They were already dancing…
why did he feel the need to ask again?!
The truth was that he didn't feel the need to ask earlier, that song wasn't the kind of song needing invitation, the kind of song weighing on the soul.
you would end up dancing anyway…
But this song, well, just by the first notes, it was another story.
Without looking anywhere other than where she was looking right now, a silent 'yes!' answered him.
no words needed uttering, fearing to seem too eager or anything, less pathetic maybe?..
Little that she knew, was that a few inches away from her stood an equally confused man. Eaten by his own thoughts and insecurities.
Taking what's left of him after his nightmares wrecking the already messed up mind, and trying to glimpse at that light at the end of the line..
A light hand was now on the small of her back, pressing her gently to him, and cold fingers dragged on her right one, holding her in a perfect waltzing posture which was funny, cause it wasn't a waltz! But gradually loosening, morphing into What can only be described as hugging with every passing minute.
I lose control when I'm close to you babe
I lose control don't look at me like this
The piercing blue eyes so soft and warm and so much more looking at her. she felt the need to look down fearing they would see right through her and read all her secrets. She blushed and tried too anyway.
At that moment, remembering every eye lock, every stolen glance just trying to get a glimpse of that ice.when no was looking…
There's something in your eyes, is this love at first sight
Like a flower that grows, life just wants you to know
All the secrets of life
Who knew?, maybe it was!
All she knew was that Bucky Barnes was going to be the death of her…she was only a willing victim, a devoted tribute ready to be sacrificed.Or simply a woman giving herself up for this troubled soul, wanting to help and heal and.. love.
It's all written down in your lifelines
Or maybe it was destiny...wishful thinking really!…
It's written down inside your heart
The first time they met was not the beginning..
It felt like she already knew him, just didn't know what he looked like, what he felt like...But now she did and it was like coming home.which made her wonder at the thought of 'destined to be together' maybe, Oh how she loved that idea.
' you're such a sap! its not a movie!
Maintaining eye contact, losing themselves for a minute, engulfed in each others warmth and closeness, swaying in perfect synchronization.
letting the song voice out their thoughts.hands rediscovering long-lost territories, with every gliding of skin on skin.a tantalizing, barely -there scratching of nails on smooth sweaty surfaces.
You and I just have a dream
To find our love a place, where we can hide away
You and I were just made
To love each other now, forever and a day
Oh, this is all she ever wanted,to love him forever and a day.
whichever came first, really!.
There's something in your eyes that is saying tonight
I'm so curious for more just like never before
In my innocent life
Bucky didn't miss the shift in her eyes, the -so ever- quick shift of emotions when you try and do everything in your power to just keep a poker face,and hide away and just fail miserably at the end...Because this girl had the most expressive face he'd ever encountered, well, when she wasn't playing the 'staring game' anyway.
what was she thinking? he thought, the words coming from the speakers was literally voicing out what he was thinking.
he wanted more, but did not have the guts to say it!
well, not yet at least!
Time stands still when the days of innocence
Are falling for the night
He was falling, he could feel himself falling. and 'Dear god that was scary!.'..
and like always, the lyrics said what he couldn't, No! what he was omitting.
just out loud.
I love you girl I always will
I swear I'm there for you
Till the day I die.
At the last sentence, Bucky just embraced her, bringing his metallic hand resting over hers on his heart.
let her feel his heart beating, resting his chin on her head, once more swaying to the soft guitar.
she accepted him in her life, she welcomed him in her home without asking nothing in return. she didn't say anything about his screams at night, or his temper sometimes when he closed himself up and just went through it...,
Always making sure he ate regularly even when he didn't go out of his room when it was hard to just be outside. he would hear her approaching his bedroom door with her high heels and letting a trail filled with fruits and some sandwiches, making sure he had everything he needed.and then she would go to work.
Or when he woke up screaming and Steve would come barging into his room, he knew she was up too, lingering in the shadows at his bedroom door waiting, and giving him privacy.
He wanted to thank her in so many ways, but he knew, just knew she wouldn't want anything in return, she was one of those souls put on earth to give joy in helping the lost ones…and sure as hell, he was one of the lost souls.
She would want anything to do with him. He was so sure about that,yet….
If She knew that he wanted her practically every second that they're together these days, in ways that Bucky knows neither one of them are even ready for yet,
Bucky would lose her. There's not a doubt in his mind. He knew he would be a handful, and a burden if he took that step, and he can not let it happen..but,
was it really?!or were those thoughts just his mind and insecurities messing with his happiness and fear of change?.
Who would want something broken in the first place?
