Hearing the door slam behind her I wanted to rush madly out of it, and burst into her room in a fury. Instead, I thrashed away at innocent objects within the study. I violently swiped all items off the desk as papers scattered throughout the air and pots of ink crashed onto the floor. I bitterly picked up the chair she had seduced me in, propelling it across the room and still this frustration rushed relentlessly through me. I fought myself to forget the thought of my hands being permitted to roam her body, and how I wanted more, so much more. Greed swallowed me whole, and that ache once again consumed me. The burning need to make her my own.

You know why she ran off Erik.

Slamming my fist down on the desk I looked to the floor and saw where she had dropped my mask. I walked over to it and picked it up and roughly placed it back on my face where it belonged.

I need to send her away. She will be the death of me for certain.

But what sweet death it would be.

Staring sightlessly into the hearth, I felt her skin on my fingertips and my own need became unbearable. Unbuckling my belt I grasped myself with a shaken sigh, feeling how this ache pulsed in my hand and how I yearned for more. All I could do was succumb to it. The flames danced and mirrored the curves of her breasts provocatively embraced by the scarlet silk tempting me to walk towards it. The sight of her tilted neck flooded my thoughts, and how her vulnerable skin was exposed to me alone quickened my breath. Squeezing the base, I imagined myself being in her hands. Stroking me on her knees while I admired the dip in her breasts with my own hands. This heat became more intense within me, threatening to break what little barrier that kept it contained.

I traced the outline of her mouth in my mind provoking a shudder to run through me, and I wanted to feel them on my skin. Watching them part to let out cries in the night, and have her teeth bite into my neck, undoing me with her moans in my ear. Already foolishly addicted to the brief sweetness which remained burnt on my flesh, I wanted more of what little carnal sin she had allotted me. Had I not been blinded with my own urge, how much more would she have wanted of me? If I had remained under her own guiding hand to do with as she pleased. A sweat formed at my temples, and my breath was shortened, and I now gulped in the air around me. My pace fastened leading my hand down my shaft relentlessly, and I tilted my head back coming to the edge of my own desire. My body shook and in spite of my own logic I wanted to know how much of this I could endure.

With a guttural moan I found my release, but it would only ever satisfy me enough to barely keep myself at bay. I steadied my breathing while wiping my brow, and buttoned my pants. Still not content, I attempted to focus on anything that was not the woman in the other room. Picking up the remnants of the room that were in the path of my tempest, her presence lingered around me. The smell of her was still entwined with the faded smoke and her taste remained in my mouth.

It is just a game. A game I do not know how much more I can take and I would need to send her away before knowing my limit. She needs to leave. Or I do.

It seemed as though we lived with each other's shadows for the next few weeks. When I had left the room to make something to eat, I had returned to find the empty armoire now open and filled with a few dresses. While they were quality, they were not overtly elegant, and function was the main design trait for them all. Normal. I thought to myself with a breath of relief. I had placed the scarlet dress out of my sight in one of the drawers and did not want to see if he had removed it or not. He had not spoken to me since our encounter in his study, and part of me was relieved, but this house was so insufferably silent. I sometimes thought I heard his footsteps down a hallway to go out and find nothing but an empty corridor. I am sure the little sound he did make occasionally was on purpose, and if Erik wanted to remain a specter within the house he could have. I would sometimes leave meals on the dining table, never eating there myself, and sometimes they would go untouched other times they would be taken and the dishes left back in the cupboard neat and clean. If he was a ghost he would be the most polite and well-mannered kind. I smirked slightly and then became saddened by the thought. I knew he was avoiding me and I felt a sting from that. In the moment I just wanted to be a woman and that was all. I wanted to give something of myself to a man on my terms, and a kiss was the last thing that was still my own.

But it had been more than a kiss though had it not?

I felt a pang of guilt from the confession, and that familiar shame rose its way up inside me. But that darker side of me that had crept into me more and more wanted to know.

How far on the edge of a knife could we both walk?

