Repost...I left out some words. Sorry.

A/N: Thanks for the help on where to go with this story. This chapter was born out of the advice Torque gave me. She saw something in the character that I failed to see. I don't if it's over, so I'll leave it open, but this could serve as an ending that I could live with. I've put up a banner on myspace for this, so if you're interested in what I think the female character looks like check it out. Click on my profile and then my homepage, it'll take you to my myspace account...it's under pictures.

Self Discovery

Her POV

I know that neither one of them meant to hurt me…not intentionally; just like I never meant to hurt either of them. But everything that we have done has hurt us to no end. I can't live like this anymore. I won't live like this anymore. It's not fair to them, but most of all, it's not fair to me.

I have tried to be two people for them. One I love so much that I am consumed by him. The other's love helps me to breathe. I try to be happy moving on and I try to pretend that I don't care about hurting the other. But everything is about making them happy. What about me? What makes me happy?

That's the problem, I don't know anymore. I know what I want, but is what I want, what I need? It's not just me to think about anymore. And I don't care how selfish I've been or what mistakes I've made, none of that matters now. I can't raise my child, if I don't know who its mother is. So now I know what I have to do…even though I don't want to.

Dave walks in first; it takes everything I have not to run into his arms. My love for him is like a magnet, locking in on him and pulling him in as soon as I feel his presence. It's overwhelming. It shouldn't be possible to love someone as much as I love him.

Directly behind him is John. My heart instantly breaks for him. He loves me the way that I love Dave. I know that I'm hurting him and it's not fair. I love him because he's the father of my baby and though I don't feel the same about him, we created this child out of love. If nothing else, I finally understand his role. I do love John, just not with the same passion that I love Dave and that's not his fault; it's mine. I won't let Dave go so that I can love John, he deserves more than that.

They are looking at me…through me, but I won't let that stop me. "Thank you for coming." John tries to speak, but I put my hand up to silence him. "I have to do this."

This is harder than I thought. All I have to do is tell them the truth. If all of us are to blame, then one of us should take responsibility. They may be able to live on this rollercoaster ride, but I want off. "I'm leaving." The pain in Dave's eyes is enough to make reconsider. We just found our way back and I'm going to leave. I need to explain but I'm sure my explanation is something that the other doesn't want to hear.

"I can't do this anymore." I look at them both, they both have the same confused on their faces. "So much has changed since that night almost two years ago. But we're all still caught in the vortex of it. I need to figure out who I am on my own before I can figure out who I am to either of you."

Dave tries to step closer to me, but he can't touch me. I will lose my nerve if he touches me. "No. I have to do this." I look at John and smile. "You have been so wonderful to me. Some days I feel like I could love you as much, if I just let him go…then other days I feel like I hate you because you destroyed my life. But no matter how I feel about you, it has not stopped you from giving me all of you. I am so grateful to you and I am blessed to be having a baby with a man as wonderful as you are. But I can't marry you…not like this. I love you, but not enough to give you all of me. I can't, because there's a part of me that I have to find before I'm whole again." All I can do is take his ring and place in his hand.

"And you…my heart beats for you." I look at Dave's face and my tears start on their own. "I have no idea who I am without knowing who I am to you. I forgot how to live my life outside of you. I love you so much that it's not healthy and I have to learn to let you go. I need to find me before I can work on us."

I don't want to drag this out; I just want to find peace. "John, you hurt us. You did something that completely destroyed our love, our upcoming marriage and subsequently through no direct fault of your own, I lost my child…you started it all. But I helped you along, every step of the way. I used my loneliness and your feelings for me to try to get over him. I felt so alone and sad, that I didn't think I could make it on my own. You kept me from being alone and I'm sorry I used you. And Dave, you took away the best friendship this man has ever known…it was like disowning part of your family when you stopped talking to him. You hurt me when you left and lived out our life with another woman. And John we hurt Dave when we got pregnant…but Dave, we hurt him right back when we made love."

God how did come to this? One night completely changed my life. "I'm so confused, that I actually considered having an abortion just to be with you. I'm not this person. I don't know who this person is, but I don't like her."

As I start to leave room, I feel John's hand on my arm. "Don't worry. I let you know when its time. I would never keep you from your child." I walk out the room with my head down, but turn to around to face them when I get to the door. "I won't be gone forever and I don't expect either of you to wait, but I need to do this for my baby. That's all that matters now. I love you both. Goodbye."

Dave's POV

I can't believe she's pregnant by him. All she had to do was tell me, it would've been hard, but I would've dealt with it. She's the one that always talked about trust and how she trusted me with everything. Where's all that trust now? What did she think I was going to do? Did she really think I wouldn't love her if she was pregnant? Did she really think I wanted her to have an abortion? What kind of monster does she take me for? The kind that walked out on her for a mistake, the kind that married another woman when I was so in love with her that it hurt, the kind that let her down repeatedly. If were her, I wouldn't have trusted me enough to tell me either.

