A/N: Sorry for the super delayed update. Been so busy at work and pub night last night. :D Just arrived home but I think I have this chapter already so delayed so I put it up.
I am having difficulty actually on how I want this chapter to go and I just re-read it once, I dunno it seems sad, LOL, not at all my forte, but oh well unto the story now.

Disclaimer: I dont own skins, not at all.

Chapter 10

"so sorry.."

Emily stared at Naomi for a long time. She stared as Naomi's tears starts to fall despites Naomi's attempt to brush them away. Naomi kept glancing at her and looking down at the hands on her lap and Emily knows that she is waiting for her reaction. She did not see this coming. She did not for once expected that Naomi will let others see her in tears, let alone her. She has always known Naomi to be the one who always have to be in control, the one that does not fucking care, but here she is tears streaming across her face and asking for her forgiveness?

'What the fuck is happening? Have I fallen asleep? Like is this me dreaming?' Emily cant help but think. She blinked and still Naomi is there and know for sure that she is fully awake.

But wait, she is asking forgiveness for real? Or is this her putting on another brilliant act? But if its an act, what is it supposed to accomplish? Emily does not know what to feel. She does not know what to react but the next few words from Naomi seem to decide for her.

"Ems,", Naomi started a pleading note on her voice. "I did not mean to hurt you.. I swear..", she pleaded a sob escaping her lips when she spoke the last word. "I was just so fucking scared.. I was stupid, a coward...."

'not mean to hurt you'. That triggered everything. Everything came rushing back including all the pain, the humiliation, the betrayal, all the trips to the therapist just to put her stupid head straight.. everything.

One thing she learned from theraphy is that she will have to let go of all these and start to forgive because she won't be able to move forward if she is still holding on to those negative emotions from her past. She tried to but now she knows that all she did was bury it but not really able to get rid of it.

That is why that she felt the anger the first time she saw her again. That is why she is feeling the anger starts rising up again. It's as if its something that keeps trying to crawl out from her only for her to stop it and bury it again. She made friends with Naomi because frankly she is tired. Tired of having the pain constantly poking her in the chest. Everything is finally where she would like it to be. She can now get any girl she wants, her family already accepted that she is gay, she can now walk around school without having to bow down her head. So, although at first she had thought that she will make ways to make Naomi sorry for what she did, in reality she knew she can never be that harsh person no matter how much she likes to be one.

"Save it Naomi..", Emily suddenly answered causing Naomi to lift her eyes and look at her. And although the words are kind of harsh, her voice wasnt.

Emily partly smiled sadly while shaking her head. "We both know that you knew that you will be hurting me that day. I was so in love with you then Naomi, so you can't say that you did not mean to hurt me, because loving someone so much and them doing what you did to me that day, that is so definitely gonna hurt. Hurt so bad that it can make one, well let's just say can be enough to make people run, like what i did", she chuckled a little at the last part but then continued in a serious note.

"Yes, I was still shock when I saw you again that night last week and the anger I felt was still there, but I realize there is no point in that. I mean, I guess I will never be what I am now if it did not happen right? And.. well its part of the past now.. You need not have brought it up.. It does not matter anymore."

Naomi look at Emily with relief in her eyes and she half smiled but frowned a little when she heard the last words that Emily said.

"It matters to me Em.. I want you to know.. No.. I need you to know that I am so sorry.."

"Why? Because your conscience is killing you? Look, I get it now ok.. There are people you love that dont love you in return or won't ever love you in return no matter how hard one tries. It just part of the bullshit in life, but I get it now. So ok you have hurt me and I did ran away, but as you can see I am ok now.. So no need for conscience. It's not as if something horrible happened to me.."

"You have been in therapy Ems!", Naomi pointed out harshly. Angry at how Emily seems to think that what she did was not at all terrible. Naomi knows that she should be thankful actually because Emily does not seem to care about it anymore, but knows that deep inside, she is scared. Looking at Emily and hearing what she has to say about everything seems to Naomi that Emily indeed does not care about it anymore. And it scares her because then it might mean that Emily does not and will not feel the same way as she did to Naomi back then. It scares her, because she wants her back. She needs her back.

