guest reviewer Lucy: it takes long to update because I have a life and other fics I'm working on. I'd appreciate if you realized this before leaving passive aggressive comments.
As usual, this chapter is long, there is some crows/hawks symbolism, an unplanned recurring theme but most of it all there's kinky and dark-ish, dom/sub-ish dynamics between Shisui and Sasuke. As crack as it may appear, I'm really into this pairing and I'm proud of the story I came up with, both for their dynamic and for the setting.
Like in the previous chapter I used the honorific Danna, that, like every Deidara fan knows, can mean husband but also master, or patron, in case of a geisha.
I dedicate this chapter, most of it all "Sasuke's exposed shoulder" to Minai-chan (Minai28 on tumblr), who draws the cutest Sasuke and Shisasu fanarts, even though this probably isn't her kind of stuff~
On a different note, I received a few disturbing reviews for my other fics, from downright insulting to compliments turning into passive-aggressive criticism of my portrayal, so I think I should remind readers that if you don't like my portrayal or opinion or dynamics or whatever, pointing that out won't make me change my mind, or rewrite the thing to your liking, no matter how wrong it is to you, since it's pretty clear that I write what I want and I provide motivations about it. I suggest to those people to do what I used to do when I found a fic I disagreed with: stop reading and start writing your own story. And, may I add, hope to never be bothered by people like you.
More notes below, with a reply to a guest reviewer and some thanks.
"We used to play outside when we were young
And full of life and full of love" (Of Monsters And Men, Little Things)
Sasuke's generation is considered the luckiest ever existed, since they've only known peace. Even the biggest incident they can remember was nothing like an actual conflict.
It happened during the chuunin exams: Orochimaru, once the Third's pupil then one of the three legendary sannin, ended up as a rogue scientist involved in various crimes, killed the Kazekage to steal his identity and sent the victim's sons to Konoha for the exams. His plan was to take advantage of the confusion and attack the village, and he would have succeeded if it weren't for the close cooperation between the Uchiha Police Force and other clans, especially Hyuuga and Yamanaka, monitoring everything and everyone, from their chakra to their thoughts, perfectly coordinated as if they were a single team whose mission was to eliminate the threats before they could strike.
Despite the tension for the impending danger, seeing everyone working so well together gave Itachi hope for the future. Shisui had been sent on a mission, because of his reputation as a loose cannon who faked his death for months and tortured and maimed Danzo instead of bringing him to justice or executing him quickly, as becoming for a shinobi.
He hoped that his cousin could witness the clans' cooperation, for they shared the same ideals.
Back then they used to be lovers too, although Shisui had already noticed little things, like the way Itachi looked at him, and the way Itachi looked at Sasuke.
Back then he was pretending not to understand.
In the meantime onlookers and young shinobi were kept in the dark, that lasted from the preliminary written test, to the survival one in the Forest of Death, until the long awaited one-on-one matches.
Sasuke passed the exams and became a chuunin, just like Shikamaru, Kiba, Chouji and many others, as his father pointed out, unsatisfied with the boy's results, since he had defeated Yoroi only after a strenuous battle, and he had lost against Gaara.
To Fugaku it didn't matter that Gaara was a jinchuuriki, and that he was completely insane. The only thing that mattered was that Itachi had passed with flying colours, unlike Sasuke.
Gaara wasn't just insane: he was sadistic and full of rage, so much that he was considered another possible threat. In fact he would have killed many if not for Naruto.
It was Itachi's idea to have him tailed and monitored by Uzumaki Kushina, an expert in bijuu control, former jinchuuriki herself and mother of one.
She prevented him from acting violently outside the exam, while her son Naruto connected with him on an emotional level, being both vessels for a monster.
Thus it was Sasuke who took the brunt of his pent up frustration. His newly learned chidori was powerful but still raw, and his sharingan and katon weren't enough against Gaara's sand defense, seemingly endless chakra and vicious taste for hurting others.
Sasuke was glad that his father, too busy coordinating the Police and communicating with Hiashi Hyuuga and Inoichi Yamanaka, and his brother, patrolling the village, hadn't seen him losing.
He didn't imagine that Itachi was there, suffering at each blow he received and rejoicing for each one he landed, until the match ended and his brother offered to tend after his wounds, reassuring him, knowing how dejected he felt. He did good, he told him, praising his choice of attacks, minimizing his mistakes, and later defending him against his father.
When Fugaku chided him for not having honored the Uchiha clan with his performance, Itachi pointed out that he did honor them, that chuunin exams weren't just about winning, but about standing out and Sasuke did stand out, being almost on par with that monster, so much that the all public was rooting for him.
His head hung low, the boy listened to the lecture without a word, apologizing when it was over, hating himself for not having been good enough once again.
A part of him was happy because not only his brother had defended him, but when the scolding ended he followed him in his room with new bandages and salve, and hugged him tight after he was done.
He also hated himself for not having been as good as Naruto, as his father remarked that despite the Uzumaki boy's results had always been lower than his, he surprised everyone, both for the successful matches and because his help had been crucial to change Gaara's perspective on life and people and himself, until he decided to redeem himself and gain everyone's trust.
