AN: Theme song for this chap is This Is Gonna Hurt by Sixx A.M.
Chapter edited by Hall1990.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam SEED or the clone aka Destiny.
Murphy's Law
Chapter 10: There's a Devil in the Church
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Mondays are the worst. Anyone who has had to get out of a cozy, warm bed at an insanely early hour knows this. You also have to face the harsh reality that there are 5 more days until next weekend. So what's good about Mondays? Nothing.
Every Monday is bad, but some Mondays are downright awful. The worst kind of Mondays, simply horrible.
Yuna was sniffing in the bathroom, because his hair curler went kaboom and fried a strand of his fantastic hair. Kira stepped in a dog's poop, wearing his favorite jogging shoes. Flay had historic nightmares all night long (in which she was run over by a tank, but Mu said to her corpse that she didn't die in an accurate historic way, so they needed to repeat it, and it repeated over and over again). Shinn cut his face several times during shaving his nonexistent stubble. Luna got her period and was simply pissed off and Stellar sympathized with her as a best friend should. Dearka had: 1) a normal hangover, 2) a moral hangover. Yzak's mother chewed his ass out during breakfast about his bad grades and no social life, so he was grumpier than the grumpy cat (his Zen meditation didn't help, because his mother was THAT good). Athrun couldn't sleep for the whole freaking night. When he desperately counted sheep, the damned animals started to copulate. Cagalli was depressed because her newest one shot, that she wanted to show Blueberry, disappeared from her computer. Meer got a sore throat, so she was overdosing on throat tablets (she was going to regret it later, in the school's toilet).
And there was Lacus. Horrible Monday just run away from her with its tail between its legs.
But you know there was something worse than the horrible Mondays. It was called an Apocalyptic Monday.
Athrun entered the room and raised his brows at the strange mix of sadness, killing intentions and butt's hurt that his classmates were generating. He sat on his seat and considered the possibility of following Yuna's footsteps (the guy was snoring softly with a beret on his head). But the Apocalyptic Monday had different plans.
The bell rang and… Rau Le Creuset walked in.
"Shut up, sit down and prepare yourself for the test." He said coldly without looking at the confused class.
"Why is La Flaga cosplaying La Creuset?" Dumbfounded Stellar whispered to Luna, but then added with shining eyes. "Remember it; it's a good idea for foreplay for a fic."
"It's Rau, you dummy." Lunamaria answered. "What the hell is he doing here?"
Then Athha ran into the room and halted dead in her tracks when she spotted the mathematic terrorist.
"Sorry sir, I mistook the classrooms…?" She said looking dumbfounded at her frozen classmates.
"You are late, miss Athha. Sit down and prepare yourself for the test." Rau emotionlessly said and handed the tests to the persons sitting in the first rows. "Mr. La Flaga asked me to exchange our classes today; you are going to have history later." Then he smirked. "He said he has something to announce and he needed to make some more preparations."
All students froze. Suddenly the math's test wasn't as scary as the perspective of history with Mu.
Athrun kicked Yuna's chair. The purple haired freak slowly raised his head and looked confused at Rau. Then his face brightened.
"It's math already? I slept during three periods and was sleepwalking to my classes? I'm awesome!"
Zala didn't comment, just skimmed the tests and looked at a tensed Cagalli.
Don't forget about the fucking Gandalf and his minus, you dumb cat!
Cagalli was simply panicking in her seat. Ok, The Battle for Middle-Earth, erm, Harry Potter multiplying with Malfoy, that was easy and….Hmm, did Gandalf have a minus or not…?
If someone asked Athrun to describe the mood of his class just before the history, he would answer – Weltschmerz (1). Putting it simply, it was psychological pain caused by sadness that appears when the shit (a human) realizes that the cruel world exists only to flush the toilet. In their case, they were the shit, history was the toilet and La Flaga was the world.
Some people prayed for Mu being run over by a bus, a train, a herd of reindeer or hit by some merciful meteor. Some considered the possibility of pretending to be sick and escaping the class, or get sick for real by eating the chalk. Some thought that breaking arm or leg could save them from the doom. Some were simply depressed, some were denying reality, some were trying to convince themselves that they really didn't need to graduate that much, so maybe they should just run away to Costa Rica and cultivate bananas. You don't need a higher education for that, right?
