Joker sat in the mess hall, Rupert had given him a bowl of chili to eat while he waited for Elissa and Dr. Ingleside to finish up though he had no appetite to eat even a bite, they had been in the medbay for almost two hours now.
"You alright there, Joker?" asked Rupert as he stirred the chili.
"I don't know," sighed Joker, pushing the bowl away from him, "Is it ever a good sign when something important takes a long time?"
"Depends on the something important, I suppose," said Rupert, putting down his spoon and joining Joker at the table, "A job interview taking a long time is generally a good sign, while waiting for a baby to be born and it taking several days usually is a bad one. Where would you rate this situation?"
"Long childbirth," said Joker, noticing that his hands were trembling slightly, "God, I wish this was over with."
"Why are you so nervous for her evaluation anyway?" asked Rupert, taking some bites from the chili Joker had left untouched.
"I guess I'm just nervous because the outcome of the trial is dependent on this evaluation," said Joker rubbing his eyes.
"She's fine," said Rupert, clapping him on the shoulder, "after years of these types of evaluations, I would expect she knows what to say and what not to."
"You do have a point there, Cookie," said Joker and Rupert groaned at the nickname, Joker had given him that name after reading a story about a crew of adventurers with a cook named Cookie.
"Jeff," said EDI, her tone was off, almost anxious which startled him a great deal, "I think we need to talk, at least, social interactions indicate that I must speak with you about something when it is important."
"Alright, EDI," said Joker, standing up shakily, "Where would you like to talk?"
"The bridge," said EDI, glancing around. Joker was more than a bit surprised with EDI's odd behavior, ordinarily she was rather calm, but right now she sounded almost panicked or worried.
"Quickly, Jeff," said EDI and she started walking towards the bridge.
'What the hell is going on?' wondered Joker as he followed EDI to the bridge.
Elissa rested her head on the pillows behind her, her head was starting to hurt again and she felt tired, she hoped that Dr. Ingleside would finish up the evaluation before she passed out on him. They had just finished up with the questions about her missions, her thinking behind the decisions she made during them, and her feelings towards former crew members such as Miranda and Jacob. She glanced over at the Salarian who was busily writing down a few sentences, although he had been sent there by the Alliance and the Council, he was rather kind and very humorous cracking a few jokes before he had started asking her questions. Then he had told her that she was allowed to ask him questions, he said he wanted this to be a relaxing experience and not a rigid interview. He had found that starting off an evaluation with some jokes and allowing questions from the patient made for a better understanding of the person and therefore a better interview.
"Good news, Shepard," said Dr. Ingleside as he typed a few notes, not looking up, "your evaluation has concluded, do you have any further questions?"
Elissa looked at him thought about whether she did have any questions, and she knew of one, "Doctor, I do have one question for you."
"Yes, Shepard?" asked Dr. Ingleside, looking up from his notes.
"Did you ever know a Salarian scientist named Mordin?" asked Elissa, controlling her welling tears by breathing slowly and deeply, like Thane had taught her.
Dr. Ingleside looked at her and mournfully smiled, "I did know him, we performed together, and I was the one who interviewed him after he came back from creating the genophage."
"Has a memorial service been held for him yet?" asked Elissa, finding it harder and harder to keep herself from tears.
"His nephew was going to do something," said Dr. Ingleside, "but Salarians don't usually mourn the dead the same way humans do."
"If there was a service," said Elissa, chocking down a sob, "Would you come?"
"I would consider it a great honor," said Dr. Ingleside, bowing his head slightly, "Now I must speak to your pilot, do you have any idea where he is?"
"He might be either in the mess or at his seat in the cockpit," said Elissa, closing her eyes against the pain that was building in her head.
"Thank you again, Commander Shepard," said Dr. Ingleside as he collected his things and left the medbay. Elissa sighed, she felt that her evaluation had gone really well, she had not said anything that could have been used against her such as the nightmares she had or the fact that sometimes she would catch a glimpse of someone she knew was dead like Ashley or Thane. She could only pray that Joker would be able to get through the interview without offending Dr. Ingleside too much.
"EDI, are you going to tell me what the hell this is all about?" asked Joker in a slightly sharper tone with his arms crossed as he leaned against his chair's back. They had been standing in the cockpit for two minutes while EDI tried to come up with a way to talk to him, starting and stopping herself several times.
"Yes, Jeff," said EDI almost nervously, "I wanted to confess that I might be responsible for why Major Alenko accused the Commander of having sexual intercourse with you."
"Wait, what?!" exclaimed Joker dropping his arms and standing straight. "Explain yourself, EDI, and fast."
"Yesterday, I saw you make a gesture at the Commander, a sort of brushing motion," said EDI, showing the motion with her hand, "and I wanted to ask someone, because I knew if I asked you, you would tell me never mind. So I found the Major and I asked him what it was and what it meant."
"Okay, so how does stroking hairs away from her face translate to 'I'm fucking your girlfriend?'" asked Joker, thinking that EDI was overreacting.
"It might have been how I asked him and showed him," said EDI, lowering her eyes, "I did like I saw you, put my two fingers together and made the sort of swiping motion you did but I think he thought it was a different gesture." She demonstrated what she had done versus what Joker had done to begin with.