Fugaku wasn't interested in personal facts but this was a matter of security and a success for Konoha, that not only handled the crisis in the smoothest way, but also benevolently pardoned both Gaara for his violent behaviour, and Sunagakure for having followed Orochimaru, acknowledged as the sole culprit.
It was Itachi's suggestion to convince the other clans to have a strong yet magnanimous attitude, to show that they didn't fear them because they were ready to fight -and win- anytime.
The Sand had a lot to reorganize, but before acting internally, they signed a peace treaty with the Leaf and solemnly promised to never break their new alliance.
Years later the chuunin exams are held in Suna.
As always it's a big event, and a pretext for diplomatic relationships and meetings.
Tsunade arrives with a delegation consisting of the main clans' representatives. After her, Itachi is the most important person, both as her advisor, replacing Shikaku Nara during the trip, and as future Hokage. Although the Uzumaki clan is currently made of just two, Kushina and Naruto are invited. They are escorted by Jiraiya, who years before had offered to mentor Minato's son, but his mother refused as she didn't want her child and only remainder of her late husband, to be away for years, travelling with the sannin. She only allowed Naruto to become his disciple, under the condition that they stayed in Konoha, when his genin team disbanded, Sakura wanting to learn from Tsunade and Sasuke joining Shisui's team.
Gaara is no longer a bloodthirsty monster: he completely redeemed himself, gaining everyone's trust so much that he was recently appointed Kazekage, something that would have never happened if he hadn't met Naruto. He's so grateful that after the exams, when guests returns to their villages, he invites the one he considers his first friend to stay a little more, together with his mother, and Itachi, not much older than him so expand yet so experienced already, and with such an original and inspiring worldview.
Izumi is invited to stay as well. Tsunade included her not wanting to separate a newlywed couple, and even though she's not competent or knowledgeable about politics, economics or history she's willing to learn everything she can, to help Itachi make his dream -and Shuuto's- come true.
Shisui's team too spends a long time away from Konoha, investigating on a case of disappearances and murders by human traffickers, one of them rumoured to be a serial killer who killed many young women and men. He is also rumoured to have unknown powers; some claim he's affiliated with Orochimaru, others that he's Orochimaru himself, because he experiments on his victims.
To shed some light on this murky situation and most of it all to verify if the sannin is behind it, the Leaf sends its best special jounins at the country border. They move from town to town, visiting taverns, inns and brothels, infiltrating as customers and workers.
Sasuke is young and attractive, hence he's the best choice to disguise as a prostitute.
"You're pale and slender, you look vulnerable," Shisui says when they are alone, after the briefing, "Even though you act like a defiant brat."
He lifts his chin up, as Sasuke's head is slightly tilted downwards, his eyes looking up to him -a proper slave shouldn't make eye contact with his master but Shisui liked it better this way, as he had a reason to punish him.
"Even more so...you make people want to break you."
He adds, tracing his jaw and long neck with his fingers, not sure if he is referring to others or to himself.
"I'm not vulnerable!" Sasuke lashes out, cornering the elder against the wooden dresser of the shabby room they're occupying -nothing strange, everyone in the team shares a double room. Besides, they've been teasing them since Sasuke joined the team.
"Oh you are, kid…"
Shisui flips them so that the other's face is pressed against the chipped wood, and twists his arm behind his back.
"Can't you see how vulnerable you are?"
He whispers hoarsely as he licks Sasuke's earlobe. The boy squirms, trying to break free and prove him wrong, but Shisui's groin, grinding against his ass, gives him no other choice but to surrender.
"Can't you feel how vulnerable you are?"
A low moan escapes Sasuke's lips as he grinds back.
"Didn't you say that your...taste...was different from other people's?"
He asks between moans, while the elder unceremoniously strips him of his clothes, chuckling at the odd timing of his question, that reminds him of the times he was just a child, over excited to spend some time with him and his brother.
"Can't wait to try out new people?"
He twists his arm again and he bites his shoulder, not sure if it's to punish him or to mark him as his own, even though he never thought of him that way. At least not consciously.
"Idiot..."
Sasuke hisses, earning a real punishment for having disrespected his master, who shoves him on the futon, silently commanding him to stay still as he takes off his clothes.
"Many like to break what's beautiful and vulnerable, kid...but you wouldn't like their ways. Or them. You wouldn't like to be broken by a coward who pays to dominate someone and pretend he's strong."
Shisui's voice is low. He's right, Sasuke would never like anything coming from a weak partner.
"I know, because I wouldn't like that either. Besides, vulnerable doesn't mean weak..."
He looms over Sasuke's naked exposed body, his balance impeccable as his foot traces his hips and lower abdomen, idly brushing his cock.
"And you aren't weak, kid. You can take me..."
He lowers slowly, smirking like a predator, spreading the boy's legs and entering him just as slowly, and painfully, and Sasuke bites his lip and clutches the sheet and looks away, groaning, but then he forces himself to stare back, because his cousin said that he's not weak because he can take him, and he can't prove him wrong.
Sasuke has no qualms accepting his role, as the youngest of the group it's only logical to be the bait. Unlike his teammates he doesn't make it a question of attractiveness.