I notice the way she lifts her chin up, she's putting on her brave face. I have always loved that about her. Even when she's scared to death, she tries to be strong. And don't care how much I tell her that she doesn't need to be strong all the time, she always is…strong enough for us both. You would think with my physical appearance that I wouldn't be a weak man. But when it comes to her, I'm like a baby…I'm dependent on her for my survival. My soul needs her to live.

I feel my jaws clinch as soon as I hear the door open behind me and John step through it. How are we supposed to work this out if he's always fucking here? She made her choice we she came back to me and I'll be damned if I let you have her again.

"What?" Did she just say she was leaving? Oh God, I can hear the blood run through my veins as my heart pounds and threatens to stop beating all together. We just found our way back to each other and now she wants to leave?

She says so much has changed, but I haven't changed the way I feel about her. The sun still rises when she gets out of bed in the morning. No matter what we went through, I always loved her; even if I was being too stubborn to show her at times.

I look over at John, who has tears in his eyes. This is all your fault. You are the one that started it all. You had to have forbidden fruit, now you've condemned us all to life of hell. It's my hell to know that she's having your child; it's yours to know that she still loves me and it's hers because we have her stuck in the middle.

She tells him she's happy to be having his baby. I still don't believe it. We were supposed to be first time parents together. We were supposed to experience everything that she will go through with his child, together. But our time with our baby was cut short. My child is gone, but his remains.

I understand when she says she doesn't know who she is with out me, because I feel that way about her. Since I walked out, I've been making mistake after mistake after mistake, trying to fix the void in my life that her absence caused. The only thing that makes me complete is having her in my arms. When I think of who I am, I don't think Dave Batista the man…I think Dave Batista her love.

He tries to speak, to justify what he's done and as soon as I hear her remind him of our sins, it kills me. We all fucked up, all of us…and nothing has come out this thing but pain. A few moments here and there, shared in bliss with her in my arms, is not enough to counter the desperation and loneliness when she's gone.

I don't care that John and I aren't friends. After the way he busted up our lives, I can never go back to being his friend. I will never know if he still wants her or worse off…if she wants him too. They will have a child; I have nothing but our memories. How can I compete with that? I have to learn to live with her and not for her anymore. But when she comes back, I'll still be here. I'll be waiting with open arms.

I love you too.

John's POV

This can't be a good sign. She wouldn't have asked us both here if it was anything good. It seems like whenever the three of us are in the same room something horrible happens. The last time we were together, was the day she tried to have an abortion. I had no idea she didn't want the baby. Just moments before I found out, Dave tells me that they're back together. I didn't understand. I asked her to marry me and she said yes…we were going to be a family…

She looks so scared, all I want to do is wrap her in my arms and take care of her. Whatever it is she thinks she has to do can wait. I can't stomach to see her so upset.

Oh God, I feel like I've just be hit. She can't leave, I love her. I have never loved anyone in my life before, but with her…I know it's real. "But what about our family?" My baby…my love, how am I supposed to live with you both? I feel her ring in my hand and all of my hopes for my family start to fade. She's choosing him.

If only she could love me the way that she loves him, the way that I love her. If only she would allow herself to open up just a little bit then she would understand that I would treat her better then he ever could. Don't get me wrong, I know that he loves her and no matter how pure and passionate it may be, it's not the same as what I feel for her. She's the other half of my heart, she's my sun and my sky…she's everything to me. And our child…that child is just the apex to what perfection really is. The day she said that she would marry me was the second happiest day of my life…the first being the news that we created a life together. Our marriage would be the happily ever after that you only read about in fairytales…even if there will always be the sadness of him looming over us. Loving her while she misses him is one of the sweetest tortures in the world. I'm sure that if she ever felt the same way about me as I do her, I would die of happiness. One person should not be allowed to be so damn happy.

She reminds us of how many mistakes we all made and I know I'm the catalyst behind it all. You don't think that if I could turn back the hands of time I would do it differently? I wouldn't stop loving her, but instead of taking what I needed that night, I would have told her how I felt and waited for her. It was a selfish act, but my needs outweighed all reason. And even though things are so fucked up now, I don't regret one second I spent with her. Just to have a hint of her love has made it all worth it to me. I would love to have my brother back, but not at the expense of her love. Our friendship was once the most important relationship to me…now it's my family.

I'm not even mad that she wanted to have an abortion; I just wish that she would have loved and trusted me enough to talk to about it. But there must have been an angel on her shoulder that day because it changed her mind. When this is all said and done, she may never love me the same, but I can at least put all my love and energy into our child. That child will be a constant reminder of how much I love her and how close to heaven I once came.

"I want to be a part of the baby's life." That is my only request. I love her enough to give her the space that she needs, but hate me, take your love from me, or be with Dave…it'll hurt, but I'll get through it. Just please don't take my child from me. That's the child that I made with her, born out of my love for her. That child combines us for all of eternity…that child is a lingering memory of what we shared.

I understand why she has to do this, but I can't say that my heart isn't breaking right now. She needs to find herself, so that when she comes back, she'll be ready to love; no matter who she chooses. And if by chance it's neither of us, whoever she gives her heart to, will be the luckiest son-of-a-bitch on the planet. No matter who he is, he will never take my place. I will always be her child's father and she will always be the love of my life.

"I love you."