A/N: Warning: Contains some Doctor Who spoilers from Season 6 and 7.
Disclaimer: I don't own Splatalot or Doctor Who.
The castle's alchemist paced across the sleek floor of the kitchen. He opened the oven to look at his latest creations. He nodded when he saw that they were finished. He opened the oven even wider, then carefully took the hot tray into his gloved hands. He carried it across the tiled floor, then set it down on the counter.
Thorne then moved to the farther side of the kitchen and opened up a small drawer. He located a silver spatula and took into his right hand. He flipped it, then walked back to the counter. He aimed the spatula in front of the tray.
Steady, steady...
Thorne carefully but quickly lifted a sugar cookie onto his silver utensil and put it on a large cooling rack. Then, just as swift and cautious, he did the same with the last eleven.
Once all the hot cookies were on the cooling rack, Thorne rubbed his gloved hands together, then walked over to the kitchen cabinet. He opened it up, scanned the inside, then pulled out a large red plate. He set it down on the counter and began to move the cooled cookies onto it.
Why was Thorne, the castle's intimidating alchemist with the maniacal mohawk and the Mulching Mace, making sugar cookies? Well, Thorne was stuck with the task because of nine reasons: One, he was good at it. Chemistry and cooking were actually quite similar, so he could adapt from the lab to the kitchen pretty well.
And I never said that he wanted to do the job.
The other eight reason were that Ballista would burn the cookies, Kook would end up eating all the batter, Knightriss didn't want to, Tinkor wouldn't wash his hands with soap, Skabb would break something (and maybe burn the castle down), no one could find Shaiden, Gildar would make all the cookies look like him, and Crocness...well, let's just say no one wanted their cookies to end up tasting a little mossy.
Just as Thorne finished moving the last cooled cookie to the red plate, he heard faint jingling noises and some whistling. He looked up just in time to see Kook's shadow appear in the entryway.
Oh, great, Thorne thought, groaning silently.
The Australian bird walked into the kitchen, still whistling. He ceased when he had stopped in front of the counter. His lips curved into a smile.
"Someone's in the kitchen with Thor-ny," Kook sang, leaning against the counter.
The alchemist glared at the kookaburra. "Are there any birds more annoying than you?"
Kook smirked. His blue eyes suddenly shifted to the unfrosted cookies sitting on the plate. His face brightened.
"Ooh, are those sugar cookies?"
Thorne viciously slapped away Kook's extended hand, which resulted in a small cry of pain escaping from the bird's lungs.
"Why don't you make yourself useful and go fly south for the winter?" Thorne growled, whipping the plate of cookies out of Kook's reach.
The bird rubbed his stinging hand. "...Would you give me a cookie if I did?" Kook asked, a hopeful smile spreading over his face.
Thorne, unamused, pointed to the kitchen's entryway.
"Go on! I don't want to see your face in here for the rest of the night!"
Kook groaned, then reluctantly walked out. Thorne kept his eyes on him until he disappeared, then turned back to the task at hand.
When he was sure that Thorne wasn't watching, Kook edged back to the entryway. He crossed his arms and pouted as he observed Thorne put more dough on a cookie sheet. Why wouldn't he give him a cookie? They were hecka delicious, and he only wanted one!
The bird cocked his head as he watched the alchemist. Suddenly, a scheme began to form in his mind. After a moment, a mischievous smirk appeared on his face, and he ran from the kitchen's entryway to get started on his plan.
Later on, after all the cookies had been baked, Thorne had begun to spread buttercream frosting on the cookies. After he finished frosting one, he would grab a tube of red, green, or gold icing and make a picture on the cookie, then grab a bottle of red, green, or blue sprinkles and apply the colored crystals to the cookie.
Thorne had finished decorating one cookie with a Christmas tree and had sprinkled its edges blue, then had placed it back on the large red plate. Just as he was about to frost another one, the castle's phone rang. Thorne ignored it at first, but it kept ringing. And ringing.
Thorne growled as he grabbed a tube filled with gold icing. "Someone get that!"
The alchemist waited for someone to appear, then shook his head and looked back down at the cookies. Since when did this castle have a phone?
Guess what? No one listened. The phone kept ringing. And ringing. And ringing.
Finally, after drawing about half of a golden bell on the cookie, Thorne let out a loud groan of anger, slammed the icing tube down on the counter, then marched out of the kitchen and to the phone. He yanked it off of the receiver and threw it to his ear.
"WHAT?!" he yelled.
"'Ello, Thorne, this is the Doctor."
Thorne paused. What?
Actually, the voice did sound like the Doctor's. In fact, if Thorne didn't know any better, he would have thought that it really was. But Thorne wasn't easily fooled.
The alchemist placed his free hand on his hip. "Oh yeah? Where are you right now?"
"In the TARDIS."
"Who's with you?"
"...No one at the moment."
"What happened to your companions?"
"...Um...Amy and...and...Rory...were, uh...sent back in time."
Thorne tapped one of his heavy boots. "What about your wife? Isn't she there?"
"My wife? Oh yeah, she's here."
"You just said no one was there with you."
"...She just walked in."
"What's her name?"
"Uh...R...River Song. River Song."
Thorne growled. Lucky guess. He was about to ask another question, but "the Doctor" interrupted.
"So, would you like to come join us? We'll have "river-fulls" of fun! Ha ha-"
"Doctor Who" abruptly cut his laugh off, but it was too late. Thorne already figured out who was calling. He angrily slammed the phone back on the receiver and ran for the kitchen. And sure enough, there at the counter was Kook, cellphone in hand, reaching for a frosted cookie.
"KOOK!"
The bird whipped his head in the alchemist's direction just as his hand wrapped around a cookie. Kook stuffed it into his mouth and ran for his life. Thorne chased him out of the kitchen and down the hall. As he "flew away," Kook, still chewing, turned around and gave the seething Thorne a "thumbs-up."
"It tastes fantastic, mate!"
A/N: Just in case you're interested, do you know what the candy cane symbolizes? It's shaped as a shepherd's staff, and if you turn it over, it's also shaped like a "J," for Jesus. It's white color symbolizes Jesus' purity of sin, and the red stripes symbolize His blood spilled for us.