To him the word attractive has no meaning when it's not tied to strength. Thus he, not strong enough -not worthy enough- may be young and have harmonious features but he wouldn't find himself attractive, unlike Itachi, the epitome of perfection, or Shisui, who's stronger and faster and feared by enemies and loved by his brother, even though they're no longer together.
What would he do if they were? He thought. He would be weaker and ignorant, as his cousin wouldn't have taught him how to better fight, or fuck, and he wouldn't practice with him either.
He would be completely alone if he couldn't seek him out.
He would have had his former teammates but they would have been useless, for they weren't as strong as he needed, for they were no Uchiha.
Would he have sought another to learn the same things? Would he have found another with the same inclination towards violence, to replace his intangible suffering with tangible pain?
Would he have felt the same mixture of anger, whenever another looked down on him, and admiration for his superior strength that made him accomplish so much?
Would he have found the same twisted comfort in the arms -holding him tight, or keeping him still- of another who hadn't been a part of his life since he could remember?
According to the plan Sasuke lures clients in rooms and alleyways, putting under genjutsu the regular perverts, for whom it's not unusual to be drugged and robbed by a hooker, while if their request are weird, after his genjutsu the suspect is interrogated again, this time using mangekyou sharingan.
Everyone bursts out laughing when, after having accepted the task without blinking, he asks what's a weird request and what's a regular one.
"Boss! Shouldn't he be knowledgeable in this field?"
Naoru says between snorts.
"Yeah right boss? Isn't he your thing?"
Hiro adds, deftly avoiding the blast of shuriken thrown by Sasuke, while Shisui shrugs his shoulders because he had it coming.
"Nah, I told you, the Captain didn't teach his little sister naughty stuff!"
Asao chimes in, laughing.
Shisui interrupts, calling them a bunch of idiots while a faint blue light and a telltale crackling sound announce Sasuke's next move if they don't stop. It's just a scene, he knows that there's no ill intent behind their jokes, besides he's used to them by now.
They continue the briefing over a generous amount of sake, listing what's usually asked to a prostitute, commenting each of them, making fun of everyone's kinks and taboos, and warning of what should alarm him.
Later, in their room, Shisui explains him even more thoroughly.
After he takes Sasuke they lie on the futon, where he adds details to what their teammates said, the younger nodding, sometimes making a disgusted face, sometimes widening his eyes.
The elder marvels that the boy has still such a pure, childlike mind about sex, despite everything he did to him since he approached him to learn what he ignored, then to obtain something similar to comfort and closeness.
He got both, even though stained with blood. He didn't have prior experience to judge him anyway, and he welcomed violence since the start. He still does, and Shisui is more than willing to give it to him. He is also willing to explain things to him, even to comfort him, in his own way, he realizes, finding himself on top of him, finding the other's fingers lightly brushing his muscular arm.
He goes on with his explanation, propping himself on one elbow as the other hand is intertwined with Sasuke's, up above his head, idly pressing him against the bed, his hips rocking against him, soon mirrored by the boy's matching movements.
He realizes that he loves that sensation, of having that lithe body beneath him, his taut muscles twitching against his chiseled ones, and he loves to admire the marks he made on his pale body, to trace them with his fingers and lips and tongue, like he does when he's done talking, before taking him again.
Because of his kotoamatsukami, and of his better assessment of people, Shisui is the one who interrogates Sasuke's suspicious clients.
He doesn't say it out loud but he doesn't like the idea of Sasuke alone with perverts; he knows that the boy is capable and that his sharingan is no match for them, but the suspect might be a shinobi, he might even be Orochimaru, and since Itachi entrusted his brother to him, he has every right to be worried. Or so he tells himself.
Shisui doesn't just hate the idea of strangers laying their hands on Sasuke, he also hates the idea of strangers ogling him, even of them remembering what they saw, for the boy's pure yet feisty appearance is a feast for perverted eyes, his pants hanging low on his hips, a white shirt completely open on his chest, his bored expression, his half open lips as he distractedly rubs his shoulder, not bothering to cover it up again, thus leaving it exposed.
He also hates himself for thinking about such nonsense. In fact, if he heard anything like that from his teammates, he would have smack them in the head.
Make sure to wipe their memory, he always tells the boy, but most times he does it himself.
Sasuke protests because even without mangekyou sharingan he can do it as well, not understanding that the elder doesn't mean that.
When Shisui marks him, biting him hard as he's pressed against the dresser, he understands a little more. Or maybe he doesn't.
Why would Shisui be possessive over him, after all? Didn't he say that what they do, what they have, is just a mutual agreement?
What does that mean anyway, and how is it different from any other thing other people have?
It takes months to catch the killer.
As Shisui suspected, it's not Orochimaru but a rogue shinobi affiliated with his second in command, a spy named Kabuto, whose research needed fresh corpses, and no one better than a serial killer could provide them. Because not all the bodies were suitable for his tests, some were found while others disappeared, thus it was first assumed there were human traffickers behind.
As soon as Shisui got Sasuke's signal he stormed in the dark alleyway.
A big, unconscious man was draped over his cousin, who just managed to put him under genjutsu. He sure put up a fight, the boy says, wiping the blood from his cut cheek.