Emily on the other hand was taken aback at what Naomi just say. How the hell did Naomi found out about the theraphy?

"What therapy?", Emily answered hoping that she heard it wrong.

"I know about it Emily.. I followed you and Katie when she confronted me. I'm sorry but the way Katie said it, seems to me that there is more to what I thought have happened and I was right."

Emily sighed and took a deep breath. "You are not supposed to know about it or anyone else Naomi"

"I know. I'm sorry I listened. You don't know how hurt it made me feel when I--"

"Naomi.." Emily interuptted. "This is exactly the reason on why no one was supposed to know about it. You dont have to feel guilty about it ok? It was all me.. If I was not that stupid enough to believe that you can actually love me back and if I was just strong enough to at least save some love for myself I would not have breakdown in the first place. I was just too weak.. and like I said its all in the past now." Emily looked at Naomi intently already tired of this conversation. She felt her handphone vibrate again and knew that Katie must be calling her again.

She saw Naomi about to protest again and beat her into it. "Naomi.. I'm tired.." Emily said pressing some of her fingers at her temple and slightly massaging it briefly closing her eyes. "Forget it ok? It's not important.."

"It's important to me Ems.."

"Ok. If its forgiveness you want, I forgive you. Really its no big deal now. Can we just, you know.. move forward and forget about it. I know I did and I was the supposed to be victim of all this right? So I say its not important and forget about all of it, ok? I really have to go now.." Emily said with finality and started to turn around towards the door. Naomi panicking quickly moved her duvet to the side and followed. Before Emily can even touch the door handle, Naomi's hand gripped her wrist stopping her and forcing her to look back. Brown eyes meets Blue.

"But It's important to ME..", Naomi repeated. Her voice low and breaking.

Emily slightly frowned confused at the sudden turn of conversation. Looking at Naomi, it seems there is more that she wants to say, so curiosity taking over she asks, "Why? Why is it so important to you? If its conscience then shouldnt you be relieved already? I said I forgiv--"

"Because I love you", Naomi interupted. Noticing that Emily was taken aback, Naomi continued before she lost her courage to say all the things she wanted to say. "I am still so in love with you Emily it hurts me so much knowing all the pain I have caused you and all those times I have wasted."

Emily blinked. "You are STILL in love with me? When did you even LOVED me in the first place?", Emily asked shocked in her voice.

"I did not know it at first ok? I have convinced myself that it was all just a game and that everything will go back to they way it is most specially that you are already gone then. But then, as days move into weeks and months I know I was just fooling myself.. It took me a while to realize, and when I did I knew I was already too late. I wanted to find you and talk to you and tell you how sorry I am and ask you to come back, but all your friends hates me. I dont know where you went. And me being me, I tried to forget. Tried to date even more but it did not work, hell I even tried going on a date with girls as well thinking that maybe that will be easier because they are girls too. But after I tried to slept with one, I knew I can't do it. I just cant stop how I feel." Naomi paused still looking at Emily which in turn getting confused more. Naomi then move her hand from holding Emily's wrist and sliding it down to Emily's hand. She took a deep breath and continue.

"After a year.. I thought I just have to deal with it.. But then here you are. You're back Ems. You just did not know how alive you made me feel when I saw you in your apartment that night... Ems..", Naomi then reach her other hand to hold both of Emily's hands now and she whispered tenderly. "I know I have hurt you bad before and you probably do not trust me anymore, but if you let me.. I will prove to you how much you mean to me.. Please give me another chance.."

Emily softened at the way Naomi is looking at her tenderly. God, how she would not give anything back then just to hear those words from Naomi. Emily cant help but study Naomi's face in the moonlight and she knows that this time Naomi is not putting on an act. The typical Naomi would not in any way ask for anything. She can feel Naomi's gripped on her hands tightened and she can't help but let her eyes flicker from Naomi's eyes to her lips. There were just too many emotions and revelations for the night that it makes Emily's head spin.

Naomi noticed how Emily looked at her lips and back and decided to push her luck. Being close to Emily and all those tensions she felt eversince Emily step into her house this evening plus all those things she just said had balled into one and she can't help it when she moved and closed the distance between them. She dipped her head and let her heart ruled out her actions.

