Chapter 10 Heaviness
A door closed and she started to cry. She enveloped her face into her hands and let out a sigh- so relentless it felt as though she had been holding her breath for centuries. Thena was at first shock to find that tears were soaking her hands. She did not feel the first tear fell, but now felt so powerless to this overwhelming emotion that she started to sob. Pacing around the room quieted her, but coaxed her to air her thoughts outloud, in a harsh whisper- that hardly resembled her own voice...she called into the nothingness: "What do I do. What am I supposed to do."
Not an answer was heard and when the surge of tears dissipated, Thena was left with such an internal heaviness, she could hardly swallow. Seated at the corner of her bed, she peered around her quarters in the dark, for she hadn't even bothered to turn a single light on. She was alone. In her room...at Hogwarts...in her life. And now this loneliness hit her with such a force, it felt as permeating at ever...It felt perpetual. Thena crawled to the top of her bed, underneath her blankets, and wrapped herself in this darkness.
She opened her eyes only again to the pale dawn sunlight. A tapping was upon her window. A single owl with a parchment attached: "9pm- Severus Snape".
He walked down the corridor from the Great Hall to his classroom rather slowly than his typical pace, almost cautiously. He only noticed his stalling when the students greeted him as he walked past. Perhaps with his traditionally, deliberate strides, students were less inclined to address him, as he normally appeared in haste- urgently trying to get into his classroom and into his lecture. Now they called hesitant "good mornings" to him. Severus even found that he made eye contact with his students as he look around..searching. He knew what he was searching for and immediately scowled himself for it. It was her. She was not present at breakfast. And Severus was surprised to find a new heaviness attached to her absence. It felt almost troublesome, like something was wrong.
He tried to end these alarming thoughts, but although they were groundless and unlogical, they attached to this heaviness that was seemingly always present...that he was always aware of when she was present. Whether she was physically in front of him or in his thoughts, he was filled of this heaviness, like a sudden wave that entered his body. It moved through him, directionless, filling parts at the fullest capacity and then leaving him hollow...stiff...almost paralyzed..but mainly, empty. And it was growing tiresome. After his second lecture, it was shortly passed midday. Severus started to aimlessly walking around the halls and stairwells, then very deliberated came upon Thena's office. A simple note was attached to the door,
"I am out today. All appointments will resume again shortly. -Thena Abbott."
The rest of the day felt like a strain of motions amounting to just a gray bouge of nothingness. Severus nodded to this familiar monotony. It felt like a normal day at Hogwarts, before the war, before the vex, before when his existence was just this...When he wasn't deemed a martyr or given the responsibility of the boy. However though it was familiar, now it wasn't welcomed. Another note came to him shortly before dinner. It was handed to him directly from Minerva. She smiled gravely at him, silently handing him the letter. Her smile was unpersuasive and dull; her complexion, tired. Without explanation, Minerva then turned her attention and it's entirety to the hall to make the pre dinner announcements. He unrolled the parchment with a quickened pulse, unaware of Minerva's speaking or any other elements of the Great Hall. He knew who it's sender was.
"Severus, I'm sorry, but I can't. -Thena."