Warning this book has some shounen-ai in it

Coincidences
Chapter 8: Tension in Space

It was late on the fifth night aboard the small vessel and Revan sat alone in the cockpit watching the controls. Everyone else was asleep to the best of her knowledge, for all she knew the boys could be setting up swapping stories on their exploits. To be honest she didn't have a clue why anyone would want to discuss the battles they had been in. Personally she didn't.

Looking out the window at the hyperspace stream, she leaned back in the seat, enjoying the fact she was alone. Since they had left Malak was acting like he used to before the war, it was nice to see him joking and playful, but she suspected it was only because they were away from the fleet.

Slowly Revan closed her, drawing in the peace of the silent cockpit. Images erupted before her minds eye. A dark figure wearing red-orange armor stood at the head of a hammer-head class ship. The alarms went off and the figure turned, revealing-revealing the mask she wore. Her eyes shot open!

Shaking herself, she tried to erase the image of the figure from her mind, but to no avail. The figure had worn black, but that didn't mean anything, did it? It didn't, the Sith of old wore extravagant colors not plain ones.

xxx

Back in the dormitories, Link was likewise sitting up alone. Marth and Malak had gone to sleep hours ago, and their sounds of slumber filled the room. But for some reason he couldn't understand, sleep was evading him. Even when he lay down and closed his eyes, he felt no tug of sleepiness.

No, instead he felt a bone-deep weariness.

Link supposed that it came from living on past his normal lifespan; that his body could no longer regenerate the energy it needed to make it feel young. Or perhaps it was simply his mind that was tired and that was transferring to the rest of his body. Either way he felt old, worn, used. That was probably how every "hero" felt at the end of the day.

None of that changed the fact though that his very bones ached from the centuries they'd seen.

The ache was worse tonight. He figured that the reason for that was because he was coming close to meeting some of the wisest, powerful and most probably oldest figures of this galaxy. And they still couldn't hold a flame to the years he had seen.

Farore, he really was older than dirt.

Suddenly, Link let out a small bark of laughter; he had just thought of something that he'd never bothered to think of before. He was man older than dirt who has never been in love.

A self-pitying smile stretched Link's lips in a mockery of his usual bright and cheery one. That fact right there was probably one of the saddest ones he'd ever heard of before. Hell, he had another one to add on top of it; before he'd come here his only friend was his three thousand year old horse (who was a great friend despite her species).

He couldn't help but shake his head at himself. And then his customary curse at the goddesses fell from his lips. Oddly, that soothed him, even though it truly had no affect whatsoever except for finally allowing him to fall asleep.

xxx

It was early morning now and Revan was still in the cockpit. She had meditated to regain her strength and to rest her mind and body, but not slept. She sensed movement from the dorm, but not the life force of the person moving, which meant it was Link. Perhaps he had slept little as well and perhaps not. Just then she heard the sound of feet on metal and smiled as someone entered behind her. "Good morning, Link," she said quietly.

"Good morning, Revan," he greeted back as he mused his hair, plopping down in the seat behind hers, "I had a thought last night; the Jedi and the Sheikah from my home world would make very good friends. What with the emotionlessness, the secrecy, and the duty to the greater good. Though you guys are more open about your emotions than the Sheikah."

Revan didn't reply, not really knowing how to take what he had just said. She was certain it hadn't been a complement and it wasn't a dis, perhaps something in-between.

Link, looking up, rubbed his bloodshot eyes hard and sighed deeply, "One of my closest friends was a Sheikah. You remind me of her a lot."

"How so?" asked Revan, not looking at Link.

"Well," Link tapped his chin thoughtfully, his gaze cast upwards, "You both have long black hair, and really intense eyes that seem to be looking into a person instead of at them. And there's this air of calm and control about you that makes everyone else feel like everything's going to be alright; that she had as well. Your laugh is soft and soothing just like hers; it's a really nice thing to hear. Both of you are committed to your duty to the point where everyone else's sake comes before yours."

He trailed off as he ran a hand down his cheek, then he dropped his head and grinned, "And you're both willing to put up with an idiot like me. She used to say that that alone was the greatest accomplishment she had and ever would achieve."

"Trust me, I have met people who are far worse than you are, Link," stated Revan, at last glancing at him. "The admiral for one," she smiled to herself since no one could see it anyways. "I appreciate the fact that I remind you of an old friend of yours and I wish I could return the compliment; however, I have never met anyone like you in all my travels."

