A/N—Reminder that I don't own these characters and that all credit goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."
Happy Friday! This chapter is brought to you by INTENSE BOREDOM. That's so rare for me, I'm never bored because there's always a book to read, a movie to watch, a show to catch up on, a game to play...for some reason tonight none of those things are working so you get a chapter early instead. It wasn't supposed to go up until Sunday, but oh well. Here's the last part of the date. Apologies in advance for the way the story kind of shifts focus to James and Logan more than Carlos and Kendall. I didn't plan it that way but I AM a Jagan girl so I guess that's how it goes. Hope you like this and let me know what you think! :D Even if you don't, thank you so much for reading.
P.S. If ANYONE feels the need to post a chapter of a current story tonight, that would be awesome. Save me from boredom. :P
James walked into the darkened living room to the sight of Kendall stretched out on the carpet with Carlos on top, grinding into him as they kissed.
"Oh my god, can you guys please keep it G-rated? Even PG would do."
"Sorry," Kendall breathed, gently sitting up and trying to catch his breath. "This guy's a little hard to resist."
"Hear that?" Carlos grinned, reaching up for the bowl James was holding out. "I'm irresistible."
"You're insane," James corrected. "You just met the guy."
"Oh, don't act like you've never had sex with someone you just met. What was it you used to do for a living, James?"
Knowing that Logan had just entered the room, James quickly hushed him. "Shut up, that's private."
Kendall and Logan exchanged a quick glance; they'd just learned one more thing about James.
"Michael, where do you want your pie?"
"Oh, just set it on the table. I'm taking the chair, if that's cool."
Logan nodded, hiding his disappointment. "Sure. I'm just gonna go grab us some water." After setting down two plates on the coffee table, he disappeared again.
Kendall and Carlos made themselves comfortable on a blanket, then Kendall used a remote control to start the movie.
"What did we end up with?" James wondered.
"Carlos wanted the new James Bond movie."
"Dude!" Carlos exclaimed. "Steve writes about spies! Secret agents, that sort of thing!"
"Does he."
"Yeah! I want to read some of his stuff but he says he keeps it private until it's done."
"I haven't actually published anything yet," Kendall blushed. "Hopefully that will change now."
Logan returned with four bottles of water, handing one to each of them before taking the love seat for himself and reaching for his pie. "Do we get any blankets or are you two just gonna hog them all?"
"Oh, sorry." Kendall passed one to James, who was closest, and then James passed it over to Logan. "You can have the other spare if you want it, Michael."
"I'm good," James replied. "I should warn you guys, though, that Carlos talks a lot during movies."
Both Logan and Kendall smirked, having already known that.
"I'll try to be quiet," Carlos promised.
"No," Kendall disagreed. "You talk as much as you want. Just be yourself."
When he followed the words with a sweet kiss, Carlos bounced a little with sheer happiness. "You are seriously the most perfect date in history."
Logan watched as even James seemed to melt a little, liking Kendall in spite of his misgivings. They were on the way to winning him over and Logan prayed he didn't screw anything up again. He kicked his feet up onto the coffee table and settled in, heart skipping a beat when James' shoes joined the party close enough that a slight movement would have their feet touching.
Two minutes into the movie, James said quietly, "You know, I've never actually had lime pie."
From his perch on the love seat, Logan smiled. "I can get you some if you want. There's plenty left."
"Nah, I'd probably hate it. Especially with the taste of chocolate in my mouth."
"They actually create a unique flavor together. Kind of...exotic."
"Exotic, huh?"
Carlos turned his head and said haughtily, "And you were complaining about me talking through a movie?"
Logan smirked when he noted James' cheeks flushing. He moved to the cushion closest to the chair and said quietly, "Here, let me show you." Logan used his fork to break off a small bite of his lime, then did the same to James' chocolate piece before lifting the fork to James' lips. Please don't shut down on me, please don't shut down on me.