He definitely isn't a civilian, the elder commented, violently shoving him on the ground, then picking him up and putting him in a sitting position against on the wall.
He hates the idea of strangers laying their hands on him.
The man was too elusive to be the usual pervert so he let him get closer, Sasuke explained.
Too close, Shisui scolded him, ignoring his protests that they wouldn't have caught him otherwise. When he activated mangekyou sharingan he had the proof that they were right. He used kotoamatsukami to make him talk and it worked so well that after waiting for an Anbu team to seal him and bring him to the village, they managed to capture Kabuto as well.
It's a big success for the team and for Sasuke.
His father acknowledges his hard work, although reminding him that he's not as good as Itachi.
As if Sasuke could ever forget that when Itachi avoided the massacre of their clan at 13, the same age him, when he took the chuunin exam.
As if he could ever forget that everything he did before or after that moment, Itachi had done it sooner and better.
At the Uchiha Police Force, Fugaku hears a few jokes about Sasuke as a prostitute, since Asao's brother is one of his direct subordinates, apparently the only one who's not affected by his undeniable intimidating aura, that he uses to glare at both siblings, once that he sees them outside their quarters, with Naoru and Shisui.
He's not offended; having been a shinobi all his life, he heard those jokes every time a comrade had a similar mission. He is only disappointed comparing his second son's career, completely average in his eyes, and Itachi's, appointed Anbu captain at 13 and on his way to be the youngest Hokage.
After the others leave he talks to Shisui, who tells him that Sasuke is smart and has a talent for strategy, an interesting fighting style, influenced by his brother, Kakashi and himself, the ability to learn fast and work well in a team, so he's a good special jounin. He adds that despite the initial skepticism towards his young age and lack of experience, he has become a valued member of the team.
Fugaku nods, unimpressed, before asking why, if he's so appreciated, he can't be recommended for a more prominent position, such as leading his own team, or at least for a promotion in theirs. Shisui runs his hand through his curly hair as he replies that Sasuke is the youngest member of the team so he can't change rank at the expense of the others, and that in a special jounin team ranks don't even matter that much. Most of it all, he continues, his relaxed stance getting serious, his look and posture straighter, even though Sasuke is a good shinobi, and he envisions that he'll be a good leader for a small team, he's not ready to take on such stressful task yet, and that his potential is much better expressed where he is now, under his mentorship, where discipline matters but individual initiative is appreciated, where his leader and senpai can take responsibility in case he should fail.
Itachi entrusted Sasuke to him so that his brother would escape Fugaku's pressure a little bit, and so that he could have more options. Special jounin are easily accepted in regular jounin teams, or as teachers, or in Anbu, although they usually don't like other forces' stricter rules.
Sasuke wouldn't like them either. Maybe he would, if Itachi were Hokage and he became his guard, Shisui wonders, not forgetting the rift between them, whose details he can vaguely guess, whose reasons -feelings stronger than societal roles, yet succumbing to them for Itachi, while causing pain and confusion for Sasuke- he knows for sure.
He shakes himself out of his musings, not wanting to put his little cousin in a bad situation with his father, and not wanting to think about their feelings at all, for he has feelings too.
The world has changed; he and Itachi were children of the war, like Fugaku himself, and Mikoto, and his deceased parents. Sasuke's generation is the first that knows only peace. They're luckier than their predecessors and some are definitely weak, but not his younger son, who's been training every day since he was a child, who's the only special jounin among his peers, Shisui tells the clan leader.
Shisui knows that in Fugaku's eyes Sasuke will never be strong enough, not only because in comparison with his other son but also because, according to their mentality, the boy didn't see the battlefield when he was barely able to read, unlike his brother, because he wasn't employed in far too dangerous missions for his young age, where, driven by survival instinct yet paralyzed by fear or jealousy or both, he left his best friend and rival behind. Unlike him.
Shisui found the courage to tell Itachi about this -the reason why he activated mangekyou sharingan- only after having been together for a while. The younger didn't judge him, he just stroked his back, commenting that he only acted that way because of fear and desperation, his concerned and guilty expression a reminder of what he was about to do when overwhelmed by those feelings.
Besides, he added, leaning on his shoulder, he was glad that Shisui clung to life: he saved the clan, Sasuke's life, and his soul, from the damnation and suffering that would have haunted him forever, if he had carried on his mission.
Those reassuring words, spoken with the calm, even voice of the one he loved, were like a balm soothing the elder's heart. So much that he swore to himself that he would never do anything that would make him unworthy of Itachi.
He pushed back his deepest, darkest desires and thoughts because of that oath.
Even before Kabuto's capture, Konoha's reputation of stability and strength received a new boost when the news of Itachi's diplomatic mission spread around the other countries. In fact he received invitations from other villages, that, like Suna, wanted to end the isolation they chose after the last war and grow economically.
There is no doubt that Uchiha prodigy will be a great Hokage, having already done so much for the Leaf.
Itachi doesn't care about that, his goal is not his or the Leaf's reputation, but a long lasting peace and a change in society, so that no one will be treated like a disposable tool for war, or a pawn in political games.