"That right there is a compliment itself. Besides I would be a little worried if there was someone else like me running around. I don't think the galaxies could handle another me." Link chuckled, rubbing his hands together to warm them, "So when do you think the two sleeping beauties will wake up?"

"I sense Malak has woken; however, Vackar warned his padawan tends to sleep in a lot," she returned her attention to the console. "Two more days of this and we will be back on Coruscant."

Link grunted, unsure about what to say. Absently he fiddled with his pant leg as he looked to the side and a frown tugged at his mouth. His bloodshot eyes became distant and lines in normally youthful face deepened as he finally said slowly, "That's good. I hope the Council will be in a listening mood when we get there."

"I am just hoping the Force Atris is not there, she is the last council member I wish to meet," her voice was calm, but she felt resentment stir in her. If Atris, the youngest of the council members, hadn't been there the day she had informed the council of her findings everything would be different.

"Let me guess. She's the one who's gonna cause us the most difficulties, right?" Link asked then he shrugged, "Mah, if they give us any crap I'll just bully them into doing it with my age. I'm their elder after all." He joked, draping his arms over the back of the chair and stretching his legs out before him.

"That would not work no matter how hard you tried," she said. "They are the wisest of the Jedi, everyone you have met thus far pales in comparison to them. Vrook would not take kindly to the fact someone besides Vandar is telling him what to do. Our best bet is to speak directly to Vandar or Kavar. Vandar has the most influence in the council as the oldest and wisest member and Kavar is the most sympatric to our group, having trained two of the Jedi in it."

Link nodded in agreement but didn't say anything, instead letting his head fall back so that he could stare at the ceiling. It was a long moment before he asked, "They won't banish you, will they?"

"I hope they do not take it that far." She paused before continuing, "Even if they do banish me, it only means those who followed me would have to expect a similar fate and that I would have to build a new lightsaber," even as she said this she felt her heart sink at the prospect that banishment from the Jedi Order might not be too far off.

"I don't want you to get banished just for helping me." Link stated firmly, "If you going to the council means banishment then I'll just go and see them on my own."

"That would not be possible. Rarely are non Jedi allowed to see the council unless it is important and even then they do not meet in the council chamber," she said. "If I am with you that would make everything easier," she said the last word slowly, not at all liking it. Rarely were things easy and when they were that was when she worried.

Link grumbled, his expression showing his unwillingness to bend on the subject, "I suppose, but…mah. It's too early to be talking about this." He waved his hand in vague, dismissive circles, looking off to the side at a random piece of machinery.

"Too—" Revan blinked slightly confused by his wording, "—early?"

Link turned his head back to her, a thin brow lifted high on his forehead, "You know…in the morning. It's only what…five in the morning."

"Your point?" queried Revan as she turned the chair to face him. "Five is not as early as one believes," how was five early?

"Yes it is." He stubbornly stated, "For me at least. What do you think I've done all the years of my life? Ponder the mysteries of life as we know it?" he asked incredulously, both his eyebrows lifted high.

Okay, now this was getting extremely confusing. What else would one do but ponder the mysteries of life? "Why would you not "ponder the mysteries of life?"" this was just too strange. Perhaps Malak would have agreed with Link; however, she did not.

"Eat, sleep; kill bastard creatures. You know….the usual." Link listed, ticking each one off on long, slender fingers.

"How is that "the usual?" If anything that is not usual, it is beyond so," she shook her head, trying to wrap her mind around the idea of such simplicity. It was preposterous, how could one aid others in such a way?

Link laughed, "Maybe. But that's all my life's ever been. Sure maybe I did it to help people when I was...much younger," he blinked and grimaced as he said that, "but after awhile…it became a job. I got tired. Everything got annoying. Ya…the path just kinda died."

Yeah, he would not make a good Jedi, that much was certain. All she could do was look at Link, trying to wrap her mind around this. Sure she knew of many races who would rather keep to themselves and even some who thought only of themselves, but, still, it was hard to believe someone could just stop helping people.

Just then Malak entered, looking disgruntled and exhausted. He took the seat beside Link and looked out the cockpit window. Muttering what sounded to be curses and promises under his breath, it was more then obvious something was bothering him.

