Disclaimer: I don't own Ned's Declassified.
Author's Notes: God I wish this story was as popular as it was in its heyday. But I can't do anything about it but plug along. Regardless of readership, I intend to finish this. Hope you stick around for the ride.
From the Notebook of Ned Bigby
I remember the day that Lissy was born. Besides the fact that it made me a godfather, something of importance I'd never had before, it was a day that would have changed my life otherwise.
"Ned." Moze poked me in the back. "NED!"
"Whuzza?" I rolled over to ignore her. It sounds mean but it was 3 am, and I was tired.
"Lisa's having the baby. We need to get to the hospital" Moze poked me one last time, and when I didn't respond, she shoved me so hard that I rolled off the bed and hit the floor so hard it woke me up.
"I'm awake!" I triumphantly yelled.
"Good. Put some pants on, then" Moze tossed a pair of me, and I attempted to not put both legs in the same leg. It took a few tries and a few falls to the floor, but overall it worked out just fine.
We left the apartment in silence and drove in silence. It could have been from nervousness but most likely out of worry for Lisa and this baby. And Cookie, for his nails would probably be all gone after labor. But as we drove there, the light of the street lamps reflecting on her tired face, Moze said quietly "Would you want to start trying for one of our own?"
-db-
"Have you ever seen Alien?" The obstetrician sits by Moze's side. Ned hovers nervously on her right side, and taps his fingers and shifts his weight. His right hand jumps to his mouth and he starts gnawing on a loose piece of cuticle worriedly.
"N-"
"Good. Don't" This was Moze's 8th appointment with this doctor, and she still makes her uneasy. Typically when someone is poking around in your body, you should be comfortable with them. Ned swore that all of his married female friends had been okay with her, but there was just something about her...
"Uh, okay?" Ned cocks his head to the left.
"Well, I think we're done for today" The doctor, Dr. Lessing, snaps off her gloves and tosses them into a garbage. "Your next appointment is on October 27th, don't forget, okay?"
"I'll try not to" Moze says dryly. She walks out of the office with Ned, her arm swinging slightly. Maybe I should grab his hand. Or..
"You know what we should do?" Ned says suddenly after they pass a fancy restaurant. "To celebrate, we should get all fancied up, go out and eat at one of these stupid trendy places."
"Celebrate what? That everything's okay?"
"Yeah, so get on your fanciest and we're going to go tonight, okay? I'll swing by the apartment and we can head there together."
"Okay" Moze holds his gaze as he walks her to the door of the building, then hails a cab and takes off. He has another meeting with his publisher-always an unpleasant experience. Some things don't change since school, and Ned's procrastination was legendary among those that they knew. If it weren't for the constant threats of breaching contract, there'd never be any books.
Marcus Atkinson is a big burly hulk of a man with thinning sandy blond hair (no thanks to his daughter's DWI and his favorite author being constantly late). The aforementioned hair is currently flipping around as he paces a tight circle around his desk. Ned is 10 minutes late, and he is already imagining bad scenarios where Ned has been hit by a passing taxi or has decided to go to Myanmar and skip out on his book. A few seconds later, Ned coolly walks into the room.
"Howdy Marcus. Sup" Ned puts on an exaggerated SoCal accent and smirks.
"You think you're funny, kid" Marcus grunts with his heavy Brooklyn accent.
"I am. That's why my books sell" Ned says in an non confrontational manner.
"True" Marcus narrows his gaze at him. "But that doesn't explain why you think its perfectly acceptable to saunter into my office late. You better have a good excuse"
"What, am I a high school student that has to give an excuse to the principal?"
"How old are you?" Marcus sits down and leans back in the chair, making an unearthly groan come from the springs. "There could be a high school student that's your age"
"Why did you call me here?" Ned folds his hands in his lap and raises an eyebrow.
"Aw I can't check in with my favorite person once in a while?" Marcus sarcastically trills.
"I had to take my wife to an appointment" Ned suddenly blurts out.
"That trashy blond one? Already she's knocked up? Jeez, you work fast" Marcus pulls open his drawer and flips a piece of nicotine gum into his mouth. He chomps on it fiercely, and that motion reminds Ned that Gem hadn't contacted him after the last time he saw her weeks ago. That reminder fills him with dread. As soon as this last thing is done, she would leave him alone, he reassured himself.
