Chapter 10: The Secrets That We Keep

"Across a crowded room
I can't keep my eyes off you
You take my breath away
Looking at me now
I know what you are thinking about
You are thinking about the way
You woke me up this morning and made sweet love to me"

"Stel, what are you still doing here? Are you turning into Mac, with the working all the time? It's nine, why don't we go pick Mike up and I'll take you two out to dinner?" Hawkes says to her when he spots her office light on.

"Paperwork, no, and it's very tempting, but I've got to finish this by Monday," she looks up.

"Now I know how you felt with Mac. You've got all weekend to finish," he says, gently pulling her up from her chair.

"No, I've got too many distractions, including you, Sheldon," she grins as he kisses her.

"But I'm a good distraction, and so is your son. You feeling alright, Stella? You look a little pale," Hawkes says, letting her grab what she needed before leading her out of the office.

"I'm fine. Just tired because somebody has been in my bed every night for the past three weeks," Stella glares at him.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," Hawkes laughs. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm sure I'm fine. Who are you, my mother?" Stella jokes.

---CSI: NY---

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Mike?"

"Are you and you and Hawkes going to have a baby?"

"Maybe," Stella replies, looking over at Hawkes for his reaction.

"Danny said you have to get married before you can have a baby," Mike remembers.

"Well, most couples do get married before they have kids," Hawkes says.

"Mom, where do babies come from?" Mike asks with a smile as Hawkes takes Stella's hand from across the table.

"Um… I'll tell you that when you're older," Stella says as the waitress comes to take their drink orders.

"I'll have a glass of water," Stella tells her, "and he'll have a coke," she orders for Mike.

"Ice tea, please," Hawkes says.

"Alright, do you know what you're going to eat or should I come back?" the waitress asks. Stella shakes her head while the other two nod. "I'll come back."

"I'll be back in a second," Stella says, standing up. "Got to use the restroom."

"Stel, you're the one who doesn't know what they want to eat. You look awfully pale. Sure you're not sick?" Hawkes asks again, quite concerned that she's getting sick, but Stella doesn't answer.


"Oh baby
I love the way you touch me
You know my body so well
You do much more to love me
Wrapped up inside of you is where I want to be
Because no body knows
No body knows
No body knows the secrets that we keep"

"Sheldon, I'm going to take a cab home. You stay here and enjoy dinner," Stella says when she returns from the bathroom.

"Why? You've got to be hungry; we didn't stop to eat at work," Hawkes says, hoping it's not serious.

"She didn't eat breakfast either," Mike surprises them; they didn't think he was listening to their conversation.

"Now I'm starting to understand why you keep asking if I'm feeling okay," Stella gives him a small smile.

"Okay, we'll stay here and eat. You go home and rest. Mike and I will fix you soup or something when we get back," Sheldon says before she leaves.

---CSI: NY---

"Mike, can I asks you something?" Sheldon asks just as their dinner arrives.

"I guess," Mike says.

"Do you think your mom would say yes if I asked her to marry me?"

"She would. I heard her say she loves you last night," Mike puts a big fork full of spaghetti in his mouth.

"But do you think it's too soon after Mac died and that Stel is still not let him go?" Hawkes asks, not sure Mike knows what he is saying.

"No, she's over Mac; didn't she kiss you?" Mike asks his mouth still full of food.

"Yes, more than that," Hawkes stops, realizing he shouldn't be telling this to a four year old. "You'd be okay with it though? You know I wouldn't be taking Mac's place for either of you."

"Yes."

"Okay, I think I'll ask her when she feels better," Hawkes smiles at an excited Mike.

"Yay, I'm going to have a dad again!"

---CSI: NY---

'I can not be pregnant. There's no way,' Stella thinks as she stands in the bathroom trying to decide if she really wants to know. 'But there's no other explanation for being a week late. How am I supposed to tell Hawkes I'm pregnant, not sick? It's just morning sickness; who the hell named it "morning sickness" if it happens all day so I have to starve myself?"

Stella decides to talk to Mac. "Mac, I hope you're not mad about me and Hawkes… being together. I've, um, got a bit of a problem, which I'm sure you already know. I think I'm… pregnant again. Hawkes will probably leave me. And it's definitely my fault this time. He asked if he should use protection, and I told him to if he didn't want to be a father. Well, maybe he does want to be a dad. Okay, maybe I should just take the stupid test. I'll talk to you later. I love you, Mac."

So, Stella takes the test that she stopped for on the way home from dinner. 'It's so nerve wrecking to have to sit here and wait for fifteen minutes to find out,' she thinks while waiting.


"Once we get inside these four walls
All the hesitation falls
We can't wait no more
As you help me get undressed you don't have to guess
Baby you know what I want
I want to love you til the sun comes up
Til I am sure you are satisfied"

"Something's wrong," Mac says suddenly. Claire, who was sitting opposite him, was a little lost.

"There's nothing wrong with our game," she says, putting down another card.

"No, not with the game. With Stella," Mac gets up and leaves the house without an explanation. Claire decides to wait a few minutes before following him, for she knows he is going to watch Stella yet again.

"I suppose I should be used to this by now," Claire says after watching him for a few moments. "What is it now?"

"Stella thinks she's pregnant again," Mac says simply. "Not that that's a bad thing."