James looked as if he was considering doing just that. He hesitated, perhaps fearing that Logan was making a pass at him. In the end, he opened his mouth and accepted the bite, sliding his lips slowly off the fork in a way that had Logan's teeth clenching together to keep from letting out a desperate noise.
"Oh," James murmured in surprise. "That's...really good."
"Isn't it?" Logan moved his plate closer to James, offering more. James did the same, and they finished their dessert by eating off each others' plates while half paying attention to the movie; most of Logan's focus was on the way James' lips moved when he chewed and the tip of his tongue when it occasionally peeked out.
I'm not going to survive this night.
Needing to escape or completely give away his feelings, Logan rose from the love seat and reached for James' empty plate. He sensed James' eyes on him when he moved to do the same with the bowls, feeling that stare burning a hole into his back as he barely kept himself from running out of the room.
"Jesus," he whispered. "Please help me get through this."
Logan splashed cold water against his face, doing it a few times until he felt he could function normally. A dish towel worked to dry up the moisture, and as he pressed it to his face he was on edge, somehow just knowing James would show up to crowd him.
James didn't, though. For once James left him alone, probably having picked up on Logan's feelings and not wanting to encourage anything. It was a relief, really; it was easier to resist James when he wasn't in Logan's space.
Logan allowed himself a full ten minutes to calm down, using the time to finish cleaning up the dishes they hadn't gotten to and letting the task soothe him. He was acting like what James had accused Carlos of earlier, a junior high kid all riled up with excitement over a date. And this wasn't even technically a date.
Knock it off, Logan. Your job is to gain his trust. All your lust is gonna do is drive him further away. Keep it in your pants. Keep it in your pants.
With that mantra in his head, Logan flipped off the kitchen lights and braced himself to enter the living room. This time he bypassed the love seat, stopping only long enough to pick up the blanket and take it with him to the sofa, which was a safer distance from James. He curled up into a corner of the cushions, tucking the blanket under his feet and around his shoulders as if it was a shield.
James said nothing. James continued to stare at the screen as if Logan wasn't even in the room, and that was better. Really it was.
An hour into the movie, Carlos decided Kendall was more exciting. He'd been uncharacteristically quiet for most of it, sneaking occasional kisses to patches of Kendall's skin—neck, cheek, ear, chin. Finally he gave up trying to fight it, going for it and kissing Kendall's mouth in a way that showed he was done playing games. Kendall willingly succumbed to the attack, lying down on his side and pulling Carlos with him so that Logan could no longer see them below the coffee table. He ignored it as long as he could, but when the amorous sounds made it impossible to stop thinking about what it would feel like to kiss James, he broke.
Without a word Logan rose from the sofa, taking the blanket with him and walking through the kitchen to the back door. Fresh air was exactly what he needed.
The peace of the backyard was refreshing. Logan sank onto the porch swing, using the blanket to ward off the cold, but even that was welcome after he'd been so heated. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the cushion, letting the quiet seep into him.
That lasted all of five seconds. "Am I intruding?"
The voice was soft and hesitant. Logan kept his eyes closed and didn't move except to speak. "Of course not. I'm the one being rude."
"No, they are. But it's technically my fault, since I'm the one who told Carlos he wasn't allowed to be alone with Steve."
Logan made an amused sound, then opened his eyes to see James leaning against the jamb in the open doorway, hands in pockets and somewhat hunched in on himself. "They can't help themselves. It's been a long time for Steve."
"For Carlos, too. I've never actually seen him this into someone. Which boggles my mind considering they really don't even know each other."
"My mom always said 'when you know, you know.'"
"Yeah?"
"M-hm."
"Do you believe that?"
Logan considered how to answer that, wondering what would be the best way to win James over. In the end, he threw that out the window and went with the truth. "I don't know. I believe in instant attraction—seeing someone and thinking 'Wow, that's someone I'd like to know better.' But as far as meeting someone and knowing that person is your soulmate...I don't know. Seems a little too good to be true."
