PAIN IS JUST A PLACE: part two

Emotional darkness

Chapter one: Emotional darkness

POV: Jack Brewer

Pain – the point in which one feels uncomfortable aches or sores. Emotional pain – the point in which one feels grief, sorrow, anguish, torture, agony and torment. Maybe even to the point where the pain becomes so real, it's felt as actual pain, and isn't just experienced in the mind.

That, is what I was feeling right now. Even though Kim had helped me through so much the year before, there were just some times that I completely broke down. It was as though the emotional scabs would be ripped off and start bleeding again. Like the dam that held all my feelings at bay were to suddenly burst, even after I had so carefully constructed it to contain every hurt, every heartache. And when the dam broke, it would be a rockslide of emotion, and a rain of tears.

It had indeed been a year since I'd last seen or heard anything about my dad, but the memories, and the possibility of him showing up at any moment was eating away at my soul.

A lot had happened since that day I came home with Kim after practice at the Black Dragon. Ever since the incident with sensei Ty, we had been going to the Bobby Wasabi dojo. Rudy, now more than just my boss and sensei, had grown to be my friend, and I found myself wishing that I could have a dad as great as he was.

And then here I was now, hiding in Kim's bedroom after having a fit of terror. It had struck me out of nowhere, just, knocked me off my feet. Literally. I mean, one moment I was just standing there peacefully, looking at the family pictures on Kim's wall, the next moment, I was on the floor, shaking and twitching in mortal terror.

My fear tantrums were being set off more easily than ever, starting at the slightest sudden jolt, a flash of memory, a slight scare or even a distant sound. It was starting to become frightening in itself.

I rocked slowly back and forth, hugging my knees to my chest, resting my forehead on them. The fit of terror and pain I had just felt was worse than the last ones. I had noticed that every time, they seemed to be getting worse. I just hoped that I would never break down in front of Kim. She wouldn't know what to do. I didn't even know what to do, other than to get in the fetal position and cry until the pain went away.

It had gotten to the point where I was no longer just crying because of the sudden fear that would overtake me, it was because I was starting to experience actual pain. I whimpered as a jolt of unmistakable pain shot through me. I was shaking fiercely. Another bolt went through me, sending me onto my side, twitching.

I whimpered, squeezing my eyes shut and cringing. When I finally stopped twitching, I just lay there, breathing heavily and shaking.

"Jack!" I jumped when I heard the familiar voice of Kim calling my name through the house. I sat up quickly, pulling my shirt up to wipe the sweat off my face. I ran my hands through my hair in an attempt to fix it. I sat there, leaned against the side of my bed as I tried to control my heavy breathing and fast heart rate.

"I'm in your room!" I called weakly. I heard footsteps on the stairs, then the familiar, gentle creak the door made when opened slowly. "Jack?" Her curious call filled the room. "Over here." I leaned up slightly, tilting my head back so she could see my face, then I plopped back down.

"There you are." She came over and threw her backpack down beside me, startling me. She plopped down beside me and began rattling on about her day. I stared blankly ahead as I pretended to listen, still breathing heavily but trying to control it. My attention was drawn back to her as I saw her worried face in front of mine.

I stared at her. "What's the matter? Are you even listening to me?" She asked. I faked a smile. "Yeah, sounds like… you had a great day." I told her. She stared at me, frowning. "That's not what I said at all! I said I had a dreadful day, see, Lindsey, you know her from school? Now she thought it would be funny to-" I wasn't listening anymore, I was just focusing on containing my breath, keeping it under control.

"Jack!" I was brought back by Kim's annoyed, slash concerned tone. "What?" I cried, standing up. "Get back here!" She demanded as I began walking away. "I just need some air!" I cried, not stopping as I thundered down the stairs. "Jack!" I ignored her, looking desperately around the house for a way to get away from her.

"Just, come back here! I need to talk to you!" I slammed the back screen door, tramping out into the crisp afternoon air. It was almost December, and I was not at all looking forward to the cold. "Jack!" I heard Kim's call, but I was already halfway down the street, I wasn't about to turn back.

I continued on, not noticing the time as it passed. It was near dark by the time I reached where I was going. The dojo. I grabbed the handle. It didn't budge. I looked inside. The lights were out, and I didn't see anyone. I plopped down in front of it, disappointed. I panted, watching the crowd as it steadily grew smaller, and smaller, until only the occasional passer-by was spotted.

"There you are!" The breathless cry startled me. I turned my head sharply to see Kim running towards me. Oh great, more questions. I hastily jumped up and sprinted away. "Jack!" Kim's annoyed cry echoed through the empty lane. "Are you mad at me?" I just barely heard her hurt cry as I was already far enough ahead to have trouble hearing her. I stopped, panting and stared back, hearing her jogging footsteps trying to catch up to me.

I sighed, staring at the ground. It was wrong of me to avoid her like this, I wasn't mad, but she certainly got the impression that I was. I sighed again, letting her catch up. "Jack!" She cried when she spotted me. She stopped dead, putting her hands out. "I just want to talk!" She begged. When she saw I didn't move, she continued talking.

"Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?" She asked. "No." I replied simply. "Then," She slapped her hands frustratedly to her sides, letting out an exasperated breath. "Why have you been running from me?" She demanded. I stared at her. Why? Why was I running from her? Because you don't want her to know about the terror-tantrums, and you don't want to answer all her nosy questions. My mind answered for me.

Duh, but I can't tell her that, it would defeat the purpose of running away. I scolded myself. Kim stood patiently in front of me, waiting for my answer. When I didn't answer for more than a minute, she finally spoke up.

"You are mad at me, aren't you?" She began. "Is it because Brody and I have been seeing each other?" She demanded. "No! I already told you, I'm perfectly fine with that!" I told her truthfully. Though I was indeed upset she liked him more than me, I wanted her to be happy more than anything. And well, if he made her happy and I didn't, than who was I to stop her from seeing him?

"What is it then?" She asked quietly, coming up beside me and gently rubbing my arm. I sighed, letting my shoulders droop. "I don't know. Nothing important." I told her. "If I promise not to run off again, will you not ask any more questions?" I bargained, looking at her pleadingly.

She stared at me, then sighed, looking away and putting her hands on her hips. "Okay," She finally said. "But you, have to promise to tell me some time, soon, okay?" She pointed at me. I stared at her. "Deal." I grabbed her outstretched hand and shook it, though she had been pointing at me, not offering her hand to shake. She laughed. "Deal."

(A/N: Haven't updated this one in a long time, sorry about that! I hope you liked it! Special thanks to my wonderful co-author, Amber Johnston and her amazing writing skills. Please REVIEW to let us know how we did!