I took my time climbing the stairs to my apartment. I had just checked out from the hospital; the incident with Kakashi and his Hana having happened only a few days ago. If the others had expected a reaction from me, they were sorely disappointed. I was civil, and I excused them all a few moments later.
Then I asked that I receive no more visitors.
Tsunade agreed to my discharge, though with her consent came a promise to make a home visit within a few days. I had left the hospital a little before midnight to avoid notice.
The hallway was dark, and smaller than what I remembered. I took the key the landlady had returned grudgingly, and unlocked the door before me. She wouldn't have to worry about making replacements; I would never lose another key again.
I knew before I stepped over the threshold that someone had been in my apartment fairly recently. The air was fresh, and the faintest hint of chemical cleaners hung around. I closed the door and dropped my things beside it. I didn't bother turning on the lights.
My home, like the hall, felt smaller and stifling. Perhaps it was because I was accustomed to being outdoors so often, that suddenly having four walls to call home was making me feel nervous. I quickly set all the locks on the door, before moving forwards carefully; inspecting my surroundings.
People had definitely been here, scrubbing away two and a half years worth of dust and decay. My bed had new sheets, and when I opened my drawers, I saw that everything was washed and folded away neatly. The fridge was fully stocked with healthy food, and there was a timetable stuck to the steel door detailing my upcoming doctors' appointments. Tsunade's unearned guilt had found an outlet.
What now?
The first pangs of anxiety tingled up my spine. The memories from the night I left this place rushed back to me; the fight, the escape…the try-outs. And suddenly I was back in that cavernous, dark room; listening to my fellow wannabe mercenaries stir in the shadows.
I swallowed hard and rushed at the light-switch. The bright flood brought little relief, but at least I could see.
My attention was drawn to the enormous window at the end of the room. I moved quickly to draw the thick curtains over it. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears; the hair on my arms stood to attention. I took some deep breaths and sat myself at the small kitchen table.
I stared down at my hands, trying to find focus through the numbing panic that was sweeping through me. The kitchen clock ticked noisily above me, grating at my nerves and putting rhythm to the question circling through my brain; what now...what now...what now...
"As many of you will have heard, Sumiko Mai returned to the village little under a week ago."
Hana was barely listening to the man addressing the room. She was busy watching Kakashi, who stood a few rows ahead of her with the other Jounin. His gaze was fixed on the man speaking, but his eyes had glazed over.
His friends stood on either side of him; they had not left his side since that girl came back.
"While the details of the mission will remain confidential, it is vital that you all understand that Sumiko has always worked as a Konoha Ninja, and acted for the village's best interests."
When she had heard that Kakashi had returned from his mission and was in the hospital, she had feared the worst. And then, when she had seen that woman lying in the hospital bed…
She wasn't naïve; she knew who it was before Kakashi's unenthusiastic introduction, and if she had known little of his previous relationships before; other Chunin had been eager to fill varied details of Kakashi and Sumiko Mai's history.
"Kakashi and Mai? Who didn't know about them? They've been in love with each other forever."
"I heard he hunted Itachi for a whole year after they ran away together the first time"
"No he didn't, he stood in vigil for her every night until her return!"
"I thought they hated each other?"
She hadn't known what to believe, but whatever the truth was, Kakashi was definitely struggling with her return.
"Therefore, when she eventually returns to active duty, she is to be treated as she was before. This is for your own safety on missions as well as hers. We cannot afford to have a breakdown in our ranks over ninja who may hold a grudge."
Active Duty? Hana thought blandly, The girl looked like she was on death row.
Hana watched as Asuma muttered something under his breath to the men around him, causing some to nod solemnly. She wished she could join them, and try to learn a little about this woman. Kakashi hadn't talked about it, and he didn't seem eager to start.
As far as she knew, he hadn't been back to visit her
"Now, onto the main issue; we have received news that Uzumaki Naruto will be returning to the village…"
Kakashi became alert at the mention of this new person; his eyes narrowing as Ibiki continued. Hana, however, was only half listening.
Maybe he wasn't interested in Mai after all, she thought hopefully. He never seemed pleased to hear about her, in fact, he had really looked bored…
She smiled to herself, reaffirming her belief in her conclusion. She turned her thoughts back to the meeting at hand, and wandered to herself; so who's this Naruto kid?
Shizune knocked quietly on Sumiko's door, not that she expected an answer. She had been sent here by the Hokage after her charge failed to show up to her check-up at the hospital and her appointment with her assigned councillor.
"Mai? Are you in? It's me, Shizune."
Shizune knew Mai was in; the apartment was on round the clock observation on Tsunade's orders.
Stony silence met her introduction. She knocked harder and waited a few seconds before taking the duplicate key to the apartment and unlocking the door.
Darkness pressed itself on her eyes. She suppressed a sigh, this wasn't a good sign. It was a beautiful day today, and for all the curtains to be pulled at this hour…
"Mai?" She called softly, not wanting to startle the young woman lurking somewhere in the gloom.
