I have begun writing this chapter not long after posting the previous one (a few hours at most) and have no intention of posting it until I receive the required amount of reviews. I hope to finish this one quickly so that I might pursue another fan fiction for a time. I have a general idea for it, but I don't know how I'm going to make it blossom. This chapter is dedicated to all authors, everywhere. NEW CHARACTER ALERT!
Harry/Edward= Hedward Pullen
Ron/Jacob= Racob Wack
Hermione/Bella= Hella Gron
Ginny/Alice= Galice Wack
Dobby/Seth= Sobby
Mrs Weasley/Jane= Mrs Wack
Mr Weasley/Alec= Mr Wack
Fred/Mike= Frike Wack
George/Eric= Geric Wack
Draco/Emmett= Dremmett Mullen
Percy/Tyler= Pyler Wack
Lockhart/Aro= Laro
Hagrid/Sam= Ham
Lucius/ Caius= Lucais Mullen
Dumbledore/ Carlisle= Dumblelisle
McGonagall/ Esme= Mesme
Colin Creevey/Jasper= Casper Crullen
Snape/Charlie= Snarlie
Neville/ Quil= Nil
Professor Sprout/ Rosalie= Sprosalie
Oliver Wood/James= Joliver
Justin Finch-Fletchley/Laurent= Jaurent
Moaning Myrtle/ Victoria= Moaning Mictoria
DISCLAIMER: I DO OWN NEITHER TWILIGHT NOR HARRY POTTER. DO YOU? WHERE CAN I FIND THEM?
They were just about to seat themselves in the Great Hall, as Racob joined them, and Hedward whirled about, a sudden plan in his mind.
Hedward: let's roll, bitches.
Racob: hell yes!
Hella: …
Hedward set off at a run and they returned to the scene of the crime, looking suspicious, especially as everyone else was at dinner. They noticed scorch marks, and Hella was just pointing out a trail of spiders when Racob shrieked hysterically, collapsed on the far wall and started sobbing.
Racob: spiders…give…me…the…*sob*…creeps.
Hella: what a sissy. And I thought even with his hair he couldn't be any sissier. Today, I am proved wrong.
Hedward: shut up Hella. Everyone may love you in Twilight but everyone thinks you're a bitch here. GET WITH THE PROGRAM. Now, there used to be water outside this door, so let's go in, even though it's a girls' bathroom.
Hella: we can't go in there, we're not girls!
Racob: …actually, Hella, you are…aren't you?
Hella: shhh.
They walked cautiously into the bathroom and Racob screamed hysterically as he swivelled and caught his reflection in a mirror.
Racob: dear God, my HAIR!
Everyone ignored this and turned to see an emo looking ghost who was sitting on a toilet and crying transparent tears.
Hella: hello Mictoria. How are you?
Mictoria: BITCH! YOUR MATE KILLED MY JAMES, I'LL KILL YOU, I mean- leave me alone…I'm being depressed, in case you haven't noticed.
Hedward: did you notice anything suspicious on the night of Halloween? There was an attempted murder right outside your door.
Mictoria: I know a murder that wasn't just attempted, YOU KILLED MY JAMES, YOU ABSOLUTE ARSEHOLE. IF I WEREN'T ALREADY DEAD…I'D KILL YOU!
And with that, Mictoria flew up into the air and splashed into the toilet with a noisy sob.
Hella: what a stupid ghost.
They walked out of the girls' toilet and gasped ominously as Pyler strutted around the corner and screamed.
Pyler: my, my, Hella, aren't you looking fine this evening, I mean- RACOB! What are you doing in there? That's a girls' toilet! I know the whole family's had suspicions about you, but you have the family reputation to uphold.
Racob: take a chill pill, Mr. Grumpy. We're just suspiciously looking around for clues leading to the attempted murder of Farcus' cat.
Pyler: OMG how stupid are you? Don't answer that, because I read your IQ test results. This looks so suspicious poking around here while everyone is at dinner. If you do anything else suspicious I'll write to Mother, and she'll punish you good. See you around, Hella.
***
Later that night in the Common Room, they were discussing who they thought had opened the Chamber of Secrets.
Racob: I reckon it was Dumblelisle.
Hedward: yes, because that totally makes sense. Let's go with that.
Hella: umm you think the Headmaster opened the Chamber of Secrets? Dumblelisle? The dude totally against killing and all the Dark Arts? He's the least likely person to have done this.
Racob: that's what he wants you to think. Now stop being logical Hella, and let's think up a plan to reveal Dumblelisle's secret plots.
Hella: isn't it more likely that Dremmett Mullen did this? His whole family has been Slytherins, and his father is evil.
Hedward: now, now, Hella, that would make far too much sense. Let's just say Mullen is the heir of Salazar Slytherin. How do we go about proving this?
Hella: all we need to do is use Polyjuice Potion and turn into a few of Mullen's friends. Hopefully hot ones with rippling abs, I mean- we will have to get a book with the recipe and it will be in the Restricted Section. Funny how this school is always trying to foil our plans. We're gonna have to con a teacher into signing some paper so that we can borrow this book.
Racob: well now, we'd need to approach a seriously stupid teacher. I still think the Dumblelisle theory is plausible.
***
After a particularly eventful Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson, in which Laro made several members of the class perform dances he claimed had foiled many a werewolf (this made Racob grumble), they stayed back to talk to Laro.
Hella: can we borrow a potentially dark and dangerous book in order to make an illegal potion that will let us spy on other people?
Laro: certainly. I do love signatures. Where do I sign?
Hella: are you sure? Did you not hear the dark, dangerous and illegal parts?
Laro: Hell, I only care about upholding vampire law. Fuck me if I care what happens to you little brats. Now scat. Scat!
He signed the note hurriedly and they ran out, Laro's curses flying after them.