James nodded slowly. "That instant attraction is definitely a thing. I've experienced it."
"Me, too."
"But as for anything else...love and building a life together...I don't think it's for me."
"I wouldn't know."
"Really?" James pushed himself away from the door but then stopped as if afraid to get too close.
Logan held up one side of the blanket. "Come on. I promise I won't bite."
James' laugh was a welcome sound. "You're fine, I'm not worried about you."
"No? So I don't make you uncomfortable?"
"Not...I mean...no. You don't."
"Good. Then sit out here with me and discuss the meaning of life. Because I can't handle sitting in there watching Steve feel so many things I'll never get to experience." When James still didn't move, Logan let the blanket drop. "I get it if you feel safer watching over him."
"It's just...I worry so much about him. Against my better judgment, I actually trust Steve."
"You do?"
"Yeah. It's never really been him I was worried about. It's...keeping Carlos safe from others. I don't feel that Steve is a danger to him directly, only as someone that I don't know is capable of keeping Carlos safe. Does that make sense?"
"It does," Logan nodded, remembering James' suspicions that "Steve" might be an undercover agent and knowing his words now weren't the whole truth. "Go on in there. I just need a little longer to...clear my head."
James spun away and moved back into the house, Logan's stomach dropping in disappointment. Really, he needed to just accept that it was never going to happen. He watched the door being pushed shut and sighed.
It didn't quite close, though. Three fingers appeared to keep it from arriving at its destination, then it was pulled open to show James returning. "You know what? I don't think I can stand to watch that right now, either. Is that offer of a warm blanket still open?"
Barely managing to keep a scream inside, Logan smiled and lifted it again. James slid into place next to him, not close enough that it could be called cuddling but Logan feeling the warmth of his body where their legs and shoulders brushed together.
"You've never been in love?" James wanted to know.
"No. I've dated and thought maybe it could happen, but...I don't know. Just never really felt that whatever it is you're supposed to feel. I started to wonder if it even existed."
"It does," James assured him.
"So you've been there?"
"It's...complicated."
"Isn't it supposed to be wonderful? Birds singing everywhere, the colors brighter, hearts floating all around you?"
"So I hear," James chuckled. "I'm sure that part of it isn't so bad."
"What is?"
"Maybe that it doesn't last? Reality crashes in and you realize that no matter how hard you try to pretend like everything's gonna be okay, it never is?"
"Reality," Logan echoed. "Definitely puts a damper on the good things in life."
"Yeah."
"Are you divorced?"
"Me? Nah, nothing like that. We never quite made it to marriage."
"Think that's something you would've done eventually?"
James bit his lip. "I bought her a ring," he whispered.
"Oh. Wow. Did she say no?"
"She...never answered. Reality got in the way."
"I'm sorry."
James dragged himself from thoughts of the past to ask, "You ever been with a girl?"
"No. It's always been guys for me."
"Girls are nice, I guess. Different."
"I can imagine."
"Guys are...I don't know. I used to think they were more aggressive, but I've been with dudes who are less manly than some girls I've met."
"I try not to think of it in a gender sense. More of a...human sense. What type of human are you, that sort of thing. Because you're right, a person's gender doesn't guarantee anything about their behavior."
"What's your type?"
"My type?" Logan echoed.
"Yeah. What gets your blood flowing?"
You. "Uh. I don't know that there's any one thing." James absorbed that before Logan added, "What's yours?"
"I don't think about it. I'm done with all that. But you should experience it."
"After that glowing review?" Logan teased. "Wow, sign me up."
"Sorry," James laughed, his head falling onto Logan's shoulder briefly before he lifted it away. "I just think everyone should know what it's like. Just because it isn't right for me, doesn't mean it's wrong for everyone. Take Carlos, for example. He's never really been in a relationship. Always too busy with work to think about it. But he's dreamed about it forever and slept with guys here and there. It's not enough for him. He wants the whole enchilada. Love, marriage, romance...all that. And honestly, he deserves it."
