A/N: Grr. Curse the hairdresser! Curse her along with me, my faithful legion of readers! (You know, I quite like the word legion, it sounds so army-ish.) I've got this weird haircut, she snipped of most of my hair so now it looks sooo short. Grr. Again. And, yes, I do know that I'm being exceedingly superficial and shallow, but guess what? I don't care right now!
…
But I do care about the Marauders and Lily…
So, I'll just shut up before I start blithering about something completely pointless.
Disclaimer: If you think that Harry Potter could ever belong to a teenager with a weird haircut, you are delusional.
A/N: Sorry to interrupt, but I just remembered, you know stuff like and so on? Well, I just started one there under the name elvendagger (duh), so, I'm wondering, do people read each other's diaries and comment? If they do, then how do they contact the diary writer?
Oh, and I need to address 2 issues.
Firstly, Peter's fear.
Well, as commented on by Logical Raven, it was kind of the dark that he was afraid of. That was what I was writing about at first, and I think that that was what the girls were just planning. But when you think about it, it has a deeper meaning. They created images to scare him, and he had no one to protect him from it. It was like he was alone and had to stand on his own two feet for once, and we can all see how well that turned out.
Secondly, the issue as to why Lily's pranks are better than the Marauders and how she's acting.
Okay, I know this seems strange, but even I, with my horrendous memory, distinctly remember that there were a few reviews talking about this. But when I went over my reviews just now, I couldn't find anything. Which is weird, unless I'm starting to hallucinate or something. I do recall one review saying that Lily was being annoying and Remus should dump her in front of everybody or something. And another about why their pranks are better when the Marauders have been at it longer. Well, I know that I mentioned in one of the chapters when James and Lily were planning the Ball, that when Lily and her friends ran out of idea, they just improvised the ones from the Marauders. Which explains why theirs are better, because they're using their own and the Marauders's creativity, unlike the Marauders who are relying on themselves.
Umm… is it possible to delete a review you gave? 'cause I seriously don't see it. Anywho, Lily's attitude has been addressed in this chapter.
Lily burst into the dorm, her face flushed and her eyes shining with exhilaration.
"That was the best!" she crowed triumphantly, flopping down on her bed and grinning up at Taylor and Andrea, they had stopped talking to stare at her. "Did you see his face this morning when we ran that tape again? And how McGonagall looked when she had to Transfigure him back? Merlin, I'll have to remember to remind him later!" She clutched her stomach, laughing happily.
"Actually, Lily," started Taylor hesitantly, looking at the chuckling girl. "We… kind of wanted to talk to you about something."
Lily stopped laughing with difficulty and sat up, finally noticing how serious both of them looked. In fact, she'd never seen such an intense look on Andrea's face since Gladrags had a 50 percent off Spring Sale.
"What?" she asked curiously.
"You see, Lily," started Taylor gently, as though there was a risk of her exploding. "Haven't you noticed that you seem rather… well… rather…umm…"
"What?" asked Lily again, feeling confused.
"Alright, Taylor," said Andrea firmly, holding up a hand to signal her to be quiet. "You're really diplomatic and all, but even I can tell that this isn't a situation for that kind of crap," she turned to Lily, her dark blue eyes boring into her.
Yep, Lily remembered clearly, that was definitely the look Andrea had worn when she saw another girl picking up a Blythe robe that she wanted during the sale.
"I'm going to give you what we think, and I'm not going to mince one damn word to cushion the blow," she continued. "You're turning into Potter."
Lily gaped, unable to utter a word in her shock.
"I know that I'm in no position to lecture you," said Andrea, "Taylor would probably be better, but I'm good at being as blunt as… well… a really, really blunt object. These past few months, you've been reckless, completely disregarding rules, bragging left and right and could so be called downright pompous," she thought for a few seconds. "That sounds kinda like me."
"Shut it, Andy," said Taylor. "Now is the time for diplomacy crap."
"W-what the hell?" spluttered Lily. "He started it! He embarrassed me! I'm just retaliating!"
"What he did to you in first year was really mean, Lily," said Taylor quietly. "And he did humiliate you, but you humiliated him back. I don't mind a bunch of innocent pranks, but this? This is going too far."
"What d'you mean too far?" demanded Lily.
"You gloat after each and every stunt we pull," cut in Andrea. "You've rubbed his face raw and have probably poured the entire school's supply of vinegar on his open wounds. Not that I haven't enjoyed it," she added as an afterthought.
