Chapter 10 – What's worth fighting for
You all assume I'm safer in my room
Unless I try to start again
I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused
Peyton's POV:
I don't really know how long I stayed in that bathroom floor, crying, not moving, not daring to look at my arm or the little blood drips around me. But at some point, I don't know how, I was able to get up and go to my bed. My head hurts, my arm hurts, but I almost can't feel it. I go under the covers, shaking, and close my eyes. My eyes must be red from crying, and I can see my skin is too pale. I don't care. I keep telling myself… I don't care… I don't care…
Haley's POV:
When Lucas and Brooke left to talk, I thought they were gonna be okay, I really did. I wasn't sure if she was gonna tell him about the pregnancy, but still… I really thought they were actually gonna talk. But as soon as Lucas came back inside, and by himself, it was obvious things hadn't ended up well.
- Luke, what happened?
- I'm not sure, Hales. She was so… distant… she barely said a thing. You talked to her yesterday, right?
- Yeah, I did. She has a lot going on, you know? Just give her some time, I'm sure you two will work things out.
He smiles at me.
- How about Peyton? Was she alright?
- She was asleep. I'm worried about her too, Brooke and I talked right there, by the bed and she wouldn't even move. But I don't know, maybe she was just tired.
- Look, I'll tell why what… I'll go to Peyton's and see if she's alright, ok? If you need anything, just call me, alright? You too, Nate.
- Don't worry man, we'll be alright. Take care.
- You too. Bye.
And then he left. To check on Peyton. See, that's what I don't get about Lucas and Brooke. He loves her. She loves him. Why do those two make things so damn complicated? Why didn't Brooke talk to him and why did he go to see Peyton and not Brooke? I get that he's worried about her, I am too, but shouldn't he be trying to talk to Brooke now? These Scott people… I just don't get them sometimes.
Peyton's POV:
My eyes are barely open when I hear a soft knock on the door.
- Peyton? – Lucas comes inside the room and sits by the bed.
- Lucas? What are you doing here? – I sit up, with my head rested on the wall.
- I just wanted to see if you were ok. I called Brooke yesterday and she was at the hospital, with you. She said you had food poisoning, but of all the excuses Brooke's ever come up with, that was probably the worst – he chuckles, and so do I. Then he looks at me and squints his eyes – What's going on, Peyton?
I smile. I love it that he worries, I really do. But it's hard being around him, it's… weird. He's a good friend, he's always been, and I want things to remain this way. But if I tell him the truth about what happened and everything that's been going on, it could make things worse. For me, for him and for Brooke. I can't do that.
- I'm alright, I'm just a little tired.
- No, you're not alright! You're pale as a ghost! And Brooke's been so worried, and she won't tell me what's going on, Haley talks to Brooke and doesn't tell me what's wrong, and now you. I wanna help, Peyton, but I can't unless I know what's happening.
- I know you do. And I love you for that. But it's just… it's too complicated. If I could tell you, I would, I really would.
He lowers his head.
- I'm really sorry – I say. It's not like I don't feel bad about hiding it, but if he knew I had feelings for him, he'd thank me for keeping them to myself. It's what I should've done from the beginning. My voice's too weak, I sigh heavily, doing my best to stay up and not lie down again – Luke, can you just go, please?
- Come on Peyton, you can barely sit up. Let me get you something, you want some water?
- No! – I say too loud for my own good. If he goes into the bathroom he may see some blood on the floor – No… Lucas. You should just… go, please, just go!
He keeps looking at me, and after a moment of silence he gets up.
- Alright. You just… take care, alright?
- Lucas… thanks…
- Yeah – can't blame the guy for being a little mad. He leaves the room and I immediately lie back down, barely able to keep my eyes open.
I can't say how much time goes by till I hear rushed steps in my room's direction.
- Lucas, where is she? – it's Brooke, and she sounds nervous.
- She's in the room. She's awake and fine… I mean, she's awake at least. But I just thought she shouldn't be alone. And she didn't want me around. I guess you're not the only one who's avoiding me, right?
- Luke… I can't do this right now, alright? I gotta see Peyton…
- No Brooke! I have to talk to you. You know I love you and I wanna be with you. If there's something wrong, if there's something I can do, then tell me. I mean, something's up with Peyton, Haley knows something she's not telling me. You'll talk to Haley about our problems but you won't even talk to me? Come on!
Wow! I didn't even know Lucas was still in my house. It was sweet of him to call Brooke. But they're fighting? What the hell's going on? I hear Brooke sigh heavily. I don't feel comfortable, I don't know if they know I can hear what they're saying, so I fake cough, as loud as I can. The door opens almost immediately.
- Peyton! You're alright? – Brooke looks at me.
- Yeah, I am. I just think… look you guys need to talk, in private, somewhere I can't listen. It's between the two of you. So just go to the living room and please, stop with the fighting and make up already, cause you're giving me a headache!
Brooke seems surprised by what I said. She smiles and then looks at Lucas, a little sadly. Lucas leaves, but Brooke stays there, by the door, looking at me.
- After ten years you still surprise me sometimes. Thanks, P. Sawyer.
- Go get your guy, B. Davis.
Clutching my cure I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more than anytime before
I had no options left again