She banged her shin into the corner of a table,
"Shiiiiiiit" she hissed, rubbing the wound hard. She felt around for a light switch, but realised, upon discovery, that the power had been disconnected.
Shizune squinted around again, hoping to adjust her eyes. There had been windows along the front of the building, and once she remembered this, she stumbled blindly towards where she assumed it to be.
She flung open the curtains and rejoiced in the light.
One of the watchmen sat on the opposite roof started at the movement, but raised a hand in greeting when he saw who it was.
The long room had a look of total disuse. A thin film of dust lay on the surfaces, though that aside, all was kept immaculate.
Finally a noise; the slightest rustling came from the next room at the sudden appearance of light.
Shizune hurried to the door that stood ajar and pushed it open.
"Maia it's Shizune – are you okay? You've missed- Thunk," The wood hit the dresser, which had been pushed against the doorframe. This room was gloomy too; the skylight had somehow been covered with the covers from the bed.
Shizune squeezed through the small gap, and finally found her target. Her voice died in her throat.
Mai sat opposite the door, pressing herself against the wall. Her eyes were bloodshot, and dark circles hung below them. Her jaw was clenched tight, and she gripped a kunai in one pale, bony hand. There was a flicker of recognition in the ninja's eye; Shizune took it as a sign that she could approach safely.
She knelt in front of Mai and immediately took the weapon from her hand. Mai didn't resist, only watched Shizune listlessly. Blood trickled from her palm, and Shizune immediately made to heal the wound. Mai pulled away, and closed her fist. White light glowed through the gaps for a moment, before she held up her hand to show that the cut had disappeared.
"What are you doing? Why have you barricaded yourself in?"
No answer, just the blank stare.
Shizune reached into her bag and pulled out a scroll.
"Sorry Mai, but I'm going to have to get Tsunade."
She placed her hand over a seal, and a small black bird appeared and waited for its message.
Mai picked up the discarded Kunai and resumed to stare at her knees.
"Seriously, I wouldn't worry about it Hana."
"But you don't know what it's been like since she's been back." The blonde ninja said, looking gloomily down her wine glass.
Hana's friend, Sam, gave her a sympathetic look. Kakashi had disappeared earlier in the day, though not before promising to a night out at Hana's suggestion. She decided to catch up with one of her girlfriends for a drink before-hand, for some much needing venting.
They sat together at the bar of some restaurant – Sam had picked one of the most expensive ones in Konoha, with the reasoning that Kakashi could afford to treat his girlfriend after being such a miser over the last week.
"What happened, hun?" She said gently, pouring more wine into Hana's glass.
Hana sighed and ran her hand over her hair, checking that it had remained smooth and pulled back in her French twist. She wanted to look nice tonight; to try and make Kakashi forget about that sickly girl lying in the hospital.
"Nothing really…I mean, he hasn't done anything outright, but… He hasn't visited her, or spoken to her since she came back. But he thinks about her. I know he does. A lot."
"Have you talked to him about it?"
"….Hn."
Sam raised an eyebrow.
"Well!..." Hana gesticulated lamely for a moment.
"Well?"
"Maybe I am just being paranoid."
"There you go!" Sam grinned at her. "I mean, I think about Kakashi all the time, but that doesn't mean-,"
Hana pinched her friend, and looked at her mock-threateningly.
"I'm kidding!"
They both snickered into their drinks. Hana glanced at the clock, Kakashi was supposed to have been here by now, but then, he was always late.
Sam giggled again.
"You obviously haven't heard the latest then – she's back in hospital. Psyche ward."
Hana looked at her friend wide eyed. She hadn't heard that; but surely Kakashi would have! Sam recognised the interest and surprise on Hana's face, and turned excitedly towards her.
"I was talking to one of the girls, who has a friend at the hospital, and she said the Sumiko was committed a few days ago after they found her in her apartment thinking she was in a war zone. She was talking to herself, thought she was back with the Akatsuki – she attacked an orderly the other day. Bit him, apparently."
"Really?"
Sam nodded smugly.
"She's got PTSD or something. The Hokage has taken over her care personally."
"But what does it all mean?"
Sam paused before she took a sip from her glass, still smiling.
"Hana, the bitch is crazy."
Sudden movement in Hana's peripherals caused her to turn.
Kakashi stared back, and by the look on his face, he'd heard it all. Sam spun around, and turned red. Hana opened her mouth to say something, anything to make this better.
He shook his head slightly, before silently walking away.
The sudden thudding on her office door caused Tsunade to jump. The surprised on her wan face was quickly replaced with annoyance. Who was behaving so disrespectfully…Her tired brain briefly wondered if it was Naruto; they were expecting his and Jiraya's return any day now. The violent knocking came again, and Tsunade grimaced. Naruto wouldn't bother to knock.
"What?" She barked, looking back down at the paperwork from the hospital.
The door opened abruptly, though the intruder caught it before it bounced off the wall.