"And some of those pranks were kind of low," added Taylor. "Like the balloons and butterflies, for example. I admit that Andrea and I contributed," she said quickly. "And it was completely hilarious… but that was to us. What do you think it was like for them?" she could read the obvious guilt in Lily's large expressive eyes. "Sure, their fears are strange, but tell me, how would you feel if your fear of heights was used? Or my fear of anything with sharp teeth and ripping claws? Or-"
"My fear… of… of… her…" whispered Andrea, a haunted look in her eyes.
Lily shifted and hugged Andrea, "God, Andy, I never thought-"
"That's it exactly, Lily," said Andrea, not gently, but not sharply either, pulling away. "You never thought. You never thought about how you were abusing the faith the staff put in you when they made you Head Girl. You never thought about the students that would have been caught in crossfire. You never thought about how you could hurt others… how you could hurt yourself…"
Lily stared at her as she let out a harsh laugh. "Listen to me lecture you," she said disbelievingly. "I don't even follow what I'm preaching about," she turned to Lily. "But that's the thing Lily," she said earnestly, "You do. If Potter had made people sleepwalk into the lake," (Lily smiled guiltily.) "You would've told a Professor. Look at yourself now! Why we're doing this is because you're better than that."
"Exactly, Lily," said Taylor. "If James ever pranked you before, you would have shouted at him, hexed him at the most, but you always made sure that no one got involved. Usually, you would've walked away. Isn't that what you want James to do when Snape taunts him? Walk away? Instead of retaliating? Because you know that only a bigger person would do that. We want you to-"
"- realize that you've become a relentless, mean, ruthless, single-minded, braggy, revenge-seeking bitch," interrupted Andrea. "I know that that's harsh, but one day, Lily, you're going to look back on all this and say 'Gosh, I was a relentless, mean, ruthless, single-minded, braggy, revenge-seeking bitch, wasn't I?' and then you'll come after Taylor and I and yell at us for not telling you about what a relentless, mean, ruthless, single-minded, braggy, revenge-seeking bitch you became."
"Call a truce to this war, Lily," said Taylor. "Do it, because we know that that's what the old Lily who didn't get carried away, would've done."
They sat in silence for a few seconds, staring at Lily, who was gazing blankly at a smudge on the wall. (Andrea had thrown her eyeliner there when she realized that it was black instead of midnight blue.)
"I – I need to think," she mumbled, stumbling out of the room.
"Can't say we didn't try," said Andrea with a shrug.
……
That afternoon, Lily missed all her classes. Students assumed that the Marauders had probably done something to her, so they didn't ask too many questions. Andrea and Taylor provided lurid details about the stomach cramps Lily was having to the professors.
The rays of sun that brightened the ground of Hogwarts, however, did not miss the reddish-gold hair that sat by the lake, legs drawn to her chest and hugging herself as she stared blankly upon the waters deceptively calm surface.
Even as the ball of fire bid the day goodbye and took to rest behind the mountains, still she sat.
Thinking.
……
"Are you sure you aren't pushing this a little too far, Prongs?" asked Peter nervously.
James stopped pacing and snarled. Thanks to Evans and her friends, the whole bloody school knew that he was terrified of balloons. Damn Aunt Ermintrude, he sulked. Sirius didn't seem too depressed, in fact, he was actually pleased, saying that at last, the world would know about the evil butterflies.
…
Right.
"I've told you, Wormtail," he snapped. "I'm not going to take this lying down. And don't start the 'But we're copying them argument. You know as well as I that they've been modifying our pranks against us, and did other people seem to notice? No!"
"But-"
"So all we're doing is turning it against them. Padfoot, don't you agree?"
"They now know the danger we're in," said Sirius to his bedpost. "Those winged villains will hide no more! I, Sirius Orion Black have revealed their ghastly secret!" he stared at James and Peter thoughtfully. "D'you think they'll come after me?"
"But what if they're afraid of something dangerous?"
"Wormtail, when will you learn that girls are afraid of the most ridiculous things?" asked James impatiently. "I heard Isabelle say that Evans wouldn't pet her bunny, because she was scared of it (what he didn't hear was that Lily thought that it had rabies.), Rose's probably fearing a broken nail at the most, and can you imagine what kind of fear my best Chaser could possibly have?"
"Maybe I should go for a witness protection program," mused Sirius. "I could get a new name! Like… Bernard! Or Binky! Maybe Barney!"
"So all we need to do is nick the Boggart from the third years' DADA session, stow it somewhere and unleash when we know one of them is going to show up. I doesn't matter which of them it is, as long as the school gets to see."
"I – I guess…" muttered Peter. "If you say so, Prongs."
"I know so," insisted James.
"How about Max Power?" said Sirius excitedly. "I read that on one of the Muggle thingies that sucks up dirt."
