Disclaimer: The only thing this has in common with The Twilight Saga is that it is now complete.
A/N: Yes! It's not a dream – this is in fact the final chapter. You should all thank Nikirockztar16 – without our mutual prodding at each other to update this probably wouldn't have happened this month! I'll save the big final A/N to the end and let you get on with this ^_^.
Songs that fit in with this chapter for me pretty much in order
Linkin Park - In the End - Edward
Depeche Mode - Enjoy the Silence - Edward and Jacob
Linkin Park - In Between - Jacob
Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars - Edward and Jacob
The End of Our Beginning
Last time:
"He is refusing to see anybody." The stress in his voice was becoming strikingly clearer. "It's getting desperate now – will you help us?"
Would I help save the life of the man who had abused me more times than I cared to remember? "Yes."
Ten minutes later following Jared's departure upon my arrival I stood in Jacob Black's room fighting the strong urge to bolt right back out of there. The sour stench of sweat reached my nose before I caught sight of the glistening body adorned in just a pair of boxers stretched awkwardly across the mattress. His face was scrunched up in pain and his chest rose and fell rapidly. I knew what I had to do.
Sighing, I began to undress. First my jacket hit the floor quickly followed by the rest until I was stood in just my underwear with my arms wrapped around myself self-consciously. Panic swept through me as I couldn't help but recall how many times I had been here before wearing a similar amount of clothing awaiting the wolf's punishment. What was I doing here? Who on earth would willingly come to save their tormentor's life knowing full-well that nothing would change? There just always seemed to be something drawing me back to Jacob no matter how much agony he put me through. I wonder sometimes if making the transition from human to vampire had left me slightly brain damaged. No matter how many good reasons there were to leave this room I knew I would not depart until Jacob was healthy again. Truth be told I was surprised he hadn't noticed me yet. Normally he would have caught my scent by now although I suppose his own powerful odour was blocking mine out. Not for long…
Cautiously, I sunk onto his mattress and crept towards Jacob's unmoving body. Thankfully he was lying on his side so I slid along next to him to allow as much of my body to be pressed against his sticky skin as possible. Emitting a groan of pleasure at the temperature change, Jacob sluggishly wrapped his arms around me, pulling my body closer while I placed a hand on his piping hot forehead. He had to be nearly double his average temperature.
Half an hour had gone by when Jacob blearily opened his eyes.
"What the hell are you doing here?" he gasped, trying to wriggle away before realising that I was the sole reason he was thinking coherently again.
"Saving your life." I removed the hand from his head and manoeuvred it so my arm draped over his side. I was unable to look him in the eyes at such close proximity and instead chose to rest my head by his shoulder.
"Sometimes I really don't understand you."
"Neither do I," I mumbled, clinging to him tighter.
"Thank you for doing this but it won't change anything between us."
"I know." As naïve as I could be I was not a complete fool despite how enticing the fantasies that came with the title were. Jacob slipped back into a comfortable sleep where he would hopefully remain for a while.
As much as I wished it would mean more I knew that something like this would only register as an insignificant event for Jacob in regards to his views on torturing me. From where things stood at the moment it seemed like nothing could sway him from the path he had chosen to make my existence absolutely miserable. I would have left Forks a long time ago if not for this foolish pride of mine and the fact that I didn't trust the wolf enough to not do something stupid like set his pack on my family as vengeance. Careful so as not to disturb the wolf, I snuggled closer to his body relishing in the ridiculously rare opportunity to express any affection towards him.
Why can't you love me..?
I had asked this many times now although never to his face and most likely never would. It's almost pitiable how obsessed Jacob is in his 'love' for Bella that he became ignorant to everything else around him. Just because he punishes me for reactions I cannot help doesn't mean I hadn't noticed some of the expressions and emotions that flickered across that face. Every once in a while and more frequently now regret would make its presence known and even in his thoughts when the careful blocking slipped I could hear how unsure he was sometimes under that cold exterior when he took me. It wasn't much but it meant the world to me – at least it proved that Jacob actually had a conscience.
A low groan alerted me to Jacob waking up once again with barely an hour gone by. I suddenly stiffened as I felt one of his hands drag its way down my body into my underwear wrapping around my shaft.
"Jacob what are you doing?" I squeaked, trying to stay calm as he began to move his hand along. He had never done this before and I was honestly scared out of my mind; for once the message was unclear. His eyes were barely open and his words were thick and mumbled.
