. We wouldn't be able to get food. So the first time I saw Thomas was in the exercise yard. As ever I was looking at the tree. I'm sad to say that it was less remarkable after you'd seen a forest of them. I was sat there, looking over the little spot where leaves didn't grow when Thomas walked up behind me. I heard his voice before I saw him.
'Dwight…that you?' his nervous voice came out from behind me. I turned around and smiled. I was glad to see him.
'It is you!' he smiled back, then frowned. 'How…I mean, Jesus Dwight, how the hell…?'
I finished his sentence for him.
'How did I get out?' he nodded. 'You ain't gonna believe this…' I told him a shorter version of what happened, how the Na'vi had killed the guards and then gave us a ride on their Ikrans. I left out the bit about how I tried to kill Hilton. I was trying to forget that whole thing ever happened. After I'd finished the story Thomas blew out heavily, as if he'd been holding his breath.
'You actually saw a Na'vi? What was it like?'
'They were beautiful, Thomas. You should come with us. Next time.'
'You're gonna go again?' he stared at me in disbelief. 'How?'
'I don't know.' I grinned. 'Come with us.'
He shuffled his feet, looking down at his shoes.
'Ah, geez, D, I don't… I mean I can't.' I gave him a puzzled look.
'Are you serious? You can't?' he looked up at me, embarrassed.
'I don't…I mean I don't think I want to…' his voice trailed off towards the end. I stared at him, wide-eyed.
'You don't want to? But Thomas, it's beautiful, the most amazing thing I've ever seen!'
'You wouldn't understand, D. It's dangerous out there, man.' At that point he looked even younger than I'd thought he was. He carried on. 'I kinda…like it here, if that makes sense.'
I decided to let him carry on.
'It's sorta…I like the routine, okay?' he spat the last but out like it was hurting him. I nodded, trying to look understanding when I couldn't really understand why he didn't want to see the forest.
'But…' I replied. 'You should see it. Just once.' I put my hand on his shoulder, trying to persuade him.
'I already have, D.'
I stepped back, shocked. He'd already been out? I spluttered something incomprehensible, trying to ask him when why and how. The harsh beeping noise signalled the end of exercise.
'I'll…see you later. D.' he walked off and left me stood there, dumbfounded.
At lunch I went to the mess hall to talk to Hilton and Thomas. It wasn't as easy as I'd imagined it to be. I found the issue hard to bring up. I didn't know how to ask him without seeming clumsy or disrespectful. The question was tugging at my feelings, my brain was desperately telling me to ask him the question, but I couldn't. Thomas, Hilton and I ate in silence, the air hanging like a separate entity between us. I turned my mind to how I was going to get out again. Not surprisingly, I couldn't figure out a way. The guards that took people out were dead. The 10 minute guard-change was a fabrication made by Deibel and Al. I Idly wondered where he was. Maybe on a ship back to Earth, maybe dead in a ditch. I had no way of knowing. I didn't have anything else to do, so I went back to my cell and tried putting my mattress up against the wall and using it as a punching bag. I gave that up after 5 minutes. My mind just wasn't in it today. So I sat and I thought, much like my first night on Pandora. I thought of the forest, of Leyra and Ni'awtu. I spent some time thinking about my wife, since I felt bad for forgetting about her the past few days. I wondered what she'd think of me, sneaking around, trying to escape from prison just so I could see the forest. I'd like to think she would've supported me. She always was like that. Caring, understanding. I was suddenly hit by a wave of loneliness. I missed her so much. If only things hadn't turned out like they did, maybe I would still be on Earth, with my baby girl…
No, I thought. I couldn't let myself do this. I wouldn't blame myself. I damn well didn't kill my wife and there was nothing that I could've done about it. I kept telling myself that. I didn't kill my wife, I didn't kill my wife, I didn't kill my wife. I mean, I couldn't have, right?
The next weeks passed by without anything happening more or less. The routine started to set in again. Mining, mining, mining. I tried talking to the guys more and more, and gradually we got into a state of friendliness again. It was around that time Deibel came to me. I was in my cell when it happened. I knew who it was before he came into view. The click-clacking of his expensive shoes mingling in with the boots of two guards. My stomach clenched when I heard it. He was still wearing his blue uniform with the little hat. I gulped.
'Dwight Dolton.' He announced. He smiled a sickening grin. 'Nice to see you.' I didn't say anything. By now I'd learned it was best to keep my mouth shut.
'What? No embrace? No loving words?' he laughed. 'I'm not here on a social visit.' He moved eerily close to me, circling round where I was stood. 'I bet you're feeling pretty smug about yourself, eh Dolton? You think you escaped and got back in Scott free? I never did find out what happened to those guards. Maybe you killed them.' I shook my head. 'How would I know? I don't really care to be honest. Jim was always a bore.' He grinned again, then put his face close to mine, close enough so that I could smell his stale breath. His mood suddenly changed. 'Listen to me, Dolton and listen well!' he snarled. 'This is my prison, you hear me? Mine! So don't you go thinking in that pretty little head of yours that you can just up and leave this prison whenever you want without my permission! If I ever see you sneaking around like a little rat again, I will personally hang, draw and quarter you! Do you understand?'
His face was red. I did my best to allow no expression to cross my face.
'Yes sir.' I said.
'Good!' he replied. He turned away, then turned back and spat in my face. I let it run down my face. I wasn't going to do anything that would anger him. I wouldn't let my temper control me. Deibel looked me up and down, a disgusted look on his face.