"I'm going to assume the father is Hawkes," she remembers having to force Mac back to the house when Stella and Hawkes first slept together to give them some privacy. "Isn't it kind of soon for them to be having a kid?"

"Well, I guess. Stella thinks that too anyway."

"What's Mike doing?" Claire asks, wondering over to watch.

"He's eating dinner with Hawkes. Of course she'll marry you. She's scared to death you'll leave her 'cause she's pregnant," Mac tells Hawkes, knowing he can't hear him.

"What are you talking about, Mac?" Claire asks.

"Hawkes asked Mike what he thought Stella would say if he asked her to marry him. I answered," Mac shrugs as if it were nothing.

"You're okay with Stella getting remarried?"

"Yes, it's kind of like what you wanted me to do after you died. I want Stel to be happy," Mac gives his trademark half smile.

"Sure she's not doing this for Mike?"

"No, she loves Hawkes. Stella wouldn't force herself to do something she doesn't want to," Mac states, unsure himself if this is true.

"Stella's a lot like someone else I know. She'd do what was right even if it wasn't something she wanted to do," Claire looks up at him.

"And who would this someone else be?" Mac asks mischievously.

"You. That's why you asked her to let you be the baby's father when you found out Frankie had gotten her pregnant," she whispers.

"Claire, you know that's not true. I mean yes, I knew it was the right thing to do because I love her and couldn't stand seeing her in pain,' Mac says angrily.

"What about me?"

"I love you too, Claire. I love both you and Stella. You can not be jealous of Stella, Claire. You told me a long time ago that you wanted me to be happy if something happened to you. If I remember correctly you even mentioned something about Stella and I getting married."

"I'm sorry, Mac. I know I said that. It feels odd listening to you talk about Stella and Mike. Sometimes I guess I'm jealous that you had what you did with her. I missed you so much, Mac," Claire hugs him and a single tear escapes from her eye.

Mac wipes it away. "I missed you too."

"I'm sorry, Mac. I know you love Stella and Mike. I'm not used to having to share you."

'It's okay," Mac kisses the top of her head.


"Oh baby
I love the way you touch me
You know my body so well
You do much more to love me
Wrapped up inside of you is where I want to be
Because no body knows
The secrets that we keep, yeah"

Stella is sleeping when Hawkes and Mike come home from dinner. Her eyes flutter open when he kisses her. "Hey, sleepyhead, have a good nap?"

"No, go away. I'm still tired," she teases.

"Feeling better? Want me to make you a bowl of soup?" he asks. She shakes her head, closing her eyes. 'How do I tell him?'

"Alright. Well, I've got a surprise for you when you get better," Hawkes smiles as she scoots closer to him.

"I need to talk to you, Sheldon."

"Stella, dear, we're talking," he chuckles, lying down next to her.

"Did I grow a tail?" she asks, noticing his use of the word 'dear'.

"Of course you don't have a tail," Hawkes wraps his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him.

"That surprise of yours," she begins, "it's going to have to wait nine months."

Hawkes is obviously confused. "Nut, uh," he says, finally realizing what she is telling him. Stella nods. "You're seriously pregnant?" he asks in disbelief. She nods again, not seeing anything but shock when she tries to read his expression. "How long?"

"Few weeks."

"Have you known that long?"

"No, I kind of figured when I… didn't start- when I was late. After a week I finally decided to take a test, especially when you told me I looked sick, and the thought of food made my stomach flip. I'll call the doctor tomorrow and get an appointment," Stella pauses. "Are you… mad or… regretting we slept together without protection?"

"No, I'm not. If I didn't want to be a dad, Stella, I would have used protection. Or if you didn't want more kids. I'm still in shock; I wasn't expecting you to become pregnant so fast. You are okay with this, right?" Hawkes asks, sitting up to watch her.

"Yes. This is just bringing back memories of losing the baby and losing Mac because some SOB shot him, and delivering Mike, and finding out Frankie got me pregnant, and everything with Frankie: the attack, shooting him, and seeing those videos of us sleeping together on the internet," Stella whispers, tears filling her eyes again.

"It's okay, Stel," he says, pulling her up so she is sitting up too. "I'm going to give you the surprise now." Hawkes takes her hand and slides a ring on her finger. Stella looks at the ring; now it is her turn to be shocked.

"Stella, will you marry me?"

"Only if you propose right, on one knee."

"Fine. Will you marry me, Stella?" Sheldon asks again, now in front of her on one knee like she ordered.

"Yes," she kisses him as Mike walks in.

"What happened?" he asks, climbing into his mother's lap. They explain to him that they are getting married, then that he will have a brother or sister after all.

Stella had Mac to help her deal with shooting Frankie and to help her raise Mike. When he was shot, Stella was sure she was on her own. Now she was getting married again and had another baby coming in eight or so months. As they all settled on the bed, Stella no longer felt alone like she had since Mac past away.


"Ohh, wrapped up inside of you
Is where I want to be
'Cause no body knows
No body knows
No body knows"
No body knows
The secrets that we keep"

A/N: "The Secret's That We Keep" by Sara Evans. This story is finally finished. I have been busy on vacation and haven't felt like typing since I got home. But since I have another whole story now written I figured I needed to type this. I'll start typing the next story soon, and I have another idea from a dream I had last week and another story coming before that one that is also right after All Access. Well, thanks for reading.