"Sounds great," said James absently. "Now let's go get that Boggart."
Remus came into the room with a tottering pile of books. When he arrived, Sirius bounded up to him and held out his hand. "Hi, the name's Power. Max Power."
When the three of them looked at him in confusion, he just shrugged. "Lily showed me a tell-a-fish-on, there was this really cool guy with slicked back hair who kept saying his name like that, and loads of women with big boobs and very little clothing draped themselves over him," he glanced at Remus and his eyes brightened. "Did I tell you about the Butterflies Witness Protection Program I'm on?"
"Huh?" said Remus in confusion.
……
They didn't see her at night. They didn't see her in the morning. And they didn't see her at breakfast. It was then they started getting worried. Only when they walked into their first class, History of Magic, did they see Lily, sitting far at the back in a corner. Even then, they still worried, probably because of her appearance. Though she was no fashion queen like Andrea, she did at least try to make sure that she didn't look as though she was dragged out from a grave.
Her long auburn hair was mussed and wild, skin pale and drawn, contrasting with the huge dark bags under her normally bright eyes. They hadn't realized that their words had such a big impact on her.
Instead of sleeping like she usually did when Binns began to drone, she just stared blankly through his semi-transparent stomach, her mouth slightly open, seeming lost in thought. Taylor heard Andrea slump on her desk a few minutes later, apparently she and her short attention span had given up staring at Lily and had given in to Binns's vacuum cleaner like voice. Taylor sighed and prepared to sleep, thinking that maybe they'd been too hard on her.
Abruptly, she felt something hard hit her head, glancing up in annoyance; she saw her notebook lying oh so innocently next to her. One day, she swore, she was going to burn it and cackle as the flames consumed those dratted pages. Flipping it open, she gave Andrea's chair a good kick to wake her up.
L: Thanks.
A: Grr, I was having the best dream about the lead singer of the Hobgoblins, Taylor!
T: Shut it, Andy. Huh?
L: Thanks.
A: There was Snubby! And he was feeding me-
T: We don't want to hear it. Why?
L: For telling me.
A: Oh, hey Lily. You look like shit.
L: Again, thanks. This time, note the sarcasm.
T: We're sorry if we were harsh… we just… just didn't want you to do something you'd regret…
L: I know… and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
A: That's it, Lily. You are coming with me to the damn girl's bathroom right after this. My best friend is not going to walk around looking like a ghoul.
L: Wow, you're making me feel so much better! (not.)
A: I know.
T: So… have you thought about our suggestion?
L: Well… yes… can we meet by the lake during lunch? I think that you guys'll have to tell me what to say.
T: I'm so proud of you!
A: No worries, we'll have you groveling like you've never groveled before!
L: Okay, I am so not groveling. I'm not that desperate.
T: Now that's the Lily I know.
A: Welcome back.
All the while, several pairs of eyes watched them unblinkingly.
……
"If you think that for one measly second I'm going to bring my 150 galleon Kirsten fall satchel into that filth encrusted, bacteria ridden bathroom, you are sadly mistaken, Taylor Lee!"
"Then where are you going to put it pray tell?"
"Outside, where you're going to guard it."
"What makes you think that I'm going to stand out here doing nothing?"
"Do you really want another lecture about the techniques of applying mascara?"
"What are you two waiting for? Hop along now, I'll just stay out here."
"Good girl, c'mon Lily."
"Why d'you even bring that much make up around with you?"
"For emergencies, like the Scouts say, always be prepared."
"You never were a scout."
"What's your point?"
"Well then, did you write the essay on the uses of Murtlap essence for Slughorn?"
"What's a Murtlap?"
……
"Alright, Padfoot… now!" hissed James the moment the two bickering girls had stepped into the bathroom.
"Oy! Lee!" called Sirius, walking forward. "Forgot to tell you 'bout practice tonight. The Chasers are learning a new formation."
Taylor took a few steps forward, slight suspicion crossing her face. "Why're you telling me this? Why not James?"
"Our beloved Captain is nursing his wounded pride," said Sirius casually, shrugging his shoulders. He saw the black notebook float out of Andrea's bag as it was being raised by an invisible hand. "Anyway, nice talking to you," Suddenly, he turned around again as he saw James's grip on the book slip. "Actually… err… have I told you about the destructive dark side of butterflies yet? And that I'm forming an organization… umm… W.E.B… We hatE Butterflies." He asked quickly, grabbing her by the shoulders to stop her from looking back.
"Where's the 'E'?"
"The 'E'? Oh, it's in the 'hatE', you know… err… anyway, so I haven't told you about it, have I?"
