Master Qui-Gon was unconscious for most of the way back to Coruscant. I suppose that was a good thing although it looked like Captain Antilles was upset about it for some reason. I caught her checking on him a few times, bending down, and whispering something too low for me to hear.

She'd always have a good excuse when I asked her about it, something about health concerns or worrying about his well-being with him just lying on the floor like that. Then she'd get up and saunter away, casual and innocent-looking. I didn't know whether to believe her or not. Adults can be so devious sometimes.

At least she didn't try to kiss him again - as far as I could tell.

I swear that I'd be scarred for life if I had to go through that drug-induced kissing-a-woman mess again. It was hard enough the first time and I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep those two apart this time even if I wanted to. I may be a Jedi Padawan but if Master and the captain wanted to be together badly enough, doing things that I'd rather not know about, I couldn't stop them, not without help.

Luckily for me, it didn't matter. He didn't wake up, even with all her urgings and whispers - thankfully.

He was more restless than usual, though. He might have been sleeping but he wasn't quiet: snoring, mumbling words to that horrible song. He was also making some embarrassing and very disturbing sounds - breathy kissing noises I think - whenever he snuggled up to those disgusting cake-encrusted clothes on the floor.

I tried not to listen.

Not knowing what to else to do, getting desperate after several hours of suggestive sounds and humming, I was ready to try anything. I didn't want to leave him alone in case he needed help but this was getting to be too much.

I know I was being selfish but I wanted him to wake up and go back to being my solemn, grouchy old master. Was that too much for a loyal and suffering padawan to ask?

Apparently it was.

Finally, I took my life in my hands and went into the cabin. Master was sprawled on the floor, mumbling words, once in a while singing a few off-key notes to that horrible song, smiling as if he were enjoying it all. Even asleep, he was Qui-Gon Jinn, unconventional, independent and a Jedi Master for whom the rules didn't always apply. My master.

I didn't dare wake him up, at least not deliberately. But I told myself that if I tried to get him off the floor and into bed, he'd be more comfortable. Of course if he woke up while I was moving him, so much the better.

As always with my master, he didn't do things the ordinary way. When I started to push him upright, Master just flopped back down, still smacking his lips and murmuring something that sounded vaguely obscene, still asleep.

He was too heavy to lift by myself and I certainly wasn't going to ask the captain for help. She'd probably be a little too enthusiastic about it. Trying to figure out what to do next, I realized that I could drag him over, get his torso onto the bed first and then shove the rest of him up. That might work.

I had a problem, though. I didn't want to have the bed full of mashed cake and growing-ever-more-rancid sweetcream. The room was already smelly enough as it was.

I'd have to get the food-encrusted tunics away from him first. But he turned even that small action into a tug of war. He held onto the clothes as if his life depended upon them, even grumbling a bit as I tried to jerk the garments away.

I had to admit that, awake or asleep, the man was bantha-stubborn.

Finally, I gave up. He wasn't going to wake up any time soon, no matter how much I might want him to and there was nothing I could do about it. So after putting a blanket over him for warmth, I let him alone. As I left, my master was stretched out on the floor, clutching his smelly clothes and noisily snoring away.

At least, he wouldn't be going anywhere and with the captain was busy piloting the ship, he'd get his rest.

Now, much as I had been avoiding it, someone had to contact the Jedi Temple and it looked like I was going to be it. Master was in no shape to tell the Council that our mission had been cut short and they needed to know the situation.

I never liked giving reports to the Jedi Council and luckily those times were few and far between. When I did, the Councilors always stared at me like I was an idiot, a child idiot at that. I'm sure that it wasn't really the case but as often as I could, I'd avoid the whole mess and let Master Qui-Gon handle it. It was better all around that way.

Not this time - this time I'd have to do it. There was no one else.

Gritting my teeth, wishing my grumpy master would wake up and do this himself, I opened up a comms channel and waited for a reply. It wasn't long.

I didn't know the Temple Communications Docent but she must have known me because she started smiling the moment she answered the comms. I'd hoped to leave a brief, very brief message with her, one she could pass on to the Council but no such luck. She kept grinning, even when I told her that I didn't need to talk to the Council, that I just wanted to report in, that Master Jinn would talk to them when we arrived, that they shouldn't believe everything they might hear otherwise.

The more I protested, the wider her smile. It didn't help that I could hear snickers in the background and a couple of oomphs as if someone or someones had put their hands over their mouths to keep from laughing out loud.

Blast, I hope that didn't mean what I think it meant - that the news had reached the Temple first.

I certainly didn't want the Council to learn about what happened from someone else, especially from rabid women or angry husbands, or worst of all, reporters. But through the static wash of the transmission, I could hear more than one person laughing. The Docent looked like she'd be breaking into giggles at any moment.

Something was up. Much as I didn't want to do it, I knew I'd better talk with one of the Masters. At least, I hoped that it would be someone sympathetic to my master's tendencies, someone like Master Gallia or even Master Yaddle - anyone but Master Windu.

