Hi pals, here's a quick update, a little less of Tobias and Zeke action, so sorry about that. I got some of the ideas from here from an interview with Chris Hemsworth about his sons' shenanigans. It's hilarious so check it out! (P.S. Sorry for any typos!)

PLEASE REVIEW MY DUDES LOVE YOU!

A/N: Man, if I owned this franchise I would not be up at 5 a.m. putting off my homework.

Tobias never had any siblings growing up.

He also never had the overwhelming urge to throw himself down a steep hill or stick his head between the railings of a balcony like Zeke or Uriah did when they were little but, then again, self- induced pain wasn't really a top priority of his. He got enough of that without instigation.

At first, he just thought Theo's reckless behavior was indicative of the abuse Tobias himself had been brought up with. The first time Theo "accidently" stuck his hands in his birthday candle, Tobias was terrified that it was because of something he had done. (Tris had to smack him upside the head because how on earth could that have been your fault, Tobias?).

Soon after, however, the Dauntless leader realizes that a lack of self-preservation is something ingrained in every young boy with a normal upbringing.

And sure, while being brought up in Dauntless is never really something that can be classified as "normal", when Tobias compares it to the way he used to dodge leather belts like it was a religion and spend whole weekends cramped up in a closet, the compound seems much more child friendly than anything he's ever experienced.

He just isn't so sure that that's a good thing.

"Zeke!"

Tobias watches as his best friend spins around, a toddling boy in each arm. It's funny, he thinks, that even amongst the important nature of his job – dealing with security and politics and financial affairs – he still manages to find the most tiring part to surround around hyperactive miniature versions of himself and Zeke.

He knows he wouldn't trade it for the world, though. And, by the bright light gleaming from Zeke's eyes, Tobias knows that he wouldn't either.

He also knows that neither of the two boys in Zeke's arms have pants on in the very public setting they are in, but that is neither here nor there.

Tobias rolls his eyes as he stalks over to the trio, his broad shoulders shaking slightly as his chuckle deepens into a full blown laugh, and he swings his own son into his arms. It still surprises him how big Theo has gotten, and he prays everyday for him to just stay little forever.

"Theo," Tobias scolds his son, his eyebrow raised and voice laced with humor. He really can't believe what he's about to say, but the fact that he is going to makes him love his life ten times more.

"Sweetheart, you gotta keep your pants on."

Tobias is met by a firm pout as Theo buries his face into his shirt, mumbling a string of nonsense against his chest. He rolls his eyes as he looks over at Zeke, not surprised to see him having a similar conversation with his own son. Theo's murmuring only grows louder as Tobias pulls his son away from his body, tactfully brushing away at the brown hair falling into Theo's eyes.

"Hmmm?" Tobias's brows arch as he tries to decipher the toddler talk that is flying from Theo's mouth, and the way Theo scowls almost makes him think he's staring down at Tris.

Tobias bites his tongue, a small smile dancing on his lips as Theo's frown intensifies, and it is only with years of practice in remaining completely neutral that Tobias is able to maintain a straight face.

"I thaid," Theo starts, his lisp even more prevalent with his irritation. "Theebie doesthen' hab to wear panths, stho why do I hab to?"

His eyebrows furrow just like Tobias's do when he is angry, and the way his mouth forms a frown so deep it pulls at his eyes makes Tobias bark out with laughter.

"Ith's not funny, Daddy!"

Theo thumps his small fist against Tobias chest and huffs loudly, eyebrows scrunched and mouth drawn tight. A second glance at Theo only refuels Tobias's laughter because yes, he is definitely looking down at a mini Tris now, and he thinks he's about to pee his pants laughing, it's so damn cute.

"Baby," Tobias breathes, trying against all odds not to make eye contact with Zeke. "Stevie is a hamster. Stevie doesn't need pants."

"That doesthen' make any thenthe."

"Whaddya mean that makes no sense? Hamsters don't wear pants."

"Ya-huh."

"Uh uhh."

"Geethe, Mommy ith right, Daddy," Theo starts, shifting his eyes from his father to his godfather, completely unimpressed. "You guyths aren't the brightesth light bulbths."

"Hey!"

"Ah," Zeke chimes in, finger raised pointed in the air and a look of betrayal on his face. He's about to say something – about to retort – before he looks down and realizes that neither of their children have pants on and that him and his best friend are, once again, out and about in the compound in less than decent apparel. "Well mate, she's got a point."