A chill rose up my spine and I began cleaning furiously around the house to occupy my mind with thoughts that did not contain firm hands. I could not stand how much of a relic this house felt like. Something in a museum left abandoned and untouched for years, it was entirely lifeless. Such a stark difference from his home beneath the opera that had Erik's mark on everything. Everything except…that room. The room I had resided in was nothing like the rest. The furniture while carved from a sturdy wood was bland and everything was solely for purpose and not for its looks. As if it was only an afterthought to have it at all and the only things that seemed personal were the belongings within its dressers.

I swept the floor with more fervor until bits of straw broke off the broom, as I pushed the dust into another room to be cleaned as well. I stopped for a moment to wipe the sweat off my brow and looked around to see a tarp covering the only window in the room. I went towards it, pulling it down and coughing at the dust that twisted upwards in a cloud. I turned to see another cover on something in the middle of the room. I uncovered it to find a beautiful piano carved out of rosewood with ivory keys making up its lovely face. It stood on curved solid legs still having an amount of pride within it despite looking aged. It was worn with signs of heavy use at one point in time, but now looked forgotten. The keys were neglected and yellow, and I traced my fingers along the wood admiring its craftsmanship and I lightly pressed down on a key producing a faint hum throughout the room. I closed my eyes and thought back to myself playing a meager piano within the blind widow's home, content with it despite its few broken keys and scuffed wood. Barely passable as an amateur, I still enjoyed the songs that were produced from my clumsy fingers. Andrés would go underneath by the pedals watching my feet, and sometimes curiously pressing a key. His small hands tapped each note carefully as I guided him and reveled in his smile when the sound came forth.

You were the only one to truly make it sing amor.

I felt warm tears flowing from my closed eyes, hitting the ivory as each drop seeming louder than the last. I almost wanted to laugh thinking I couldn't possibly have any anything in me left to weep. Instead, I closed the cover with force, feeling the familiar swell of hatred and rage inside me. That dark shadow whispered words of vengeance in my ear, sounding almost like Erik's soothing tone. I cried harder imagining Andrés here tugging at the hem of my dress trying to get my attention only to flash a playful smile when I looked down. But there was nothing there this time when I looked. The empty space served as a reminder of all that was taken from me.

Will I always look for you?

I felt like I was choking in that haze of dust and my own sobs. I needed air. I walked aimlessly on the grounds and it seemed like there was nothing, or no one for that matter, in any direction of this house.

Good.

The harsh winter had now become slightly weakened by a coming spring. The air, while still cold, was not as bitter and the sun would shine more instead of being masked by the gray sky above. I did not feel joy in it honestly. What right did anything have to bloom while my son became the Earth? I closed my eyes continuing to walk, and tried to empty my mind of everything. I focused on the sound of my boots hitting the ground and counted my paces to drown out any memories for a moment. My steps sounded like they were echoing, and when I stopped the sound persisted. I turned to see Erik stopped as well a few strides behind me and I gave a slight start at him. We both said nothing and I wondered if he was searching for any words to form a sentence as much as I was.

I felt my face heat up at the sight of him, and that weighted stare he carried only made my own guilt rise to the surface and be practically pulled out and manifested in front of him. He came closer and I only could look at his approaching boots, and then saw his hands raise and go towards my neck. I stepped back and looked up at him briefly thinking of his fury in his bedroom, but I saw he held no anger for me and I slowly leaned forward. He tied the band of my cloak and pulled it further down so it was completely covering my shoulders.

Why are you always looking after me Erik?

"At least the sun is out today. Perhaps there is mercy in this winter after all."

I said nothing to him, and he shifted uncomfortably and so did I.

"Adriana, I do not think anything could excuse my actions the other night, and I don't expect you to forgive me, but just know that I regret it."

He spoke the words out quickly, without wasting a breath, as if to not take the risk of me interrupting even though I did no such thing.

"You regret it?"

There was a burn in those words for me, and my own voice in my head grew louder and louder.

You're ruined Adriana. You're ruined, and even he knows it.

"Why wouldn't you though right? I'm sure you would rather have a girl with some value left after all."

I felt so infuriated inside at both him and myself. Why would he not think that of me? I had thrown myself at him without any morality or respect, only to lack the courage to go forward. That shame was fully caught up with me now though, and I felt so worthless. So unclean. I couldn't even bear looking at him anymore so I turned trying my best to swallow the insufferable tears that threatened to break in me.

