Bored. So very bored. Life is boring. I feel like I'm stuck watching two very old boring people playing an endless game of very boring Monopoly.

Yeah, just watching these geezers play Monopoly. If I were actually playing the very boring game with these high pants old guys it would at least be somewhat interesting. Like I'll create my own insane rules that they'll have to follow 'cause I'm awesome and they'll not.

For example, one of my rules would be that whenever somebody passes "Go" they'd have to take a shot of liquor. And another rule would be whenever somebody lands on "Go to Jail" they'd have to take off an article of clothing-

Wait! Do I really want to play this version of Monopoly I just made up with two old geezers?

UGH! Bad, bad, bad, bad mental images! Stupid brain! Stupid, stupid, imaginative brain of mine!

Okay, I'm being completely random. I'm not even playing a game of Monopoly, or watching a game of Monopoly. I just feel like I'm watching one because I'm so freaking bored right now.

West hasn't come home yet. I've finished all the liquor in the house. I can't find the remote anywhere. And worst of all I forgot the Wi-Fi password!

The horror of not having Internet is controlling me! I feel like I'm going to start hearing voices! These voices are probably going to tell me to do things!

What if the voices want me to say nice things? The horror! The horror! What if I have to say nice things about Austria's hair?

Noooo! That would be terrible! Everybody would assume that somebody is pretending to be me because I'm too awesome to say nice things about Austria's hair!

They would probably send me to an asylum! I can't go to an asylum! I'm too pretty for that!

"Prussia! Prussia! Prussia! This is your awesome ringtone for your phone! Prussia! Prussia! Prussia! This ringtone is so awesome because it's sung by, Prussia! Prussia! Prussia!" my phone sings from my pocket.

I take my phone out of my pocket, look at who's calling, and groan. He better have a good reason for calling me. I was in the middle of letting my mind wander and think about how great I am.

Okay, that's a lie. I was actually going a little crazy from all the alcohol I consumed. But, I doubt anybody was able to notice my insanity. My awesomeness usually masks any flaws I may have.

"Hello?" I say into my phone.

"Sup bro!" America responds.

"What do you want? I'm trying to remember a Wi-Fi password right now."

"I always make my passwords 'roasty my toasty' no spaces 'cause its super easy to remember." He laughs.

"You do realize that you're going to have to change your password now?"

He ignores my question. "Anyhow dude, this is going to sound totally out of the blue, but I just realized something really important today."

"Did you realize that telling people your passwords because you think they sound amusing is actually a really bad idea?"

He ignores that question too. "You know how I wear glasses? And they make me look super smexy?" He laughs into the phone. "Smexy means smart and sexy-"

I cut him off. "I know what smexy means."

"Well, duh, of course ya know. You're the walking definition of it! Anywho, today I realized that the glasses aren't really working for me?"

This can't be happening. He has to be joking with me.

"Huh?"

"Yeah, I got the sexy part no questions asked. But, the smart part? Well, that's a whole other story," America explains. "Today, I posted on Facebook 'all my friends have birthdays this year!' 'Cause I was like totally amazed when I saw on my calendar that all my friends have birthdays this year."

"Where are you going with this?"

"Anyway, as it turns out everybody has a birthday once a year. Well, expect for those folks born on leap day. They get a birthday every four years or something. Doesn't that suck?"

"Sure."

"I guess those leap year birthday people get really awesome birthday gifts or something since their birthday is such a rare occurrence. If I had to wait every four years for my birthday I would demand I get a super big party. Oh, like at Harry Potter world or something!"

I frown. He isn't able to see it though because this is a phone call. However, I doubt he would have noticed my frown anyway.

"Wasn't your birthday at that crazy place last year?"

He laughs really loud. I hope he's not having this phone call in public. If he were standing in public then he would probably be getting all sorts of weird looks. Well, if he was in public I doubt he would observe all those judgmental glares.

"Oh, yeah! England was super pissed that I decided to have a party there. I wonder why."

I shake my head. Silly, silly, American boy. Don't you know your own history? Okay, yep, of course you know your own history you love to brag about the high parts. Don't you at least understand the human emotion of depression?

"I wonder why too," I say to amuse him.

Seriously, America even I understand the human emotion of depression. I've never had to really battle with depression. Okay, I'll admit the whole having to live with Russia thing kind of hurt but I wouldn't call that depression.

"Wow, I really got off topic there." He chuckles. "Where was I before I got super off topic?"

"You were talking about Facebook."

"Oh yeah, anyway, after I posted that status I got all sorts of strange comments."

"Oh?"

"People were telling me that I was being dumb. Everybody has a birthday once a year. I responded back to those people by saying 'uh, leap year? Hello?' but I kept getting more strange comments. I think those people think I'm dumb."