Zeke raises his own son up on his hip before walking towards Tobias and Theo, ignoring the way the new batch of initiates stare at both men's bare feet.

Tobias lets out an amused sigh – it's not his fault his son took the one opportunity he wasn't in the line of sight of an adult to strip down to his diaper and streak through the compound.

Well, it was. But that's besides the point.

"Come on, let's get you guys back home before you both realize that hamsters don't wear diapers either."

Tobias knows just how ridiculous the four of them look, eternally glad that the trio of himself, Zeke, and Theo had finally expanded to include some child other than his own. It's comforting to know that it isn't just his kid that causes chaotic situations – not anymore, at least. Though, it is much more of a handful with two little fuckers.

He pulls his son against him again as Theo continues to rant, poking at Tobias's cheeks when he fails to keep up with the "mhms" and "yeah's."

"I'll see you tomorrow," he calls out to Zeke as he rounds the corner. "Tris and Shauna are taking Bug out with them to Christina's bridal thing so we're stuck with these morons."

Tobias's smile widens at the small yips of "hey" and "watch it, misther" that emerge from the two forms engulfed in their fathers' arms, and he sets out down the hall to his apartment with bright eyes and a light heart.

He doesn't miss the way the rest of the compound stares at him in confusion, and he smiles proudly as he feels Theo sag against his chest, diaper clad butt and all.

TIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABITBAB

Tris's laugh pierces the quiet atmosphere of the apartment, and Tobias can't help but think it's the best thing he's heard all day.

Sure, she's laughing at him, but he's sure that it all cancels out somewhere so he just stares up at her from his spot in the bathtub, trying to grin through the soap searing his eyes.

"Tobias, when I told you it was bath time I meant for the kids."

He scowls, but Tris can see the way his eyes light up when Theo dumps another bucket of water on his head. He's still fully clothed, minus the shirt, and Tris is silently hoping he remembered to take his phone out of his pocket this time around.

"They needed a referee," Tobias answers simply, motioning to the little floating boats that are grasped tightly in each child's small fist.

Tris rolls her eyes as she leans against the doorframe, arms folded lightly across her chest. Her smile softens as she watches Tobias gently brush the wet hair out of their daughter's eyes, not missing the way he coos at her with a voice so soft it's almost a whisper, or how his thumb carefully rubs the soap from her chubby cheeks.

It takes another half an hour to get the two rascals out of the bathtub, and even then everyone is still in such a playful mood that each baby takes a turn flying around the living room in Tobias's arms. Somehow, they all end up in a pile by the fireplace, and soon enough it's Tris cradling a thumb-sucking Theo to her body and Tobias holding Bug gently against his chest as he lays sprawled out on the floor.

They stay like that for a while, until they too both start to nod off, but once the kids are put in their beds, it's Tris pulling Tobias into the shower to "wash off the shampoo he missed in the bath" and Tobias doesn't quite understand how his life got to be this way but he'd be damned if he'd try to question it.

Soon it's the two of them falling into bed with wet hair and burning smiles and Tris can only laugh and laugh and laugh about Theo's pants-less antics from the day that it burns her sides and cheeks.

"That happened after you and Zeke were only left in charge for what, half an hour?"

Tobias looks offended because uh Tris, things like this never happen.

"Baby, who left the door open?"

"Baby," Tris retorts, mocking Tobias's deep voice, "Who left the baby naked?"

Tobias decides it's time to take it like a man, then, and Tris settles down under the blankets before pulling Tobias down under too. They both turn so that they are lying facing each other, and Tris reaches out and brushes her thumb across Tobias's bottom lip.

"Your son is crazy," she murmurs, almost fascinated by the way Theo is growing to look more and more like Tobias every day.

"First of all, your son," Tobias places a kiss on Tris's thumb. "Second, he's been a bit of a wrecking ball lately. Him and Nathan both, actually. Like literal wrecking balls – like I'm sure they'd try cannonballing into the chasm if we don't have leashes on them.

And we do have leashes on them."

Tobias looks up at Tris as he speaks, not missing the way her eyes follow his lips. She snorts.