And yet, he screws up anyways, because he was only human, because he's got this stupid and screwed up things in his head that messes up every decent relationship with the opposite sex, and because She's standing here between his arms, with one arm around his back.looking as delicious as she smelled right now, always that chocolaty fragrance enveloping her, and …
She makes the mistake of chuckling nervously at the song coming out of the speakers now and picks that moment to tip her head towards Bucky and look up at him with those big, brown eyes under the huge black-rimmed glasses .blushing even more.
Because for one stupid moment, Bucky sees that look, that smile – and it feels so good,a freaking teenager all over again,and that, that's something new and very welcomed.
His chest is tight, for something other then terror for once.and his eyes have a tiniest glaze to them, and so does hers. her pupils are Blown right now, mirroring his.
The silly song already blasting in the background and Bucky's already forgotten what it was, because the next thing he knows, he's leaning down, for Moon's still slightly curled lips.In a split second, the whole world stops...its so close, just a little further and you can taste her…
"Moonnn!" a timid voice filled the apartment, they froze like deer in a headlight!!
" I let myself in, where are you gurl?"
"shit"
well, this pretty much brought them to their senses alright!
"Amel's here!!!! what time is it?" she asked baffled
"its..its like eleven fifteen," answered Bucky, already looking like a lost puppy, blushing at what he was about to do.
damn t! that was close!
"Moon" another shout
"in my room!" she replied, " I'll be out in a minute"
" I ..I should,..I should ..go take a shower..." started Buck even though his arms were still on her body.
Oh God!
"Yeah, Ok. cool" for nothing better to do at the moment, to try and keep an semblance of normalcy and chill. "shower is good!" 'stop talking now!' "amma go..see. alright!"
'don't think about him in the shower, don't think about him in the shower!"
with a litany of shit...shitt...shitt in her head, she detached herself from him feeling as if she was sentenced to the guillotine.
she fidgeted with her clothes and rearranging hair already in place.
Oh! they were both idjits alright!
Bucky split out to his room on the left just as Amel popped her head at the end of the corridor.
"Hey dude, I could hear the blasting music from outside! knew you wouldn't hear me,so used the key you kept under the fire extinguisher."she continued shedding her black trench coat.
"how is it hanging?" came the familiar words accompanied with a warm smile
A petite figure ,with shoulder short wavy hair brunette and beautiful brown eyes was hugging her warmly, dressed in a casual yet smart everyday outfit, a dark blue Italian cut blazer on her light grey turtleneck shirt, with white skinny jeans and a pair of black low boots, matching her black leathery huge bag, from where she was taking a large pile of papers!
"Oh My God you are a lifesaver!" Moon sighted " I completely forgot about the latest changes in the approved script! !!"
"yep, that's me! your knight in skinny jeans!"
"sorry for making you come all the way here!"said Moon as she took the file to sit on her chair, "I didn't know I didnt have a copy" Already checking the changes made on her texts
.
" yeah, bad luck with the power down at the office, I could have emailed it to you!"Amel started,"making herself comfortable on Moon's bed!
"yeah, about that! what happened ?"
"beyond me, they say it's 'cause of this heavy raining thing...some sort of water leaking or something, so to prevent further complications they shut down the whole floor for like two days!"
"ha!lucky I stayed home then!"
"sure are!"Amel took on studying 'the Room', something was off about Moon and she could smell it,
" all the artists are all working from home,!"
she took a look at her girl going through her work.her face was bright red, when she came up, and did her best to avoid the eye contact, which was so not her style,
the girl she knew could make you blush while speaking with her intense eye-lock during a conversation!
And the thing is, she's been on the same page for more than five minutes, weird, it was a panel script, no more then few lines, space on the page she was reading...
no something was up!
" what's up with you"asked Amel, approaching her friend, "are you sick or something?you're all flushed!"
"oh, yeah, nO nothing, its just hot in here that's all."
"humm huh! , where is Steve anyhow! I haven't seen that pretty face since the last office party!"Oh, Steve....
"dude, its a weekday, he's at work!"
"Bummer!I wanted to say Hi!" she replied wiggling her eyebrows!
"sure you did!"moon laughed!
they started heading out after a while, Amel first followed by Moon.at that moment, the chime of a microwave ding made itself noticed! and that's when Moon began to panic!
she actually forgot about him being here for a second there! just as they were about to reach the end of the corridor opening on the center space of the apartment where Bucky was sweating merely minutes ago, the thought made Moon blush once again! damn…
"oh mama! who's tha honk on the couch reading the comic?" asked Amel with a genuine surprise look on her face
"oh,that's just Bucky, steve's Best..., wait, h..he's doing what?" she blurted out
"reading cap's comic book" answered Amel,
"Omg "reaching for her friend's shoulder to see for herself, hidden from his eyes behind the wall.she couldn't believe her eyes!
