10
The next day Cindy sat bolt upright at the sound of the alarm clock, the blood rushing suddenly to her head. Lightheaded, Cindy whacked at the clock and turned off the high-pitched beeping, feeling nausea rise sickeningly up from her stomach.
Just as quickly as Cindy had woken up, she jumped out of the bed and rushed to the bathroom, shoving by Josie, who was drying her hair impatiently, to collapse in front of the toilet.
"Cindy?" Josie called, turning off the dryer to give her cousin a startled look. "Are you okay?"
Cindy only nodded as she dry heaved into the toilet, wishing she didn't look so pitiful. It was only one ride on one horse, and Cindy McLean certainly didn't let such things get to her. A tiny voice in the back of Cindy's mind nagged her, telling her that this wasn't just one ride. Wonder's Warrior didn't scare her. She knew she could handle Warrior just like she had handled Glory, Champion, and Honor before him. It was Ashleigh's confident smile that plagued Cindy.
"Cindy," Josie laughed, putting down her hair dryer and sitting next to Cindy on the bathroom floor, putting a hand on her back. "Come on. It's only Warrior."
"It's not Warrior," Cindy mumbled into the toilet, finally able to control herself enough to push back from the bowl, sighing. "It's just the stress," she added, looking over at her cousin.
"What stress?" Josie asked, smiling. "If you don't work with Warrior we can always get someone else."
"But I just want to…"
"What?" Josie broke in. "Prove yourself? Cin, you don't need to prove yourself. You're family, and that's all that we care about. At least, it's all I care about."
Cindy shrugged and nodded. "I guess I just feel like I failed them somehow, by going to Dubai and coming back without anything to show for it. And for that whole thing with Champion."
"Cindy," Josie said firmly. "You're not responsible for that accident with Champion."
"But it's still there," Cindy replied stubbornly, pushing herself up, Josie looking up at her from the floor. Cindy gave her cousin a comforting smile before walking back into the room to gather her things to take a shower. She appreciated Josie's help. There was a time where she wouldn't have listened to a word her cousin would have said. They were both the same age, and when Josie had come to Whitebrook with her family Cindy hadn't meshed well with the situation. Cindy had found herself caught in dumb squabbles with Josie, like who would name Wonder's then new son, Warrior. Thankfully the two had grown out of their competitiveness, becoming strong friends.
"Cindy," Josie sighed quietly, not knowing what to say.
"It's okay," Cindy waved her hand. "They're just my own stupid insecurities. I'll work through them."
Josie nodded, looking down.
"When were you going to go visit Ann?" Cindy asked as she turned back for the bathroom, holding her track clothes and her bottle of shampoo. Josie shrugged and pushed herself off the floor, going back to the vanity.
"She wants to see you, you know," Cindy offered, walking into the bathroom and dumping her things on the toilet seat. "You may want to consider going to visit."
"I will," Josie said, turning on the hair dryer again and attacking her hair. "I just need to make sure Warrior is okay. I don't want anything else like that to happen again."
Cindy stood and watched Josie carefully as her cousin turned away, looking into the mirror. She felt badly for Josie, but as she closed the door to the bathroom and started the shower she promised herself that she would somehow get her to visit Ann.
"Whoa," Ashleigh called as Warrior reared up, striking at the air as he came down to all fours, pawing at the concrete aisle in the barn where Whitebrook had stabled their horses for the meet. Cindy stood close by, watching as Josie calmed the big colt down, holding Warrior's head as Ashleigh moved to tack him up.
Normally Cindy didn't feel this wound up about works, but this time it seemed like so much more. Warrior seemed to glare at her from the corner of his dark eyes, and Cindy shivered under the gaze, wondering if she could ride this horse with as much confidence as she had thought. Cindy remembered when Wonder had been bred to Dominion, waiting anxiously for the result and wondering what it would be like to take a mad gallop around the track aboard the product of two awesome champions. Now it was time for her to find out, and with the added pressure of feeling like she had to do well she didn't know is she was as confident as she had been so many years ago.