Joker's eyes went wide, he knew exactly what motion Kaidan thought he had done to Elissa, but he had to be sure, "Did you do that motion against his face?"
"No," said EDI, "the Major had made it very clear in the past that he does not want this platform to touch him again, given his history with it."
Joker covered his face with his hands, trying to calm himself down before removing them to speak, "EDI, what have I told you about asking others about organic gestures?"
"To only ask you or the Commander," replied EDI.
"Why didn't you ask either Shepard or myself?" asked Joker through gritted teeth.
"As I stated before," said EDI, "I thought you would tell me never mind, and I thought that the Commander would be unwilling to talk about it as she has seemed reluctant to do so in the past."
"EDI, do you realize what you've done!?" exclaimed Joker though he knew she had already connected the dots, she had figured this out long before he had.
"Yes, Jeff, I do," said EDI sternly, "I have already stated that, so your anger is not well placed."
Joker wanted her to shut up, to stop talking, to listen instead of tell, "My anger is perfectly placed, EDI, you're the reason that Alenko wanted to break every bone in my body! You're the reason that Elissa is in the medbay with three broken ribs! You're the reason that she had to sit there and listen to someone she loves accuse her of doing horrific things!"
"Jeff, I do not understand—" started EDI.
"Of course you don't fucking understand!" shouted Joker, he was livid with her and he wanted her to at least know even if she would not be able to really understand. "You'll never understand, EDI, you were built to read organics but you weren't built to be an organic! You'll never have emotions, you'll never be able to get close to anyone!"
EDI stood there, unaffected by his words, "Jeff, I believe it would be best if we terminate our relationship permanently, you have clearly stated your true thoughts about me. I have known since we first worked together with me in this platform that you would never really be satisfied with any relationship unless it was with Shepard. Though I had thought you would be able to get the same bio readings with me as you do with her if we were together long enough."
Joker felt like he wanted to hug her but he knew the gesture would be lost on her, so he placed his hand on her shoulder as he spoke, "EDI, I'm so sorry for leading you on, we had a lot of great times together."
"That is alright, Mr. Moreau," said EDI, she had already reverted back to her previous settings, "I will be able to get over this, I still have those times recorded within my hard drive, so they are always with me. I hope that you and Shepard are able to be happy together."
"Lets not jump that far ahead, EDI," said Joker, smiling at her, "she's still engaged to Major Asshole."
"Flight Lieutenant Moreau," said Dr. Ingleside from behind them, startling Joker, "are you ready for your evaluation?"
Joker swallowed hard, he was extremely nervous but he knew he had to get through this if he was going to be able to stay the pilot of the Normandy.
"Ready as I'll ever be," sighed Joker and he sat down in his chair, the he looked at EDI, "EDI, would you mind giving the good doctor and I some privacy?"
"Of course, Mr. Moreau," said EDI and she left the cockpit, closing the door behind her.
"Please, Dr. Ingleside," said Joker, indicating the co-pilot's chair, "take a load off."
"Thank you, Mr. Moreau," said Dr. Ingleside sitting in the chair, "I assume you know why I'm here?"
"Your job is to tell the Naval Admirals what's wrong with me and why I'm unfit for duty, how far off base am I?" asked Joker, carefully watching the reaction of the Salarian.
"Not that far off," chuckled Dr. Ingleside, instantly Joker knew he was going to like this Salarian. "I will be conducting your psychological evaluation, at the request of the Alliance Military and Council, and if all goes well I will be getting paid overtime."
Joker chuckled, he was already liking Dr. Ingleside, "I'll try in anyway I can to make sure that happens for you, doc."
"Much appreciated," said Dr. Ingleside and he proceeded to ask Joker various questions about his time on the Normandy.
Elissa was laying down on the couch her cabin, looking up at the ceiling thinking about Kaidan and her almost kiss with Joker, "What a crazy last few days."
"I agree," said Kasumi, emerging from under her cloak.
"How long have you been standing there, Kasumi?" asked Elissa, sitting up as her friend sat next to her.
"Since before Chakwas released you," said Kasumi, reclining against the leather.
"What were you doing up here?" asked Elissa, "Looking at my underwear again?"
"Of course," said Kasumi as if it was still perfectly normal to look through someone else's drawers, "I see they're still lacy, I think Joker would like the red pair on you."
Elissa scoffed, "Why would Joker care what underwear I was wearing?"
"Lets just say I have my theories," said Kasumi, smiling wickedly underneath her hood.
"Come on, Kasumi, tell me what you know," said Elissa in an encouraging tone.
"I don't know anything, Shep," said Kasumi feigning innocence.
"You're lying to me, Kasumi," said Elissa, smiling.
"I could tell you what I think," said Kasumi, "or I could let you have the fun of figuring it out for yourself, personally I'm leaning towards that option."
"Tease," muttered Elissa, and Kasumi hit her with a pillow from the couch, both women laughed.
"I've missed being here on the Normandy," sighed Kasumi as she looked around, "even though I wasn't here long, she still feels like home."