"Doesn't everyone?"
"Some people just aren't meant for it. You might be one of them, but you can't know for sure until you try. You know?"
"I guess. Life is just so much more simple without all the distraction and...emotional chaos, as you put it earlier."
"It is," James agreed. "But sometimes...sometimes miracles come from it. Beauty can be born out of tragedy. As much as the bad shit hurts, sometimes there's one thing that makes it all worth it in the end."
Knowing he was probably doing the worst thing he could for the mission, Logan asked softly, "What's her name?"
"Emily."
The word was barely audible, those three syllables being so difficult for James to utter that he had to look away and fight for composure.
"She's beautiful, James. She has your eyes."
James cleared his throat, a sniffly sound following that as he rose. "I should get back in there."
"Wait, please—don't." Before he could stop himself, Logan reached up to grab James' hand. "I won't bring her up again. Just...sit out here with me. We don't have to talk."
Logan waited it out while James struggled with himself, mind and heart in an intense battle for dominance; he knew which was going to win, as James never seemed to go with his heart. Just when he thought James was going to walk away, the larger hand tightened around his before letting go. James slid under the blanket again, this time in a semi-sideways position that forced him to lean against Logan while letting his head fall to Logan's shoulder. "I like talking to you," he admitted quietly.
"I like it, too."
In spite of that, words played no part for the next half hour. Instead, they sat rocking together peacefully, James' head not moving away from Logan's shoulder and Logan's head resting against James'. At some point their fingers linked under the blanket, Logan content with nothing more than that in a way he'd never imagined he could be with someone as attractive as Hot Guy.
Carlos' hand had made it all the way inside Kendall's pants before Kendall remembered there was a mission to fulfill. Yes, this had been his goal, and yet he knew Carlos wouldn't be forthcoming in a setting where James might return at any second. He needed to extend this somehow.
"Fuck," he gasped, thought wiped away by a firm grip inside his boxers. "Carlos."
"Should I stop?"
"No, I just..." Kendall flipped their bodies so that he was leaning over Carlos, who freed his hand to drag Kendall's face down for a hot kiss. He didn't fight it, allowing Carlos' tongue to advance and wondering why he'd put off dating for so long. Yes, the job was important, but what was he missing out on by devoting all of his time and energy to it? This right here, apparently.
Suddenly Carlos was on top of him again, and when had he turned over onto his back? He didn't remember doing that. Carlos started to grind and it wasn't enough, there was too much fabric between them. Kendall reached up to unfasten Carlos' jeans, hissing when his palm slid in to run down the part of Carlos that was most excited. Maybe he could get Carlos into the bedroom.
"Come with me," Kendall whispered, breath coming in sharp pants.
"Working on it."
"No," he chuckled, trying to clear his head. "My room. Come to bed with me."
A tortured whine escaped Carlos. "I swore I'd stay where he can see me."
"He's not in here now, what's the difference?"
"He's not?" That got Carlos' mind elsewhere. He sat up straight, the friction hitting at just the right angle so that Kendall groaned. "James?" he called out.
"Outside," Kendall panted. "They went out back."
"What? Shit, he can't be...no, that's not safe."
Before Kendall could protest, Carlos was up and moving while zipping his pants up. "Where are you going?"
"Sorry, Steve, just give me a second."
Kendall muttered, "Fuck" under his breath, feeling like he'd lost the moment. Carlos was thinking too hard, and the goal had been to make it so he couldn't do that and lowered his defenses. Why did Logan have to leave the room anyway?
To give you privacy. He's trying to get James away from Carlos, that was the plan.
Right. So really, he'd been doing his job. And Kendall had been doing his, too, he just...got a little carried away. But that didn't make sense. He was supposed to get carried away and take Carlos with him.