Naomi can feel her heart beating ten folds as she move closer and closer and then she felt it. Felt Emily's lips on hers once again. Felt how her heart almost burst at tasting the familiar taste that is Emily. She knew that at first Emily's lips were not moving and yet she decided to push by hardening the kiss and was rewarded when she feel her respond. She moaned a little when she felt Emily now returning the kiss even more and she shakily let go of one of Emily's hand only to place her hand on Emily's nape wanting her more, needing her more, warmth spreading from her heart and consuming her body with just a kiss.

Emily's kiss has changed. Gone is the way Emily shyly initiated their kisses back in college. Gone is the way that Emily is tentatively kissing her before. But eventhough the kiss has changed, it still elicited the same response from her. In fact even more, much more, because if truth be told, as she felt Emily started to deepen the kiss, she just know that it is the best kiss she had ever had and its not even finished yet! Naomi lost all thoughts at this knee weakening kiss that Emily is giving her. She had lots of kisses before but she can say that Emily has indeed improve her way in this act.

She was so overwhelmed with it that it took her a while to realize that Emily has stopped. Slowly she opened her eyes and look at her confused. She still want more. Emily's lips is so addicting and so without waiting for Emily to speak she moved to let their lips meet again only to feel Emily's other hand touch her shoulder stopping her. But she want's this so bad that she felt herself moved closer for the second time and this time she felt Emily releasing her hold on her other hand and raising it. This time both of Emily's hand on her shoulders stopping her.

Naomi opened her eyes, the need evident in them as well as in her voice when she said confused, "Ems?.."

Emily looked at her solemnly and shakes her head slowly. "I'm sorry. I did not mean to kiss back. But.. ", Emily paused looking at Naomi intently. She checked her feelings if this is something she will be regretting later on but at that moment she did not feel or think about anything that will make her regret it later so taking a deep breath she said as softly as she can.

"I dont feel that same way now Naomi.." And with that Emily can see Naomi's face crush and saw the tears that starts to pool in her eyes, her lips shaking trying to hold her sob. "I'm sorry but I mean it when I said I have moved on. I just dont love you anymore. I can kiss you back now and even more without having to feel the same way about you, but I just dont want to do that to you. In a way I still care about you and I don't want to treat you the same way as how I treat girls I go out now."

Naomi took a step back she just cant take it. Emily is rejecting her? Emily does not want her anymore? Does not even want to give her a chance? After her putting down all her walls tonight and telling her all about what she feels? After Emily fucking kissing her back and making her want her more, need her more and love her more? And now it does not mean anything? She can't breathe. She does not want to cry but she is shaking as she raise her hand to her lips preventing it from trembling and preventing the sob to escape her lips.

"Is.. this your way .. of getting back at me??" Naomi asked, her voice breaking.

Emily took a tentative step towards NAomi but decided against holding her. She does want to see NAomi cry that much is true. She checked her feelings again but again she felt nothing and knew that she just have to be honest. So as softly as she can she wants to get her feelings across.

"No Naomi. Of course not. Naomi, its just that a lot has already happened and it's just reality. Sometimes we really fall out of love. I really still do care about you a lot though and it pains me seeing you hurt like this but I just have to be honest." Emily felt her phone starts vibrating again and she knew that Katie will now be completely pissed off and her knowing that she is with Naomi, well, Emily just does not want KAtie to think that something have happened between them. Looking at Naomi so broken while sitting at the edge of her bed made Emily have the urge to comfort her but she knew that it will just makes it worse and the best thing to do now is to leave.

"Naomi I have to go, ok? I still would definitely want us to be friends so please, dont ever think that this is a way of my revenge.. It's not ok? so please believe me..". Naomi's tears are now flowing and she is not looking at Emily but only down to the floor.

Naomi heard Emily sighed and then a little later the door opened. She so desperately want to look up and see Emily but she knows it will just be too much if she will see her walk out. When she heard the door closed it was when she let go of the sob that she has been holding and throwing herself to her bed face down she cried all the more, her shoulders shaking.