"That is not what I meant Adriana. Please."

He placed his hands on my shoulders I recoiled at his touch slightly, feeling shaken by hands on me, and he let go of me instantly.

"I could not expect any woman to be comfortable with my touch. Especially when I was unmasked."

I turned around in a whirl and could not believe what he had said.

"You think this is about your face?"

I shook my head straining to find a way to make him understand even a minute bit of this torment I deal with. But what words could form that could do such a thing? I rushed my hands through my hair, pulling on it as if it would make me think more clearly.

"I have already told you, I do not fear your face. When you had shown it to me in fury the first time it felt as though it was a prelude to violence, and that is what I could not bear. Your rage…"

My body shook thinking of how much of a nightmare he had been in his madness, and I tried to steady myself to finish my thought.

"But this time, it was the lust in your grasp that frightened me. How untamed and desperate it felt. I was not sure…"

I felt like I could not look at him anymore, but those eyes forced me to acknowledge them and remain locked in his sight.

"I was not sure if you would stop even if I begged you to."

I said the words in a whisper and held back that damn sob in my throat, and hated myself for allowing such excess vulnerability. I looked down at the ground no longer able to keep my eyes in his that pulled so many truths out of me.

"That terrified me more than any mark you carry."

Can't you see? You just being a man Erik. That is enough for me to fear you. I will always punish you for it.

"If I hadn't been…"

Ruined. Say what you are girl.

I tried to hold back a whimper by hiding my face in my hands out of the shame that pressed down on my entire being mercilessly.

"If I was just normal maybe I would be different. I do not even have anything to offer you that is worth a damn."

I could not restrain myself anymore. I cried with such fervor, I could barely get any air into my lungs. Two arms came around me and I felt them tighten up along with my own body when they came in contact with me, then pull me into an embrace. He had a smell that was a mixture of sandalwood and bergamot, entwined with the fragrant spices he laced within his tea and the lingering smell of his pipe. It was a comforting smell that was nothing like the vile incense and alcohol I always smelled on a man. I put my head on his chest, burying my face in his vest and he let me purge my tears into the fabric. My cries began to slow and quiet and my breath sucked into my body exhaustedly. I looked up at him and he brought a hand down and wiped the remaining tears from both eyes.

"You think you are worthless, yet you do not know how much value you already hold for me."

"But I have nothing to give you Erik."

He traced his finger along the length of my mouth faintly and shook his head in disagreement. He leaned his head down and my own hand wrapped around one of his by itself.

Let this be different. Please.

He lifted his mask enough for his lips to meet mine briefly. He looked at me again and when I put my hand around the side of his face it encouraged him to come in closer to me. His mouth lingered on mine shyly this time, without the intensity I had felt from him before. His arms came around me and mine rested on his chest, as he laid the gentlest kisses to my cheeks before holding me again.

Just a woman.

"Why do you think you owe me anything?"

"I do though. If I could be any use to you perhaps, or if I could pay you-"

"You think I am in need of money? Or favors? I could buy all the luxuries money could be allotted and still have wealth to sleep upon. And anyone can be persuaded to carry out my bidding for the right weight in an envelope of francs. You owe me nothing. I have told you, I do not carry a sheet of parchment with your dues written on them. Everything I do and have done is because I wanted to; no one obligates me to do anything, ever."

"How can you think such a thing? I have done nothing for you and yet you have taken care of me since you fished me out of your lake."

He pushed me back lightly but kept me close to his body and looked at me intently. He took his mask off his face gradually without having his eyes leave mine, and I did not look away from him.

"What do you see when you look at my face Adriana?"

I did not answer right away and I did not understand what he meant.

"I just see your face. I just see you. What else should I see Erik?"

I raised my shoulders, confused on why he would ask me when he knew I had already seen his face more than once. It was distorted yes, but it did not make me afraid. It was only one part of him, and who was I to pay him with another piece of hellish torment he already received from everyone else, including his mother. The thought of her lit a match inside me. I hope she burns. I thought in one point of my life you were to forgive those who show you cruelty, but now knew what a lie that was. How could anyone truly forgive what could never be forgiven? Forgiveness is a mercy only given away by fools, it was not a right.