"Okay, Cindy," Ashleigh said, unclipping the cross ties and dodging out of the way when one of Warrior's sharp black hooves struck near her leg. "Stop that," Ashleigh commanded to the big colt, leading him forward and not taking any of Warrior's attitudes.
"I just want you to get the feel of him and let him get a feel for you," Ashleigh said, walking forward, Warrior prancing next to her and arching his thick black neck, the healthy skin quivering over coiled muscles.
"He'll probably try a few things," Josie warned, patting the big colt on the neck. "Don't let him get his way."
"He won't," Cindy said, putting on the mask of confidence. She found the face she usually wore while riding hyper horses, but she couldn't help feeling the butterflies in her stomach. It was ridiculous, she knew, being nervous over a ride on a horse she knew she could handle. But the looks on Ashleigh and Josie's faces were enough to strike at the pit in her stomach.
Warrior burst out of the barn, his blue-black coat glimmering under the rising October sun and his tail a sparkling mass as he swished it over his hind legs. Cindy followed the colt closely, listening to Josie's advice and repeating her cousin's words in her head as she stopped by the gap, Ashleigh turning to her expectantly.
"Ready?" Ashleigh asked, motioning to the colt.
"Ready as I'll ever be," Cindy shrugged, and walked up to the trembling horse. With one motion, Ashleigh tossed her up into the saddle and Cindy landed softly on Warrior's back, drawing up the reins and settling in the saddle as she watched Josie rub the colt's right ear, whispering something she couldn't hear.
"Go as far as you need to," Ashleigh said to Cindy. "If you feel like things aren't going well get back here on the double."
"Will do," Cindy nodded curtly and heeled Warrior out onto the track, feeling her confidence return as the big black trotted up the track, his strong legs hitting the dirt, folding and unfolding under her.
"Are you going to go for me?" Cindy asked, almost to herself as she watched Warrior's ears flick back, pressing to the back of his head.
The colt was rocking easily, his energy pent up inside of him as he switched into a canter, moving up the track. Things were going so easy Cindy almost started to smile, letting the reins slip through her fingers to test the colt at a gallop. She could feel her confidence rising as the colt seemed willing to go along with her, the smooth black animal arching his neck and flowing through the canter.
And when they hit the far turn, Warrior burst.
Cindy felt herself being launched up onto to the colt's neck as Warrior hauled his head down, squealing angrily. She had to grab a hunk of coarse black mane to keep herself on the colt's back as Warrior tore into a mad gallop, purposely bolting and plowing down the track, passing horses like a mad thing.
Cindy managed to throw herself back in the saddle and toss all her weight off of the colt's withers, regaining her hold on the reins, but Warrior already had gotten the better of her and hauled his head down again, his mouth gaping wide and gaining more slack in the reins, continuing to haul forward even with Cindy's weight on his hind quarters.
"Stop!" Cindy found herself vainly shouting, pulling back as they whipped by Spyro, Lucas Simm's colt, Warrior giving the bay a look before rising into the air and kicking out, fairly launching Cindy into the air, over his neck and slamming her into the dirt before leaping over her and continuing on his mad pace to the gap, where Josie was waiting for him.
"You let him have some slack," Josie said as Cindy stopped at the gap after picking herself up and checking her shoulder, finding it thankfully undamaged.
Cindy brushed herself off, giving the colt an irate look and then passing that look to Josie. Warrior returned the look back to her, as though he had the same opinion of her and then snorted, as though he were laughing.
"Don't give me that, Jo," Cindy spat angrily, brushing out the dirt in her hair. "If he's so difficult to ride why don't you jockey him instead of standing off to the side during his races."
Josie arched and eyebrow and opened her mouth to spit something back, but Ashleigh's intrigued voice broke through their budding fight.
"Maybe you should, Jo."
"Huh?" Both girls asked in unison, looking over at Ashleigh, who shrugged and smiled.
"You can ride him," Ashleigh said, looking as if she had just stumbled across the best idea on earth. "You've been riding him since we started him as a yearling."
"Well, yeah," Josie sputtered. "But you know my mom won't want me jockeying, and especially Warrior."
"We'll have your father talk to her," Ashleigh said. "I've never known Ian to not be able to talk his sister-in-law into something."