And there was Athrun who, like always, didn't give a damn; Cagalli who was depressed because she didn't remember if she had put that fucking minus before Gandalf or not and Lacus who was calmly waiting for the fun to begin.
When the bell rung, the clock was ticking and there was no sign of the history teacher, the class started to hope that maybe he was kidnapped by the aliens. But as they say, hope is a mother of idiots, so La Flaga ran breathlessly into the classroom. All students held their breaths, hoping he would slip and fall through the window… but he didn't.
"Hey kids, sorry for the morning mess." He smiled, ignoring the poisonous looks they gave him. "I needed to finish some issues because I have some great, great news for you!"
He rubbed his hands together, meanwhile the religious part of his class started to make deals with God.
"As you remember, I always give you essays to pass the semester but this time, because it's our last year together, I decided we should do something more exciting."
The religious and atheistic part of his class started to make deals with Santa Claus, demons, ancient gods, ancestors, flying spaghetti monster, Jedi's Force and power of the mitochondria, because there was NOTHING scarier than hearing 'exciting' from Mu La Flaga's mouth.
Athrun was tilting on his chair, thinking that Aisha was making dinner today, so maybe he should visit his granddad and order pizza.
"You are going to finish some challenges in pairs. I won't give you all the details now, but the main theme is…" He turned to the blackboard and started to write something.
"Did he say challenges?" Dearka gulped.
"In pairs?" Yzak added and like the whole class, looked with wide open eyes at the writing on the board.
HEROES!
"Tadah!" Mu turned again and smiled broadly. "Exciting, isn't it?" He asked.
"Yay?" Stellar tried but her cheer died, swallowed by the dreadful silence.
"That's the spirit, Miss Loussier! But I still have to figure out some…missions, and there is no need to hurry, so we start next month." His class sighed in relief. "Oh, and I'm sure you will be happy to hear that Miss Badgiruel and Mr. Le Creuset agreed to help me and coordinate some of the tasks." All students moaned like dying porn stars.
"Is he serious? That sounds like the freaking Hunger Games." Sai murmured.
"Hmm, you think they will give us a discount on coffins if we all die?" Mir blinked and actually checked a site of a local funeral home. "No, but we can get a floral tribute for free if we order more than six." She said quietly smiling a little… crazily.
"It's not funny, Haw." Shinn whispered querulously. He was going to die a virgin!
"I thought about some more activities we could do together," Mu smiled again, his class froze again, and Athrun didn't give a shit again "things that will inspire you to participate with the project more enthusiastically…"
"How much do you get for murdering a teacher in an affect?" Yzak asked in a hushed tone.
"Twenty five years." Shiho murmured back with a dark voice and nobody dared to ask why she knew that.
"I informed your parents and they agreed with me." Mu's students rolled their eyes, they didn't understand but all their parents adored the crazy teacher. "So, in four weeks we are going to a concert of a famous and fantastic band that sings about history! " Mu looked like a compromised teenage fan girl (and probably was one).
"Oh jeez, we are going to listen to some geezers that sing in churches, great." Kira rolled his eyes.
Band that sings about history? That sounds… familiar. Athrun thought absently, still titling in his chair.
"We are going for Sabaton's concert!" La Flaga squealed.
The whole class jumped a little when something crashed loudly at the back of the class.
"Erm, Mister Zala? Are you ok?" Blinking Mu asked.
"What band?" Athrun asked from his position on the floor. His tone and dark look made the whole class shiver, but not Mu, of course.
"Sabaton! Power metal band from Sweden, they are on a tour, promoting their newest album called, tadah! Heroes. They will play in our town and I got free tickets because… well, I got them." He stammered a little, but nobody noticed.
The whole class discreetly watched as Zala lifted the chair, sat down, put his chin on his hand, stared at the window and ignored the stares. His brow was twitching.
"Hmm, so maybe I will tell you who your partners in crime will be..." Mu smiled at the shocked faces of his pupils.
What the hell was wrong with this Monday?!
La Flaga pulled out a paper and started to read the paired names. When he finished there was a deadly silence.
Then he sat down, counted to three and smiled at Cagalli, who materialized in front of his desk. Her ears were burning and she looked ready to rip his spine out. But he raised his hand, halting her.
"Before you give a presentation of the fantastic range of your voice, please wait. I knew you would be not happy about your pair, so I called your mother and asked her opinion and she agreed with me that it's a perfect opportunity to improve your relationship." Mu turned to Kira. "I called your mother too, Mister Yamato, but I don't think you want to complain?"