"That's probably an understatement."

"So, anyway, while I was taking a shower earlier when I had this awesome idea. Want to hear it? Its really awesome!"

I sigh. "You're probably going to tell me it anyway."

"I decided that I should stop trying to embrace my smart side, and just focus on my sexy side. I'm going to stop wearing Texas to really get the point across that I'm really sexy."

"Okay?"

"Bro, I'm not saying that Texas isn't sexy or anything. 'Cause damn have you ever been to Houston during Rodeo time? That's some seriously eye candy dude. I'm just saying that having Texas represented as a pair of glasses really isn't working out for me."

Shit. He better not offer me those glasses of his. I know I wished for them early, but I don't actually want them.

"Glasses are the world's way of saying 'Dude, quadrant, hydrogen, photosynthesis, mitosis, sandwich, and other science words? Don't worry, bro, I know stuff!' Glasses are like insurance of intelligence."

"They also correct bad vision," I add.

He ignores my comment. Typical, typical, America. Hopefully, typical, typical, America isn't thinking about giving me his glasses.

"Anyway, now that I'm totally just focusing on looking good I won't be needing my glasses anymore. I'm not saying that people with glasses don't look good. I'm just saying that I can't exactly pull off the smartness side of glasses."

You better not be thinking about giving me these glasses Mr. America. I don't want your freaking glasses. If you give me your freaking glasses, then my mind is going to be even more confused. I'm not even going to bring up what you plan do with your stupid glasses, because I don't want you even thinking about giving them to me.

"Don't you need your glasses for your bad vision?"

Please, please, please say yes to this. I need some really good reason to demand that you keep your own stupid glasses.

He laughs. "Nah, I got contacts for that. And my vision really isn't that bad. Sure, I'm not legally able to drive without them, but I wouldn't call myself blind."

"See, you need your glasses for driving!"

"Not really. Police are okay with contacts. They also don't bother checking you for that. I've drove around without my glasses and contacts before. That was totally an accident. Anyway, as long as you don't break anything they won't pull ya over."

Yes! An opportunity for a subject change! Time to take!

"When did you drive around without your glasses or contacts?"

"Once I visited Canada and left my glasses at his place. I drove back home literally without my glasses. It was so hard."

"Did you get pulled over?"

"I didn't break anything, so nope. I did almost get pulled over though. Thankfully, what I learned from Need For Speed saved my ass. I lost those police dudes within a matter of seconds. It was pretty awesome."

"Are you sure you didn't break anything?"

Yes, keep falling for the bait. Soon you will forget the real reason you called me, America. You're not going to give me those glasses of yours. You're not even going to remember to offer them to me.

"I don't think so. I did hear a lot of really loud noises that sounded like I ran over stuff, but I don't think I broke anything."

"That's good. I guess."

Wow, I'm stupid. I just realized that I could just find some bullshit excuse to hang up on America, and it would absolutely keep him from offering me his stupid glasses. Shit my life, I really should have realized this a whole lot sooner.

"Hey, America, I hate to hang up on this interesting conversation, but I have some deviled eggs in the oven that need tending too," I say before he can say anything else.

"You make deviled eggs in the oven? That's so weird. In America we just hard boil the eggs, unshell them, open them up, scoop out the yellow part, mix some stuff with the yellow part, and then put it back with the white part."

That how you make deviled eggs? I didn't know that. Crap, that probably means that he sees through this little lie of mine. Why do I feel like singing that 'this little lie of mine' part? Wait, this is America if you say anything with enough confidence he'll believe it.

"Well, your way of making deviled eggs sounds really weird to me. In Germany you just put some eggs in the oven and bam you got perfect deviled eggs!"

"Really? I should try that some time. What kind of cooking pan do you use?"

"A German one that you can only buy in Poland," I lie.

I really have no idea what I'm talking about, but America seems to believe this shit I'm saying. Well, having America believe what you tell him really isn't that impressive. That silly boy believes anything that's written on a Wiki page.

"I should go buy that. I bet I'll be able to find a used one on EBay."

"Yeah probably, anyway I really have to get those eggs before they get overcooked."

"That's probably a good idea. Oh, before you hang up I have a something I need to tell you!"

Shit.

"Oh?"

"I sent my glasses to ya. I figured since you're the walking definition of smexy you'll be able to pull off wearing them before then I ever could." He laughs again. "You should be getting them really soon. I paid extra dough to make them get to your house sooner!"

A/N

Yeah, sorry for making y'all wait. –Insert some witty excuse about school and having too much work here-

Feel free to say hi, point out grammar mistakes, propose marriage, or whatever else ya do in these pretty things we call a review. It would really make my day.