Morning everyone :D new chapter for you, hope you all enjoy it - Yuri is stubborn, Otabek holds a grudge and JJ is the best boy XD
Yuri takes gold in Rostelacom. Well takes might be a bit strong in his opinion as he barely scrapes passed Chulanont's score to come out on top. His head's not in it, his heart sure as shit isn't and he's worried that everyone can tell even though no one says anything. The only person who has the balls to ask Yuri Plisetsky what the hell went wrong with his performance is Nikolai and after a vodka or two (or three, Yuri stops counting after three) he spills the whole story of his suspicions about Otabek throwing the competition, their fight, their breakup and why he's been so out of it recently.
Nikolai is sympathetic but calls Yuri out for being such an idiot, a fact that Yuri needed to hear but, so far, no one had been willing to say. Anyone with half a brain can see that that boy would do anything for you but he wouldn't throw a competition for you, Nikolai tells him, now stop sitting on your ass and go get him back.
A frank and honest conversation that cut to the quick gets Yuri on a flight to Auckland with Yuuri, Viktor, Mila and Sara and lights a fire under him for the first time since his and Otabek's fight. Once the competition is underway, if not before, he's going to find Otabek, apologise and ask if he would consider forgiving him.
Of course when he and Otabek actually do come face to face at the rink before the Short Program Yuri feels as if he's somewhat missed his chance. Shy of staking out the hotel lobby all night, or asking at the front desk which room was his (both of which would have been a little creepy and verging into stalker territory in Yuri's opinion) he wasn't able to see Otabek the previous evening. Standing next to him now, skate guards in place and ready to take to the ice, he almost wishes that he had.
Otabek barely gives him a passing glance as they enter the rink and Yuri has to physically stop himself from either calling out to him or just breaking down and crying again. He's the fucking Ice Tiger of Russia and he's going to act like it. He places himself between JJ, hoping that his stupid face (although less punchable than Yuri has thought in years gone by) will fire him up enough that he'll forget all about Otabek, and Leo De La Iglesia who is almost begging Yuri to punch him, he's so fucking nice. Slipping back into the punk who doesn't play well with others persona helps. It'll help him win and it'll help him get through.
As he steps out onto the ice to start his Short Program though, it all melts away and he feels like he's going to be sick. He hears Yuuri and Viktor's shouted Davai! from over by the kiss and cry but it's missing something. It's missing that one voice that has always been there and it rattles him to his core.
The music begins and he's already a beat behind, not that anyone will notice that much but it's enough to throw him already. He tries not to listen to the commentator, tries to get himself back on track but he's over thinking everything now and places his footing wrong as he comes out of a jump. He hits the ice with a painful thump that would have floored him if he hadn't been so determined to pick himself up even though all he wants to do is lie on the ice and cry. He's back on his feet in seconds. He hates feeling like this, hates this knowing in his gut that he's not going to come out on top and it's even worse knowing that Otabek, along with the rest of the world, is watching him fail.
After what feels like forever it's over. Yuri does his best to stay on his feet otherwise he knows he's not getting back up again. Christ, that must have been like watching JJ's train wreck back in Barcelona... With a heavy heart he heads over to the kiss and cry to see Yakov waiting for him and he doesn't look pleased.
"What was that?" Yakov asks as Yuri reaches him.
"Don't start," Yuri snaps. All he wants is to get his pitiful score and get the hell out of there. If he didn't have the Free Skate tomorrow he would go out and drown both his sorrows and his liver in alcohol.
"Yura..." Yakov sounds both angry and disappointed and that's what hurts the most. More than anything knowing that he's let Yakov down really cuts him up.
"Please," he begs, his eyes already glassy with tears. "Please just drop it."
To his credit Yakov back off, clearly noting Yuri's distress and not wanting to add to it anymore. Both of them know the score will do that well enough. As Yuri sits down and waits he can't even look up at the judges but settles for looking at the expanse of floor between his feet. It's kinda filthy and could do with a good clean but he knows that is the least of his worries as the commentator begins speaking again.
"And this might be the lowest score we've ever seen from Plisetsky," he says. "Ninety-two point three seven..."
Yuri doesn't even bother listening to the rest of what he has to say. Ninety-two point three seven... Ninety-two point three fucking seven! He hasn't had a score that low in the final of a competition since he was in the Junior division. He wants to scream, shout, break things, burst into tears and throw up all at once. Is this what it feels like to fail? Because if it is it fucking sucks and Yuri just wants to crawl into a hole and die.
He doesn't know where he is in the pecking order of things – he doesn't want to know. If he's lucky he'll rank higher than Chulanont or De La Iglasia but he won't beat Yuuri, he don't beat Otabek, hell, he probably won't even beat JJ with an abysmal score like that. Yakov tries to tell him that it's not the end of the world – he still has the Free Skate and he's still the Short Program world record holder but it's a hollow cancellation. Especially at the end of the day when the rest of the scores are in.