Kira smiled innocently. "I'm perfectly satisfied with my partner, sir."
Mu then grinned at Cagalli. "Well Miss Athha, shoo! Shoo!" He waved his hand.
Cagalli stared at him hardly but when he kept smiling, she returned to her seat, sat forcefully and banged her forehead on the desk.
"So," Kira smirked "I guess it's a sign of destiny."
"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." She growled and covered her ears.
Mir looked at them with a sigh and turned to her partner.
"Maybe I should take a picture of you to start our fresh relationship, what do you think?"
Yzak was sitting in front of her, with a scowl on his face. He was drumming his fingers on the table.
"Seriously Joule, we are running out of your pictures and new fics are coming." She smiled innocently when he bared his teeth. Then he took a deep sigh and shot a rubber band that was wrapped around his wrist.
"Oh, anger management technique?" Mir smiled "I wonder when you'll break it because of me?" She smirked and he shot his band again. It splashed loudly against his skin.
Dearka would laugh at his best friend's expression, but he had a bigger problem called Shiho.
"So, cutie pie, I haven't seen you wearing a skirt for a while."
She looked at him from behind her military magazine. "Keep talking Elsman, and I will castrate you with my favorite knife." Shiho returned to the article (Ten ways to twist a knife into his guts).
Dearka blinked. There were some skirts than even he was not going to lift.
Not every pair was so problematic. For example Nicol and Meer were happy. But then something rumbled in Campbell's stomach, her eyes widened, she excused herself and run out from the classroom.
Some pairs weren't even pairs but threesomes. Like Orga, Shani and Clotho or Shinn, Stellar and Luna. Some people just needed additional working brain cells in the group.
Asuka was frying. Luna and Stellar were staring at him silently for some minutes and then started talking. Or more like bullshitting, if you ask him. But of course, nobody asked him.
"We don't know what to expect…" Luna said.
"But it's La Flaga's idea, so we can assume there are going to be some…" Stellar continued.
"Dressing up." They finished together, still watching him like two hawks. He was literally sweating under their stare.
"We should think about something cool…" Hawke tapped her lips, squeezing her eyes a little.
"With bare skin…" Stellar looked at him like a piece of well cooked meat.
Did she say… bare skin? "W.. wait a minute." He slurred, red faced. They were looking at him like they saw him for the first time in their lives. Probably, it was true.
"Some kind of a warrior? A knight? Nah, too much clothing."
"What about a Spartan warrior?" Stellar asked and Luna smiled.
"Perfect!" They said in union.
"We can stripped him and expose his chest." Luna nodded her head. "Do you have abs?"
WHAT?!
"And rub it with baby oil for a better effect." Stellar said with a dreamy voice.
"And take some pictures!" The girls said it together again.
Shinn had had enough. "Wait!" He almost squeaked, when they looked at him coldly. "F… first of all, we don't know if the dress-up is allowed…"
The girls looked at each other and smiled. Luna raised her hand and waved.
"Sir!" Mu looked at them. "Is cosplaying allowed?" La Flaga blinked and then showed them thumbs up.
"Oops!" Stellar smirked.
"But I don't agree for stripping me!" Shinn almost shouted. "I'm a part of this group and I have a voice!"
Luna squinted her eyes. "So, you're talking about democracy, yes?"
"Damn straight!"
"Ok…" She looked at Stellar who winked. "You are right, we are sorry."
Shinn blinked. "You… You are?"
"Yes, we are a group and we should make the decisions together in a democratic way, yes?"
"YES!"
"Ok, so who doesn't want to strip Asuka?" Luna asked and Shinn raised his hand…. But then blinked.
"Wait a minute…"
"All those in favour?" She asked and raised her hand along with Stellar. "Ok, one to two, you are voted down." Luna high fived with Stellar.
Shin was staring at them with his jaw dropped and frozen hand above his head.
"So, Shinn, right?" Stellar gazed at him like a cat looking at mouse just before eating it. "Do you shave your legs?"
Shinn Asuka did what only a true man would do. He fainted.
Flay didn't pay attention to the fuss behind her back (Luna was slapping Asuka's cheeks, Stellar was giggling hysterically and taking his pictures). She crossed her arms on her chest, tapped foot on the floor rather loudly and scowled at the snoring Seiran. Flay grumpily suspected that she was going to do everything alone and he was going to sleep. Add to that her daily rendezvous with La Flaga after the classes and she seriously was going to commit seppuku (Mu would be thrilled, she was sure of it).