"Ya know I always liked Jennifer much better"
"So do I" murmurs Ned. "That's why I'm lucky she's the one"
Marcus raises an eyebrow but feigns deafness to what he's just heard. It's really none of his business what the kid does. As long as he's happy.
"Awright, you need to have at least an outline ready by the end of this month" Marcus puts a meaty hand forward and flicks the desk calender to the right month with a quick motion. Ned watches his hand in a somewhat trance-like state. "Howzabout October 27th?"
Marcus begins talking about something else, but Ned can't hear him. He sounds like he's at the bottom of the well all of a sudden, and he drifts off.
-db-
Moze sits with her legs in front of her studying her expanding belly. "Baby, what do you think your name should be?" She asks to nobody. "Gurgle? Okay"
She hauls herself up and searches through her luggage looking through it for something fancy enough for a restaurant. It's nice that he offers to do stuff like this. I'm so nervous, its weird. Like we're on a first date or something.
Which is pretty funny once you factor in the fact that we're married.
It's so weird being in this unfamiliar place with him. When we lived together, or heck, even lived next door to each other, I knew every inch of every place. I remember...
-db-
"MOZE!" Ned said to her, his cell phone balanced on one shoulder as he throws everything in his dorm room around. The room is so cramped and small with all of his and Cookie's junk all over the place that when he throws a human anatomy textbook to the other side of the room, it fell a mere 5 feet away from where he threw it.
"What!" Moze hissed. "I'm in the library?"
"When you were over here last night, did you happen to see where I put the notebook?"
Moze closed her eyes and pictures the messy expanse that is Ned and Cookie's room. Then she visualizes the worn out green composition that is becoming a draft of Ned's Declassified College Survival Guide.
"I AM STUDYING FOR A BIOLOGY EXAM! I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS!"
"So you don't know?"
"Check your top drawer in your bedside table" Moze said coolly.
"Thanks" Ned yelled out exuberantly. "I love you."
Even though Moze knew this was mostly about a lost book than a reassurance of feelings, she still feels a warmth go through her.
-db-
Moze smiles at the thought of that memory and remembers the happy jingle of her cell phone in her college days. She claimed it was annoying but always jumped on it if someone were to call.
Suddenly, her cell phone starts blinking and chirping a happy song. Moze dives for it, and flips it open. "Hey..." Oh god I hope the baby didn't feel that...
"Hey, I found this really cool place. It reminds me a lot of home"
"You mean it's not clean and smells slightly like a locker room?" Moze walks into Ned's room idly and wrinkles her nose at the unmade bed.
"No... the menu's not that fancy crap that none of us want to eat." Ned walks slowly past a newsstand and does a double take at one of the covers, which features Gem on the cover, sitting on a bar stool. She solemnly studies the glass in front of her and the blaring headline says "My struggles and strength" Ned huffs and lets out a sigh. "Why me?" He lifts up up the bright magazine and flips through it.
"'Ey Mac!" The newspaperman grunts. "This ain't no lending library, buy it and go!"
Ned narrows his eyes at the man. He reaches into his pocket and throws a few singles at the flustered man. "You'd think if my ex fiancée was on the cover, I'd get comped for it."
"That's a new one" Mutters the guy as he pockets the money.
"What?" Moze utters as he sits down on a nearby bench, frantically flipping through the shiny pages for the article. And his heart stops. Because on the second page of the article is a picture of him. Not the typical stock photo that they always use for him that they get from the back covers of the books, or the one paparazzi shot he has framed on his wall of him ducking out of a cab. The picture is of him and Moze kissing the day she arrived. Luckily for him and her, all the viewer can see due to the angle is the side of Ned's face and a few of locks of long brown hair. Brown hair that clearly doesn't belong to Gem.
"What." Moze says flatly. "Ned. Ned!" She growls.
"We're in People" Ned stammers out.
"What?"
"Well, I am. You're just a girl that I was seen with" Ned says, his hands shaking slightly as he holds up the page
"Read it to me" Moze demands. She sighs and sits back on Ned's bed with relief.
"At a time when she needs him the most in this difficult time, fiancé Ned Bigby has been seen kissing this unidentified woman. When asked what she thought about this revealing photo, Gem looks down and will not say anything. She merely shakes her head and smiles wanly. 'Ned loves me' But they have noticeably been on the rocks, with Gem photographed leaving his apartment in tears lately." Ned takes a deep breath and coughs. "It goes on to blather on and on about how she knows her partying and drinking is out of control, but she feels with the support and love of her friends and family, she can get through it"
"Funny, she didn't seem like that type when I met her for that brief half-second before I ran off" Moze.