"Don't be so happy." Link said, tossing a grin at Malak that was tinged with bad humor, "You'll make me more tired than I already am."

Malak shot a glare at Link, "Shut up."

"Malak," Revan said, shocked that her friend had said that. Even though they had spent more time around soldiers than other Jedi they still had to abide by the Jedi way.

"Farore, I just love the companionable atmosphere. It warms my heart to the core." Link placed a hand over his heart, feigning an expression of bliss.

"I'm in no mood for this," muttered Malak. He looked at Link before turning to Revan. "Can't you make this tin can go any faster?"

"Maybe you should add some natural fuel to the fuel tank. Then maybe we'll go faster, Stripes."

At this Malak leapt to him feet. "What did you just call me?" he growled, his fists clenched and eyes flashing. Oh, great, not this again.

"You heard me, Stripes." Link smirked, looking up at Malak, running his fingers through his bangs, closing his eyes.

Snarling, Malak leapt forward lashing out with a fist. The instant he sensed Malak move, Link jerked his leg up, slamming it into the wide opening Malak had left between his legs. As both their hits connected Marth entered, his eyes still bleary from sleep. They didn't stay that way long though as he took in the outrageous scene before him. Shaking his head in disbelief Marth said, "What…why…I'm confused."

Just as Malak fell back from Link's underhanded move Link leapt at the taller man, bulling into him. "I am surrounded by idiots," muttered Revan as the two "men" fell to the floor in a tangle of arms and legs. "Enough!" she shouted, her voice commanding as she leapt to her feet, calling upon the Force. In an instant they were torn apart and slammed into opposite walls.

"Fuck." Link groaned, rolling his head forward, "By the three Goddesses, what is wrong with you people? This place is stupid! I'm tired, your food sucks, you don't know how to freakin' talk and why aren't these walls smooth?"

"Can we dump him on Tatooine, please?" shouted Malak, his eyes flashing with anger.

"Enough!" Revan ground out the word, she wasn't angry only annoyed at all of this. "Can the two of you get along for just one second while I think?"

Link stuck his tongue out at Malak then glared at the ground, his jaw clenched and knotting. Marth, still at the entrance, looked backed and forth between the two pinned then looked plaintively at Revan, silently asking her to tell him what had happened. Slowly Revan lowered her arms, placing her hand on her chin and looking at the floor as she thought. The two of them were still somehow pinned with the Force.

Deep within Link felt the disease scratch at him, its "awareness" being brought to life by the pressure keeping him pinned to wall. Before he could react to it, the disease rushed forward, sending black tendrils into his left eye.

A shiver raced down Revan's spin, something was—pain lanced through her head as she was thrown sideways into the middle console. The sound of medal on the floor rang in her ears as pain exploded through her mind. Darkness clouded her vision, enveloping her.

xxx

Marth blinked.

And the next thing he knew Link was standing over Revan, his fist still slightly raised and blood lightly coating his knuckles. The look in Link's eyes was dazed and confused, like he didn't know how he had gotten from the wall to the console. Marth stared at him, not having an answer to give the blonde, since he hadn't seen it either.

"Rev!" Marth saw Malak shoot from where he had been standing over to the console, shoving Link away from Revan. It was then he noticed Revan. The mask she wore was on the floor several feet from her crumpled form. Her hood was down, revealing her features to him. What the Force! Revan was a young woman, a rather pretty one at that. He had been expected massive wrinkles under that mask, an old crone, but this!

A hopeful thought floated through his mind that maybe he was still in his bunk, sleeping, but that was quickly dismissed by the twitch he felt developing in his eyebrow. That only happened when he was nervous and he could only be nervous if he was awake. Marth looked down at the unconscious general then slowly, so slowly, returned his gaze to Link, "Link, why?"

Link followed the trail Marth's eyes had taken, down to Revan before his mouthed opened in a gasp, his eyes flying back to Marth's, "I didn't…when…" Link trailed off desperately, confusion, fear and horror etched into his face.

Malak didn't reply to Link's confused reaction, instead he moved his hand over the young features of Revan. "Her jaw's broken," he said at length, his voice tight. "Forgive me, old friend," he muttered before he moved his hands. A loud snap and groan sounded before silence fell. A soft blue light appeared around Malak's hand and several more snaps soon followed. As Malak moved, blood came into view, coating the side Revan's head.