"Then you see what others do not or cannot see, and that alone is a different kind of wealth to me."

I wanted to ask if anyone had ever just treated him like a man, the way he treated me like a woman but did not dare speak the words. There were many thoughts in my head and none of them could be brought to the surface of my tongue. I wanted to ask him about the woman I shared a room with beneath the opera house. If she feared him and his face too.

"And the woman who stayed with you? Did she not see either?"

The air shifted and felt stifling and I regretted saying anything at all and wanted to push the words back in my throat. But in just a moment he turned and all the oppressive air evaporated around us both.

"No need to bore you with the past. Come."

He began to walk back towards the house, and a part of me just wanted him to answer the question. But I knew it did not really matter in the end, because regardless if that woman was dead or alive Erik lived with more than one ghost. I followed him to the door and he opened it for me letting me pass through it first. He removed my cloak and began walking into the other room to hang them in the closet. I took my shoes off at the entrance to not get the remaining sleet mixed with mud on the floors, and walked into the living room and halted in my tracks and a jolt of dread shot through me as I stared at a stranger leaning against the fireplace. He said nothing to me and looked back at me in shock, at what I did not know.

Where you expecting me to still be dead then?

"Lhérie has sent someone to tie his loose ends for him?"

How the hell did he find me again? Are even the birds his damn eyes? He looked behind me for a moment and next to me I spotted envelopes with a letter opener neatly placed on top on a side table and took a step to the side so they would be behind my back. The man still said nothing and shook his head side-to-side while running an exasperated hand through dark hair. Where had Erik gone? This terror consumed me and held me to the spot I stood in. I did not fear death, but what I did fear however, was being taken alive. Being taken back to him.

One of us will not be leaving this room still breathing.

"How can this be? What has he done to you girl? How long has he been keeping you here?"

"Who are you?"

The words sliced through the air with my complete disdain, and he began to close the distance between us. I backed against the table and grabbed the opener keeping it behind my back for him.

"There is no time child, come with me before he gets here. I will take you away from here."

He strode forward to me and I instinctively bolted around the furniture, putting a sofa between us.

"What are you doing? Hurry! He will be here and I do not know if I will be able to-"

"Judging from the knife she has tucked away waiting for your chest I hardly see the need to paint her as someone needing saving Daroga."

"Erik."

He shot a hard stare at Erik that was only met by his own intensity.

"Why do you have this girl here?"

"You are mistaken Daroga. I can already see what you are thinking."

"No. There is no confusion old friend, I know you well, remember? Now you have taken to sequestering females in the country as opposed to the opera house?"

"You mean my opera house do you not?"

A dry light laugh escaped the man without any type of smile, and he pulled out a pistol from his jacket. He pointed the barrel at Erik and I knew from this distance there was no way for him to evade the shot. Inside, my mind panicked and before I could make sense of my own thoughts I put myself between Erik and his gun.

"What have you done to her?"

Erik ignored him and remained still in his stance directing his speech to me instead.

"He thinks you are my prisoner, and that I have corrupted your mind."

It was like I could not even comprehend Erik's words and was only set on killing this man to avoid being taken by him, or have him hurt Erik.

"I know you have Erik. Why else would she be putting herself between you and a bullet! I cannot let you do this again Erik. Never again."

He went to reach out for me and I let out a yell of protest, throwing my arm forward with the opener and in a blur Erik's hand caught my arm with no force at all, and his other arm reached out for the stranger's wrist bending it sideways while pushing out his leg with his own making him let go of the pistol and lose his footing in one swift motion. Astonished, I watched Erik take the gun and instead of firing it, unload the bullets onto the floor. Before I could ask what was going on Erik spoke in a booming voice while still looking at the man on the ground.

"She is no prisoner Basir. She can leave whenever she pleases, and as you can see she bears no chains."

"That is a truth that conveniences you alone Erik."

"Any other time I would say you were right Daroga. Perhaps you would have not received such a shock had you actually written before you came so I could save you the embarrassment of disarming you in front of a lady."

He used a mildly condescending tone that was almost playful in its goading, and he reached a hand down to the man. The man considered it with a stern look, before taking it and rising to his feet. And I briefly thought if anyone had ever called me a lady before.