"But," Josie started, staring. "I wouldn't know what to do. I have no experience."
"Don't worry," Ashleigh laughed, throwing an arm over Josie's shoulders as the two walked Warrior back up to the barn. "I can tell you want needs to be done."
Cindy sighed darkly from behind them, pausing to brush herself off a little more before moving off the track and following the two back up to the barn, wondering when on earth she was going to get her chance.
The butterflies were no longer in Cindy's stomach. In fact, Cindy was almost sure she had drowned them enough with Diet Coke to make them permanently paralyzed from ever beating their wings again. She sat inside Ashleigh's office, watching out the windows as Ashleigh talked with Josie and Ian about her cousin's apprenticeship tests. Josie sat next to her, nervously fiddling with the riding crop she always used.
Aunt Victoria had given the okay for Josie to pursue a license, which Cindy found almost shocking considering her younger sister, Samantha's mother, had been killed on the track by a young racer.
"Josie, are you listening, hon?" Ian asked, touching Josie's shoulder and making the girl jump, nodding immediately.
"Yeah," Josie nodded. "I'll need to get the physical and my eyes tested," she repeated. "Then we'll get my gate card from the stewards and I'll take that written test."
Ashleigh nodded and leaned her forearms against the desk, giving Josie a hard look.
"Jo," she said, getting the girl's immediate attention. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to. It's all up to you."
"Warrior won't run without someone he knows well," Josie said, almost bravely. "We don't have the time to let him get to know anyone, and I'm the best shot he has."
Cindy sent a small glare in Josie's direction and let out an inaudible sigh. She could remember very clearly Ann's confident smile when she had asked Cindy to ride Warrior in the Classic. And here Cindy had blown it again, wondering what she had to do to catch a break, and what she had to do to win Ashleigh's belief in her again.
"Okay," Ashleigh said, smiling at Josie.
"We can go get that physical and the eye appointment done today," Ian said, getting up and drawing Josie up with him. "I made a few appointments for later this afternoon."
"Good," Ashleigh said, looking over at Cindy and catching the envious look she was throwing in Josie's way. "Why don't you guys go take care of that. I need to talk with Cindy for a moment."
At the sentence Cindy froze, glancing over at Ashleigh as Ian and Josie left the office. Ashleigh sat on the other side of the desk, turning her gaze on Cindy as the door closed.
"Cin," Ashleigh smiled, getting up and walking over to the chair next to Cindy, sitting down. "I know you really wanted that ride on Warrior."
Cindy looked at Ashleigh for a moment as if she didn't exactly know what to say in response. Finally, she shrugged. "I just feel like I somehow let down Ann. She wanted me to ride him."
"Ann will be fine with this decision," Ashleigh smiled. "And I think you will be also in the long run."
"How is that?" Cindy couldn't help taking the plunge. She sucked in a huge breath and continued. "I'm sorry, Ashleigh. I'm sorry I've been in a bad mood lately about Joy and now about Warrior, but I'm just tired of waiting for things to go my way."
Cindy stopped short, feeling the onrush of tears. "I'm tired of waiting for someone to take pity on me and give me a place here. I've been back since August and I feel like I don't really belong. It's like life here ran off without me."
"Oh, Cin," Ashleigh sighed, hugging her. "It was never my intention to make you feel alienated. You know we've been short on having time this fall, with the Breeders' Cup to prepare for and Sammy's wedding. We all have short tempers right now."
"I know," Cindy nodded, drawing herself up and wiping away the remnants of her wet eyes. "I'm just tired."
"Well, I sincerely hope you'll like the decision I've come to," Ashleigh said, patting Cindy's hand. "Because you seem to have forgotten that we have two other horses running in the Breeders' Cup who will need a jockey."
Cindy stopped short, turning to stare at Ashleigh as though she had just grown two heads and a tail.
"Angel and Joy?" Cindy asked, stunned. "You want to have me ride Angel and Joy?"
Ashleigh nodded. "That was the idea, unless you weren't wanting to do it."
"Of course I want to do it!" Cindy practically shrieked, jumping up and giving Ashleigh a huge hug. "Angel and Joy! I'd be running in the Distaff and the Juvenile Fillies!"