Instead, Carlos was the one running away. They were failing.
Or maybe not. Kendall looked up when he heard Carlos return, an expression of confusion distorting his features. "What's wrong? Did you find Michael?"
"Yeah. Yeah, he uh...he's sitting in the backyard with Jeff."
"Okay. Why is that weird?"
Carlos lowered himself to the sofa, attention on something inside his head rather than Kendall. "He's...just sitting there."
"And?"
"That's it. They're sitting together and James has his head on Jeff's shoulder. I didn't say anything. I felt like I'd be interrupting."
"That's good, right? They like each other?"
"It's weird."
"Carlos, I thought you wanted this," Kendall chuckled.
"I thought I did, too." Clearly not understanding where his own head was on the matter, Carlos stood up. "I'm really sorry, but I think we need to go."
"Wait, what?" Kendall stood up from the carpet, rushing over to sit next to Carlos and sliding an arm around him. "Please, stay. If I came on too strong—"
"No, it's not that. It's not you." Carlos proved it with a tender smile, leaning in for a soft kiss. "You're perfect. Too perfect. Tonight was everything I needed. Better than anything I ever dreamed I could have."
"Then why are you leaving?" Kendall wondered, not having to fake the hurt in his voice. "We can make it more perfect."
"There's nothing I want more." Another gentle kiss had Kendall sighing into it. "But James was right. I shouldn't be here, we shouldn't be taking this chance."
"Carlos, you can't live your entire life hiding. I don't know what you're so afraid of, but if you don't get out and experience life, why even try to protect it?"
"That's what tonight was about. Experiencing things. But I'm putting James in danger because for whatever reason, he's the one not thinking clearly right now. So I have to. I'm sorry."
If they left now, there would be no chance. The mission would be impossible to complete. When Carlos stood, Kendall rose with him and gripped his hand firmly. "Please. Stay. I've never felt like this about anybody." He was shocked to realize it was the truth.
Carlos' reply was a sad smile. "I haven't either. But I can't take this chance. I'm sorry."
Kendall watched Carlos spin away to go back outside, his own mind racing as he tried to come up with a way to keep Carlos from leaving.
James' eyes were getting droopy by the time Carlos got his attention. "Hey. We need to go."
"Shit, really?" James moved away from Logan fast, rubbing his face with one hand. "It's already midnight?"
"No, I just...I'll explain later. We need to get home."
Logan's face fell, but he immediately worked to cover up his disappointment. He caught Kendall's eye when his partner stepped up behind Carlos, sensing Kendall's panic. Something had gone very wrong.
James was suddenly wide awake. He studied Carlos more closely. "Is it safe for you be outside?"
"Yeah, it's nothing like that. We just...would be safer at home."
"Sure. Okay, yeah. Uh...Jeff." James held out his hand for a shake, Logan managing a tiny smile for him. "Thanks for dinner. And the talk. It was..."
Again, James couldn't come up with the right words. Logan nodded anyway, then said, "Me, too."
"Let me at least walk you guys to the door," Kendall offered. When Carlos took his hand, he linked their fingers and squeezed tightly. "Are you sure?" he asked as they crossed the kitchen.
"Yeah. I know it seems rude, I kind of led you on. I didn't mean to, I had every intention of following through."
James and Logan followed behind, both listening closely to the conversation.
"So what did I do wrong?"
"Nothing," Carlos replied sadly, stopping their motion near the front door. "I told you, you're perfect."
Kendall looked as if he was about to cry. "Can I see you again?"
Probably about to say no, Carlos hesitated when he looked up at Kendall's face. He hugged Kendall to him and whispered, "I don't know. I'm a little confused right now."
"That's fine, you're allowed to be. We moved fast. Take time if you need it, just know that my door is always open to you."
"Thanks." Carlos allowed himself one last sweet kiss, drawing it out as long he could without letting it progress into something more. "This was the best date I've ever had."