"Come now old friend, you have exhausted me enough for one day with your accusations."

Then coolly as if no altercation had ever happened between them, he politely held out an arm motioning to the sofas for him to sit. I did not move from where I was standing, still cautious of the man. I waited for him to walk first, and Erik had not looked to see him take a seat, but remained watching me and nodded his head slightly and it was only then I had any urge to stay in the room with this person. He followed my steps closely behind me just as quiet as my own shadow and there was an awkward silence between us. I fixed my eyes on the stranger who sat with his bronze hands calmly folded in his lap.

"Who is this man Erik?"

I spoke without my eyes leaving this man, not trusting to ask him myself but confiding in Erik instead to identify him.

"He is an old friend Adriana. And even after all these years he still cannot have the decency of sending a letter before showing up in my house uninvited, like always."

The last words came out in an annoyed tone and Erik shot him a glare that the man did not recoil from.

"As if you would give me an invitation to your home even if I did write first."

Erik sighed and pushed himself up from his seat.

"I suppose you would like some tea then Daroga." He turned on his heel and was almost out of the room before he called behind him. "Chai of course."

I wanted to tag along behind him like a child to avoid being left alone, but knew I could not find any excuse to help a grown man make tea. I rubbed my hands together, trying to focus on something that was not the hands of the clock echoing through the room, or the readiness I had of taking someone's life just a moment ago.

"Perhaps we could start again my dear. My name is Basir."

He spoke in a honey coated voice holding out a hand to me, and a pair of jade eyes stared at me with kindness. I looked at his hand for a moment, embarrassed at how I treated him and went I went to shake it but instead he placed a light kiss on the back of my hand.

"And what is your name?"

Still holding my hand, I blushed at the gentlemanly act that was reserved for a lady.

"My name is Adriana. Adriana de la Garza."

I surprised myself by giving him even that bit of information of myself, and pulled my hand back slowly.

"What is a Spanish woman doing here in the countryside with our moody friend then?"

He let out a laugh that was so warm it felt comforting to me, and I smiled lightly at him. I shook my head at him not wanting to go into too many details.

"It is a long story Señor. How do you know Erik?"

I had never heard Erik mention this man, or any friend of his. He sat back down and let out a sigh as if not sure where to begin, and then smiled at me.

"We both lived in Persia and we have known each other for many years. Let's just say he was a man who when you met him, there would be no forgetting him."

In the distance I heard the kettle being filled with water and the striking of a match to light the stove. I believed this man and what he said about Erik. How could you possibly forget him? I was lost in my own thoughts for a while and I did not even hear Erik come back in the room until he said something.

"Hopefully he is not prattling on about my life story to you Adriana. He can be rather long winded as an old man."

"Old man? I will probably out live you with that temper of yours giving you a heart attack first!"

He rolled his eyes and handed me a cup of fragrant liquid the color of light molasses encased in a pretty glass cup with silver on the rim. Its spicy scent wafted at me as I swirled it in my hands and it reminded me of how Erik smelled when he held me to him. There was a tray of different kinds of sugar, all looking like sweetened samples of rocks found within a mine. Without asking me Erik took the small tongs and chose one for me hovering it above my cup, and looked at me waiting for me to protest. I shook my head and held my cup further up to him and he dropped it in giving me a spoon to stir it.

"I imagine you could use a bit of sweetness in your life after spending time with Erik my dear."

His comment made me smile a little, but not as much as the unimpressed look Erik paid him with. Basir was already stirring the candy rock within his tea as Erik turned to sit across from me, adjusting his mask discreetly and then taking a sip. I tasted my own closing my eyes enjoying the taste of the cardamom and rose fused together. The rose colored sugar was in no way obnoxious with its sweetness but created such a nice balance making the flavor burst forth brightly. Basir said something quickly in a language I did not understand and Erik sighed and looked into his cup then at me.

"Will you excuse us for a while Adriana? Basir would like to speak to me in private."

"That is fine. I am sure you have some catching up to do."

I felt the need to apologize to the man but did not know the words to say for excusing myself for almost stabbing him.

"It was a pleasure having tea with you. Forgive me for earlier."

He got up and held my hand in his while placing the other on top of mine.