At the first clan meeting after his return, Itachi is asked to explain his successful mission's positive repercussions for the Uchiha, and although he illustrates them from a perspective that includes the village they all belong to, the audience listens with great interest, because he's good at motivating people and make them all feel involved and important.
It's a big step towards overcoming a stifling clan mentality.
It's a big step towards Sasuke's freedom, he thinks, eyeing his brother and Shisui in the farthest corner of the hall.
They rarely attend meetings, being usually busy with missions or training.
No one considers Shisui's absence a lack of respect, as no one forgot what he did for them.
No one cares about Sasuke's absence either, as although his results are impressive and he's in the Teleporter's team he's born after the war, and his brother shines too bright for him to be noticed.
Sasuke's eyes widen at the news that Gaara is now Kazekage. All he remembers about him is a bloodthirsty demon inside a crazy boy.
"It's an...interesting choice," Shisui comments. He speaks again after a short pause:
"Didn't he defeat you during your chuunin exams?"
When Sasuke nods, shrugging, he adds:
"I heard he did quite a number on you, all the while babbling creepy stuff..."
The boy's glare only urges him to continue, in a lower tone, with a darker look:
"Like I said, you make people want to break you..."
The disapproving look of a clansman shuts him up while, at the opposite side of the temple, Itachi is recounting what the new Kazekage is doing for his village.
Despite Sasuke only knows his beastly side, he believes his brother's words.
By now he knows that people change, feelings change, relationships change. Someone who kills for fun may redeem himself, just like brotherly affection may turn into something different, just like the unbreakable bond between two brothers may turn into cold formality.
Even though Itachi always acted out of duty with him, so that bond only existed in Sasuke's heart, he reminds himself, before trying to chase that painful thought away, especially because his brother is still speaking at the other side of the temple, so close yet so far away from him.
He tries to recall Gaara's face and appearance but he only remembers red hair and the symbol on his forehead, so he focuses on the man beside him. He's sitting cross-legged, his knee is casually leaning against the boy's thigh. His eyes -their shape so similar to his brother's- are half lidded. His black curls, so unusual for an Uchiha, are a little longer than the usual. He said he should have them cut, they're almost reaching his eyes and he hates the tickling sensation, he even asked how he can live with such long bangs, before admitting that "your mop of thick messy hair is kinda cool", and, grabbing a fistful of hair he pulled his head back and ravaged his exposed throat.
How did he get to think about that? He asks himself.
"Interesting choice indeed," he echoes Shisui's words, tearing down his lustful memory with sarcasm,"It's as if Konoha chose someone who cut heads and dragged them around laughing as its Hokage."
His voice is low, his look impassive, so not to be noticed by the clansman from before.
"You forgot the part where I saved your little ass, kid. Luckily I do remember it very well..."
The elder retorts with the same tone. Before the boy replies, he speaks again:
"By the way, you never thanked me for that."
"What about now...danna."
Sasuke whispers, ironically using the honorific, while keeping a straight face.
As they're heading to Shisui's place, he blurts out:
"The creepy things Gaara babbled...he said he wanted to taste my blood."
Shisui places his hand on the boy's collarbone, slowly tracing it.
"Did he? Guess he'd be jealous of me then..."
He whispers huskily as he reaches his throat, its paleness and taut softness reminding him the many times he licked Sasuke's blood, dripping from the cuts he made, the younger arching beneath him, its pulse drumming under his fingers anticipating the things he'll do to him once they get inside, in his house, their own secluded world where nothing matters but them.
Tsunade transfers Izumi in the Hokage building, to only perform office tasks, knowing that she doesn't intend to retire but also that a married couple, especially an influential one like hers, is supposed to have children, sooner or later.
Usually said couple goes home separately, as, unlike his wife, Itachi doesn't have a fixed working time, on top of being constantly busy assisting Tsunade, together with Nara Shikaku, communicating with the Council and more. The first time they walk out of the building together is when the Senju princess kicks them out because it's a crime to work during such a sunny afternoon. As the woman drags Shizune outside to drink, better if they find Jiraiya in the process, they stroll around the village, have some tea and dango at the shop, then, once they're back in the Uchiha district, they stop by the lake before going home.
Tsunade is right: it's too nice a day to stay indoors, where nothing matters for them.
There they spot Sasuke, sitting by the edge, his arms placed behind him, his legs stretched out, gazing at a flock of crows flying back and forth and cawing to each other.
He seems completely lost in his thoughts, so much that when Izumi calls him he is almost startled.
After having respectfully greeted both, he quickly explains why they found him there, clearly not wanting Itachi to think that he's lazing around.
His team has been given some time off, he says, he spent the morning in the training fields, then he took his falcon here. In fact, part of its training is occasionally setting it free, just waiting for it to come back.
He manages his unease fairly well. He afford anything different, as Fugaku scolded him over and over when he didn't behave appropriately around his older brother.
Even though said brother broke his heart and shattered his self-worth and his hope for the future.
Izumi doesn't notice his discomfort. As far as she knows Sasuke has never been talkative, he probably needs time to adjust. When her older sister got married she missed her terribly and they weren't even that close. She decides to talk for both brothers, telling the boy about Tsunade kicking them out of the office, joking about their common passion for dango and her disastrous attempts to prepare them at home.