She was historically and hysterically screwed over. Not only had she listened to the teacher freak every fucking day (it didn't matter she wasn't really listening to him and didn't plan to pass anything, she had to sit there and pretend she was), but now that blonde bastard added more history to her life and jeez, that was going to hurt. She had to figure out how to get free from one of them or…
Flay looked at the sleeping head. Hmm.
"Yuna." She said but received no reaction. She sighed and tapped his shoulder. "Seiran, you sloth."
Nothing. Flay clicked her tongue, grabbed his nose and lifted his head. He slowly opened his eyes.
"Wat ar yu'ing?" He asked when she didn't let go of his precious nose.
"Waking you up, idiot. We have a problem. I have a plan but I need your help."
Yuna looked at her dumfounded. "What problem?"
"Don't tell me you slept during Mu's speech." She closed her eyes.
Seiran neatened his beret, fished out a voice recorder from his pocket, clicked some buttons and sleepily listened to La Flaga's announcement.
"Well," he said after five minutes and turned the recorder off "We are dead meat. So, let me return to my…"
"NO, you can't." She grabbed his ear and pulled it. "We are going to La Flaga after the class and you will say you want to take a part in the history contest with me, but in return he has to dismiss us from this fucking project!"
Seiran's brain was sloooooowly connecting the dots. "But why?"
"What why? Do you really want to run like crazy and finish some idiotic tasks?"
"Well, no, but I will do it and pass it somehow… like always. And I don't intend to waste my time staying longer at school and listening to the guy," he pointed Mu "Who can't even dress himself fashionably."
Flay blinked. "Erm…You can sleep in the meetings?"
Yuna snorted. "I sleep sufficiently in my classes, after them I'm as good as new."
"Please?" She tried. "I do anything?" Flay smiled.
Seiran stared at her. "Anything you say?"
"Sex, kisses, dating… and eating tomatoes excluded." She winced.
"Please, you are not even near my type." Yuna rolled his eyes and looked at the pretty girl, with pretty red hair, wearing an ugly as seven fucks pink dress.
"Shopping." He said after a minute.
Flay blinked. "Huh?"
He sighed. "Together we are going to buy you new clothes that aren't pink." He made a disgusted face. "Maybe something green, hmm."
She stared at him. "You will agree to everything, because you want to change my frigging wardrobe?" Flay couldn't believe it.
Yuna pouted at her fashion ignorance. "Look, every time I see you wearing pink, you hurt my fragile and delicate sense of aesthetics." Flay blinked confused and he rolled his eyes. "You look like a pink advertisement for kindergarten princesses and that should be forbidden by law."
"I think I should feel offended." She said and made a face.
"You can feel offended or you can have the deal." Yuna yawned. "So?"
Flay growled. "Ok, jeez!" Was it just her, or she was going to spend a lot of time with male freaks in the near future?
"Sweet." Yuna smiled, put his head on the desk and returned to the land of the dreams.
The girl took a deep breath. Now all she needed to do was convince Mu, but she suspected he was going to be thrilled… Too bad that staying with a thrilled La Flaga in one room for more than ten seconds wasn't healthy. Her life sucked, she thought and looked at the back of the class. Good to know she wasn't the only one screwed today.
She felt kinda sorry for Zala.
"Didn't I say it was going to be fun?" said Lacus Clyne, as sat in front of him, slim elbow on his desk and pretty chin on her palm.
Athrun didn't comment. He was sitting, silently watching her and mincing information in his brain. Yes, she said it was going to be fun. That meant she had known. But the pairs were also thought-provoking. It didn't look like Mu's job. So, she also had fingers in every piece of this. In that case the question was:
"Why did you choose me as your partner?"
Clyne smiled. "Why do you think?"
Bull's-eye. But what could be the reason? The answer could be one of two things: Simple as fuck or complicated. He tried the second.
"I don't know, maybe to catch Yamato's attention?" He had the impression she wanted to become the Eternal Pink Queen of the school and to achieve that, she needed the Prince Charming.
Lacus smirked. "Aww, dear Kira." She looked at the Gorilla who was poking Cagalli with a pencil. Seeing her tensed shoulders, Athrun was sure she was going to shove a notebook into his throat in few minutes.