"There is nothing to forgive. I am sorry for giving you such a fright my dear."

I shook my head and went to leave the room and felt Erik behind me. He opened the door and went through it with me closing it behind him and looked at me speaking in a hushed playful whisper.

"I am sure he will put me to sleep with talk of anything dreadfully boring he can pour out much like old men do."

"Then I will come back to tuck you in when I find you asleep then."

I laughed and so did he and I did not want to leave that door after all.

I had never heard her laugh before. It was joyful and even contagious, and in the back of my mind I memorized her face and decided she was beautiful when she laughed. She placed a hand on the side of my face brushing it lightly with the back of her palm and my own hand kept it there for a moment. I slowly bent down to her height and placed a light kiss on her forehead, and the last thing I wanted to do was enter the living room again and speak to Basir. I thought of what I had said to Daroga about her being able to leave when she pleased, and I wondered if even she believed that.

Could I let you go now?

I wanted to believe I could, but faintly hoped she would not put me in a place for me to find out. She gave me another smile and I kept it solely for myself and turned and walked up the stairs giving me another glance before she was out of sight. I stood there for a little while contemplating going up those stairs to her and tried to calm that creeping need inside me she could evoke. I straightened my shirt and cravat, bringing myself some composure and opened the door to find Daroga pouring us both more tea.

"I hope you have good reason for having me send her away then."

He took a sip from his cup and looked at me with those same honest eyes that could positively burn the wicked without even trying to be malicious.

"You know the reason Erik. How did she come about staying with you?"

I sighed and did not honestly want to answer all his prodding, but instead decided to amuse him after all.

"I found her practically lifeless in my lake. She had brought guests, with her that were dumping her into it."

I thought of the sound of Jean Buquet's neck snapping in my lasso and was now angry at myself for not paying the priest with the same treatment. He would get far worse now.

"But she also had a child with her. The father was one of the men trying to drown her. He had forced her and wanted to get rid of her for good."

I gripped the cup so strongly I thought it would crush in my hand. I then looked into the fireplace and thought of the boy's face sorrowfully. How still and calm it was before I buried him. He did not deserve to die.

"The boy…he did not make it. She does not deserve to fend for herself out there. She will end up around people only looking to use her. A woman alone like that might as well put a target on her back for the filth of this place."

Basir considered what I had told him and shook his head while in his own thoughts.

"Is that the only reason why you let her stay here with you Erik?"

There was no accusation in his voice and those eyes stared at me knowing as ever and I silently cursed them.

"And if I want her here with me Daroga? Would it be so wrong?"

"No it would not old friend. As long as she wants to be here as well."

I hope she does.

"I have never told her she is bound to me, but yet she remains."

It was odd to think of that after hearing the words out loud. There were no threats between us, or false promises. She had seen my face, and knew what I was. A murderer, and yet she still had gotten in front of me to take a shot from a gun for me. I had been so surprised by the fight in her, like a fire lit inside. I almost wanted to laugh at her resourcefulness tucking a blade behind her to protect herself. Perhaps she did not need to be taken care of as much as I thought.

"How much does she know about you then?"

"Enough."

I shot him with a hard stare warning him to leave it at that since she had already become inquisitive enough on her own. That damn feminine curiosity. It would kill me one of these days I was sure of it. He finished the last of his tea and got up giving me a bow, and grabbing his cloak from the back of a nearby chair. He walked towards the front door opening it and pausing briefly.

"The truth should not damn a person Erik."

"Except when those truths are my own Daroga."

"If she has endured you so far, then she is stronger than you think, maybe you just need to give her the chance to decide for herself if she will accept them or not. Goodnight friend."

He placed a firm hand on my shoulder and turned to leave and I closed the door after him.

Accept me?

Could anyone truly do this? If she knew the extent of my sins against this world and against man. If she knew what I was entirely.

She would flee from you Erik. She would leave like everyone else.

I looked towards the stairs and wondered how she looked in her bed. If she was sleeping yet or not. Why could the past not just stay the past? In that moment I wanted to be a different man. A man void of the blood on his hands he brought on himself. A man that could roam around in public without stares and a disguise. A man that never lied to be an angel just to hide his own wickedness.

To be a man and that was all.