Master Windu and my old master don't exactly get along. He'd always be looking down his nose at Master Qui-Gon, making calm, scathing remarks about how the Code wasn't just a guideline and would my master please follow it once in a while.

He wasn't fond of me, either. I don't think he ever forgave me for my mistakes when I was younger and a good deal more foolish. Or maybe it was guilt by association - the Master leads and so follows the Padawan or something like that. Either way, he's never really warmed to me.

More than anything, I didn't want to talk to him and have to explain this mess. If I was lucky, any of the other eleven members of the Jedi Council would be available and I wouldn't have to deal with Master Windu.

So, of course, it was him. Of course.

His dark eyes glanced around me at first, obviously looking for Master Qui-Gon but, after a few seconds, Master Windu must have realized that it was only me contacting him, the padawan and not my master. I know I was a poor second but I was trying to do my best.

I stood straight and as tall as I could, not fidgeting because I knew he hated that, hoping that I looked like the proper Jedi Padawan. I don't think I succeeded, though, because when he turned toward me, he was frowning - hard. I don't think he was in a good mood, not that I'd ever seen him in a good mood but he seemed more on edge than usual. His tone was especially sharp. "Padawan Kenobi, where is Master Jinn?"

This was not a good start. Clearing my throat, I said, "Master Windu, my master isn't well and can't be disturbed at the moment. I'm just letting the Council know that we are on route back to Coruscant from Septemus IV."

The frown got sharper but he did look concerned. Maybe he was worried about my master after all.

"How badly is he injured?"

Oh, dear. I wanted to explain everything right then and get it over with but I didn't think it would be a good idea without Master Qui-Gon here. Instead, I stumbled my way through, trying not to say too much. "He... isn't injured, Master Windu, but he might still be contagious. He will need to see the Healers when we arrive."

With every word, Master Windu's frown deepened. But I couldn't stop now, especially since it was important not to spread this contagion any further than could be helped. Force-sensitive females fighting to get to Master Qui-Gon would not be a good idea. "I think it would be better if they were only male Healers or non-humans." My courage faltered as he stared at me and I finally stuttered out, "Mmm... Master."

I swear his eyes flashed yellow for a moment. Leaning back in his chair, he glared blaster bolts at me but his voice was deadly calm. "Ah, so the holovids are true."

My heart stopped beating. If there were vids of what my master had been doing, it would be all over the Temple. Everyone would see them. Everyone would know that Master Qui-Gon had been kissing women for hours, that he'd been covered in cake and sweetcream and loving it - that he'd been singing that obscene smuggler's song in public.

Blast! Master Qui-Gon would be known as the sex-crazy, singing Master for the rest of my life. I'd never hear the end of it and no one would understand what I'd gone through. Instead, I'd be linked forever with kissing and riots and flying dessert.

I'd be Kissy-Wan Kenobi, pathetic padawan to that rogue womanizer, Get-me-some Jinn; even Oafy-wan would be better than that! I tried not to whimper.

"Hhhh... holovids? As in more than one?" I couldn't keep the horror out of my voice.

Master Windu's eyes got colder. I don't think he liked the situation and the fact that my master was at the heart of it just made it worse. "As in dozens, Padawan Kenobi. They started appearing on the Holonet shortly after you left the planet. And there have been complaints as well. Your Master has a great deal to explain to the Council."

"It wasn't his fault. Master Windu, it really wasn't."

I was babbling now. I just hoped that Master Windu wouldn't try to have Master Qui-Gon expelled. Much as I don't always like what my master does - he confuses me sometimes - he's the greatest Jedi in the Order and he didn't try to do this. It just happened.

"We shall determine that when he comes before us." With the look Master Windu gave me, I think he could have frozen Coruscant. He certainly didn't believe me. "When do you expect to arrive?"

Swallowing hard to keep from making more of a fool of myself than I'd already done, I said, "In about five hours, Master."

"The Isolation unit will meet you at the landing platform. Windu out."

The transmission static died as Master Windu clicked off but I didn't see it. Instead, I stood there, panicking, my brain in total shut-down.

I'd never make it to Knight. Master Qui-Gon would be kicked out for bringing disgrace to the Order and no one would take on the padawan of a rogue Jedi. I'd be cast off as well and we'd have to make our way in the galaxy without the backup of the Order or the friendship of our fellow brothers and sisters in the Force.

No money, no friends, no way to pay for food or shelter or anything, we'd be disgraced, poor pathetic fools living on the streets of Coruscant, begging for our supper, the example to Jedi everywhere. We'd probably even be written into the Archives as the epitome of failure.

All because of kissing.

I wish Master Qui-Gon would wake up and be in his right mind for a change. I know that he'd be able to figure out something. If only he would wake up.

I swear if we get out of this in one piece and I'm still in the Order, I swear on my honor, on everything that I am and ever will be, that I'll never kiss anyone ever again. Ever!