"Umm… actually… yes, you have."
"I have? Gee, I wonder why I don't remember?" he mused, frowning. "Butterflies have sucked out my memories!" he gasped. "Slowly, ever so slowly, they're drawing out the vital information which they know will lead to their downfall! Well I won't let it happen! W.E.B will survive!" he sprinted to the Hospital Wing. "Poppy! Poppy!"
"Demented," mumbled Taylor, leaning against the wall next to Andrea's bag.
……
After successfully dragging Sirius away from Madam Pomfrey, they gathered at the Library, all of them having a free period except for Remus, the only one who was taking Arithmancy. Nutters, that one, who wanted to look at a bunch of numbers anyway?
"What if it's a trick like the last time?" asked Peter squeakily, staring at the book as though he expected it to jump up and bite him.
"No, it won't be," answered James confidently. "One thing I learnt while dealing with Evans, she never uses the same method twice. Besides, I don't think they were expecting it."
"Or maybe that's just what they want you to think," muttered Sirius, poking at the book with a quill.
"Just pass me your revealer, Padfoot," said James, looking for their latest conversation. "With luck, they'll have been discussing where they're gonna be, can't release a Boggart with too many people around."
Moments later, they read the notes that had been written minutes earlier.
"Perfect," said Sirius with a feral grin. "Think we'll just pop over there right after Herbology? I know that we have another study period after that," he looked thoughtful. "Reckon we could hex Snape on the way?"
"What d'you think they were talking about?" asked Peter, reading it over.
"Maybe Evans is trying to work up the guts to ask Remus out," snapped James, unsuccessfully keeping the bitterness out of his voice.
"Eh?" both of them asked.
"Forget I said it," said James quickly. "Don't tell him about this. You know how worried he'll get. I mean, once he sees how harmless it is, I'm sure he won't mind."
"Not exactly eager to be lectured myself, mate," laughed Sirius. He glanced around the room with interest. "So, you think they have anything here on how to start an Anti-Butterfly League?"
……
Lily walked across the grounds quickly, intending to get to their meeting place first so she could think. She felt exhausted, though Andrea's make up had certainly made her look less… dead. She sighed, she had thought about what they'd told her, their words ringing in her head over and over again, forcing her to see what she so desperately wanted to avoid… that they were right. Now… she had to pay for it.
She could here the shrill sound of the bell in the castle, which meant that students would be milling around soon, going to the Great Hall for lunch. She'd told the Professor that she needed to drop by the Hospital Wing in order to get out of the stifling classroom. Now, she really felt as though she needed it. She had always sucked at admitting that she was wrong.
She frowned and stopped walking, unable to quench the feeling that somebody was watching her. Before she had time to think about it, a broomstick flew out from behind the tree. Lily stiffened and tried to back away; trying to tell herself that it probably belonged to some irresponsible student who had left it lying around.
It zoomed towards her and went under her legs, forcing her to ride it. She let out a scream of fear as she clasped her legs around it tightly and held the handle in a death grip. The broomstick flew around the grounds in front of the school at amazing speed, she felt distinctly nauseous as everything around her melded together in a mush of brown and green. If she hadn't been so frightened, she would have noticed the heads of students popping out of the windows and gasping.
It rose higher and higher, far over the roof of the school. She closed her eyes tightly, unwilling to look down. As if sensing her reluctance, it bucked like a mad Hippogriff. It then turned itself over and over and over, making her feel like she was caught in a cyclone. The grip her legs had on the handle lessened and slipped off, hanging by only her hands, shrieking loudly.
She forced herself to open her eyes and almost threw up. She was so high up… So high, that the people below her looked like different colored dots, she saw two that she could vaguely make out as Taylor and Andrea. The former was running to the broom shed while the latter looked like she was trying to force people to get up there and rescue her. She would have found it amusing if it weren't for the fact that she was practically faint from fear.
She thought no more as the broom abruptly rose again before taking a steep ninety-degree plunge to the ground. She felt her stomach lurch somewhere around her throat and gave an earsplitting scream that could have rivaled the Bandon Banshee's any day. She could feel her sweaty palms slipping off the slick wood. Stubbornly, she gripped it harder. Then it went straight up again, nearing the hard stone walls of the school.
She blearily heard people's screeches mingle with her own as she was violently slammed against the hard brick over and over again. Despite the jolting pain that ran through her body and the Boggart's determination to throw her off, she held on, trying not to think about how tired her arms felt. Seeming to sense her weakness, it shot up like a cork, leaving Lily feeling dizzy, bruised and sick. With an almighty swing, like a baseball bat swerving in a graceful arc, Lily flew off into the air by herself, the broomstick landed on the grass before changing into a vampire in front of a student.