"It's because they're growing up in Dauntless. The other day, Bug almost picked a fight with an eight-year-old in the Pit. I had to remind her that she isn't being brought up to be a mindless beater– that, and that she's only three."

Tobias frowns slightly at that – on the one hand, he doesn't like to imagine his baby girl in any scenario where a fight can occur. On the other, he'd been on the other end of her determined pout, and he'd be lying if he said he'd never been scared.

Then again, Bug had him wrapped around her little finger from the very minute he set eyes on her. Tris had even taught her how to spell "push-over" – D-A-D-D-Y.

"I'm worried one of them is going to get hurt, though," Tris remarks, eyes glancing down. "Some of these kids are terrifying."

"Eh Theo and Bug'll be fine. I hate to brag, baby, but I hear they're father is one hell of a Dauntless leader – very intimidating, actually."

"Oh, I'm sure."

"Incredibly handsome too."

"Mhmm."

"And a great kisser."

"Oh, shut up."

TIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAAB

Tobias glances at Theo, and then up at Zeke and Nathan. He's surprised at how subdued the two of them are, especially compared to the previous day.

"At least they have pants today," Zeke had said.

"You okay, Peanut?" Tobias gently shoves Theo. He watches as Zeke turns the wheel of the golf cart, spinning them left towards the west side of the Fence.

It had become a habit for Zeke and Tobias to take the two boys out around the outer fields of the compound. Of course, they would never take them to the actual Fence – they had some brains (and two wives that would castrate them if they did) – but they did drive them through the fields often enough.

Theo just grunts, eyes staring blankly ahead. Tobias raises his eyebrow but doesn't question it. He points ahead at the approaching meadow, knowing it's Theo's favorite spot. He always likes to pick the most colorful flowers for Tris, and would beam proudly when she puts them in the light blue vase on the dinner table, front and center.

Yet, Theo barely acknowledges it as they approach, and Tobias is almost certain he's in the beginnings of a tantrum when Theo suddenly leaps out of the moving vehicle.

It comes in snapshots to Tobias. One minute, a pouting child is sitting next to him, pudgy arms crossed firmly across his chest.

In the next, that same child is in the air and both Zeke and Tobias are yelling out a series of "what the fuck's" and "no's" and "they're gonna kill us, Four" and suddenly Theo is tumbling on the ground.

Tobias darts out of the golf cart, not waiting for it to stop. Theo hadn't exactly landed gracefully, and the way he sits, all pouts and furrowed eyebrows sends warning bells off in Tobias's head.

"Theo, what the hell!"

Tobias shakes his head, composing his frazzled nerves, before kneeling down next to his son.

"You okay buddy?" He gently pats Theo's arms and checks his head for bumps and is only met with the same glare that Tobias himself usually wears. He has to hold back a small smile at the sight of his own little mini-me.

"He's not crying, that's a good sign," Zeke chimes in, walking up to Theo and dusting some mud off of his shoulder.

"I don't know, Zeke, that looked pretty bad." Tobias looks over his son again, finding a small scrape on the boy's elbow. "Baby, are you hurt anywhere? Let me see."

Theo, once again, trades in his words for an irritated grunt, and he avoids any sort of eye contact with his father. Tobias growls exasperatedly, knowing that once Theo makes up his mind, it's almost impossible to get him to change it. He's worried though and wants to scold him ten times to infinity because the way Theo fell and the speed at which they were moving made all sorts of combinations for bad, bad, bad.

"I mean he seems alright," Tobias says, almost like a question. He shakes his head quickly, though, as if knocking some sense into it. "But we're still going to see Alec, buddy."

Theo widens his eyes at this – an almost distinct plea of "no, Daddy, I'm fine," but Tobias's own decisiveness is just as strong as his son's and, soon enough, they're sitting in front of a grinning Alec.

"Ah man, please tell me they didn't bet against us again."

Zeke looks almost insulted as he asks the question. "I mean, sure, Shauna and Tris are almost always right on the money with bets like these, but after a few years, it's just demoralizing."

Alec shakes his head and lets out a small laugh. Tobias rattles off what happened, at slower pace this time (he used to have a habit of not breathing between words when Theo was younger), and by the time he finishes, Alec is looking over Theo with a slight smirk.

The small boy stares straight ahead, eyes fixed steadily on the "Exit" sign above the doorframe. His pout is even more prevalent in the fluorescent light of the hospital room, and Tobias frowns at the way his son uses a grunt to answer every question the doctor asks.

