Author's notes: As always, feedback/comments most welcomed.
"Can I help you?"
"Just looking around, thanks," Bo replies as she peruses the flower shop, and nearly picks up a bouquet when she remembers that winter's almost over. Not wanting to aggravate the doctor's allergy, she opts for some lovely – but fake – flowers and drives home. She notices offhandedly that spring has greeted their suburb, hastily parks her car by the white picket fence and jogs to their house.
She finds her wife reading in bed and lingers at the door, feeling that her assignment has truly ended. "Hey, sorry I've been away for so long." She hands the fake bouquet to her wife and removes her leather jacket. "It's some sort of cookie monster that was particularly hard to track."
Lauren nearly responds, but sneeze three times in a row instead. Concerned, Bo steps closer and places her hand on the doctor's forehead.
"Hey I didn't know it was that bad. Why didn't you tell me?" She gives Lauren a quick peck on the cheek. "You should have called."
Lauren smiles. "I didn't want to bother you."
"You never bother me, and you should always, always call me. For whatever reason."
"It's okay Bo, you're here now."
She climbs into bed and spoons her wife, stroking her hair. "It's that time again, huh?" she says absently, enjoying the feel of the silky strands sliding along her hand.
"Yeah."
"Well, I'll be there, as always."
"Bo, about that…" Once again, the doctor's sentence is interrupted, this time by a coughing fit. Bo strokes her back and shushes her. "It's okay Lauren, this can wait. We've done this before, take a breath."
"Bo, let me," Lauren holds up her hand. "I want – I need – to tell you…I've decided not to return this time."
Bo halts. She wants to believe that she's heard wrong, but her wife's expression tells her otherwise. "You're not coming back? Why?"
Lauren looks down. "I didn't make any more serum."
"What? Why? It doesn't matter now, I'll call the lab and have your assistants make some immediately." She reaches for her phone on the nightstand when a hand – greatly wrinkled by age – stops her.
"Bo, we know the serum has a diminishing return. Each time we…each time I use it, it works less well than the last, shortening five years from the usual lifespan."
"Yes, but we've only done this seven times," the succubus responds. "You still have plenty left. And you'll always find a way, like how you created the serum in the first place."
"We have, Bo, and I can, but…I'm just so tired." Lauren closes her eyes and leans on their headboard. "Every time I come back, when the memories come flowing back once we kiss…they've all added up. I know I'm not 450 years old physically, but it's starting to feel like I am, mentally."
Looking like an abandoned puppy, Bo questions softly, "You mean you're starting to feel tired of me?"
At this, Lauren looks into her wife's eyes. "I'll never get tired of you, Bo, you know that. It's just that…I'd like to rest."
"You mean rest forever," the succubus whispers brokenly.
Lauren smiles resignedly. "Bo, aren't you tired too?"
"I'll never tire of you, Lauren," the succubus shakes her head vehemently. "I love you, Lauren. I want to be with you and love you as long as I can." She knows she's avoided the doctor's real question, but it's only because she doesn't want to lie. All seven times that it's happened, even if the succubus knew she'd meet her lover again in 20 odd years, she's died a little each time they said goodbye.
The succubus always thought she'd get used to the feeling. She's still waiting for that day.
"But you are tired, Bo." Despite being sick, the doctor misses nothing. "For the last few times, you've taken off longer than usual, only returning for the last few weeks of the goodbye."
Bo opens her mouth to deny that, but finds she has no words.
"I'm sorry, Lauren, I'm sorry. I promise I'll never leave again, please don't go."
"Hey, Bo, I'm not punishing you. And I never minded."
"Maybe you're right," Bo interrupts. "I hate saying goodbyes. But I'm always back, and I know it's just a matter of time before we're reunited. I can take that, I can. Lauren, please, if you're worried about me..."
"It's not just that, Bo." Lauren sighs. "Don't you want to explore other things? See what's out there?"
"But we've explored, and we've seen the world together, Lauren. You've done a great job of showing it to me."
"Yes, but what about the other stuff out there?" Lauren says.
"There isn't anything I haven't seen with you."
"I mean without me."
Like a stubborn kid stomping her foot, the succubus argues, "But I'm not interested in doing any of that without you, Lauren."