Like all wives do, she calls Itachi 'dear'. Indeed he's dear to her: he saved her from marrying anyone else, with whom she would have been forced to do her duty and suffocate the love and the memories she held deep in her heart. He gave her a purpose, devoting her life to make Shuuto's dream of peace come true. He gave her a place to be herself, trying out recipes for fun, planting flowers that remind her of her lost love, listening to her talking about him without ever judging her.
He's always guarded about himself, even when he looks relaxed.
She knows that he hasn't forgotten an important person either, although she ignores their identity. She doesn't mind though; he'll talk when he'll be ready. Or maybe he won't, but she'll respect his decision anyway.
What they feel for each other is not what poets described, the love and passion that fill hearts and souls, that burn lives and make time fly. Nevertheless their mutual respect and affection is real and strong.
Sasuke listens, raising an eyebrow at her cooking disasters' overview, his lips slightly curled upwards. When Itachi asks about him he replies with an exhaustive report on his training and missions, as if he were being examined by a teacher. Or their father.
He leaves out anything personal, because the Hokage successor is back from a diplomatic mission, because the future clan leader defined him worthless -unlike Shisui- and because his perfect brother revealed his affection and support were just his duty -like his marriage- so why would he bother him? Itachi surely wouldn't care that he tried again the exotic fruits that look like big walnuts on the outside and are made of a sour jelly with black grains on the inside, that he once brought him as a gift.
He surely wouldn't care that when Hiro mentioned foot fetish among the kinks and requests prostitutes are usually asked, Sasuke thought it was a joke, but his comrade insisted so he asked if he was into it but he soon wished he hadn't asked, because not only he said yes but he also commented everyone's feet, until he admitted that his favourites were Itachi's, that he saw once at the hot springs...if he and his brother still talked like they used to, he would have told him everything and they would have laughed about it, and at the first opportunity Itachi would have embarrassed Hiro with some witty comment about his fixation, but he can't do that anymore, in fact he could never had done it, because it would have been a lie, so why would he tell him?
Itachi can't blame him for being so closed off now, as it's only because he put distance between them by lying about his feelings for Shisui and for him, so he shows the utmost interest towards his impersonal report, because he hasn't seen him in a long time, because he doesn't wake up in the rooms next to his little brother's anymore, because he can't ruffle his bed hair anymore, because he hasn't done such things since he broke his heart, because he misses them terribly.
He misses him terribly.
He would want to know everything else. Everything he missed. Everything about him.
Even though Sasuke's body is well trained and taut, he looks gaunt; his cheeks are more hollow than he remembered and his eyes are haunted and tired.
He mentioned his days off but he spends them training instead of resting, seeing his friends and enjoying his free time.
He surely trains too much and he doesn't sleep and eat enough, and Shisui is not going easy on him, he worries, eyes scanning each and every detail of the boy, reassuring himself thinking that every time he saw his brother and his cousin together they got along well.
Maybe too well.
Itachi entrusted Sasuke to his cousin, best friend and former lover, knowing that he needed someone to look up to, even the very person he compared him to.
He had no other choice, because Sasuke had seen him and Shisui kissing, and he had heard him saying that he didn't feel anything for Izumi.
He definitely had no other choice, he reminds himself, because certainly he didn't do it as a sort of insurance for the future, so that even if the two spent time together they would never get too close, because his brother would be resentful towards him. Didn't he?
Besides, there's nothing going on between them: he would know if there was. He had a relationship with Shisui and he's Sasuke's brother, he knows their feelings and needs, their expressions and gestures. He knows them better than anyone, even better than they do, he tells himself, ignoring a nagging memory of years before, when he told his little brother that being a prodigy isn't that great, because it makes people arrogant, leading them to believe they can do everything alone.
The Shisui he knows shares his ideals and goals; outside their clan he's seen as a loose cannon after he faked his death and tortured then killed Danzo, using his severed head to intimidate his former subordinates, thus he's not welcome to actively participate in Konoha's political life, but it doesn't matter. Itachi always considered him as the true savior, and the clan thinks highly of him too.
Even Fugaku declared that should Itachi's Hokage duties prevent him from leading the Uchiha after him, he would choose Shisui as his successor.
Either way would be positive for Sasuke, who will be able to choose his own future, Itachi thinks, not imagining what his brother chose in the present, and not imagining the kind of training Shisui is giving him, not imagining that Sasuke looks tired and haunted because he is tied up or beaten -or both- then fucked by Shisui on a regular basis, not imagining that Sasuke wants it as much as the other does, not imagining that they left the meeting before its end to vent their anger and sadness and frustration in the only way that makes them forget, in each other's arms and mouth and skin, focusing on the other's body, voice, reactions, needing more, needing to be indoors no matter how beautiful the day is, because outside there are people and duties and etiquette while inside it's just them, naked and wild and exposed and painfully true.
Itachi can tell that Sasuke is torn between opposite feelings: he's hurt and probably angry yet longing for their relationship as it used to be. He would like to tell him more, like he did before he was rejected, yet he's holding back, distancing himself from his brother, not out of self-preservation or resentment, but out of respect.