"Mmm… Touching you… I want you…"
"Don't…" I bit my lip to stop a moan as he sped up. "You don't mean it."
"Shut up Cullen!" Jacob snapped, lax attitude gone. Despite his exhaustion Jacob easily pushed me onto my front and knelt over me already dragging my underwear down. I could feel his breath coating my back heavily.
"Wait! I helped you and I didn't have to. I could have let you die!" This was impossible. It just couldn't be happening right after I had willingly helped him. I thought there was a glimpse of a chance this time but I needed to accept it, he'd never change.
With his erection free, Jacob pulled my hips up and slammed in. "I don't need you," he snarled. "You are nothing but an inconvenience. I don't need you – I don't!" Jacob cried out, his words tinged with desperation. I didn't even want to dwell on it anymore; all I wanted was for the ordeal to be over.
The searing burn of torn flesh was not the most painful; the fact that I still wanted his touch so badly even in such a twisted manner was not the most shameful; the way in which he had taken me so soon after I helped him of my own free will was not the most hurtful.
It was knowing that within myself I still loved him endlessly and that this was all that would come of it: pain and destruction.
Finally Jacob came and tossed me off the bed where I landed on the floor heavily. My patience was ending with this boy. I gave him every chance I could and he threw it back in my face. I was done.
Jacob's POV
"Why do you hurt me? I have done nothing to you! Nothing!" Edward yelled, curling tightly into himself.
Running a hand through my hair, I tried to steady my breathing, still in a panic and weak from the fever. What do I do? I had been fighting those damn thoughts for so long I didn't even know what the truth would be anymore. All I knew was that these feelings for the vampire couldn't be real. They just couldn't.
"I don't know, alright? I just… I love Bella – I have to love her but you keep on popping up into my head and I can't get that out no matter how hard I try. Clearly I don't want to be with you-"
"Are you so sure?" He hissed glaring so strongly at me that for once I was forced to look away from his gaze. Damn I wanted to give him a straight answer – the right answer – but I still didn't know what that was.
"I didn't think so. Hand me your mobile so I can call Jasper. I don't want to be here anymore and you clearly need me out of here so you can sort your head out. Knowing you as I do I doubt this will be the last time you hurt me like this. Do us both a favour and don't come looking until you know what you want from me."
Numbly, I handed the phone over and watched the shaking vampire make the call in whispers. When he hung up he made a point of not looking anywhere near me. As if I could feel any guiltier. Mere minutes later a familiar snarling blond vampire stood in front of me, his murderous eyes blazing.
"Do you ever learn? Are you deaf as well as stupid?" He hissed and clenched his fists. I looked away as I had with Edward knowing that for once I was definitely in the wrong.
"Jasper don't. I just want to go home." Edward weakly protested. His exhaustion had clearly caught up with him. If I didn't know any better I'd say he was about to drop dead. Nodding, Jasper scooped his 'brother' up to carry him out as they left the house without a backwards glance. My own exhaustion re-appeared as the adrenaline rush from before finally ebbed away. I passed out on my bed and didn't move again for several hours when my dad came barrelling in demanding answers to questions I had every desire to avoid.
"Jacob Black wake up right now!" The man snarled, throwing a textbook off the floor in my direction. The book slammed into my side jerking me awake not in the nicest way I had ever experienced.
"Dad what the hell!" I rubbed my sore ribs and jerked the covers over me when I remembered my lack of clothes. What was up with him?
"I should be saying that. What is wrong with you? I leave the house for a few hours to visit Charlie and find that Bella has had her relationship with that vampire ended again. Thank God she's not turned catatonic this time was my initial reaction but then I got thinking." He stared at me with suspicious eyes. "Did you order him to do that?"
"No! I had no idea until now." Why on earth would he do that? I thought he was completely in love with Bella. Well… in love enough to never give her up for anything.
"I'm not quite sure if I believe you. There's more! I then get a call from Sam saying you are running a temperature but not to worry because they've called somebody to help. Now who would be able to break the fever of somebody who's normal body temperature is way above the average human?" Dad looked around and frowned when he seemed to find whatever he was looking for. "Those clothes," he gestured to the neatly stacked pile by the door, "are not yours. They belong to Edward Cullen, correct?"
I nodded, wondering what exactly he was getting at.
"Why are they not on his body?"
Grimacing, I looked down at my hands avoiding the clothes and my dad. "Don't want to talk about it…" I had seriously fucked things up; I knew it, my dad knew it and Edward definitely knew it. Honestly I didn't even know what to think anymore. One minute I wanted to bash Edward's head in and the next I just wanted to hold him close and apologize. What was up with me?