"He may be in my future plans, but for now making him my lapdog wouldn't be very interesting." Athrun surprisingly felt a little sorry for Yamato's possible sad future. "What will be more fun will be to watch how he clumsily deals with his little crush." She smiled when pissed off Cagalli caught the pencil and threw it through the open window.
Athrun skeptically looked at the now arguing couple. Interesting? Godzilla was going to simply rip King Kong's spine out. He shifted his gaze to Clyne and winced a little, because she was watching him with the calculating, clear blue eyes.
"Oh? You are not jealous?" She tipped her head a little.
Athrun raised his brow. "Why should I be?" He asked without hesitation. "So, your reason was…?"
"Hmm." She stared with her piercing eyes for a little longer, but when he didn't show any reaction; Lacus smiled and tapped a finger on her lips. "You know, it's quite simple. What was the line describing that funny villain with gross make-up from the Batman movie?"
Athrun blinked slowly. "You mean the Joker?"
Lacus clapped her hands in front of her and smiled. "Yes! It was something like 'Some men just want to watch the world burn'." (2) She tipped her head and closed her eyes, still smiling.
Athrun wasn't surprised. Not at all. She was just a sugar sweet psychopath with an interesting brain. Since when was going to school so freaking dangerous?
"I just like to observe interesting events. You should understand me, you are an observer too."
Athrun smiled coldly. "But I don't usually kick the anthills and fry the ants with a magnifying glass."
She returned his smile. "No, you just beat the crap out of them."
"Well, well." Athrun was impressed a little. "You did your research, didn't you?" He smiled darkly.
"I said that before. You are interesting. Just like me." Lacus wasn't smiling; he saw her face without a mask.
Inside of him, some dark and hidden once upon a time emotions shifted.
But then Lacus smiled apologetically. "Oh, my! What a dark mood! I'm so sorry. To cheer you up, I'll throw a party at my house on Friday. Our whole class can come; I hope you show up too."
"Sorry, I'm not sorry, but I won't." Athrun said flatly.
Lacus pouted sweetly. "But why?"
"Like they say: not my circus, not my monkeys. I'm not going to play your little game."
Clyne chuckled and glanced at Kira and Cagalli. "It may turn out, that you will have no other choice, Athrun."
The bell rung and she stood up.
"I don't like you, Clyne."
"Aren't you straight forward?" She smiled. "It's funny, because I'm starting to like you a little more."
He watched silently how she gathered her stuff and dancingly left the classroom. He felt strange. Half of him was annoyed. But the other…
Lacus Clyne. The Pink Princess. The devil inside of an angel's skin who was singing hymns in the church, while plotting how to blow the building up.
She acknowledged him. And he simply had to feel a little excited about it.
AN:
(1) Weltschmerz ('velt-shmerts), from German: Welt = world and Schmerz = pain. It means: Sadness or melancholy at the evils of the world; world-weariness. I absolutely ADORE this term. When everything is against you, remember, this is Weltschmerz (for example, when it's April 3rd and you looking outside your window and it's SNOWING…).
(2) Infamous quotation from The Dark Knight (2008).
Ok, before you send an assassin after my ass, remember:
-If I die, this fic won't be finished (!).
-No AsuCaga today, but the next chap will recompense your loss, I promise. They are not a pair in the historic Hunger Games BUT their little studying meetings are still actual.
-I put characters in some unusual configurations but that doesn't mean I'll make them all couples just like that. Have some faith in my screwed up brain ;)
Who feels sorry for Shinn, raise your hand. I hope you are not disappointed with Lacus' plan. It's kinda simple but simple ideas are the best and well, I bet some shit will hit the fan.
10 chaps, people! Probably we are in the middle of the story.
For the guest reviews:
Pansy25: Hey, thanks for the comments! I can't say a word about Mir or Flay, you need to keep reading this story. I'm not sorry ;)
Surreal: Ok, high five and an ugly product placement: Asucaga? Read the next chap! Kira gives me white hair. I try to make his character (and others) psychologically believable (lol) in the next chaps and well… Weltschmerz.
Summerrain: Yup, something happened and more will. Hell yes, Aisha rocks! Grumpy guys who love kids and animals are cool. I swear to gods, I should write a whole fic about Athrun's butt because all people seem to love this part of his body ;)
Thank you all for reading and commenting. Happy Easter for fellow Christians and an awesome weekend for the rest of my fantastic readers ;D