NARUTO

DISCLAIMER: Don't own~!

ARCHIMEDES SCREW

Noun

Archimedes Screw (plural Archimedes screws)

A screw like device invented by Greek mathematician Archimedes, ca. 200 BCE, which when twisted inside a cylinder, raises water from a lower level to a higher level.

HAKU AND ZABUZA: THE GREAT ESCAPE

PART ONE

"Sorry, I don't speak mask" said the lithe figure in the corner of the cell. His skin sallow and his greasy hair hanging in folds around his face, a soft oval face that bore a surprisingly bitter smirk. Haku's clouded eyes looking over at his new prison-chum.

Better get them in while I can… before he knocks out my teeth.

The fresh meat narrowed his eyes. His body hanging loose over a bunk, a sharp bone pick in between his dark fingers. "Fhuk hue" he muttered through a face full of bandages. His cheap excuse of a mask.

"I'm sure you will, it's what most of my roomies do" the Egyptian boy laughed, arms hanging over his bent knees. A soft hand caressing his face. He had fully accepted his fate as a street rat and a notoriously popular prison bitch.

"I dom't fhuk mhen" Zabuza groaned, dropping a palm onto his face as he wondered how he ever got into this mess.

One moment he's in a dark corner of some dodgy hotel, groaning and moaning as one of the waitresses he had tipped rather generously ravaged his loins with her mouth. Next moment the law enforcement burst in, interrupting his fun and arresting him for burglary before hauling him down to the Athenian prison.

At least he got a nice cell.

At least he got a clean roommate.

At least they let him keep his mask on.

Though no amount of "at least" remarks could possibly take away from the fact that some absolute bastard had falsely accused him of burglary. Zabuza of Carthage was a con-man, a killer, muscle for hire and the occasional male prostitute to rather adventure deprived ladies even but he was not a thief! He was much better at crime than petty theft.

He also had the best poker face in the whole empire. Not that he liked to brag.

"Sure, sure. Do you know how many guys come in here and tell me that they aren't interested? Then one night when I least expect it I wind up rotisserie-styled between two guys on the bathro…"

"WHOA! I dom't wamt to knhow, serhiously khid" the masked man exclaimed, waving a discouraging hand at the young boy. "How fhucking old are yhou anywhay? To yhoung for thaht shit" the elder of the two said, looking over with hazelnut eyes.

"Me? I'm fourteen, which is old enough where I'm from anyway" Haku said, examining his nails.

"Yheah… Where's thaht exactly?" the masked criminal asked. If he was going to be stuck in a cell for Zeus-knows-how-long with this kid then he may as well try and get along with the boy. That and it occupied him for five of the next…

60 minutes x 12 hours x 30 days… umm… umm… well the math wasn't important anyway. [1]

It was five minutes less boredom anyway.

Smiling away to himself, Haku scuttled on his rear just that little bit closer to his new companion. Stopping at Zabuza's feet. Where five minutes conversation meant five less boring moments for Zabuza, they were equivalent to five more minutes where Haku was being pressed naked against a wall with his orifices being violated.

It made the boy pretty happy actually.

"I'm from Luxor originally. Though I have to say I've moved about Egypt a fair bit" the young boy admitted, examining Zabuza's feet.

He has really bad toenails.

"Thaht's a fair way ahway, kiddo. How'd yhou make it to Athens? Surehly yhou couldm't afford to buy passahge"

Haku grimaced. He was a very open boy. Very open indeed. He shared everything he knew about anything and everyone but there were some things that –even for a poor boy who hadn't eaten properly since he was five, lived on the streets when not in jail and was generally looking forward to when he finally croaked- Haku preferred to keep private.

Silently the boy shrugged, earning a grunt of annoyance from his fellow crim.

"Fhine, be thaht way" Zabuza hissed, rolling around onto his bunk. Shifting his hips around until he found the sweet spot. That comfortable little sweet spot where your back rests perfectly and all the tension in your body just ebbs away.

"Shut up gramps"

Zabuza shot up. Eyes wide as he gaped (behind the security of his mask) at the teenager.

"Grhamps? Who're yhou challing grhamps, yhou little phunk!!" he spat, hauling the nutrient-deprived little boy over by the nape of his neck.

"I'm calling you gramps, you smelly old fossil" Haku smirked.