"Bo, you have many centuries more to go…you should make the best of your years, view the world from someone else's perspective, let yourself go. And while it might pain me to say it," she strokes the succubus' hands and rolls her eyes, "enjoy the single life, or discover other sides of your nature."
"I don't…" Bo isn't sure if she's in denial mode and refusing to understand the doctor's message, but she doesn't care. "Haven't I always proven that I'm more than my biology?"
"You have, Bo – you've been the best, the most fantastic lover and wife that one can ask for, and you've made me so, so happy. But like I told you from day one, you're not a monster, It's not bad if you wanted to explore that side."
"Lauren, I don't want to be alone, please." She's vaguely aware that she's behaving like a child on the first day of school, begging her parents not to leave her. "Trick's gone, and Dyson and Hale have their own families…" She finds herself unable to continue when she gets to Kenzi. Her best friend had refused the 'incarnation' serum, saying she'd already lived a hell of a life, had no regrets, and was ready for whatever awaited her next.
Why do the ones she love the most always choose to leave her?
Catching on to Bo's thoughts, Lauren quickly reassures her, "We're not abandoning you, Bo, no one ever did. We just…we need to move on, and you still have lots of friends.
"You can always build new relationships. There are many new, young fae who look up to you. I just…I'm feeling a little like fake flowers that have been there forever. I don't want you to be alone, but I think it's time you try to be just 'Bo', and not 'Lauren and Bo'."
Finally accepting that her wife really wants to move on, she nods.
"Bo, there's one more thing," the doctor stammers, and Bo looks up. "Will you…do that for me?"
Looking into Lauren's eyes, her own widen in horror as she realizes what the doctor's asking.
"What? No! It's not enough that we have to say goodbye, you want me to be the one who…who kills you?" She moves away from Lauren and steps out of their bed.
"It's not killing." Lauren reaches for her and pulls her back. "We never tried this because we didn't know how it would affect the serum, but now that we've decided, I'd like it to be quick. It won't hurt, right?"
"You decided, not us!" No longer able to control her emotions, Bo gestures wildly. "I won't do this, Lauren, I won't."
"Bo, Bo, listen to me." The doctor uses all her strength to stand and Bo steps forward to support her. "I hadn't wanted you to know, but it's pretty bad this time. I'm very sick. I'm in a lot of pain, and I…I'm exhausted.
"It makes sense too, no? In all my lives when we kiss, your love and chi would restore my memory, giving me back all my past lives. So it's like…a reverse this time."
She knows she's defeated. She could never bear knowing Lauren was in pain. Not in their first lifetime together, and not now.
"Fine. But can you give me at least one more week with you?"
Lauren acquiesced, a peaceful expression finally adorning her face.
And so the doctor and the succubus spend their last week together in tranquility. They sit in the garden a lot, look at their photo albums and tease each other about the way they dressed. When they look at Kenzi's outrageous poses, Bo asks Lauren to say hi if she sees her and Lauren nods.
Lauren's frailty means Bo has to carry her everywhere, including the bathroom. The doctor knows they've been together too long for her to be embarrassed about it, but she feels so anyway. But every time it happens, Bo makes it better by kissing her reddened cheek and climbs into the bathtub with her.
In their previous lifetimes, neither minded the contrast of their appearances when it happened, although they did find it fascinating in the first few lifespans. They used to laugh about it, but for the first time in centuries, Bo finds herself questioning when did Lauren grow so old, and how could she have missed it.
"You're beautiful," she whispers into the doctor's ear, kisses her shoulder and repeats that sentiment a hundred times every night.
During the last days, Bo asks the others to visit, and she busies herself taking photographs of the group. Halfway through, she says, "Oh hey, looks like we've run out of batteries.
"You guys stay – I'll run out to get some. I'll pick up more drinks and snacks on the way as well, so I'll be awhile." With that, she stumbles to the porch and let loose the tears she's been holding throughout the week. Tears fall and fall until she feels a hand on her shoulder. She turns around abruptly, thinking Lauren might need something.
"Don't worry. Your wife's advising mine about her pregnancy, as usual." Dyson sits beside her on the step.
"Ever the doctor," Bo smiles and wipes her tears. "And aren't you gonna stop at some point? Geez, how many wolf pups do you want?"