"Really, she's not, but the latest fad in celebrity is being morally ostentatious." Ned switches ears and narrowly misses running into a fruit cart. The vendor turns and swears at him profusely in another language. Ned just smiles and keeps walking.
"Are you coming home now?" Moze rolls back on the blue comforter to look at the digital clock sitting on the nightstand. "It's getting kinda late"
"Yeah I know, it's almost 8" Ned notes with a quick flick of his wrist. "Marcus wanted to chat with me a little longer than I would have preferred"
"By chat, you mean yell at you for again not sticking to schedule?" Moze tries to sit back up, but her excess baby weight causes her to slam back down again. She winces from the sudden shock and tries to sit up again.
"You okay?"
"Yeah" Moze mutters as she finally gets herself back into a regular position. "See you later?"
"Yep" Ned says tentatively. He comes to the end of the street and suddenly gets an idea. "I'll be home soon."
-db-
Ned stands in front of Gem's apartment building staring at the heavy door that separates him from what he wants to say. When one thinks of apartments they think of small with a slightly darkened hallway. This was definitely not one of those places. Gem's apartment alone was larger than Ned's childhood house. Ned closes his eyes and walks through the door. I better make this quick, it took me longer to get here than I thought I would.
"Miss Croix? Mr. Bigby to see you"The ancient doorman wheezes into the intercom in the lobby. Ned never knew why the building had a doorman when there were only two residents in the building, Gem and a young celebrity couple that so valued their privacy that they had their own security force guarding the door.
Ned hops on the elevator up to Gem's penthouse, afraid of what the snarling blond socialite will say. Or maybe she'll just sic her vicious dog on me and I'll run away screaming.
"Hey, sweetie" Gem opens the door with a beaming smile. 'I'm surprised you're here. Usually I have to initiate any form of contact"
"What the hell is this?" Ned brandishes the glossy magazine before her startled eyes. "I swear, Gem, you promised me that you were going to leave me out of this"
"I.." And the formerly strong girl seems to shrink with every step she takes backwards into her apartment. Almost mine and hers. Ned angrily thinks to himself. Thank god for Cookie and Lisa needing me. That ruined my plans but saved my life.
"Gem, I thought we agreed we were moving on" Ned seethes. "Now she's mad at me"
"She being the ex wife that you went back to?" Gem says, visibly relaxing as she teeters in her pink platforms to her couch, where she collapses with a sigh. "If she loves you, she'll understand."
"That things have changed, that now I'm paparazzi fodder when I never was before?"
"Exactly." Gem pops a bright pink piece of bubble gum in her mouth and gnaws on it thoughtfully. "So here to show me my press? I have an agent or something like that who does that for me..."
"I want you to leave me alone. Tell them we broke up and cry in your vodka all night." Ned sits down in an uncomfortable chair stiffly. He leans forward and stares pensively at Gem.
"One last thing" Gem holds up a perfectly manicured fingertip. "You promised, and then we're done. I've been meaning to call you and let you know when we were going to do that mock fight, but I never got around to it. I've been so busy"
Dancing all night long is busy?
"If you say so."
"Well you're here, so we might as well do this now" Gem grabs a tiny furry purse like thing off the counter and zips past him at the door.
"Wait, what?" Ned looks after her with a baffled look.
"We're going to Le Chic, we're going to dance around a while, we're going to fight, I'm going to cry and we'll break up" Gem pats her nose with powder and yanks the door shut. Ned stumbles forward because she has clipped his heels with the bottom of the door.
"How did I get roped into this?" Ned frowns at her.
"You said you would" Gem storms ahead. "Perfect. Remember this emotion, we're going to need this later when we fight."
Ned follows her downstairs where she waves jauntily to the doorman, who already has a cab waiting for her outside the door.
Maybe that old dude is psychic.
Ned climbs into the cab behind Gem, tripping and falling into it face first.
"Ugh" She snorts with derision.
Why do I get so clumsy when she's around? Is there something about her that just makes me act like I'm trying out new feet for the first time?
"You make it very hard to like you" Ned straightens up and sits back in the cab as it pulls away from the curb with a sudden jolt of speed.