"WHY YHOU LIHTTLE BASTARD~!" bellowed the Carthagian.

"Go lick a goat, you hairy old ball-sack"

"Arse-sniffer"

"UGLY!"

With that, the older man dropped Haku. A strange almost hurt looking glimmer in his eyes. His lips moving beneath his mask as he croaked out a sentence: "Thaht…thaht was just uncalled fhor".

For a moment Haku just watched him. "Sorry"

"Fhorget it, I dom't care what yhou thimk"

The pair sat quietly, fiddling around nervously. Unwilling to look each other in the eyes let alone talk to each other. Zabuza returning his hand to his face, again pondering how he had ended up in this hell-hole. He hadn't been in the slammer for years. Lots of years.

Haku on the other hand, had been in repeatedly over the last few years of his short life. He was in and out so much that most of the guards in the Egyptian prisons knew him. Sometimes they even stopped to talk to him.

Today very few guards had come to talk to him. On account of the recent Spartan invasion all unessential officers were dismissed from patrol to attend city wide clean-up efforts. So that meant Haku was stuck –probably for the next week or so- with his least favourite of the guards, the big fat one. The big fat one with the multiple chins. The big fat one with the multiple chins and the tiny…

"-Cock, so naturally I had to skin the poor cat. I can't have it eating all of my poultry, my wife would have a pink fit" rumbled one of the said essential guards, strolling past casually with Hayate.

The coughing, dark haired man just rolling his eyes as the other spoke. "Yeah, yeah…" he murmured. Stopping at Haku and Zabuza's cell, drawing out a key and beginning a drawn out fight with the ancient lock.

It was as if the gods had spoken to the both of the prisoners. Whatever this dreary, ill appearing man was here for – his presence would mar their escape.

"Man, sometimes it feels like you don't even listen to me!" the second guard wailed. Tossing his arms about as he waited for Hayate to finish.

There was a click of the lock and, without thinking, Hayate turned around. A face like thunder making him look absolutely ghoulish. "Well maybe if you stopped whining every several seconds than I'd have something worth listening too! For Zeus's sake!" he swore, a hand loosely gripping the door.

"Mhan's ghot a phoint" came a muffled voice from behind the sick man. Zabuza's voice easily audible over the squeal of the metal gate. Hayate's hand closing in on his body as he watched the horrorfied glance of his second. A enormous hand shooting forward to grab Hayate's companion around the face.

His screams drowning out Hayate's own complaints.

"Well this sucks"

Frowning, Haku joined Hayate. Placidly watching as Zabuza broke the annoying guard's arms in several places. "Yeah… but if you want, I can knock you out and make it look like you didn't stand to the side and do nothing" offered the teenager.

"That'd be nice, thanks kid" Hayate sighed, "That guy – '' he said while nodding at the stripe-wearing monolithic man "- I can't understand a word he says"

"Gives him an air of mystery, don't you think?" replied the preoccupied Haku, bringing down a grimy timber stool over Hayate's head.

The man collapsing into a bloody pool on the floor. His eyes rolling to the back of his head as he muttered away, "Kinda thought it just made him sound like an idiot".

With that, Haku strode over to Zabuza. The larger man busying himself with wiping the blood from his hands onto his notoriously odd pants, the eye-gouged body of a Athenian guard laying by his feet. "Any Trhouble?" he muttered to the thinner, more feminine boy.

"Not really – Snot-rag there called you a fat ugly mask-face though"

"…Fhuck yhou"

A/N: I hope you enjoy this - because it's the only thing that has brought me happiness in the last few days. I'm in the Aussie bush fucking CAMPING~!! I hate it. I love being with my family and fishing and stuff but I hate the shitty weather, being stuck with my hair-trigger-temper Mother and absolutely nobody my own age. So naturally, I'm missing my dear Stars-chan terribly.

[You may know her as show . me . the . stars - without the spaces though, I can't make her name appear without them, ::sigh::]

Thus I dedicate this entire chapter to her... that and she gave me the inspiration for it via introducing me to the beautiful, wonderful, amazin' creation that is Naruto: The Abridged Series.

A/N: Refering to [1] - I'll dedicate the next chapter of Archimedes Screw (or any chapter number they so desire) to whoever does this sum for me. Go ahead, do the math~! LOL.

THANK YOU and please review~!