Finally, it dawned on him that Link had just attacked the general, the leader of the Revanchists, and he looked up and met Link's eyes, "I think it would be a good idea if you went back to the dorm Link."

Link opened his mouth to argue with him, but then his blue orbs drifted back to Revan's prone figure. Jerkily, the blonde nodded as he stared then he forced his gaze away and mechanically walked out of the room. Marth stepped aside as Link passed, but didn't meet the blonde's eyes, instead keeping his eyes locked on the face of his leader.

It was so strange; Revan, the Jedi who acted as if she were seventy years old, was in fact only about his own age. It was sort of mind boggling that someone near his age could be so responsible and level-headed. She had always seemed so mechanical to him compared to all the other Jedi, as if she weren't really a person. What could have made her into the person she was now? One who didn't laugh, or joke and if rumors were true never even really slept?

All these questions flitted through his mind as he dared to ask Malak, "Is she going to be alright?"

Malak grunted, replying stiffly, "Her jaw's healed and—" he moved his hand and the glowing light again enveloped it as he started to heal the wound on her head. At once her eyes flickered open and her hand grabbed hold of Malak's. Her pale, unsettling eyes wide. "R—"

She leapt to her feet and away from Malak. "Do not ever do that again," she said, her voice even and features blank as if she was still wearing a mask. Before anyone could react to this, her eyes rolled and she let out a sudden exclamation, "No!"

"Rev?" Malak caught her before she could fall back. "What is it? What do you see?"

Surprised, Marth inched further into the room, leaning forward to get a better view of Revan, "Is this a force vision?"

Several expressions flitted across Revan's face so fast they were lost to him. Slowly she opened her eyes, her face once more a careful blank. "What—" Malak began, but stopped as she looked at him.

Summoning her mask to her, her unsettling gaze swept the room. "There has been a contingency," she spoke at last. "I must speak with Captain Shunda on this," she slowly placed the mask. "Mandalore has grown far too bold."

Backing up, Marth thoughtfully stared at the mask that was now back on Revan's face. He definitely liked her actual face better but he thought that maybe he understood why she wore the Mandalorian mask. But that wondering was for another time, so he brought himself back to thinking about what she had just said, "Are we going to have to turn back, General?"

"No," she stated. "We would not make it there in time to be of help." With that she gestured to Malak and left the room, heading to communications.

Curiosity getting the better of him, Marth glanced at Malak before quietly leaving the room, trying to make it seem as if he weren't following Revan. As non-suspiciously as he could, Marth trailed Revan to the communications room, stopping just outside it and leaning against a smoother part of the wall so that he could listen to the conversation.

"General?" the captain's voice came through the door. "You're not due to report until you reach the capital?"

"I know," said Revan, evenly. "What I have seen called for me to contact you immediately." There was a pause before she slowly continued, "Mandalore has discovered a-a flaw in the blockade. He will attack Coruscant in three days time. I advise contacting the rest of the Republic fleet and not telling the admiral of this until—"

"Ar-are you certain? Could you have misheard or seen a lie?" asked Captain Shunda, her voice shaking.

"No," Revan replied simply.

"You should return to the fleet, we need you here if this is true," the captain quickly said.

"I can not," replied Revan. "I will need to speak with the Chancellor on this matter and, if they will listen, the Jedi High Council. Though they will not do so if I know them."

Mandalore was going to attack Coruscant? But, that was where they were heading this minute! And without the fleet…the Council already doesn't agree with the war. What if they refused to become involved in the attack that was going to occur? Oh Force, there were so many things that could potentially go wrong.

Feeling a headache develop behind his right eye, Marth pressed his forehead to the cool metal of the wall, and listened with only half an ear to the rest of Revan and Captain Shunda's conversation.

"Send one third of our fleet to Coruscant, the fleet closest. They will be short on time; however, I believe they will make it," said Revan, her voice was so calm, so even, it was hard to believe she was so young.

"Yes, General Revan," the captain spoke without pause. Then as an after thought spoke in a whisper, "Be careful, Revan, you won't have us there to back you up and you know the council never takes one such as yourself seriously."

"I understand that, captain. Besides we have been out numbered one to five before and come through. May the Force be with you, Captain Shunda. Revan out," her voice died away. "Force—" she muttered the word, "—nothing is ever simple, is it? Though if it was I would get worried."

