XXX: I do NOT own Fullmetal Alchemist. I am just a huge fan! :XXX

I'm sorry there has been larger amounts of time between my chapters. I'm moving across the country in two weeks, so I'm trying to set everything up... Ugh. But enough excuses, on to the story!

Envy POV

I ran my hand over the spines, quickly scanning the titles, having most of them memorized. There were many books that I had already read in my long life, and many I had read in the past few weeks. Edward's father's-my father's collection of alchemy books was extensive, and full of quality. Reading seemed to be the only form of entertainment in the small town of Resembool. Rose had been reading some things to me when I was more distant, but I had regained control of myself and I now devoured books quietly on my own.

Alchemy had always piqued my interest, even though I had never been able to do anything with my knowledge. I had used the information I got to my advantage when manipulating humans with the goal of creating a Philosopher's Stone. I had watched alchemy change and evolve over the years, and it was interesting to compare where it was at the beginning of my life to where it was at this moment in time.

"In here again?" Rose's gentle voice came from behind me.

I turned to her, a book in my hand, held slightly open. I had just found a title I hadn't read when she entered the study. "There isn't much else to do."

She giggled. "I suppose you're right. Is it another alchemy book?"

"I'm not sure the old man owned anything else."

She came over and opened the book up completely, running her eyes over a few words. As she did this, she spoke absentmindedly. "Why don't you try to work on some of this? Actually perform alchemy? You must know so much, as old as you are."

"Homunculi can't do alchemy," came my automatic reply. I realized what I was saying about half-way through the sentence so the end turned up almost in question form.

Rose's thoughts followed the same path as mine. "Well, you're not one of those anymore."

"That's something I've been thinking about ever since you started reading these books." Edward's voice startled me, coming from the doorway.

Both Rose and I faced him, neither one knowing how long he'd been there.

I narrowed my eyes slightly. "If you had a problem with me reading them, you should have said something."

Edward shook his head. "That's not what I meant. I've been watching you to see if you'd try to do it. I'm confused why you haven't."

Rose looked up at me, confused. "You really haven't even thought about it?"

It was my turn to shake my head. "Hasn't crossed my mind even once. It's just always been an unchangeable fact of life that I can't perform any kind of alchemy, unless you consider my shape-shifting alchemy."

"Do you think you could do it now?" The young alchemist asked me.

I turned my eyes back to the book in my hand, focusing on a transmutation circle that had been printed on the page. My eyebrow lifted curiously. "That is an interesting question."

XXXXX

"What are you doing, Envy?" the younger Elric brother asked.

I was down on my hands and knees, my face pressed to the ground, eyes closed in frustration. "I'm fighting with my brain."

"Um...Can I be of any help?"

I lifted myself into a sitting position, staring down at the design I had made in the dirt in front of me.

Al surveyed it for a moment, then gasped. "Is that a transmutation circle?!"

"It is."

"What are you trying to do?"

"It's probably just a silly idea, but I wanted to see if I could do alchemy." I gazed at my simple creation, refusing to meet the kid's eyes. I waited for the jab, the mocking tone. But it never came.

"Well it makes sense that you could do it, now that you're human. Are you having trouble finding the flow of energy?"

I barked a short, humorless laugh. "Actually, I haven't even attempted yet."

"Why?"

I ducked my head in embarrassment. "I'm afraid... afraid to find out that I still can't do it, even as a human. If that's the case, then it's a lack of ability on my part, not something that was denied to me by biological factors."

A metal hand patted me on the back. "Don't worry. I have faith in you."

I gave the boy a confused, half-smile. "To be honest with you, ever since I've been human I've had this feeling... Almost like I'm still trying to use my old ability, sort of like how people can 'feel' limbs they've lost."

"Oh, that reminds me of how automail works! The brain still sends out signals to the missing limb, and the mechanisms in the prosthetic take advantage of those signals. So whatever allowed you to shape-shift must still be there. How did you do that, anyway?"