"I like that line" Gem inspects her nails carefully and sees a spot of dirt under her index finger. She uses another nail to try to pry the offending object out. She succeeds, and the brown spot comes flying out and onto the floor. "Use it"
"Is this a relationship or a puppet show?" Ned gives her an aghast look.
"Was this a relationship or a puppet show? Sweetie, watch your tenses" Gem finishes picking at her nails and then digs in her freakishly tiny sparkle pink purse for something. After a few moments of fumbling, she unearths a designer lip gloss. She untwists it, wipes the brush on the side and applies it with the practiced ease of someone that has done it a thousand times.
"What are you, my mom?"
"Funny. Funny. Ha. Ha." Gem snaps her bag authoritatively and pays the driver. "Ready?" She scans his face and empty hands disapprovingly. "You should have brought sunglasses"
"Ge, it's late at night"
"Yeah, but those flashbulbs are really annoying" Gem swings her legs out ladylike and plasters on a false smile.
"Where are we?" Ned leans forward so that she can hear him over a cacophony of noise.
"Francophile." Gem mutters through her shiny white grin as she struts and poses. "I'm positively starved."
Ned pushes through the throng of photographers and practically dives through the door. The host looks questioningly at Ned.
"Comment vas-tu?"
"What?" Ned gets up from his knees and uses the manners his mother taught him. "I'm er... Ned Bigby, here with Gem Croix? I hope we have a reservation?"
"Ah oui..." The host nods slowly. "Mademoiselle Croix is a.. how do you say.. welcome guest regardless of reservation"
"Is it the girl herself or the fact that your restaurant is going to be in every tabloid rag in America?" Ned's face twitches into a smirk.
"Ah Monsieur, a little of both" He beckons for Ned to follow him. "I shall see to it that Mademoiselle Croix finds you later. May I recommend something to start?"
"No thanks, I'm not much for eating right now" Ned sits down and puts his head in his hands. "I don't feel like doing much of anything."
10:52 pm
"I really want to get home." Ned groans. He searches for his watch on his wrist but find that its not there.
"You prooommiiissseeedd!" Gem whines, and for a long moment, Ned sees the little girl she has seemingly grown out of being.
"I..."
"Coommeee oonnn! I neeeed to work off this fatty French food!" Gem grabs him by the left shoulder and drags him down the street to the pulsing walls of a club.
"I don't want to!" Ned screams.
The paparazzi, sensing a fight from their tinted black windows scurry around and dash out to meet the "fighting" pair.
"I'm sick of this! I'm not your puppet and I'm not your slave and I need you to realize that!" Ned says with agony in his voice. Every negative thought he has had about her in the last few months come pouring out in a flurry of words, accompanied with hand motions and facial expressions wild.
Gem stands before him teetering on her tall heels. She says not a word, her flat eyes flicking back and forth, her face blankly expressionless. She purses her lips after a heartbeat and sighs. "Let's not do this here."
"Why not here! Because there's always an excuse. ALWAYS!"
"Ned, I..."
"WHAT GEM! WHAT!" Inwardly, Ned smiles. This is almost enjoyable.
"Nothing." Gem sullenly replies. "Let's go inside. People are staring"
"God!"
He storms in ahead of her past the flabbergasted bouncer.
"Don't worry" gasps Gem as she staggers after Ned to the bouncer. "He's with me"
"Yes, Miss Croix" The bouncer nods at her.
"Is it weird being called Miss Croix by someone whose older than you?" Ned mumbles.
"Every time" Gem sits at the bar, waves her hand and two drinks instantly appear before the duo.
"Sounds like it would be" Ned raises an eyebrow.
"Eat drink and be merry" Gem raises her neon drink up to his in a toast.
"Here's to public displays of breaking up." Ned agrees and clinks his drink against hers.
12:21 am
Ned, with fumbling fingers, puts his keys in the lock and pushes through the door, giggling to himself. I'm FREEEE! FINALLY FREE OF THAT WENCH!
"Hey" Moze sits in his freshly painted living room, the light from the late night show flickering across her tired face.
Ned just looks ahead, the blues and greens creating patterns on his face.
"I.." He beings.
"You... I don't want to hear it" Moze hefts her weight off the couch and walks off.
"Wha...I..."
"Congratulations, Ned." Moze coldly continues on to her guest room. "I almost believed you for a few moments there. Really had me going."
Oh crap.