"It was for me, too. Can I walk you to your door?"
Carlos looked to James for an answer, knowing that would be a negative. James surprised him by nodding. "But Steve. If anything happens to him between here and there, I'll slice out your intestines."
"Wow. Point taken. I can assure you, though, that I'd do anything to keep him safe."
James' threatening expression didn't waver. "I'm right behind you guys."
Kendall nodded and reached out to take Carlos' hand, opening the front door and taking in his surroundings, as was his habit, before leading Carlos out onto the porch.
James turned to Logan, who said, "Slice out your intestines? That's pretty intense, Michael."
With a smirk, James shrugged. "I don't mess around."
"My loss," Logan replied lightly.
The smirk died, replaced by that intense stare that sent lightning bolts shooting through Logan's body. "Now you're gonna get flirty? As I'm walking out the door?"
"You made it clear you're not interested in a hook-up."
"You said the same thing," James pointed out.
"I meant it."
"So did I."
"Good," Logan nodded. "So we're on the same page, then."
"Absolutely."
"Great. It was nice meeting you."
"You, too. Enjoy your stay."
"I will. Thanks."
James turned away, the conversation over. Logan held his breath, attempting to keep from doing something foolish. It was James who started the communication back up, spinning around to ask, "So when do you leave?"
"Uh...supposed to be the day after tomorrow. If Steve needs me gone sooner, I guess that'll change."
"He looks pretty upset. You might want to stick around a few days, make sure he's okay."
"I'll think about it. I wouldn't want to abandon a friend who's dealing with a broken heart."
"Yeah, I'd do the same for Carlos. Night."
"Night. Hey, uh...Michael."
The tall figure halted, keeping his back to Logan.
"Take care of yourself. Maybe learn to forgive yourself for whatever it is you think is your fault."
"It is my fault," James said in a low voice.
Knowing it would be his last chance to touch James, Logan stepped forward and off the porch to rest a hand on James' shoulder. "Then maybe work on not hating yourself so much. Your time is better spent making up for it than dwelling on it."
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"No, I don't. But I know you, and I see the torture you're putting yourself through. Just...open your mind to the fact that you're a good person who deserves good things. Because I just met you, and I can see that much."
James' left hand came up to grip Logan's fingers, twining with them before he spun around so they were face to face. Logan thought he saw the same longing reflected in those deep hazel eyes, but it might've just been wishful thinking. "Go out and find yourself a boyfriend," James urged softly. "Fall in love. Because that's what you deserve."
Logan's heart was back to trying to explode in his chest. "Would you slice out my intestines if I hug you right now?"
One corner of James' lips tugged up. "Try it and find out."
Though what he needed most was to kiss James, Logan satisfied himself with the hug, sliding his arms around James' waist and leaning his head on James' shoulder. He could barely breathe when the embrace was returned, James' arms wrapping around his back and holding him close. "Goodnight, Michael."
Hot breath skated over his ear. "Call me James. Please."
Logan couldn't hold back a shudder. He lifted his mouth to graze up James' neck, and there was no mistaking the sharp intake of breath when he whispered, "Logan."
"Sweet dreams, Logan."
Logan's eyes fell shut; he knew what he'd be dreaming about tonight. The strong safety of James' arms was almost enough to have him envisioning it all now. "Definitely."
"James! Come on, man!"
James disentangled himself with an exasperated sigh. "He's going to wake up the entire neighborhood."
"Yeah, good luck with that."
"You don't know how lucky you are to not have to deal with that 24/7."
"Eh, I live through my own personal hell and torture on a daily basis."
"I'm sure it doesn't even come close."
"James! Now!"
Logan grinned up at James. "You'd better go."
"Yeah. Night."
"Night."
Kendall waited until James had arrived to escape Carlos, dipping back for one quick kiss before trotting down the street. Logan watched James shove Carlos inside the house, then he looked over to lock eyes with Logan. There was a wink, and then both were gone.