Chapter Ten

One year later

Well, technically it was one year and three months later, Merlin figured, setting down his cup of coffee. A year would have been in January… so since it was March… yes, that was right. He had been Arthur's secret boyfriend for a year and three months. A year, three months and eight days.

If he was being honest, Merlin wasn't exactly a secret anymore… although it had not been publically exposed yet (which meant that King Uther had no idea of his son's romantic and sexual adventures) Morgana, Hunith, Gaius and Percival and Gwaine – Merlin and Arthur's housemates knew about Merlin and Arthur's relationship. And although Arthur's two security guards, Robert and Emmet – had probably guessed about the relationship between the pair, in loyalty to Arthur they kept surprisingly quiet. So in other words, in the eyes of their closest inner circles, Merlin and Arthur were an item here and forever. Rumour had leaked to the press, but it wasn't a rumour on which much was based (their inner circle was surprisingly noble which it came to their discretion surrounding Merlin and Arthur's relationship, even though it did happen that they were approached by students and media alike trying to weasel out an answer regarding Arthur and Merlin's relationship) in fact, the only thing Merlin and Arthur thought the rumour was based around was the amount of time which Merlin spent with Arthur. Three times in the past year Arthur had returned to England (once for Easter, once for summer and once for Christmas) and on all three visits, Merlin had accompanied Arthur. To be fair, during the summer, he had accompanied Arthur to his home in Kenya and not actually visited the United Kingdom… but the principle still stood: Merlin seemed to always be at Arthur's right hand and the public wanted to know why.

Merlin sighed again. He had originally accepted and respected Arthur's desire to wait awhile and get settled into their relationship and work up the courage to go public with his relationship with Merlin… and now, in a way he still did. He loved Arthur and understood that such a… personal thing was hard to come out with. But then again, Merlin had been with Arthur for over a year – surely Arthur felt that they were 'settled' into their relationship by now. And public rumour had been getting more popular as of late (although Arthur claimed that Uther had said nothing about it in their few short monthly phone calls) so Arthur had to know that they couldn't keep it a secret forever. Merlin felt ready to take on the media. Sure, it would be tough at first… but as of late Merlin had found it almost degrading to be labelled as Arthur's 'secret' boyfriend. He knew it wasn't true – but he often felt like he was just a bit of fun for Arthur, that he was the guy Arthur hung out with, not the guy he brought home.

Taking another gulp of coffee, Merlin looked up at the kitchen clock, it was nearly five thirty. Arthur's classes were supposed to end at five. He had probably stopped at Safeway on his way home. They were low on the essentials, anyway. Nevertheless, Merlin expected his secret royal boyfriend to appear shortly.

Merlin felt very, almost uncomfortably restless… he had decided that tonight he would ask Arthur about coming out with their relationship publically. Since he had made that decision, it was all he could think about. Merlin felt jumpy and on edge, his face felt flushed and he couldn't seem to stop tapping his foot on the ground. So maybe drinking coffee wasn't the best thing to add to it, Merlin figured, setting the cup down. He looked at the computer screen, his eyes flicking downwards to check the word count: fifty words. Fifty words since he had sat down shortly after eating three hours before. Sighing, Merlin pushed back the chair and stood up, crossing to the counter. It was his night to make dinner and Merlin had decided to surprise everyone (but Arthur) with a lot of Indian food. Indian food, Merlin had learned during his time in the United Kingdom – was far more popular in Britain then it was in the United States. Merlin, thinking this was a crime had returned to his home country determined to make Americans appreciate Indian food as much as the British clearly did.

He stirred the Korma, which had been quietly cooking on a low temperature for about twenty minutes when he heard the front door open. He heard the dull sound of a bag being dumped to the ground and then heard shoes clunking against the wall as they were tossed off. Soft footsteps padded down the hall and Arthur appeared in the doorway as Merlin turned around. He had known Arthur for nearly two years and seen him almost every day for the past year – but the Prince's presence never failed to take his breath away. The Prince wore a black button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and dark blue jeans, however – Arthur's hands were bare of any bags as he walked into the kitchen.

"Where were you?" Merlin asked, his voice sounding irritable. Internally, he winced. He didn't want to become one of those overbearing boyfriends who demanded a minute-by-minute sheet of his boyfriend's day. He turned around and kept on stirring the Korma.

"At the library, I was working on this project with Freya."