"I know what you mean," said Elissa, glancing at her fish tank and model collection, "I hated being on shore leave, I felt completely useless, and Kaidan's house never felt like a home to me. The Normandy is my only true home."
"I have a feeling other crew members think that about this ship," said Kasumi, pulling her knees up to her chest, "Could I ask you something, Shep?"
"Of course, Kasumi, anything," said Elissa, moving on the couch to face her friend.
"Do you remember that one job I worked at the casino, you know, stealing from the rich to give to the poor?" asked Kasumi, "Well, I found out that the refugees I had been sending the money to are no longer receiving any of it, and that the funds are being transferred elsewhere. Would it be too much to ask to go and investigate?"
"I see no harm in it," said Elissa, putting her hand on Kasumi's shoulder, "we'll head for the colony as soon as this trial is over."
"Thank you, Shep," said Kasumi quietly, smiling, "that really means a lot to me."
"I know," said Elissa, smiling.
"Commander Shepard," said EDI through her usual platform, "Major Alenko is requesting entry to the Normandy."
"He no longer has access?" asked Elissa.
"No, Tali has blocked his entry codes," replied EDI and Elissa smiled inwardly, leave it to her crew to get even for her.
"EDI, has Dr. Ingleside left yet?" asked Elissa as she and Kasumi stood.
"Yes, he left one minute seventeen seconds ago," replied EDI, "Major Alenko is attempting to pry the doors open with his biotics, should I initiate lockdown mode?"
"No, let him in," sighed Elissa, furrowing her brow.
"Yes, Commander," said EDI.
"Should I go?" asked Kasumi walking towards the door.
"Probably, I don't want you to get hit by the shit storm," said Elissa and Kasumi smiled at her before retreating back to her cloak, the only indication that she had left the room was the opening and closing of the door to Elissa's cabin. Elissa stood there in the open doorway, watching as Kasumi's shadow deftly climbed up to the air duct and left, she smiled to herself thinking about the many times she had seen Kasumi smiling down at her from one of the vents. The elevator across from her cabin pinged and the doors swung open, and Elissa felt her heart drop to her stomach, Kaidan was standing there still fuming.
"I heard you tried to pry my ship apart," said Elissa defensively, crossing her arms and leaning against her doorway.
"Why was my access revoked?" demanded Kaidan as he exited the elevator.
"I'm not in charge of that," said Elissa, trying to hide a smile that threatened to spread across her face, "if you're having technical issues, maybe you should talk to Tali or EDI."
"Why did you have to cheat on me, Shepard?" asked Kaidan angrily, "We had a really great thing going on, and you had to screw it up."
"I screwed it up!?" exclaimed Elissa, dumbfounded.
"Yes, you!" shouted Kaidan, "Ever since you started working for Cerberus we haven't been the same, the least you could've done was send me a vid-mail saying that you were alive."
"I thought we had moved passed this!" yelled Elissa, "Besides, I'm not the one who was calling the other a traitor and a brainwashed puppet!"
"You turned your back on me!" shouted Kaidan, dejected and angry.
"I never turned my back on you, but you sure as hell did!" snapped Elissa, "You've never been able to trust me, not even after I turned myself into the Alliance."
"How could I?!" exclaimed Kaidan, "Especially after seeing that goddamn clone!"
"That happened after you said you'd never doubt me again!" shouted Elissa, trying not to cry, she could tell this was the end.
"You know what, Shepard," said Kaidan, crossing his arms, "I really don't know you and you really don't know me."
"For once, Kaidan, I think we can agree on something," sighed Elissa, stepping forward with her right fist clenched.
"What's this?" asked Kaidan as she placed her fist in his hand and dropped something hard on his palm, when she retracted her hand he saw that she had given him her ring back.
"We're done, Kaidan," said Elissa, "I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me and you can't be with someone you can't trust. Go have the fresh start you've earned."
"Elissa," said Kaidan, closing his fist around the ring, "I'm sorry."
"Yeah," said Elissa, "so am I."
Joker was sitting back in the mess when he saw Kaidan walk out of the elevator, he looked as if he had aged ten years, "What the hell are you doing on my ship?"
"Look, I'm not in the mood right now, Joker," sighed Kaidan as he walked over to Joker's table.
"What happened?" asked Joker defensively.
"Shepard and I. . . are over," said Kaidan, hanging his head, "She's all yours, hope you like sloppy seconds."
"Fuck you!" shouted Joker, rising quickly, "She never cheated on you with me! That gesture EDI was doing was a bad imitation of me pushing some hairs out of Elissa's face!"
"Seriously?" asked Kaidan smiling slightly, "That was a pretty bad imitation then."
"No shit," smirked Joker, "Either way, I think you should get out of here."
"I don't really see a reason for staying," sighed Kaidan and he extended his hand to Joker.
"You're shitting me," said Joker in disbelief, "you cause all of this hell and I'm supposed to just shake your hand?"
"Consider it my first bite of crow," said Kaidan and Joker reluctantly shook his hand.
"So long, Major," said Joker as Kaidan headed to the bridge.
"For now," said Kaidan as he left the Normandy.