How Will I Know

Chapter Ten:

"Elijah!" Gabby yelled from the kitchen as she struggled against Gus' refusal to get his face cleaned. He'd been fighting with her for the past fifteen minutes, shaking his head in refusal each time she had attempted to slip the spoonful of oatmeal in his mouth. So instead of landing in his mouth, the gooey substance had landed all over his face.

"What?" He yelled back.

"You need to finish getting ready!" Once Gus was clean enough, Gabby tossed the paper towel in the trash can by the counter and removed the tray from Gus' highchair. She returned his dimpled grin, "you know you're too ornery for your own good, right?"

"Ma!"

"Yes, I'm mommy." She removed Gus from his highchair and checked her watch. "Elijah Antonio-Nicolas! You're going to be late for school!"

It had been a horrible morning. From the minute she'd woken up late and realizing her alarm never went off, Gabby had been in a frenzied state of mind. She didn't have to work, but she still wanted to make sure Eli made it to school on time.

"I'm coming!" He ran down the hall and grabbed his book bag, shouldering it. "I couldn't find my shoes."

"Maybe next time you'll put them away like I asked you to." She grabbed her purse on the way to the door, "let's go." She opened the door and was surprised to see Matt standing on the other side of it. From the look on his face, he was just as startled by the door opening so suddenly.

"Matt!" Eli exclaimed.

"Hey, bud." Matt greeted the five year old before he turned his attention to Gabby and held up the cups of coffee. "I just got off shift."

Gabby nodded, pushing her loose hair from her face. "Well we're just heading out. Elijah was running behind this morning."

Eli huffed not happy that his mother had to tell Matt that it was his fault they were running behind. "I'll put my shoes away next time, mama."

"Good." Gabby ushered Eli out of the apartment, following closely behind him. She shut the door behind her making sure it was locked. "Let's go." Despite herself, Gabby took the cup of coffee from Matt and eagerly took a sip. "Thanks. Tagging along?"

"If you don't mind."

"Nope."

The four of them headed down the stairs and out to Gabby's car. Matt could feel the slight distance Gabby was putting between them and decided he'd wait until they'd dropped Gus off at school to ask her about it.

With neither of their shifts matching up, they hadn't seen each other since Eli's first day of school which was almost a week ago. They'd talked on the phone and exchanged several text messages but even without seeing her face to face, Matt could tell there was something bothering Gabby. He just hoped it had nothing to do with him.

When Severide had first mentioned the comments Ross had made about Gabby, Matt did his best to shrug them off and put them to the back of his mind. But he'd also done his best to avoid Ross at work, afraid that he would either hit him or ask him how exactly he knew Gabby. Or maybe both.

He'd thought about asking Gabby how she knew Ross but with their relationship still in the beginning stages, he didn't want to scare her off by coming off as being too prying. He knew there was still a lot she was holding in and he'd reminded himself that in time she would open up to him more.

Besides Gus' incoherent babbling, the short drive to Eli's school was made in silence. Gabby pulled up to the curb in front of the elementary school and shifted the car into park. She looked over at Matt, "can you stay here with Gus while I take Eli up to the door?"

Matt nodded, "yeah, sure."

"Thanks." Gabby glanced into the rear-view mirror as she undid her seat belt, "do you have everything, baby?"

"Yes, mama," Eli mumbled, removing his own seat belt.

Gabby hurried around the other side of the car just as Eli was jumping out of the back seat. He shut the door and took his mom's outreached hand.

They moved quickly up the paved walkway. "Is Matt gonna be with you when you pick me up today, mama?"

"I don't know, baby. He worked all night, he might want to go home and sleep."

"Well can he come over for dinner?"

"We'll see."

Eli huffed, stomping his foot. "It's not fair! Only you and Gus get to see Matt! I have to go to school whenever he visits!"

Gabby stopped at the bottom of the steps and dropped Eli's hand, a little taken aback by Eli's complaint. She hadn't realized how much Eli had missed hanging around Matt, too. She framed his little face in her hands and kissed the top of his head. "I'll ask him as soon as I get back to the car if he wants to come over for dinner, ok? But in the meantime, I want you to have a good day at school, ok? I love you."