"Freya?" Merlin questioned, jealousy burning in his chest. "Who the hell is Freya?"

Arthur shot Merlin a weird look. "A friend of mine, she sits through my lectures with Gilbertson with me. Are you okay?"

"Why were you spending so much time with her?"

"It was fifteen minutes, Merlin."

"It was fifteen minutes to long!" Merlin snapped at his boyfriend.

Arthur, regarding Merlin's completely livid face, snorted. "And she's a girl, Merlin. A girl – a lovely girl – but not exactly someone who I'm running off and having sex with in every spare minute. What the hell is wrong with you today?"

Merlin sighed. Maybe he had been keeping this resentment thing in too long. Merlin sighed. "I'm sorry, Arthur. I just had a complete block when I was trying to work on that paper… I don't know. I'm sorry… I'm just in a bad mood today. I didn't sleep well last night and I'm sorry…"

"Stop apologizing." Arthur's eyes softened, his smirk falling away as he crossed the room, drawing Merlin closer to him. "It's okay… we've all been in bad moods, God knows I was in a terrible mood when I had that flu last month!"

Arthur had had a terrible stomach bug the month before and had snapped horrendously at anyone who dared come near him or try and soothe him. All he had wanted to do was lay around in bed moaning to the ceiling about how absolutely horrendous he felt. That Valentine's Day had been spent with Merlin bringing Arthur bland crackers and herbal tea and Arthur being sick and moaning. Merlin had commented to Arthur how romantic it had been once Arthur had recovered and in response, Arthur had pulled a few strings and taken Merlin on an undercover (in other words, everything was paid for almost anonymously and taken care of by Arthur's employees) trip up to New York City for the weekend at the end of February. They had stayed in the Terrace Suite, going out during the day and returning at night and having passionate sex and then ordering room service (Merlin always answered the door, clad in one of the plush white hotel bathrobes). When they got on the train to go home to Washington DC, Merlin had admitted that it had been one of the greatest weekends of his life. And then they had returned to Washington and Merlin had begun to wonder why Arthur still didn't want to come out as a couple.

For the past few weeks, Merlin had found that he had been short with Arthur, almost mean at times and although Merlin could see that his snappish tendencies hurt Arthur, somehow he found that he could just not keep his mouth shut. He was angry with Arthur, one might describe it as. Often he wondered if Will had been right, if all he would ever get with Arthur would be a secret relationship and a broken heart. No, Merlin told himself, inhaling the comforting smell of Arthur's neck, Merlin loved Arthur and Arthur loved him. Regardless of what they had to endure, Merlin knew that Arthur would rather lose all of his titles then leave Merlin's side.

"You were awful." Merlin admitted, kissing Arthur's jawline. "But I'm sorry I've been so short with you, lately… it's just…"

Arthur sensed Merlin's sudden seriousness and pulled back, looking levelly into Merlin's eyes. "It's just what?"

"…I just feel -" Merlin's words were cut short by the sound of the front door opening. Arthur looked accusingly towards the door and then turned back to Merlin.

"We can talk later." He kissed Merlin lightly. As Arthur pulled away, Gwaine – clad in his usual T-shirt, jeans and trademark leather jacket. Unlike Arthur, Gwaine carried two Safeway bags into the kitchen and set them on the granite countertops.

Without Arthur, there was no way the other three young men could have afforded this house. In May last year when rumours about Merlin and Arthur had leaked to the press for the first time – Merlin and Arthur decided to stop living in the halls and slipping around to each other's room's and move into a house with a few of their friends. With Percival and Gwaine on board, Merlin and Arthur had spent a rainy afternoon tromping around the student houses trying to decide which one was going to be their new house. When none of the specifically student allotted ones really appealed to the group, Arthur had taken the lead and taken them around some of the fanciest houses in Georgetown. When the three men had instantly been repelled at this idea, Arthur had toned down his requirements, but still insisted that they let him pay for the 'ideal' house. On their third day of tromping around Georgetown, they came across this beauty. Situated on Twenty Ninth Street, it was an elegant townhouse with five spacious bedrooms and two reception rooms, a large finished basement, a study and a gigantic kitchen and a dining room and separate breakfast room. The fifth bedroom was what Gwaine used as a study, the actual study was what Percival used as a study and Merlin and Arthur used Arthur's bedroom as a study. The two rooms in the beautifully and nicely finished basement belonged to Arthur's security. There was even a small kitchenette as well as a separate in the basement as well as a den, so Arthur figured that they'd appreciate the privacy it offered. All four men absolutely loved the place, Gwaine even joked that he might stay on for a PhD just so he could keep on living at this residence.