"Yes, you would be," Ashleigh laughed, watching Cindy dance around in a circle. "I was hoping this would cheer you up after that incident with Warrior."
"Cheer me up?" Cindy asked in shock. "This will make me happy for the rest of my life!"
"I hope not," Ashleigh laughed. "You've got a lot of races to run yet."
"I hope," Cindy laughed, feeling the rush to run out of the barn and scream for joy. "Thank you so much, Ashleigh. I'll never forget this."
"You're welcome, Cin," Ashleigh said, standing up. "Just be prepared to come to the track to ride Joy and Angel tomorrow. They're both needing breezes."
"I'll be there early," Cindy grinned, and bounded out the door.
The next day Cindy rode Angel off the track with a huge grin on her face, the dark bay filly snorting and prancing along on her white-marked legs.
"Excellent, Cindy," Ashleigh called, holding up the stopwatch. "She did those five furlongs in 55 and change, and she was speeding up at the end."
"We'll have to tell Ann how she did this morning," Cindy smiled, jumping off of Angel and giving the filly a pat on the neck as Angel grunted, allowing Ian to test the filly's legs.
"Good idea," Ashleigh nodded, watching as Joy was brought down to the track. "She'll be pleased to know how Angel is doing."
"What are we doing with Joy today?" Cindy asked, feeling hyper and ready to work. She hadn't felt so good since before Champion had left Whitebrook.
"We're going to do a four furlong breeze," Ashleigh said. "Out of the gate. She'll need to be sharp on Breeders' Cup day, and I want to get another longer breeze in before that."
"Okay," Cindy nodded, knowing the drill.
Joy was led up to her and Cindy swung up into the saddle, feeling the lithe filly shift her weight underneath her before bounding out onto the track. Cindy was overjoyed that the filly seemed to be much more herself lately. Joy was plowing up the track in her warm up, and acting up, making it hard for Cindy to hold her.
"Whoa," Cindy crooned, happy to see the filly fight her. She wanted to run, and strained against Cindy's hold, prancing and dancing up to the gate.
"Hey, Cin," Mike greeted her, eyeing Joy's rambunctious attitude. "I see you've got a live wire today."
"Finally," Cindy grinned, patting Joy's white washed neck and running her hand through the filly's dark charcoal mane as Mike took the filly's bridle and led Joy into the gate, closing the doors behind her with a metallic clang.
"Ready?" Mike asked, and Cindy nodded her head quickly, feeling Joy start against the doors and rattle in the chute, finally settling down.
"Okay," Mike said, and opened the front doors, Joy barreling out of them like a lightning bolt.
Cindy grinned into the filly's flying mane and urged her forward, feeling a new rush as Joy shot forward along the rail, her dark mane whipping along her light neck and stinging Cindy's face as she shoved her hands up the filly's neck, getting lost in the tangled dark tresses.
Joy jumped along the rail, hauling forward with no urging needed from Cindy. In the back of her mind, all Cindy could think about was the thrill of riding one of Glory's, feeling the same will to win in Joy as she had found in him. Joy thundered along, breathing heavily as her delicate legs ate up ground and flew past their last marker, Cindy standing in the stirrups quickly to pull the filly down to a manageable gallop and riding out to the gap.
"Crap, Cindy," Ashleigh laughed, astonished. "She did that in forty-two flat."
"Seriously?" Cindy asked, grinning wildly. "That's great!"
"She's got a ton of speed," Ashleigh nodded. "That much is clear."
Cindy leaned down and wrapped her arms around the filly's neck, patting Joy and stroking her smudged coat. "What a team we are, girl."
Joy nickered back, as if agreeing with her happily
In the middle of October, only a couple of weeks away from the Breeders' Cup, Cindy stood in the paddock of Belmont and watched the plain bay filly walking along the walk, her groom holding her easily as they went.
"I think I'm going to throw up," Josie groaned next to her.
Cindy glanced over at Josie with amusement, and nudged her lightly in the arm. "You'll be fine," Cindy said reassuringly, knowing the feeling that her cousin felt now. Although they were the same age, Cindy had gotten her apprenticeship much earlier, when she was just barely sixteen. Josie had waited until she was eighteen for fear of her mother's opinion, which Cindy would never understand, and even know it was just to help out a horse that she loved and a farm that was her home. Cindy did it because she wanted to feel the experience of winning.