"what? " asked the girl,not getting the gist of it!
and he was there, sitting on the couch, hair in a bun freshly showered.on the table close to his reach, a bunch of comics.
"omg..omg... he's reading it, hes reading it what will I dooo omgggg"
"calm down moon, what's the big deal"
' what's the big deaaall? Its the fucking winter soldier comic, he's reading about himself, the actual fantasy version of my twisted mind that's what!'
"you don't get it ! its the winter...you know what!, never mind..." she trailed off
"ok!" came the reply as she headed out for the couch.
Noticing the girls coming in, he closed the pages and got up! a warm smile on his face.
ugh! always the charmer!
"hey there pretty ladies," said Bucky with his usual charms; " wanna have some lunch?"
"hey, am Amel I work with Moon"she offered her hand for a handshake
"nice to meet you Amel, Am Bucky"
"so you're the other one!,!" with that, she gave a quick but a proud look to Moon mouthing 'NICE!' and an all-knowing smiled reigned on her face,
"I'll talk to you soon Gurl, keep me in the loop!" she started heading to the door putting her coat on.
"k!" came the -kill me on the spot-reply
"don't you wanna join us for lunch?" asked bucky the charming host again!
"nah, am needed elsewhere! raincheck?" turning to answer but already reaching for the doorknob
"sure thing!"
"see ya dudes!"she blurted out opening the door, Both Bucky and moon replied
"see ya!" said bucky amused and Moon already thinking about her life choices!
with a subtle wink and a cheeky smirk, she was out, leaving them looking at each other uncomfortably.
a heavy silence crashed on them and that was awkward! the event of the last time they were next to each other they were about to kiss!
"soo, hungry?" attempted Bucky
"sure, in just a minute?"
"i'll be here!!"he added smiling warmly ,starting heading to her room
...............................
'fuck fuck fuck fuckkkk!!'oh god!
did that just happen or am I dreaming! he was about to kiss me! Me!
OMG, and HE IS READING THE COMIC? REALLY!'
Crashing onto my bed face down wishing it was the earth actually opening up and taking me in! and flying in outer space at the same time!
yeah, that much!
I can't lie anyone .its written all over my face.steve knows it, sure as hell even 'He' even knows it. and no way in hell Amel didn't catch on it by now! turning down food, I mean seriously!?
Ughrr!! KILL MEEEE!
I want him,I want Bucky, I want him so fucking badly that its downright painful just to see him so close, every day and not being able to touch him, or drag my fingers through his hair, or even just be close to him in ways I know myself capable of.
and yet I WAS SO CLOSE JUST MINUTES AGO! whyyyyyy!!!
And It was soo about to happen if it wasn't for the interruption!,my minds latest hobby these days was to torture me with endless erotic dreams of Bucky spread all over my bed.whimpering with the sweetest pleasures and shivering with every delicious thing I ought to provide If wishes could come true.
and he was so close, really close! But was it a good thing that it actually didn't happen?; I mean,it would hurt me more to lose him than to never have had him at all.
at least this way,i don' know what am missing out on if I actually fully Had him ....
Uughrrrr! it's just in your damn head, wake up!
But then he comes and does stuff like that, what did he think? did he really wanted me or was he just acting on his impulses?
sex and love sure as hell were the same for Men!
And if he did want just sex, would I be willing to go there?
it never was for me, those two words were the two sides of the same coin!
so would I be able to do it if he only wanted one thing?!
God! that's what happens when you overthink everything even things that are only in your head.'NOTHING HAPPENED YOU DRAMA QUEEN!"
Unless I knew some higher power to help with my request,so sticking to the dream world is the best thing!
Ok, try picturing this, having the most epic wet dream about someone, and then you wake up; and he is just there! the perfect reminder of what isn't yours! and ending up literally having the object of your desire sitting perfectly beautiful just inches from you , and still can't have it, or touch. cause he can never belong to you .
its kind of sad I know, and twisted in a way too.
Dreaming was something...but now it was within reach, I mean he really tried to kiss me, felt it and nearly tasted it. I was sitting on my bed, my shirt still smelling of him from his sweaty chest on mine.
I can no longer turn a blind eye..am so head over heels for this boy. and I can not go back to the pining and silently drooling over him...damn it! am a full grown woman for god's sakes! I need to do something about it.
I mean, where is the harm in that, what's the worst that can happen? Just reach, pluck and eat!
come on woman, grow a pair!
A shadow of a decision took home in my mind, and with it, my resolve to just go for it! starting by getting my ass off the bed, and go have that fucking lunch.