Internally Marth chuckled, relieved to hear that they wouldn't be in this entirely alone. But suddenly he realized that the end of the conversation had be his cue to leave, so quickly he walked away. Force, if only the Council would understand the truth of the Mandalorian threat then, then! Things wouldn't always have to be so…dangerous.

Without him really noticing Marth feet led him back to the cockpit. Still wrapped up in his inner musing, he took one of the back chairs, settling himself into it. Chewing on his lip, Marth shook his head, denying the thought that had just crossed his mind then turned to his side to ask Link's opinion.

Abruptly he remembered that Link wasn't there, had in fact been sent back to the dormitories by him, and he felt unexplainable sadness wash through him. Had Link really become that constant in his life? To the point where he looked to his side, expecting the blonde to be there, without giving it a second thought? Marth groaned silently, surprised with himself. Apparently the answer to all of those questions was yes. Link had become his closest friend and Marth, for all his nineteen years of life, had never had that before.

xxx

Revan stiffened as she sensed Marth move away from the door into the communications room. Force, she had been so concerned with what she had seen she hadn't sensed him follow her. It wasn't the fact he had heard what was going to occur, because she was going to tell everyone about that, but the fact he had overheard her last few words. Coupled with the fact he had seen her face… the Force just wasn't with her today.

Sighing, she collapsed into one of the chairs in the room. A heavy weight was pressing down on her shoulders, a weight she should have been comfortable with by now, but still wasn't. The weight of what she had done and all she had given to this, how she had changed, how her friends had changed, and how all the lives of the Republic relied on the decisions she made. For the first time in her life she felt almost overwhelmed by all of it; then, she let out a bark of laughter. Here she was thinking about this when there were far more important matters to attend to, like binding her head wound and speaking with the others.

"What I would not give to have no worries again," she looked down, resting her hand on her chin as she lapsed into thought.

"Revan," the voice was soft and hesitant, "Are-are you okay?"

Her head shot up at the sound of Link's voice and pain lanced through her from the wound on her head. "Link?" she stood, looking at the tall alien before her. "Yes, I am fine and glad that you have gained control once more."

Her assurance seemed to do nothing to alleviate Link's worry and guilt, "I heard what you said to Captain Shunda. I can't be in a battle again…I don't want to hurt you…again." the last word was bitter and hard, showing a glimpse of the anger he felt towards himself for ever having harmed her in the first place.

"You will not be in the battle, Link," she looked away, not liking the fact this was occurring. "There are few options ahead of us at this moment in time. I doubt Admiral Cede will be in a mood to allow for the Revanchist's to help; however, that does not mean we will lose Coruscant."

Link nodded, not entirely convinced but willing to believe her, "Okay. Um…if you want I have something that will heal your wounds completely. Tastes bad though."

Her gaze whipped back to him as she spoke, "I am fine." With that she walked past Link towards the girl's dorm. She would treat the wound on her own, no more with healing, through the Force or otherwise.

Link stood frozen as she went past, his expression neutral. Then once Revan was out of sight he let his shoulders sag and he walked into the communications room, taking one of the vacant chairs. Seated, he leaned forward, placing his elbows on his thighs and let his head hang, his eyes closed. The silence in the room was complete.

Once alone, Revan removed her mask and picked up a few items near one of the beds. They were med-packs, no bigger than the palm of her hand. Injecting one, she felt the pain dim as once as the kolto in pack took effect on mending the wound. It would take a few days, but she would rather this than the feeling of being healed again.

xxx

He needed to go home.

Link sighed and brought his hands up to his face to rub tiredly at it. The communications room was the perfect place for him to stay and be alone. And he needed to be, badly. He was pretty sure that for the past one hundred years back on his home world he had live quietly, with only Epona as company, except for the rare last traveler. And a horse was one of the quietest companions anyone could wish for.

But then again he'd always been somewhat of a loner: traveling, defeating evil wherever it sprung up; making his temporary home whenever he had to stop for awhile. Yet strangely his life had never been placid or peaceful. No, it had either been dangerous to the extreme or boring. He had never been able to achieve a balance between the two; a happy medium as some people called it.