"Get yourself out of that bed and to Bella's. I want this all sorted out for everybody tonight whatever the outcome, understand?"
"But Dad," I pleaded, looking at him with all the desperation I felt pouring out of me. "I don't know what to do."
His expression visibly softened much to my relief. "Do what your heart tells you Jacob. I'll be here for you no matter what." With that he wheeled himself out leaving me to my battling thoughts.
It was always going to come down to this in the end as much as I had denied it as soon as I realised: Edward or Bella. Which one really meant the most to me? Now was the time for honesty, to let myself finally accept what Edward had long ago realised for himself.
I jerked into action and shoved on the shorts, shirt and sandals scattered in various piles across my floor. Just as I was about to leave with car keys in hands I jerked back and picked up Edward's neat stack of clothes – at least it would give me an excuse to step foot on their property without being shot.
Jacob knew where he had to begin, his dad had told him as much, so he put his ever faithful rabbit into gear and drove off in the direction of Forks. In the direction of a hurting Bella who would probably quite happily rip his head off if she ever knew the whole truth.
And half an hour later it was a slightly red-eyed Bella who opened the door and led Jacob up to her room.
"I presume you've heard." She stated, settling down in the middle of her bed while I pulled out her desk chair. So she was getting right down to it, not even giving me a chance to skirt around it so I might actually find something intelligent to say.
"Ugh yeah my dad told me when he got back. Are… are you okay?" I hadn't wanted them together but that didn't mean I wanted things back the way they were last time with Bella.
"I think I will be in the end." She rubbed her arms, either for warmth or comfort, I wasn't sure. "He explained it a little more and it didn't sound half as stupid as last time. Something had happened, he was hurting and if I'm honest I think he's been like that for a while. I just wanted to know why really."
I was becoming steadily more uncomfortable as each word left her mouth. Obviously I hadn't seen Edward outside of the events where I had done what I'd done and I'd just assumed that his mask would be firmly in place as it always was. Bella wasn't the best at picking things up so if he was that obvious…how much had this really affected him?
"He practically told me before he left that he was in love with somebody else. With a guy."
"What?" I spluttered, mouth gaping open. "He actually said that to you?" Was he out of his mind? Did I actually mean that much to him after everything I'd done..? This was impossible and it was awful that I had wasted so much time turning a blind eye to everything when the answers were right in front of me the whole time. To say something like that to Bella who prided honesty above all things told me just how deep Edward's feelings ran.
Not that I'd cared to look until it was too late. Time was ticking, Edward wasn't going to take my crap any longer and if I wanted something with him I had to act now.
And these thoughts gave me the answer to that overall question: Edward or Bella? Months ago I would have leapt at the chance to claim the position of being Bella's boyfriend yet now ever since I got here the majority of my thoughts had flickered back to that bronze-haired vampire I had so mercilessly broken to pieces.
"I'm sorry Bella but I have to go. There's something I need to do." I stood up and made my way to the door, only stopping when slim fingers grasped loosely at my arm.
"Wait Jake... It's you isn't it? Edward's in love with you." The latter was a statement and it hit me hard especially coming from Bella. Yes. Edward is in love with me and I... I needed to find him. To make him mine in a way I had never done before.
"I think so. But I-"
"No it's okay, go. I can't promise I'll be too supportive at first but I know he needs you right now despite how stubbornly he can act. Please take care of him, okay?" Bella looked at me with a small smile gracing her lips and I knew I would do anything to make her happy no matter how hard it would be. After all she was family.
"I promise."
Once again I found myself pulling up in front of a house although they were both as different as night and day pretty much like the ones I was looking for each time too. This time, though, I could sense I was definitely unwelcome.
As soon as I slammed the car door behind me with my free hand I had a vampire in front of me and he was definitely pissed.
"What did you do?" Jasper snarled. Of all of them he scared me the most and I'd bet my bike he knew it.
"Something stupid and inexcusable."
"Black you surprise me. I doubted you had a conscience. Suffice to say Edward doesn't wish to see you. On the other hand I unfortunately do know you well enough to know that you will simply find him anyway."
"So why are we still talking?" This stalling was making me lose my confidence by the second and I needed every scrap I could get my hands on.
Albeit reluctantly, Jasper led me inside the house and I did my best to ignore the pointed glares stabbing into me by the other leec- vampires. After passing dozens of doors the blond finally stopped.