I shrugged. "It was just energy. I was able to circulate it throughout my body and change things. I've never really had to think about it. It was something I did unconsciously, like breathing."

Alphonse stared at me, looking about as surprised as a suit of armor could. "Envy..."

I looked at him, concerned for his mental health. "What?"

"That sounds like Brother's explanation of how he uses alchemy without transmutation circles!"

"Huh." The surprise was fully identifiable in my voice. "You know, that kind of alchemy used to be very common back in the early days."

"Really?"

I nodded. "Fullmetal thinks he's big and bad. He's just rediscovering a technique that was forgotten so long ago that it had completely died out."

Alphonse breathed out a sigh in vast amazement. "That's so cool! Well maybe you can redirect those old feelings, the energy, and perform alchemy that way! With no circle!"

My eyes turned back to the circle on the ground. Al's theories seemed right. Perhaps I should attempt it. At least that way if it didn't work, I could tell myself I failed because I hadn't been through the gate. I stood up and filled my lungs with the fresh, invigorating air. "I guess it can't hurt."

I barely noticed Rose and Edward walking up as I clapped my hands together. The smack resounded over the quiet hills of Resembool and the crackle of alchemic energy crawled around me. I felt the familiar circulation of energy throughout my body, and I smiled. It was like receiving a hug from a familiar friend after a traumatic event, the violent relief. My hand reached out and I willed the energy to work for me, to change the environment near my feet. My hair lifted in reaction to the static in the air as a pole began to form up from the earth. It grew into a long staff and I gripped it just before it fell. I held it away from myself, eyeing it as if it were a deadly snake.

"What the hell?!" Edward screamed.

This broke my trance and I turned to witness his temper tantrum.

"How the hell can you do that? You've never attempted human transmutation, you've never been in the gate. How?!"

"Brother, please. Don't ruin this. This is an accomplishment for Envy!" Al yet again chastised his older brother.

"That's not-But there's no-I don't understand!"

"Why does it matter?" Rose said quietly, gaining all of our attention. She looked happy and very, very proud. "Who cares how he did it. It's amazing, and we should just be happy for him."

Edward looked between Rose and I a few times, but them screwed his face up into an expression of annoyance. He turned away and stomped back to the house, muttering to himself the entire way.

Al groaned in exasperation, and followed behind his brother dutifully. "Brother..."

Rose walked up to me, grabbed my empty hand, and gazed up into my eyes. "You're amazing."

I felt my cheeks grow warm. "Well, uh... Thank you. I just made a little staff. I'm sure plenty of other people could make much better."

She shook her head. "That's not what I'm talking about. I can't claim to know anything about the quality of a transmutation, so I won't judge anything of the sort. But I do know a whole lot about people, and I can judge you as a person. You've grown a lot just in the few months I've known you. You've let go of a lot of your bitterness and hatred, and opened yourself up to others. Maybe not in the 'throw all of your feelings out there' kind of a way, but at least you talk to people. You respect others. Even when you and Ed have your squabbles, you speak to him as if he's your equal." She stopped a looked to the side, blushing slightly. "Well I'm rambling now. My point is that you're growing as a person, and I'm proud of you and what you're doing."

I smiled at her. Really smiled. Her words made me happier than I could ever explain. Just as I was about to attempt, I heard a loud snap.

Flames flew towards Rose and I. I pushed Rose by the shoulder, attempting to push us both to the ground, with the goal of sliding under the flames. I wasn't fast enough though, so a few flames connected with the top of my arm. We landed on the ground and my hand immediately went to my burned flesh. It was burned pretty badly.

"Homunculus!"

The voice that yelled that word sent a wave of multiple emotions through me-anger, amusement, blood-lust, and finally, fear.

I was in no position to fight this man.

Rose gripped my shoulder tightly. "Why is the military here?"

I made direct eye contact with the Flame alchemist as I answered her. "I have no idea."