Gwaine smiled at the couple as he entered the room. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" He said cockily, smirking.

"Oh yes." Arthur said, wrapping his arm back around Merlin's waist. "We were just about to make love all over these beautiful countertops. Shame you interrupted us. I guess we'll just have to use your room, then."

"Don't you dare!" Gwaine laughed, putting away the milk. "Besides, I haven't changed the sheets from when Alicia was over on Saturday. I think two couples using the same sheets for sex is just disgusting."

"We'll use your window-seat then. It'll give the press something to talk about." Merlin shot back. Arthur gave a start, as if the idea had honest to God just given him a mini heart attack. Merlin's heart sank at this.

Gwaine made a face and looked over at the pan. "What're you making?" He asked Merlin.

"Indian."

"Ew."

"It's not that bad!"

Gwaine made a face. "You should stick to more American stuff, Merlin. Like Mexican food."

Arthur snorted and kissed Merlin right above his ear, despite the warm room, Merlin had to push back a shiver. He couldn't believe that after a year of being in a relationship with the man, he still had such a bloody hold over him. "I'll be upstairs," Arthur told Merlin. "Love you."

Merlin turned, his hand briefly holding Arthur's before Arthur left the room. Merlin looked after him and sighed, hearing this, Gwaine frowned and walked over to Merlin, touching his arm and waiting until Merlin looked up at him.

"Buddy – you okay?"

Merlin nodded. "No. Yes. No. I don't know."

"Trouble in paradise?" He asked, nodding towards the door Arthur had just left.

"You could say that." Merlin sighed again.

"Oh? Do tell."

"You wouldn't be interested."

"Try me."

Merlin sighed. "I want to go public about Arthur and I."

"Oh, I see… and Arthur doesn't?"

"I haven't asked him about it." Merlin admitted.

"Ask him! It's so clear that it's bothering you!"

"What if he says no?"

"In the wise words of Ron Weasly: bloody hell, Merlin: 'If you don't try, the answer will always be no' – in other words, get your arse upstairs and ask Arthur about it!" Gwaine ran an exasperated hand through his hair and looked at Merlin.

Biting his lip, Merlin looked towards the pan on the stove. "I-I can't," He said quickly. "I need to keep on cook -"

"Move." Gwaine said, pushing Merlin aside and looked at the cookbook. "Merlin, it says this takes three hours of steaming."

"So?"

"When did you put it in?"

"An hour ago…"

"So you have two hours left: plenty of time to talk to Arthur about coming out as a couple… so get your arse upstairs!"

"No!"

"Get your arse up there!" Gwaine pointed towards the door. When Merlin made no start towards the door, he dropped his arm and sighed. "Fine, I'll go talk to him!"

"No!" Merlin said again and finally moved towards the door, pushing Gwaine out of the way. "I'll go do it, if you insist so much!"

Gwaine smiled in satisfaction. "Good. Now get out of the kitchen."

Merlin made his way up the stairs. When he reached the landing, he heard the door open and assumed that it was Percival returned home, knowing that Gwaine would entertain his housemate if he needed it, Merlin continued down the hallway, which had black and white photos of everything and anything relating to anyone in the household. Merlin paused to look at a snapshot of himself and Arthur which Gwaine had taken the previous summer. They had all gone up to Fire Island to celebrate the end of their first year. Merlin and Arthur had been laughing at something, walking in front of the other two, Gwaine had called their names and they had both turned around, they had, their eyes laughing and their smiles bright. Back then Merlin had been happy to be Arthur's secret boyfriend.

Heart pounding, Merlin approached Arthur's slightly open door. Joan Baez was playing softly. Pausing at the door, Merlin knocked. 'Diamonds and Rust' paused and the door opened further by Arthur. Arthur's face registered surprise when he saw Merlin, but he smiled anyway, gesturing Merlin inside.

"What's the point of knocking?" He laughed, shutting the door behind Merlin.

"In case you were busy." He murmured. "I-I didn't want to burst in."