Eli nodded enthusiastically, satisfied with his mother's answer. "Ok! Te amo!" He jogged up the steps, stopping when he made it to the top and turned around, giving his mother one last wave before hurrying into the building.

When Gabby got back to her car, she started to turn her head to look over at Matt and was completely taken by surprise when his lips captured hers. She was quick to recover and leaned into him, sliding her hand to the back of his neck, deepening the kiss.

They briefly fought for dominance, not seeing each in week finally catching up to the both of them.

Gabby opened her eyes when she felt Matt's lips leave hers. A small smile played on her lips. "What was that for?"

Matt shrugged, grinning, "I missed you."

"I missed you, too." She quickly pecked his lips before sitting back in her seat and biting her bottom lip nervously. "You showing up at my door this morning was a nice surprise."

"Yeah? I couldn't tell. I think you were more excited to see the coffee in my hand than you were to see me," Matt joked.

Gabby rolled her eyes. "Well it's been a bit of a rough morning, hasn't it, Gus?" She turned and looked behind her, a little concerned to see Gus was sound asleep. She frowned, "I really hope he's not coming down with something. He wouldn't eat breakfast." She reached back and touched side of his face, checking for a fever. "He's not warm."

"Maybe he's just tired," Matt suggested. He could see the worry in Gabby's eyes and wanted to ease her concerns.

"Maybe. But he slept through the entire night." Gabby sent one last look in her youngest son's direction before turning around and settling back in her seat. She secured her seat belt and looked for Matt to do the same. "Seat belt, Matt."

"Oh, right. Sorry."

The drive was once again made without conversation and with Gus asleep, an awkward silence had fallen between the two. Gabby could feel Matt's eyes on her every now and then but she refused to look his way, afraid his gaze would take a hold of hers and not let it go. She pulled into the first parking lot she saw closest to her apartment and killed the engine.

Gabby cleared her throat, "So…I've been told to ask you if you'd like to come over for dinner tonight. Eli is feeling a little jealous that only Gus and I get to see you."

"Depends. Do you want me over for dinner?

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?"

Matt shrugged. "You haven't really had much to say this past week."

"I've been busy," Gabby defended. "And besides, the phone works both ways." She rested her head against the back of her seat and briefly closed her eyes. "I don't want to argue, Matt."

"I'm not trying to argue with you," he insisted. He motioned towards her apartment, "can I come in with you guys?"

Gabby nodded, "Yeah."

Once they got inside the apartment, Gabby managed to change Gus' diaper without waking him up. Again, she checked for any sign of a fever before putting him down in his playpen. Matt walked up behind Gabby and held her waist. "Is he ok?" He whispered into her ear.

"He doesn't have a fever so that's a good sign. It's just not like him to fall asleep this early in the morning. Especially since I know he slept well last night," she frowned. "I think he might be coming down with something."

"Let's hope not," Matt mumbled.

Gabby sighed, "I know."

"Did you get a chance to eat breakfast?"

"No. It was a rough morning. My alarm didn't go off, I barely had breakfast ready for the boys."

"You want me to make you something?" Matt asked. "I'm not the best but Eli seemed pretty pleased with the cereal I poured him when he asked me for breakfast." Matt grinned when he earned a laugh from Gabby.

"I hate to be the one to break it to you but cooking and pouring cereal isn't quite the same thing." She turned around and draped her arms around his neck. "I'm not really that hungry, but thanks for the offer."

Matt nodded, kissing her. "One of these days, I'll convince you to let me cook. I promise I'm not as bad as what the guys at 51 seem to think. Speaking of which…." Matt caught himself by surprise when he stumbled into the perfect transition of conversation to find out if his fight with Ross has anything to do with her being distant. "The guys have been asking about you."

Gabby dropped her eyes from Matt's, "oh yeah?" She moved out of Matt's grasp and started busying herself by cleaning up toys around the living room.

"Yep. You and the boys should visit again soon. Maybe dinner on Friday?"

"As long as I don't have to cook the dinner," she joked.

"Damnit," Matt feigned frustration. "You caught on to my plan," he joked. "But really, I've missed your visits. I think we're due for some alone time in my office."