Link couldn't help but shake his head at himself as he brought a hand up to touch the massive six-pointed, lurid red, star shaped scar in the center of his chest. A similar one could be found on his back except it was slightly smaller than the other. Both were raised and knotted, showing the ill-knitting of the muscles as they'd come back together. This particular wound had kept him incapacitated for months, and the only reason he had recovered from it had been because of Ketiaya, his Sheikan friend he had told Revan about earlier.

Not that he would have died anyways.

Link's smile was a brittle thing at that moment. His knew that his Goddesses he used him unfairly, had played a cruel joke on him. But what was worse than the joke was the fact that he couldn't do anything to get back at them for it. Because honestly, how do you fight three gods at once?

Laughter wrenched itself from his throat, mocking in its tone, a dark thing to anyone who heard it. Unfortunately, he could and with a wince he clamped his mouth shut. In an attempt to divert his thoughts from their current path, he abruptly wondered if the Jedi Council would help him or not. It was probably a good thing that he was invisible to their Force, whatever it really was. He was sure that if they could sense him with it, they would immediately send him on his way and with a recommendation to stay on a deserted planet.

In the back of his mind, the disease, picking up on his thoughts, grinned darkly at him, agreeing with his pessimistic thoughts. Cautiously it sent its tendrils out, sending to him the thought that everyone, most especially Revan and Marth and even Malak, would be better off if he were gone. Quickly though, Link snapped the tendrils before they could spread, snarling and sending the disease scampering back to its pitiful corner. Once he knew that it wouldn't try anything again, Link leaned back in his chair and slid farther down into it, as he uncaringly traced the tubes and other mechanical contraptions on the wall opposite with his eyes.

Yep, he definitely needed to go home.

xxx

Revan entered the cockpit, her eyes falling across Marth and Malak, both of whom sat silently. Crossing the room, she took the pilot's seat and set to work. At once several of the systems gave off warning alerts. "Master, what are you doing?" asked Malak, glancing at her.

"Making this "tin can" go faster," she stated, diverting more power to the hyperdrive. The lighters flickered out, casting them into semi-darkness. "I will keep only communications online," at once the blue streaks of hyperspace sped up as they shot forward. She ignored this and continued what she was doing; opening and locking open the doors of the cockpit and comm. room. The rest were shut tight as she diverted the power from them as well. "Now, it will take us only a few hours," she leaned back in her seat, hoping none of them would take notice she had also diverted power from life-support, making it so they had just enough air to get there.

Marth nodded at her words, his expression showing that he was not sure whether this was going to be good or bad, "I think all of us will be glad to get off this shuttle."

"That is not my reasoning," stated Revan. "The sooner we arrive the sooner Coruscant will be warned. My vision was of Mandalore attacking Coruscant, there are few options left to us."

"Wonderful," stated Malak, "and let me guess, another admiral will be coming to protect Coruscant?"

"Yes," stated Revan, her eyes narrowing slightly. "At this point in time there are few forces near the capital, its only true defense are the Jedi of the Order there. I doubt they will act right away, they will debate, we must get there." There was little room for error here.

Marth looked between Malak and Revan but didn't speak up; it was not his place to speak since he was only a Padawan.

Revan took a deep breath before closing her eyes, her breathing slowed as she began to meditate; yet, her senses went into full alert. She could sense everything going on within the small ship.

"Why did the ship just get dark?" Revan's eyes flew open at the sound of Link's voice, coming from the entrance into the cockpit.

"We are cutting down travel," she explained. "For the time being, it would be best if all of us stay in the cockpit and no arguing about anything. We have—" she glanced at the controls and smiled, "—under an hour until we arrive."

Sighing, Link reluctantly did as Revan had instructed, taking the last remaining seat. With the barest rustling of clothing he settled into it, and closed his eyes. In his own chair, Marth turned to look at the blonde briefly before figuring that Link had the right idea. Closing his own eyes, Marth fell back into his meditation state.

Once more Revan closed her eyes, withdrawing into deep meditation. As a youngling she had been dead set on learning how Master Vandar could meditate for days on end. Now, if she had the time, she could do so as well. Meditation was the replacement to sleep for her.

(Author's Note: Revan and many of the Star Wars characters are written by me. Link and Marth are written by Blackfang13.I foreword all comments to Blackfang so both of us are reading them

A request: if you read this story please, please leave a review or a comment even if you don't have an account for fanfiction. Comments and reviews help me get motivated to write when I am not in the mood do so.)