Yuuri and Otabek are duking it out for first place, JJ is in a respectable third and Yuri is crawling in at fourth. He has to at least make the podium, he just has to. People expect him to place on the podium and it was just as humiliating for Viktor a few years ago when he came in fourth. Yuri does not want that. He keeps telling himself the same thing Yakov did – that he still has the Free Skate – but it still hurts like hell, especially when he casts a glance at Otabek and catches the glare levelled his way
They're the only ones left in the changing room, Yuri having told Yuuri to go on ahead and that he'd meet him later and Otabek having brushed off Leo's invite to go out. The only thing stopping him from starting up a conversation is nerves. Otabek zips up his backpack and slings it onto his shoulder. If Yuri's going to try and make things right it's now or never.
"Can we talk?" he asks just as Otabek is about to brush passed him.
Otabek stops, stiffening. "I don't see how we have anything left to talk about," he says, voice cold, hard and unyielding.
Yuri can feel a lump forming in his throat and he's not totally sure he's going to make it the whole way through this conversation without breaking down. "Otya, please..."
"Don't call me that," Otabek snaps.
"Sorry," Yuri mumbles, looking down at his shoes. "And I'm sorry about that night too."
"Just forget it," Otabek says, his tone still clipped. "The less said about that the better."
"I called," Yuri offers. It sounds lame, even to his ears, but he can't let Otabek think that he just gave up without trying.
"I never got the message," Otabek says.
"No," Yuri sighs. "I didn't think you would."
They fall into silence for a minute or two; Yuri trying to work out what to say while practically shrinking under Otabek's scrutiny. He's never felt like this before. Sure, there have been times when he hasn't known what to say to someone and there have been times when he's been on the wrong side of someone but it's never hurt like this before. That lump in his throat keeps getting bigger and threatening to make speaking impossible.
"What do you want?" Otabek asks finally, unable to stand the wait.
"I wanted to apologise," Yuri replies.
"What for?"
"For accusing you of throwing the competition because of me," Yuri says.
"Really?" Otabek asks with a raised eyebrow. "Because what I'd like is an apology for your abysmal performance today."
"Okay I guess I deserved that..." Yuri mumbles after a pause to let that sink in.
"So are you going to give me an explanation?" Otabek asks.
"I... didn't think you'd want one," Yuri replies. He's quite proud of the fact that his voice isn't shaking but he doesn't know how long that will actually last.
"Don't you think I deserve one after all the accusations you were flinging around last time we spoke?"
"I... I guess so yeah."
"Then what the fuck happened out there?" Otabek asks, voice raised and practically shouting.
"I don't know!" Yuri shouts back. "I panicked. I let things get inside my head and I panicked. I lost focus and I messed up, you happy?"
"No, not really."
"Why not?"
"Because you've always given your best," Otabek replies, voice still raised. "You always give everything you've got when you go out on the ice and today you just didn't. You can tell me all you like that it was because you lost focus or you let things get in your head if you want to make yourself feel better but it won't fly with me."
"If you know so much about me then tell me what my real problem is," Yuri snaps. "Or what your problem is for that matter." If Otabek is going to stubborn about this then he will give just as good as he gets. He's been like a tamed kitten the last couple of days not the fierce punk he's always been and it's time he takes back the title of Ice Tiger.
Otabek shakes his head, a derisive smile on his face. "You think that because you waltz into the Senior Division at fifteen and get gold two years in a row that gives you the authority to lord it over the rest of us."
"No I don't," Yuri snaps. Otabek's works hurt like hell and they're designed to but Yuri isn't about to let him know how hurt he is.
"Bullshit Plisetsky!" Otabek shouts glaring down at Yuri like it's taking everything in him not to rip him apart. "You may say what you like about the other skaters but don't you dare dare think that just because I haven't beaten you before don't mean I won't."
"I never said you couldn't," Yuri snaps.
"Yeah but you thought it," Otabek says and Yuri realises that there is a degree of truth to that. So far the only people who have ever succeeded at besting him (when it counted) were Viktor and Yuuri, he's never entertained the notion that someone else might. "See you can't even deny it," Otabek scoffs when Yuri fails to answer.
"Look I'm sorry okay," Yuri says. "I'm sorry for all of it." He can feel tears pricking the corners of his eyes and he knows it's only a matter of time before he breaks and Otabek sees him crying.
"You better not be throwing this competition because of me," Otabek says.
"I wouldn't do that," Yuri says and he hates how small and broken his voice sounds.
"You'd better not," Otabek tell him. "Because if you don't give it your all tomorrow then we really are done. If you don't prove that you aren't throwing this competition then I'll never forgive you and I don't ever want to see your face again unless I have to."
"Well then I guess I'll just go then," Yuri mumbles. Tears are falling hard and fast and he doesn't even care if Otabek notices anymore. Any hope he had of a reconciliation is completely gone and he just wants to be alone.