Gabby smiled, "maybe." She did miss seeing her old coworkers but as long as Ross was working for 51, she would not be making any appearances. The thing she feared most was Ross airing her dirty laundry out in front of the entire house, more specifically, in front of Matt. Shay had been on her case for the past week to just tell Matt the truth about her history with Ross, claiming the lieutenant already knew there was some sort of past but just didn't know how to ask about it.

Gabby was afraid if Matt knew the exact details of her past with Ross that he would drop her. It was one thing to date a woman with two kids, but it was another to have to work with the father of one of her kids. Especially when the guy was an egotistical asshole who had no problem making the lives of the people around him miserable.

"Gabby?" Matt waved his hand in front of Gabby's face, finally managing to pull her attention back to him. "Hey, where'd you go?"

"Just thinking."

"Anything you care to talk about?" Matt asked. "Maybe…maybe why you're avoiding the firehouse?"

"I'm not avoiding the firehouse," Gabby lied. She pulled the basket from underneath the coffee table that she used to store some of the boys' toys in and unloaded an armful into it. "Like I said, I've just been busy."

"Gabby, for once, just talk to me."

Gabby's shoulders fell along with her resolve and she moved to take a seat next to Matt. She looked up at him, eventually meeting his eyes. "I don't know where to start." The mysterious calls. Running into Bobby Ross. Even work was starting to stress her out, and it used to be the one place she could go and not worry about her problems.

"Anywhere is fine."

"I heard you had a run-in with Bobby Ross last week?" Matt nodded, silently asking for her to continue. "Despite what he's probably told you, I never actually dated him. We went to school together and had a sort of…friends with benefits minus the actual being friends part for the better part of a year."

Matt nodded, "I kind of figured something like that took place."

"I didn't even know he was working at 51 until I took the boys to see you right before Eli went to the Dominican and then last week Shay told me he had become her permanent partner."

"Hence the reason you've been avoiding the firehouse?"

"Pretty much," Gabby admitted.

Matt shook his head, "why didn't you just tell me?"

"I try to keep my past in the past so when I ran into Ross it kind of caught me off guard," she shrugged, not knowing what else to say. "He isn't a part of my life now." Or Eli's.

"There's something else, isn't there?" Matt asked, leery of what can of worms he was nudging.

Gabby sighed and stood up from the couch, she crossed her arms and started pacing the small confines of her living room. She stopped and glanced down in the playpen at Gus who was still sleeping in the exact position she had laid him down in. "It shouldn't matter," she mumbled, returning to pacing back and forth.

"Then just tell me," Matt pleaded. "What did he do?"

Gabby stopped and looked over at Matt, "he dropped me from existence as soon as I told him I was pregnant."

"Oh." Matt had not been expecting that. Thinking back on it, he should have put it together. But for some reason, it hadn't even crossed his mind that Ross could be the father of one of Gabby's kids. He shook his head, disrupting the tangled weave of thoughts that were forming in his head. He ran his hands through his short locks, unsure of what to say. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"Why? He has nothing to do with Eli. Never has and never will," her words sounded bitterer than she had intended. Although she knew Eli was better off without Ross in his life, it still didn't keep the ache in her heart from hurting as she thought back to the struggles of going through the pregnancy completely alone. It wasn't until her fifth month did Antonio even find out she was pregnant. It was only after she'd passed out at work and he'd been called due to being her emergency contact.

"Yeah, but I have to work with the guy. It would have been nice to know."

"Well in that case, it would have been nice to know about Hallie."

Matt narrowed his eyes, "what do you mean? What about her?" He hadn't seen, let alone talked to Hallie in months and he had absolutely no interest in starting.

"Your ex-fiancée happens to work at the same hospital as me. Something I'm sure you already knew."

"Yeah, but…."

"But I work with her, Matt. I went a few good weeks with her throwing nasty glares my way before Shay told me who she was! So if you're going to sit here and get mad at me for not telling you about Ross then you better make sure you don't come off as a hypocrite!"