"I don't mind being interrupted… especially if the person interrupting me is you." Arthur replied. He looked sideways at Merlin; by now he knew Merlin very, very well and could tell by his stance and the way his eyes never rested on one thing in the room that something was on Merlin's mind. And that thing, Arthur reasoned, wasn't sex. When Merlin appeared at his door wanting sex he usually didn't wait to see if Arthur picked up on his signals. Arthur crossed his arms. "What's up?"

"I, um," Merlin stuttered, unsure of how to begin, "I wanted to talk to you about… about us."

Arthur's heart froze; I want to talk to you about us, what an unbearable over used line. It could mean a million things, the sensible voice in the back of his head reasoned, but Arthur couldn't help but thinking that the only context he had ever seen that line in was when someone was about to end a relationship. He imagined life without Merlin and then found it too painful to imagine. Arthur didn't know where he had gone wrong, why would Merlin want to leave him? He took a deep calming breath and tried to remember that Merlin hadn't actually said anything about ending their relationship.

"Okay." Arthur was grateful for his ability to keep his emotions together. "Okay, what about us? Do you want to sit down?"

"Um, sure…" Merlin crossed the room and sat in Arthur's armchair. Arthur grabbed his desk chair and rolled over to Merlin.

"What's wrong?"

"We've been together for over a year," Merlin said. "And it has been amazing… I love being with you and wouldn't change it for the world –" Arthur internally let out a sigh of relief; this didn't sound like a break up. "– But… although some things have been leaked to the press, we've stayed secret…"

"And…?" Arthur prompted.

"And I want to come out as a couple, Arthur." Merlin sighed, looking up at him.

Arthur backtracked. "You what?"

"I want to come out as a couple. I want to confirm the rumours that we're more than just friends."

"Why?"

"Because I'm sick of being a secret, Arthur!" Merlin snapped. "I'm sick of not being able to go out to Starbucks with my boyfriend and flirt and hold hands and act silly at the risk that we'll be overheard and sold to the press. I'm sick of sneaking away on vacations and having to worry that we'll be found out all the time! Why worry, Arthur? Why? It's the twenty first fucking century! I don't think that it's fair that we've been together for over a year and we're still being so secret about it!"

"Merlin, I've told you why we have to do this: you'd be hounded by the media. I don't want you to lose your privacy like that."

"Really, Arthur?" Merlin said. "The last time I asked you told me it was because you didn't want to tell your Father."

"That's true. I don't really have any interest in telling my father that I'm gay."

Merlin regarded Arthur for a long while, while he stewed quietly. A sentence slipped into his head and he considered it momentarily, almost holding it back and then decided to say it.

"Why are you ashamed of me, Arthur?" The moment the words left Merlin's mouth he regretted them.

Arthur was taken aback. "I could never be ashamed of you, Merlin!"

"Really? Then why can't you come out about who you are? When we first got together you said that you wanted to wait, have time to get used to our relationship. We've been together a fucking year, Arthur. I think we're pretty fucking used to each other."

"Merlin… I'm sorry I haven't been doing it as quickly as you'd like. But I've been keeping the secret that I'm gay my entire life. Suddenly coming out with such a big life-alerting confession to the entire world isn't something that I can get the courage to do over night!"

Merlin could feel irrational anger burning in his chest. "God, you're worse then Will!"

Arthur arched an eyebrow. "Worse then Will? Merlin, you don't mean that."

"You are! At least he fucking thought of me once in a blue moon! It's been over a year. I think you've had enough time to get used to the fact that you enjoy fucking other men!"

"Merlin, calm down!"

"Why, Arthur? Why are you so ashamed of me?" He snapped. "Is it because I didn't go to a posh private school?"

"No, Merlin… I just –"

"When we first got together, you told me that you would rather be with me then be His Royal Highness Prince Arthur Uther Lawrence Harold Prince of Wales, KG, KT, GCB, OM, AK, QSO, PC, ADC, Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles and Prince and Great Steward of Scotland… is that still true?" Merlin shouted, aggravated beyond probable thought.

Arthur's eyes flashed angrily. He could not remember a time he had lost his temper so, he could not remember a time when he had felt so desperate.

"I did say that." Arthur spat, tasting the venom of his words on his tongue. "I'm not sure if I still mean it, though!"

Merlin backtracked. It was like someone had thrown cold water over him. "You –"

Arthur realized what he had said, guilt and shame flooded him. "Merlin… I'm, I'm sorry… I could never –"

"You unimaginable bastard." Merlin whispered, before leaving Arthur's room, slamming the door behind him.