Grabbing his bag before Otabek can say anything else he darts out of the changing room, tears blurring his vision. He bumps into someone just outside but all he offers them is a mumbled 'sorry', he doesn't even stop to see who it is when they call after him. All he wants is to be alone, he doesn't care about anything else. He's lost Otabek and he'll probably lose tomorrow – if he doesn't place on the podium then it's over and only a miracle could get him on the podium now.
The night air is hot – of course it is, it's Auckland in December – and he's almost uncomfortable in his jacket but Yuri pays it no mind as he sits on a bench on a hill looking out over the road beneath it. Cars rush passed and Yuri watches them, still crying, until he's run out of tears, at least he hopes he has. For once he's in the middle of a competition and he doesn't even care about the results. He feels like jacking it all in and going back to Russia but that won't solve anything anymore than trying to go talk to Otabek will. If he pulls out now that will just be like proving that he's throwing away his chances.
He's about to trudge back to his hotel and try to get some sleep when something cold and hard is deposited on his head. Wiping a hand over his face he looks up to see JJ, of all people, holding out a bottle of water. His trademark scowl slides onto his face as easily as slipping on an old jacket.
"Come to gloat?" he asks darkly. "'Cause if you have save it, I'm not in the mood."
"No I'm not here to gloat," JJ says sitting down in the empty space next to Yuri and Yuri instantly feels a little guilty.
"Then why are you here?" he asks.
"Saw you out here and I thought you might like some company."
"What makes you think I want your company?" Yuri asks.
JJ chuckles. "Well my company is better than no company at all," he says. "Also thought you could do with something to drink. It's hot out here and you need to keep your fluids up," he adds before Yuri can make any scathing remark.
"Oh..." He's always so poised for a fight with JJ he's forgotten that he's actually not out to screw with him but might just be being nice. "Thanks," he mumbles taking the proffered bottle of water and taking a drink.
"So wanna tell me what all that was about back there?" JJ asks, opening his own bottle and taking a swig.
"You heard?" Yuri asks and he wants the ground to just open up and swallow him whole again.
"Who do you think you ran into on your way out?"
"Sorry," he mumbles again.
"Don't be sorry, be Yuri," JJ says. "Call me a shit-head and tell me I was in the way anyway."
"Well you are and you were," Yuri says with a soft chuckle, "but it probably doesn't have the same sting cause you told me to say it."
"It doesn't sting anyway kitten," JJ grins.
Yuri opens his mouth to say something, just what he doesn't really know but either way he thinks better of it and shakes his head. "Whatever."
"So do you want to tell me what went on back there or am I going to have to beat it out of Otabek?" JJ asks.
"You heard," Yuri says taking a swing of his drink, "so there's nothing much left to tell you that you don't already know."
"Can I tell you something then?" JJ asks.
"Knock yourself out."
"I had a few choice words to say to Otabek after you'd gone."
Yuri pauses, bottle halfway to his lips gain. He gives JJ a sideways glare. "I don't need you to fight my battles for me JJ."
"No but Otabek was bang out of line and he needed to know," JJ says.
"I guess."
"You're both stubborn, I get that, but you both need to get it through your heads that you care about each other," JJ says.
"You heard him," Yuri says and that lump is back in his throat again. "He doesn't want to see me again."
"Only if you throw the competition," JJ says, "and the Yuri Plisetsky I know would never throw a competition because of someone else."
"What makes you so sure?" Yuri asks. "Maybe I'm not doing it on purpose but there's definitely something keeping me from doing my best."
"You remember when I choked in Barcelona?" JJ asks, changing tact.
"Who doesn't?" Yuri asks in a vein attempt at humour. "Sorry," he adds when he sees the look on JJ's face.
"It's fine," JJ says waving him off but Yuri isn't sure how much he believes him. "What did I do when I chocked."
"You got back up, struck that stupid JJ Style pose and carried on," Yuri says.
"I did and I still made it to bronze on the podium," JJ says giving Yuri's knee a poke as if to emphasise some kind of point.
"What are you getting at JJ?" Yuri asks with a sigh.
"Who cares if you're in fourth place," JJ says. "There is everything to play for tomorrow so go out there and skate your best. You might not get gold but it will prove to Otabek that you're not throwing this and it will prove to the world that, no matter what, you always come back and you come back fighting."
Yuri lets that sink in for a moment. JJ, he is reluctant to admit, is right. It doesn't matter if he doesn't get gold – it's not as if he hasn't come in second place before – but he sure as shit isn't going to roll over and just take the loss like that.
"Thanks JJ," he says giving him a small smile.
"Hey, what are friends for?" JJ grins and holds out his bottle to Yuri.
"We're not friends though," Yuri says. There's no malice in his voice, he's just stating a fact.
"Well maybe we can be," JJ says with a smile.
Yuri thinks this over for a moment. It's not as if JJ is a bad guy (just kind of annoying) and since the unlikely friendship he struck up with Yuuri they have hung out with each other a few times, just never alone like this. He did come and see if you were okay when he could have just ignored you... He bumps his bottle against JJ's and grins.
"Sure, friends."