Before Matt could get out a response, Gus woke up crying. Gabby hurried over to the playpen and picked Gus up, frowning in concern. "Hey, hey, mommy's here." She held his head to the side of her face and started to rock him gently. She kissed his forehead, "I didn't mean to wake you."

Gus' cries faded but he continued to let out a small whimper every now and then. She looked over her shoulder at Matt, "can you get him a bottle?"

"Yeah. What should I put in it?"

"Milk. I want to see if he drinks it."

She wasn't sure if it was because he had just woken up, but Gus felt a little warmer than before. She adjusted him so he was laying in her arms, his head resting against the inside of her elbow. She watched him tug on his right ear and for the first time noticed how red it was. "Is that what's bothering you, baby?" She touched his ear but immediately pulled her hand away when he started to cry again. "Ok, ok, I won't touch it."

"Is he ok?" Matt asked in concern as he returned to the living room and handed Gabby the bottle.

She shook her head, "I think he might have an ear infection."

Their previous conversation was pushed aside as both focused their attention and concern on Gus.

Several hours later, Gabby came back from putting the boys to bed and plopped down on the couch, cuddling into Matt's side. She draped her arm across him and slipped her hand into his.

"Finally got Gus to fall asleep?"

"Yeah," Gabby sighed and briefly closed her eyes. "I wish I could be sick for him. I hate seeing him so miserable." She lifted her head up off of his chest and looked at him, "you're off tomorrow, right?"

Matt nodded. "Yep. 24 hours on, 48 off."

"So you can stay tonight, then?"

"Actually," Matt reluctantly started, "I can't."

"What? Why?" Gabby pushed herself off of Matt and into a sitting position. "You just said you didn't have to work tomorrow. Is this because of earlier? Because of Ross?" She scoffed and stood up, adding more distance between the two of them. "I can't believe it. I knew this was going to happen."

"Gabby!"

"You've stayed over how many nights and now that I've finally talked to you like you've been asking me to, you can't even stay? Typical." She grabbed his shoes from the floor and shoved them into his chest, "if that's how it's going to be, you can just leave now."

"Gabby!" Matt dropped his shoes and grabbed her arms, "stop! It has nothing to do with what we talked about earlier. I have a construction job in Aurora that I need to get an early start on." He sighed, relieved that he had finally gotten her attention. "You told me about Ross hours ago and I'm still here, aren't I? I picked Eli up from school so you could take Gus to the doctor, does that really sound like someone who is planning on running away from you?"

Gabby shook her head, the tears slightly blurring her vision. "No, I guess not."

"You guess not?" Matt repeated, giving her a knowing look. "How about you know not, huh?"

Gabby nodded and dropped her head so she could wipe away her tears. She was embarrassed by her outburst and couldn't bring herself to look at Matt. Everything around her seemed to be crumbling slowly, one little piece at a time and she needed some sort of hope to hold onto. Yes, she knew it was selfish of her to look to Matt for comfort when she had two beautiful boys that filled her heart with so much love and happiness but every once in a while she needed to be reassured by someone else.

And for her, that someone else had become Matt. She was far from admitting it out loud, though.

She sniffled a few times but kept her gaze down, "sorry for over-reacting and getting defensive."

Matt shook his head and placed his finger under her chin, tilting her head up so she was looking at him. "Just trust me a little bit more, ok?"

"Ok."

"And for the record, I like seeing you all passionate and defensive. It's hot."

Gabby raised a brow, "oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah."

Gabby nudged Matt's chest just enough so the back of his legs ran into the couch, causing him to lose his stance and fall into the cushions. He grinned when she crawled into his lap and straddled him. Wrapping her arms around his neck she bit her bottom lip seductively. "So…what you're saying is you like it when I get angry?"

Matt tilted his head in thought, "kind of. I like the passion you have when you're angry. I don't want you to actually be angry at me." He felt Gabby tighten her legs around his waist and lean her body farther into his lap. "Gabby," he groaned, letting his head fall back against the couch. "No teasing."

Gabby feigned innocence. "Teasing? Why would I ever do such a thing?"

"You're killing me," Matt mumbled, capturing her lips with his. He slipped his hand up her shirt, silently rejoicing in the fact that she'd already taken her bra off for the day, leaving one less article of clothing in his way.