"Man, Four, he even talks like you."

Tobias gives Zeke a hard shove before settling down to listen to Alec.

"Well, he's not crying," Alec says, "He's not doing much of anything, actually. But he seems like he's okay. Let's get an x-ray just to make sure."

Theo only furthers his scowl, and it's with great effort that Tobias manages to get him to settle down enough to actually take the scan.

It's also with great effort that Tobias tries to fully comprehend the results.

"He's got a what?!"

Tobias's eyes are wide and his face matches the color of Uriah's "sexy" ghost costume from Halloween two years ago. He knows Tris is going to murder him – hell he wants to murder himself– and part of him thinks he might just toss himself into the waterfall to just get it over with.

"A broken femur," Alec slowly restates, eyes wide and unnerved, just as baffled as Tobias. "He should be in a lot of pain right now, like a lot. Honestly, I'm a little confused."

Tobias crouches down in front of Theo, half amazed with his pain threshold and half baffled by his stubbornness.

"Baby, can you please talk to Daddy?"

"Mhhmhm."

"With words, baby."

Theo pouts even further, and Tobias resorts to the last thing he can think of.

"Alright pal, I guess I'm gonna have to pick the color of your cast and lately I've just been loving the color pink -,"

"DADDY!" Theo's eyes are wide and his head his moving side to side in the universal "no" sign so fast Tobias things they all may get whiplash. "Blue! I want blue! Black! Gween!"

"There's my boy," Tobias sighs in relief. "Baby, can you please tell me what's wrong. You're scarin' me."

"I'm thowwy."

"Theo, you don't have to be sorry love, I'm just worried that you're hurtin'. Can you tell me what's going on?" Tobias's head is spinning. Maybe there's something else wrong, maybe he hit is head and now isn't registering the pain right. Tobias can feel his stomach turn at the thought.

"Can you talk to me, love?"

Theo huffs, folding his arms across his chest, his bottom lip popping out and starting to quiver. Tobias can see tears welling in his eyes, and if it weren't for the broken bone in between the two of them, he would have had Theo swaddled in his arms hours ago.

"Baby, it's okay. I'm here. Alec's gonna get you something for the pain, okay - ,"

"I didn't sthick the landin'."

"And Mommy's gonna be here soo – What?"

"I didn't sthick the landin'." Theo lets out a sniffle and looks at his father, his eyes big and sad.

"You didn't stick the landing." Tobias deadpans, his eyes shifting up to Alec whose face is so red from held back laughter he looks like he's about to pass out. "Theo, you broke your leg."

"Daddy! Aren't you listhening!? You don't eben care about my feelinths'!"

"You broke your leg," Tobias gasps out incredulously, eyes bugging and voice hysterical, "and you're worried about sticking the landing?!"

Zeke straightens in his seat.

"Yo Theo, what the fuck?"

"Language!"

TIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAATIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAATIAABTIAABTIAB

6 Weeks Later

Tobias balances Bug in one arm, wooden spoon clutched in the other as he stirs the pasta sauce on the stove. Tris had just gotten back from the doctor with a cast free Theo and Tobias is over the moon that they don't have to wrap that thing in plastic ever again during bathtime.

He bounces his daughter on his hip, humming some cartoon tune that's been playing around the house for the last few days, and spoons some sauce into her open mouth. He smiles when Tris comes back from the pantry, armed with a bag full of ingredients.

"Daddy."

"Hmm?"

Tobias tilts his head slightly in the direction of Theo's voice, eyes still focused on the pan in front of him.

"Daddy watch."

Tobias nearly has a heart attack when he turns his head, and Tris is already yelling at Theo to get down from the counter top! as their son flashes them a toothy grin.

Tobias can already see the little punk winding up, and can only watch in horror as Theo launches himself from the island and to the floor. His feet hit the hardwood and his arms swing in the air and both Tris and Tobias sigh in relief when they see him standing upright and undamaged.

"And he sthickths the landing!"

"I need a Xanax."

Hi pals! Hope this was okay! Not as hilarious or as Zeke/Tobias dense as normal but I wanted to get something out here on this story. Hope you guys enjoyed and please REVIEW. I know I haven't been super active lately, but real life does indeed get in the way. I love you all so much!