"I don't know about that," Josie said, looking down at herself, decked out in the blue and white silks of Whitebrook, her light brown hair pulled back tightly against the nap of her neck and shoved up under the blue and white helmet that sat snuggly on her head.
"When has Gloire ever done anything other than put in a great race?" Cindy asked, pointing out to the bay filly. "She knows what she's doing. Ashleigh wouldn't put you up on a horse that didn't."
"I know," Josie sighed, watching her mount walk easily around the ring, showing no signs of being rank. "It's just that so much rides on this race. If I don't do well I can't ride Warrior, and then where will we be?"
"You've been riding since you were born," Cindy said, injecting courage into Josie. "You've already got this in the bag."
Josie frowned, and Cindy rolled her eyes in frustration. Josie had passed her gate test with Gloire perfectly and gotten her gate card without any problem. She understood her cousin's nerves, but she also thought Josie should be able to shove them away.
"Come on," Ashleigh said, motioning the groom to lead Gloire into the stall. It was almost time, and Cindy could see the paddock steward fiddling with his clipboard at the head of the walkway.
"So you know what's going to happen, right?" Ashleigh asked, putting both hands on Josie's shoulders. "I put you on Gloire because she has a running style similar to Warrior's. She likes to hang back. Now, there isn't a lot of speed in this race so…"
"Hang back," Josie nodded. She knew it all from watching Warrior run. "She has a huge kick at the end."
"You'll be fine," Ashleigh smiled, hearing the call for riders up and giving Josie a leg up into the saddle. Gloire collected herself and pranced out of the paddock, tossing her dark mane.
Josie looked back at them with a pleading face, and both Cindy and Ashleigh gave her thumbs up.
"Let's go get a higher vantage point," Ashleigh said as Gloire and Josie disappeared under the grandstand. Cindy followed Ashleigh up to the stands, slipping in next to Samantha, Ian, and Tor, who were watching Glorie and Josie closely.
"How's it going?" Ashleigh asked, looking down at the track.
"Couldn't be doing better," Samantha reported, looking over at Cindy and Ashleigh, and then looking away. Samantha had been short and distant with Cindy lately, still annoyed by Cindy's attitude over Joy. Now that Joy was acting better and Cindy's spirits were up, Samantha's terseness with her only reminded Cindy that she had feelings to sooth.
"And they're off!"
Cindy's attention catapulted back to the track to see the six horses plunge out of the gate, Gloire and Josie hanging back to sprint up to the first turn in last as the first horse claimed the lead and began to turn off slow fractions.
"Slow her down," Ashleigh murmured to herself, watching as Gloire slowed, letting the field of horses run further ahead. "That's it, Josie. That's it."
The allowance was only a mile, and Gloire was running easily in last, letting Josie call the shots as the field ran down the backstretch. Cindy remembered her first run on Black Reason, remembering her enthusiasm and competitive spirit being crushed with their loss. She hoped that Josie would do well with Gloire.
The field went into the last turn, and Cindy could feel Ashleigh tense as Gloire began to move. Quietly Cindy wondered if Ashleigh had been so tense for Cindy's first run as well. Something told her that Ashleigh had been less dramatic then.
"And Consistency is still holding the lead with Amber Satin in second, but here comes Gloire roaring into the stretch!"
Cindy began to cheer for Josie as Gloire easily took them to the lead and kept running, pulling away from the rest of the tired field by six lengths before bounding by the finish line, the filly's ears pricked and her body covered with dirt.
"Let's get down there," Ian called, moving everyone out of the box. "We've got two winning ladies to greet!"
Cindy followed them down to the winner's circle, watching as Josie and Gloire were led into the concrete circle. A smile was plastered on Josie's dirty face as she pulled off her goggles and helmet, grinning wildly. Cindy smiled back, but in truth all she could see was herself, walking into the winner's circle with Joy to the flashes of cameras. This is the year, Cindy thought to herself. This time she would prove herself.