He considers himself a nuisance and he doesn't want to bother Itachi anymore.
He thinks that no matter how painful the truth is, he can't change it. Itachi never loved him, he only did his duty, as expected of a perfect shinobi, son and future leader, and as much as he would have wanted to yell and break things and fight him it would have been pointless.
He can't imagine that for Itachi he has always been the pure creature born after the war, what he knows is that he is the useless second, and no matter what he does it's never enough.
Shisui is the only one who says he's enough.
He used to call him spoiled brat when he started training him, and he still does, but it's different now.
He looks at him without disappointment -as if he's not a failure- despite his goading words.
He tells him that he is not weak, despite his hands and the blood and his weight all over him, because he can take him.
It breaks Itachi's heart to see that despite what he did, his brother doesn't hate him.
Does he still have a heart, after having broken his brother's? he wonders, not sure of the answer.
Sasuke hates himself, because the one he loved and trusted more than anyone, called him worthless.
His words burned his anger and pride down, leaving only self-loathing in its dying embers.
This wasn't supposed to happen: Sasuke should have hated him and in doing so he should have focused on himself and finding his own strength, his own path, that he would have protected from afar, making the world a better place for him.
Itachi can't help but question what went wrong, why his plan failed so miserably, why he failed so miserably, even though he was sure of its outcome. He hates failing more than anything, especially when it comes to his little brother, the most important person in his life, whom he was supposed to encourage and support, using his skills and better judgement, like a big brother should.
The repercussions of his failure are evident, even more so when, once Sasuke is done replying to his questions, he congratulatulates his success in Suna and compliments his brilliant speech at the clan meeting. When the elder thanks him he smiles shyly, diverting his gaze in slight embarrassment.
He treats him like an important person, not like a brother.
He treats him with the respect and deference due to the leader and Hokage he'll become in the future, replacing the old familiarity with the etiquette their father always enforced.
He seems relieved when his hawk screeches to announce its return.
Bowing his head a little, he excuses himself, as he needs to make sure that crows don't attack it, he explains, turning his back on them and heading towards the edge of the lake again.
"Aren't hawks bigger than crows?"
Izumi asks.
"Not necessarily. Some species are the same size as them or even smaller, and while hawks are solitary, and, especially trained ones, loyal to their master, crows are social and opportunistic animals, who often mob hawks to steal their prey."
Itachi replies, not oblivious to his brother's almost imperceptible sigh, unlike his wife, who promptly follows Sasuke, wanting to get a closer look.
Although Izumi means well, Sasuke wants to be left alone, and it should be Itachi's duty to end the conversation and leave, but he finds himself unable to do so.
The boy stretches out his arm and pets its head when it perches on it, giving a hint of a smile when Izumi remarks that it's very cute.
She's right: it's a small, black-spotted brown bird with big eyes and an angry face.
It reminds Itachi of Sasuke as a toddler, when Izumi tried to hold him but he screamed and thrashed until she put him back in his brother's arms.
It's hard to take Izumi's hand and leave Sasuke to his own business because it's a beautiful sunny day and they're by the very lake where he and Shisui taught him how to swim, right out of the woods where they used to play hide and seek, and things are so much different from the past, even his little brother is different, still as beautiful as before but so vulnerable, so broken, and he missed him for so long that he can't help but take advantage of his position, knowing that etiquette requires that the person of higher rank leaves first.
"May I…"
He asks, petting the hawk then stretching his arm in Sasuke's direction, coaxing it to perch on his arm, like Shisui taught him when he was only a child while the other was already good with crows and other birds.
He brushes Sasuke's arm while doing so, a faint touch like it happened so many times before he broke their bond -only apparently, because he's living for him, he's working for a better world for him- but to Itachi it's almost electric.
To Sasuke, overwhelmed by childhood memories over and over, since the day the elder called him worthless, that touch brings back the time his brother shoved him against the wall, inside his room, away from prying eyes, and revealed to have lied until then, so he doesn't let his heart dwell on it, as confusing and nostalgic as it may be it's meaningless, he tells himself.
Itachi takes advantage of the power he has over the boy -in more than one way- once more, inviting Sasuke over the following day.
The boy widens his eyes in surprise as lets the hawk settle back on his arm.
He accepts, bowing his head again, muttering a thank you that sounds more confused than happy.
No matter what he wants to do, or not to do, he can't refuse an invitation from his older brother, future clan leader and Hokage.
A/N:
I hope you took breaks and some tea in between, since it was long and full of digressions, "zooming" from the dialogue/action into their thoughts, memories and feelings. It's my writing style, I like to follow the characters' stream of consciousness, which also includes long flashbacks. But they were smutty so they were interesting hopefully.
I had to go back to the previous chapters because I completely forgot Shisui and Sasuke's teammates' names. Do I remember them now? Nope.
I briefly and loosely referenced Itachi Shinden for Shisui's past and how he obtained mangekyou.
I haven't specified their ages, only vaguely hinted at them. Anyway Sasuke is 16 or 17, looking like in part 2, but dressed like the non massacre arc, or better, dressed like in emi10/Rankai's or Maco's doujinshi.
