title: look at me
pairing: ShikaIno
summary: So, go ahead. Call me selfish. Just once, I want you to be wrong about someone. And I want her to be me.
notes // warnings: This one, I wrote for myself (yes, that happens sometimes, too). We will be back to our regularly scheduled program next update. :3

disclaimer: the world rejoices because, um. NOT MINE.

Choppy fic.

"…No."

She looks at him, in faint disbelief.

"No? Shikamaru, it wasn't a question."

He sighs, and turns away, clearly bored with the entire affair.

"No, but it's a response. That's what you wanted, wasn't it? A reaction. Well, there's mine."

"But—"

He scoffs, unwilling to let her continue.

(because it wouldn't be fair, not now, not when everything was finally coming together, and he didn't need her—not anymore)

"Ino, you can't fool me. I've seen you play the game too many times."

She sputters, and feels a hot flush creep over her cheeks.

"I can't—fool you—ugh, Shikamaru! You idiot, I—"

His gaze hardens, and he makes a move to stand from his place on the grassy field. His brown eyes gloss over the flowers in the distance, the woods, the training area—anything to keep from looking at the blonde girl he's known since the beginning of forever.

"What? Oh. You didn't honestly expect me to believe you, did you?"

There hot tears slipping down the curves of her cheeks, and Shikamaru suppresses the instinctive urge to wipe them away.

"Shikamaru…you…"

"Ino. Listen to yourself. Really, just for damned once in your life, listen to yourself."

He shakes his head, and tried not to regret the truth in his words.

"You don't mean it. I know you don't."

"…"

"I doubt you even know the meaning of the words. You're a child, Ino, but even more than that, you're selfish."

He raised his hand to stop the interruption he knew was forthcoming.

"I know why you're here. You heard Hokage-sama's announcement, didn't you?"

"Shikamaru—"

"You don't love me."

"…you…you don't…"

She wipes the tears away with a practiced hand

(practiced, because in her heart of hearts, she knew this would happen, knew he would never see it, and she hopes that he's right because maybe then, it wouldn't hurt so much)

and kneels down so she is eye-level with him. She is careful to keep away from him, and she speaks her words in clipped, even, tones. Her voice wavers, and her breath catches because she really does

("—love—")

him, even if he refuses to accept the sound of her words.

"I know you're smart. I know you're brilliant, and sure, and almost, always right. I know you're brilliant, and maybe I am just a little bit childish. Maybe I've used my tears before, and maybe I've lied. Maybe, I've been stupid." The last part, she whispers.

Shikamaru has not moved from his spot.

"But this isn't a lie, and it isn't a joke."

She laughs, a little hysterically, and raises a hand to touch his face, stopping short when he ever-so-slightly moves out of the path of her reaching fingertips.

It's the closest to an outright rejection

(because despite himself, he cannot help but hope, just a little, because an old dusty part of him wants very much to believe her, even if she doesn't quite fit with his vision of an average life—just maybe, she could make it better than that—

But he stops, because he's gotten too old to believe in impossibly distant dreams)

as she will get and she knows this.

She drops her hand and stands up, but her bright eyes never leave his face.

"I said, almost always, Shikamaru. And you'll see it. When you decide to let yourself believe it, you'll see. And I'll still be here."

She turns to walk away, pauses when she feels his eyes traveling down the length of her.

"Just once, I want you to be wrong about something. And I want it to be me."

Um. It's unpolished. I'll probably smooth it out later.

Thoughts?