"This is his room. For once in your life don't do something stupid." With those kind parting words he was gone.
On the other side of that door lay the hardest situation I had ever been put in. Just a twist of a door-handle away and I would finally have to fully face up to the facts. So why was it so hard?
Taking a deep breath, I quickly slipped into the room and shut the door firmly behind me before I could change my mind. I blinked as I turned around to let my eyes adjust to the darkness created in the relatively large room by thick velvety curtains. In front of me mere metres away on what had to be the biggest bed I had ever seen lay the vampire who had changed everything. He was on his back, under the thick duvet, eyes open yet facing the ceiling ignoring yet acknowledging me at the same time.
"I brought your clothes." I spoke, conscious of the anxious wobble in my voice. I placed the bundle I had carried from the car on a leather sofa.
"I'm only going to burn them but thanks." Edward's voice was stiff and he still refused to turn towards me but I didn't mind. Not really.
"Do you set all your clothes on fire once you've worn them?"
"No, just the ones you've been around. You actually do me a favour when you destroy them. I presume you're not here solely to return them though so what do you want?"
"I came to apologise."
"I didn't think you knew the meaning of that word."
"Look," I stepped forward. "I know fully well I have no reason to ask for your forgiveness but just listen to me, please. I'll admit I quite happily hurt you in the beginning even when I took it a step further. I still don't know why I did it in the first place but after that I suppose I just enjoyed having the control over you – you were the symbol of everything I hated in the world and I wanted to destroy you. What I wanted to apologise for was for acting so rashly about how you felt. I didn't want to acknowledge the way you felt because it would have meant doing the same for myself and my pig head just wasn't ready for that. What you did for me today… I can never repay that. You didn't have to come there today to stop that fever when Jared called especially after what I put you through yesterday. The way I treated you next was probably the worst thing I have ever done in my life and I'm sorry it took something like that to finally get me to think but it worked. And the way I feel…"
He gave no proper reaction, much preferring to focus on the wall opposite from where I stood and instead rolled over so his back was to me. Well I might as well stick with what I know. Quietly, I slipped my sandals off and made my way to his huge bed, slipping in under the covers. I wrapped an arm around Edward's cool waist and pulled the equally cold body back until he lay against me back to chest.
"That'll teach you to ignore me," I whispered,
"Jacob I am too exhausted; please go away."
"Hey relax. I just want to hold you."
A little more confident in my intentions or just not caring, Edward allowed himself to relax against me. I treasured the moment holding my natural enemy to me so close for the right reasons. It felt right.
"How do you feel?" He turned in my loose grip to face me, his guarded darkened eyes shielded with no intentions of letting me in just yet.
"I turned a blind eye, didn't want to believe that I might actually like you... really like you. But I can't do that anymore and I have to face up to the truth. Edward Cullen I'm falling in love with you and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to realise it."
"And why should I believe you?"
"I have no reason to lie to you now that I'm not lying to myself. I feel complete when I'm with you – it's like an electrical charge that I'm only just understanding."
"Any relationship between us is taboo Jacob, you know that. Think of the consequences, especially wirh your pack and elders."
"I know that I love you." I reached out and unhooked that ridiculous collar, throwing it far across the room. "That's all that matters. If you'll still have me… if it's not too late." This vampire had taken over my life as soon as he stepped into it and I had to be with him no matter what if my mistakes could be forgiven.
Edward let the mask fall and let me see his vulnerability. "There's no going back from this, Jacob. Things will change and I need to feel safe. I need…"
"I know. I'll always be there for you I swear. That clause will be removed and you'll never have to give me anything you don't want to again. All I want is you." I tightened my grip around his waist assuring him with my own eyes.
"I love you," Edward whispered. Then he leant forward and I mirrored him until finally our lips collided; a soft, harsh and satisfying combination. Just like us.
The End
A/N: Well I hope you've enjoyed 'Taboo'! It's been a long ride for some of us so an extra big thank you to those who have stuck with this since day one. Thank you for the 153 reviews, 93 FSs, 135 SAs and to those who have put me on Favourite Author/Author Alert.
To future readers who read this long after I click the 'Completed' button thanks for choosing 'Taboo', I hope it has served you well.
Oh I think I've still got one really important one left in me… Thanks for putting up with my lack of updates over the years! :D
Adios Edward and Jacob, I'm sure our paths shall cross again.
All Tears Must Fall