There is some connection to canon events here, it was interesting to link them to this AU, like the chuunin exams and what happened, in this case how it was avoided, the Gaara situation and Orochimaru (almost) again. Itachi is an inspiration for everyone so why not Gaara too, although I didn't want to take Naruto's importance away here. Of all his talk no jutsu the one to Gaara made more sense because they were both jinchuuriki.
In this setting Sasuke and Naruto are friends and they've been genin and chuunin together in Team 7 but they're less close because Naruto has Kushina, Jiraiya, Tsunade, he has never been shunned and he's not obsessed with Sasuke, who's got his whole clan so he's more drawn to them.
Sasuke asks a lot of questions in canon, in a very blunt way that make him pure and cute at the same time. My Sasuke asks questions in that same way. He's still clueless about sex because he only knows what Shisui taught him. Also, prostitute Sasuke is a common fic trope which I like too. I don't like him sl*tty but I think he'd have no qualms doing it, if it was the only way to achieve his goal. In this case it's just infiltration so it's easier. And to do so he's wearing his canon clothes he used with Orochimaru~
The recurring theme of this chapter happens to be outside vs inside. Sasuke and Shisui meet indoors, in Shisui's house or a dingy inn room, it doesn't matter, they have their own world, kinky and dark and twisted but only theirs and true, because they don't hide their real selves and their dark side. They have intimacy inside. As opposed to whatever is outside, etiquette and rules and other people, even Itachi and Izumi, who like the outside better, because in their own house, their inside, there is no intimacy, both either caught in the future goals or past memories, unlike Shisui and Sasuke who live the present moment, in good and in bad.
I don't like Itaizu but I didn't hate writing their parts. I said they have nothing but it's not exact. Theirs is an arranged marriage but also more than that, as they both love someone they can't have, so they focus on something else, something bigger than them, something still related to their loved one, and they do it together. It's not romantic but it's quite heartwarming, although it's not what shippers hope for.
I don't mean to portray Izumi as dense or shallow, pretty much the opposite actually, since she comes from a personal tragedy in this AU, but in canon she didn't realize that she was making Itachi uncomfortable at first, so I took that inspiration to write her lighter side.
Shisui and Sasuke's feelings are changing. They already changed but they aren't well aware, actually. Here Shisui's are explained a little more. They both still love Itachi, he's above them like an ideal, a deity, while they are real, they cling to each other with their desires and frustrations, but even if they don't act or think like a romantic couple, they do care about the other, which was already seen in the previous chapter.
I say it every time. I don't see Itachi as the martyr a big part of his fandom sees. He's more than that to me, and I like his dark sides just as much.
He's selfless and his love for Sasuke is immense, but he's also controlling. In the book it's said that he hates to lose, controlling is a part of that, especially Sasuke. He's his older brother so he feels like he must protect him at all costs, by all means, even hurting him. Love and control are just connected, for him.
He has a genius mind and the arrogance that comes with it, because he's better than others and he knows it, he's steps ahead of them so he only trusts himself and assumes he can foresee people's reactions. In canon he focused Sasuke's hate on him as if he could compartmentalize it and live normally, as if he could ever really hate his most precious person, no matter how many reasons he gave him.
In this story he's selfless and selfish, tormented and opportunistic at the same time. He did the same as in canon, though with a different context, and now he's seeing results he didn't expect.
Shisui and Sasuke are closer than he intended, although he doesn't know how close exactly.
And, along with his selfless goal to build a world where Sasuke wouldn't be used as a pawn for political strategy, there's also a selfish aspect, because even though he didn't expect Sasuke to know about his past with Shisui, he took advantage of that too, being steps ahead of everyone, using that information to both push Sasuke away (for his own good, because he couldn't be tainted by his love his own brother, even though he feels the same) and to make sure that he would look up to Shisui but also resent him, so he wouldn't get too close.
Which didn't happen, because he didn't realize that Sasuke is not as proud as he is, so instead of hating him because his ego was wounded, he hates himself because his self-esteem is low, and he sought Shisui, because he admires him. And because he needs a bond. He's pure but also broken, and Itachi ignores the extent of his masochistic side. And Shisui's sadistic side as well. He ignores his dark side completely, because he has never been good at reading Shisui or understanding his feelings, that he totally underestimated.
"Love burn lives and makes time fly" is a quote from an Italian poem.
Reply to kizuame: Thanks for reading and reviewing. Itachi is not avoiding Shisui. I thought it was obvious, even from the wedding scene in the previous chapter, that they are in good terms, otherwise Itachi wouldn't have entrusted Sasuke to Shisui in the beginning. They broke up in the past, it was peaceful and on mutual accord, but still the end of a relationship marks a change in life. They don't spend time together because both are busy with their jobs and Itachi's goal, and now Shisui spends most time with Sasuke...which is the point of the story~
I forgot to do it before, but I wanted to thank those who read and reviewed this fic: Damira, Alexis, Dark (thanks for reviewing also the other fics btw) and everyone else who did it before. I'm glad you gave this story and this pairing a chance, since I'm working hard on this, and I'm happy of how it's coming out. We're almost at the end, by the way.
Also I'm already thinking about a "what if" universe similar to this, but with Itachi dead, for Shisui and Sasuke to get together again...