"You know me, I've always wanted a big family."
They sit there for minutes, Bo's sobs gradually slowing down.
"You know, I don't think I ever told you this, but I always thought you made the right choice." The wolf confesses, his hand still on Bo's shoulder. "I really didn't believe it when you first told me, but when I took my blinders off, I saw what everyone saw – that you were really meant for each other."
"Thanks, but a lot of good it does me now."
"Bo, you have to stop thinking like that. Remember what I said during your Dawning? 'Ask me again in a hundred years'," Dyson rubs his neck sheepishly. "That was the wrong thing to say, but the point is, I didn't think Lauren would survive past one lifetime.
"So whatever you had after that is a gift. And you didn't squander it. We all saw that. Be happy with that."
Bo nods and they head into the house. This time, she wraps her arms around Lauren from behind the couch, playfully warning Hale to stop flirting with her wife. In an attempt to reassure Lauren that she'll at least survive, she jokes around and chats with their old gang, and for a fleeting moment, she feels that she'll be okay.
The day's finally here, and Bo hasn't slept a wink the night before, choosing to count Lauren's breaths and thinking of possible Hail Mary pleas for the doctor to change her mind. Yet nothing comes out of her lips when she sees Lauren at complete peace in the morning, and she stands at the doorway with their breakfast until the doctor calls out for her morning kiss.
The rest of their day passes by uneventfully. After they exchange their millionth "I love yous", Lauren moves upward to kiss the succubus softly, she adds, "Thank you, Bo. I still remember the first time we met, and I was resigned to work as a slave for the light until you saved me."
"I didn't save you," Bo corrects, stroking her thumbs along Lauren's cheeks, her hands warming the doctor's cool face. "You saved yourself, I just helped you with that."
"But you did. You gave me the courage and the willpower to do something about it."
"And you gave me so, so, so much more in return, Lauren. I just wanted to you know… you're my first. My first human, my first love. My first everything."
"You remember that far back huh, you old fae?" Lauren teases.
"Every time I close my eyes," Bo replies in all seriousness. "All the years, all your lifespans, all the words we've said to each other." Desperate, she decides to give it a last try. "Lauren, please? Please stay, even if it's once more? For me?"
Lauren shakes her head and smiles sadly. "It's time."
"I just…I always thought you'd be with me till the end." Bo sobs. "That when my lifetime is almost over, sitting side by side in rocking chairs, reminiscing all our times together.
"And I'll look at you and still think you're the most beautiful woman ever, and we'll be old, but we'll hold our wrinkled hands together, and they'll be warm."
Her own eyes filled with tears, Lauren wipes Bo's face gently. "Then look at me now and hold my hands. And tell me I'm the most beautiful woman ever.
"You are, Lauren, you are." Their sheets are now soaked and she's pretty sure it's her fault. "You are the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'll never forget you. Even if I live to 3,000 years old, you'll still be the best."
"Promise me you'll live, Bo, please."
"I promise," she brings their hands together and kisses the doctor's knuckles, "It'll take me sometime, but I'll go on.
"And when mine's almost over, I'll sit in a rocking chair somewhere. When I'm ready to go, I'll close my eyes and remember our lives together."
"And I'll be there, Bo. At the end. I promise."
"Lauren…?"
"Hmm?" The doctor looks at her the way she's done for 450 years, like the succubus could do no wrong.
"I just want to know…why didn't you tell me your decision earlier? I would have gone for fewer missions and spent more time with you, if I knew."
Lauren smiles, and Bo wants to crumble at the thought that it might be her last time seeing it.
"That's the whole point, Bo," she holds Bo tightly. "We're supposed to just live. We cheated with the serum, but everything else was to go on as normal, right?
"Also, I didn't…I know you hate goodbyes. I was afraid you wouldn't come."
"Lauren, I made that promise in our first lifetime and I never intended to break it. I wouldn't miss any part of your life for the world."
They stare at each other for a few more moments, neither of them saying the word that the succubus hates.
Lauren nods encouragingly, and Bo leans in for the last kiss when a flicker of recognition appears in both their eyes.
"Lauren…?"
"Bo?"
The spell breaks.