"Kakashi. Come in." Tsunade said some what tersely, shuffling her papers before putting them away.
Hatake Kakashi was white behind his mask, and while his face was arranged in a heroic attempt at neutral, Tsunade could see the muscle twitching in his jaw.
"So that's why no one has seen her? Because she's in the Psyche unit?" He said quietly.
Tsunade leaned back in her chair and smiled at him thinly.
"Did you expect me to ring you? Sumiko has the right to privacy, just like every other patient."
"Then why has it spread around the village that she's raving?" Kakashi positively bit out.
Tsunade scowled. So much for that great idea; she had been trying to protect the girl's integrity. She wasn't the first to return from an undercover mission a changed person. But Tsunade had also wanted to prevent the Konoha Ninja for having another reason to distrust her. Tsunade sighed and rubbed her forehead.
"I tried Hatake. I did; but I can't stop everyone from talking."
Kakashi stared at her.
"Will she be okay?" the words seemed to pain him.
"She's not crazy; but she has lived in desperate, life threatening circumstances for the last two and a half years. And now she comes back to Konoha, she stops running, stops fighting and returns to normal, every day life. She had to do terrible things with the mercenaries, but she never had time to process it. But now…It's all catching up to her.
"She'll be fine. I'm keeping an eye on her progress, the problem was largely due to insomnia, but she'll be out in a few days."
Some of the tension in the man's shoulders left, though Kakashi still did not sit down. He nodded vaguely, as though her reassurances bored him. They were silent for a while, and Tsunade's own mind began to wander. After all that she and Mai had done, was it possible that Kakashi could still-,
"When can I see her?" Kakashi asked bluntly.
"Not until I discharge her, I don't think she would respond well to seeing you at the moment."
Kakashi seemed to think this was reasonable, he nodded, hesitated before turning to leave. Inspiration hit Tsunade as she watched his retreating back. She was somewhat responsible for this situation, she may as well attempt tp help Mai.
"Oh and Kakashi, when you visit her, maybe leave your girlfriend at home this time."
Kakashi didn't break his stride. He waved lazily and shut the door behind him.
Hana had spent the last hour pacing around her apartment, wringing her hands. She had been fretting even longer. Hana had chased after Kakashi It wasn't like she had sad anything incriminating – it had been Sam. And now he had disappeared again, he wasn't answering his phone and his friends didn't know where he was either.
She glanced at the clock again; it was now half past one in the morning.
She stopped pacing and started dialling again, only to be interrupted by the doorbell. She rushed at the door and threw it open. Kakashi stood patiently, his mask pulled down around his neck. Hana eyed him carefully before gently wrapping her arms around his waist. He didn't return the embraced, but kissing her quickly on the forehead before moving inside.
Not good.
Hana held her breath while she shut the door and followed him inside. She found him leaning against the kitchen bench waiting. She licked her lips hesitantly, and then decided that it would be better to get this over with.
"Look, I didn't say any of that. I mean, I was only interested because you refuse to talk about her, but I don't think the situation is funny – I don't! We'd just been joking, and we'd been drinking-,"
"- Hana-,"
"And to Sam's credit, she was the one that said I didn't need to worry, about you and I that is. Please don't be angry, it was such a stupid thing-,"
"Hana,' Kakashi said patiently, 'Stop."
Hana obeyed immediately. Kakashi crossed his arms and searched for the right words.
"I'm not angry- not with you anyway. But things have changed again…"
Hana felt her stomach dissolve.
"I-I don't have to be worried…do I?"
The look on Kakashi's face said it all. Disbelief crashed around her – he couldn't be serious…
"B-but, after everything she's done…What she's caused – I mean, look at the state of you!"
He rubbed the back of his neck tiredly. He hated himself for what he was about to do, and dreaded it even more so. Kakashi forced himself to look her in the eye, and instantly read the plea written on her face. She wouldn't understand why he had to do this, and would probably consider him pathetic for doing so. Maybe she was right, but he wasn't about to drag her into this mess to protect his pride. It was the right thing, and Hana would be alright in time. His next words caused her face to fall.
"We need to talk."
An hour later Kakashi stepped out onto the dark, deserted Konoha street a relieved man. His breath froze in front of him, and his tired feet left sodden footprints in the icy road; though he didn't feel the cold. For too long he'd felt adrift, barely going through the motions of day to day life. And now finally, after so long a time spent wandering, he felt his sense of purpose and direction return to him.
He was sorry to hurt Hana; but it would have been far worse to string her along after him while he sorted out his life.
Mai's return to the village had left him in turmoil; he was furious over what had happened, for both his and her actions over the last two years. And yet he could not force her from his mind; their kiss after the ceremony was burned like a brand in his memory.
Then hearing that woman at the restaurant, and his immediate reaction…
There was no point in fighting it any longer. Now that he had left Hana, he was free to pursue the necessary course of action. He had decisions to make, and regardless of whether there was place for he and Mai in his future there was no denying that they were far from finished.