Gabby shook her head. "Uh-uh." She pulled back enough to speak, "bedroom." She crawled off of him and stood up, grabbing his hand and tugging on it. "Come on."

Matt obliged and followed Gabby down the hall, he couldn't help but admire her backside, her sweatpants hugging her curves in all the right places. Without giving it a second's thought, he reached out and gave her butt a light smack. Gabby stopped in her tracks and turned to look at Matt, her mouth open in surprise. He grinned, satisfied with the blush that had crept into her cheeks and shrugged, "what? You've got a cute ass."

It wasn't that far into their relationship that Matt had realized that Gabby would only have sex with him in the dark; but it wasn't something he'd voiced to her, afraid she would push him away. Instead, he'd made a silent promise to her to make her feel so beautiful and comfortable in her own body that she didn't feel the need to hide underneath the blanket of darkness.

It had ended up being a sleepless night for Gabby and it wasn't for fun, either. As soon as Matt had left a little bit after eleven, Gus had woken up crying. It was too soon to give him more pain reliever so she'd settled the two of them on the couch, preparing for a long night. Of course, she would have been more comfortable in her bed and even though Gus was old enough to move around on his own, she'd seen too many cases of babies being rushed to the E.R. due to co-sleeping going terribly wrong and she didn't want to take the chance. Not to mention Gus was still a baby, he could still accidentally roll out of the bed.

As if spending her night caring for her sick baby hadn't been hard enough, her phone had been ringing off the hook so much that she'd had to put it on silent. Every hour, on the hour, it was ringing. The screen flashing the same thing each time. Blocked Number. She'd been so preoccupied that she'd actually forgotten about the calls. That was, until one o' clock in the morning when they'd started up again.

With a sleeping Gus in her arms, Gabby waited nervously in the lobby of the police station.

"Gabby?"

Gabby's head snapped up as she watched her brother jog down the steps and stop right in front of her. The look of concern he was giving her made her feel even worse. "The calls won't stop," she whispered. She was silently pleading with him to fix it. "There are voicemails," she shook her head, "I don't know who it is, the voice is distorted but Antonio…I need it to stop. The messages...I just can't."

Antonio nodded, "ok, ok." He very rarely saw his sister this worked up about something. "I'll see what I can do." He could tell she was holding back from saying something else. "What is it?"

"Lance is still in prison, right?"

"Gabby, I told you before and I'll tell you again, Lance will not be getting out of prison for quite some time. So don't even think that, ok? Don't let whoever this caller is make you go backwards, ok?"

Gabby nodded, "ok."

Still asleep, Gus shifted in his mother's arms. He turned his head away from his mother and Antonio frowned. "He doesn't look too good."

"He has an ear infection," Gabby explained. "I had to call off work because our wonderful cousin said she didn't want to deal with a sick baby. I'm already on thin ice with the head nurse so she wasn't too pleased with me."

"Yeah, well, that old bag has a lonely life and doesn't understand what it means to be a parent. Let alone, a single parent."

"But she does understand how to fire me," Gabby muttered. "I just hope it doesn't get that far." She took a breath and shook her head, looking back up at Antonio. "Laura mentioned last week that I could host Gus' birthday party at your guys' place. Is that still ok?"

"Yeah! Of course!" Antonio watched as Gus started to stir and he ran his hand over the back of Gus' head. "Can't believe this kid is going to be a year old next week."

Gabby smiled sadly, her mind drifting back to Gus' premature birth and the difficult delivery that had taken place. "I don't know what I would do if he hadn't made it."

Antonio shook his head. "But he did make it. So don't even think like that."

I actually did it! I posted by the end of the weekend (my time, anyways. Technically have about an hour to spare. lol.) You guys allll wrote such lovely reviews! I'm really happy you guys are liking this story. I know Silence in the Dark has kinda been put on the back burner but I promise I will get to it. This is my longest chapter yet, it kind of got away from me a bit. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy and if you do, send me some love! :)

P.S. I haven't gotten a chance to respond individually to reviews, but I think some of you are catching on to who the unknown caller might be. Maybe. ;)