'I'll be seeing you soon, Dolton.'
I decided to take no notice of Deibel's little visit. I figured that he was angry that I'd got out and managed to come back alive. So he tried to piss me off by coming and insulting me. I wasn't about to let it bother me. At least I didn't get beat up like last time. I licked my gum where there was a gap left from the last time he'd come and knocked out a tooth. I grinned. I'd pissed him off, which was a small bonus.
I saw Al about a week after that particular incident. Only Deibel's visit had broken up the monotony, and I was missing the forest. I wanted nothing more than to run out of the prison and back into the forest. But I knew I very well couldn't just do that. So I waited, and racked my brain trying to come up with a way to escape again. Then we saw Al. Hilton, Thomas and I saw him in the exercise yard one day. We didn't seek him out. He was walking towards us. The sun was bright and everything that was being touched by the suns rays was hot to the touch. I was contemplating going back inside just so I could be out of the heat when we saw Al. Thomas saw him first.
'Guys.' He said, gesturing over to where Al was coming from.
'Son of a bitch.' Hilton muttered under his breath.
'What's he coming over here for?' I asked.
'Damned if I know.'
We all watched him as he approached. He looked about five years older, wrinkles creased his face and he walked with a slouched back whereas before, he walked up straight. He looked like he'd lost hope. Good, I thought. No one said anything when he finally reached us. We just stood there, the three of us clustered together and Al looking at us, his eyes scanning Thomas, Hilton, then finally resting on me. He cleared his throat.
'Fellas…'
'What are you doing here, Al?' Hilton said, his arms crossed. Al looked sheepish.
'Guys, I'm sorry, I had to…'
'You didn't have to do anything!' Hilton snarled. 'You sold us out. What did Deibel offer you? Money? Power? Freedom? I hope it was worth Dwight and I nearly dying!'
'I made a mistake, guys, please! We all do right?'
'I've never made a mistake that got someone killed! Right, D?' Thomas chipped in. I decided not to say anything. I could feel the tension in the air.
'Please, he told me he'd do things…horrible things!'
'That wouldn't be a good excuse even if I believed it.' Hilton continued. 'You sold us out.'
Al had his hands together like he was praying.
'Please, Deibel's angry! He's going to kill me, please, goddamn it help me!'
Hilton looked at Al, his eyes cold. He leaned in.
'No.' he walked away.
'Tom, please, you're reasonable…'
'Al, I can't.' he walked away in the same direction Hilton had. Al turned to me, his last chance. I looked hard into his eyes. He was clearly a desperate man. In the back of my mind, I felt a little sorry for him, and could understand why he did what he did. But the larger part of my mind told me to leave him be.
'Goodbye, Al.' I turned and walked away. I looked back. I saw Al on the floor, his back on the wall. Tears were streaming down his face. I stared for a few seconds, then turned away.
It was an unremarkable morning on a non-mining day when Deibel sent two guards to escort me to his office. I wasn't surprised, but curious at what he wanted me for. Maybe to beat me up again. But then why did he ask for me to go to his office? The guards said nothing after they had explained where I was going to be taken. They stated it plainly and clearly. This was obviously and order and not a request. I twisted my neck round in a circle and heard the click. I thought about the forest the whole time.
Deibel's office was a carbon copy of Head Brydons. There were no photos or anything personal on the desk. I was shackled to the chair. Deibel was sat behind it, grinning at me. I tried to work out what he was thinking, but couldn't. We stayed there for a while, staring at each other. I noticed that his eyes were different colors. One was blue, the other green. It added a certain eeriness to his manner. I was the first to speak.
'Why the hell am I here?' I'm pretty ashamed to say that I was being complacent. I'd forgotten the lesson that I'd learned early on: You don't get on the wrong side of Deibel. I'd almost forgotten all of the power he had, and just saw him as a man. I was being too cocky, I realize now. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
'You're here,' Deibel said, slowly enunciating each word. 'because I have…a proposition for you.'
I blinked in surprise. A proposition? This couldn't have been good. I shifted in my seat, trying to make myself more comfortable.
'What kind of proposition?' I asked.
'I want you to carry out some…tasks for me.'
'Why?'
'Because I say so Dolton, don't forget your place.'
'What do I get out of this?'
Hilton chuckled, a strange, dry sound.
'Get out of this? You're in a goddamn prison, Dolton. You do what I tell you to. I'm the head here, and don't you forget it.'
'I thought Brydon was the head.'
'You thought wrong. I rule the roost around here. And if I ask you to do something, you do it, do you understand?'
I didn't say anything.
'But it just so happens I'll give you something in return. Because I'm generous like that.'
'Go on.' I replied.
'I will let you leave the prison every non-mining day, to come and go as you please. You and your little buddies.'
I stared at him gaping. Did I just hear him right?
'Excuse me?' I said.
'You deaf, Dolton, or just dumb? I'll let you leave the prison.'
'What's the catch?'
'There is no catch. Just me, being generous.'
'What do I have to do?'
'Nothing. For now. Leave the prison if you like. Not like there's anywhere you can go. One thing I do ask, make it discreet. We don't want the other prisoners getting ideas now do we?'
'I…'
'No need to thank me. I'll give you my requests in due time.' He looked down, suddenly occupying himself with a speck of dust on the desk. He waved with his left hand. 'Take Mr. Dolton back to his cell.'