As she plummeted to the solid, merciless ground, she didn't see her life flash before her eyes like they seemed to say in most novels, instead, she found herself thinking about how the impact would surely crush her bones and burst her flesh, her remains strewn all over the grass, leaving the school to remember her as 'Lily Evans- the red splotch on the ground'.
She wondered hazily whether they'd be able to squeeze her mangled body into a dress for her funeral.
……
James, Sirius and Peter had stepped out of their hiding places and gaped at the flying figure being tossed around wildly. James felt his heart drop to his stomach. What happened to bunnies? He wondered bleakly. He wanted to run and grab his broom to save Lily, but he couldn't force his legs to move.
People began screaming as Lily was tossed against the wall above them, suddenly, he felt his collar being viciously gripped and his tie pulled till it almost strangled him. He looked down to see a pair of dangerous sapphire eyes.
"Look here, you fucking git!" Andrea yelled, her voice rising. "If you don't get my best friend off that fucking broomstick, I am going to fucking rip out your throat with my bare hands! So get to it!"
James nodded numbly and felt more than saw Sirius sprint with him to the broom shed. Cursing his own stupidity, he yelled, "Accio Silver Arrow 2000!"
He saw it flying to him and mounted it frantically. Lily was going to die because of him! Lily Evans was going to die! He rose with impossible speed and felt like someone had poured a bucket of ice water on him when he saw her dropping like a stone to the ground. He headed straight to her, but before he could reach her, a blur appeared in further ahead of him and grabbed Lily.
The person landed amidst the crowd of cheering students and professors who had arrived when they heard the commotion. He cradled Lily in his arms with bruises, cuts and scratches over her; a large gash was on her forehead, probably caused by a protruding rock on the wall. But what was even more appalling than her numerous injuries and the blood running down her face… was the she was crying. She clutched to her savior as she sobbed uncontrollably.
Remus
……
"Go away," he said quietly, in a voice of steel to the crowd surrounding him. "She needs space."
He held the shaking girl to his chest and walked forward, the people parted in front of him like the Red Sea to Moses.
"Remus! Wait!" he heard someone call. He turned around, but his hard gaze softened as he saw Taylor running to him, her broom still in her hand. "I'll go with you. I want to make sure that Lily's okay."
He nodded and walked into the castle, but not before giving his three friends the most disappointed look that ever crossed his features.
……
James stood dumbly, feeling shame course through his veins as he saw Remus's face. He felt like hanging his head and running away with his tail between his legs. He'd crossed the line and done what he'd been afraid he would do since the war started. He'd gotten carried away and almost killed Lily… He'd lost control.
His thoughts were broken as he felt his tie being viciously yanked again. He looked down only to see Andrea's furious face before she punched him on the nose. He stumbled backwards, clutching it. All doubts about the rumors he heard that Andrea knew several types of Muggle defense arts were swept away.
She was quivering with rage and was actually quite scary to look at. She wheeled around at them, making all three boys, who were a good deal taller than her (well, except Peter.) cower under her murderous glare. This was not the blur, carefree girl they were used to.
"Do you imbeciles know what Lily was about to do before you nearly murdered her?" she whispered dangerously. They flinched at her words, wishing that she had yelled instead. Without waiting for an answer, she continued. "She was about to meet us to discuss how she was going to end this freaking war!" now she was starting to scream. "She was willing to apologize!" she poked the person who was standing nearest to her, which was Sirius, on the chest as her voice rose in pitch and volume, making them back away when she took a few steps forward. "She (poke) was going (poke) to admit (poke) that she (poke) was wrong! (poke poke poke.)"
Her words left James feeling worst than ever before, if that was possible, but she was far from done. "But she (poke) didn't quite get (poke) the chance to do so (poke), did she! (poke poke poke) Why? Because you three brainless numbskulls sent a fucking Boggart to maim her!" she then gave all three of them a great shove backwards, without realizing it, they'd been backing away towards the lake, so in they landed with a splash.
"Fuck conscience and restraint and all that damn junk!" she screeched. "If you three don't come begging for her pardon on your hands and knees, we will make your lives a living hell!"
……
Taylor and Remus watched silently as the pale figure in front of them slept. She had a huge bandage over her forehead, but her minor injuries were already healed. The only thing that was preventing her from going back was the trauma that she might be suffering from.
Taylor looked over at Remus and smiled sadly.
"Just like before," she said.
Remus nodded.
……
"I am lower that low, I'm the lowest there is, I'm lower than any possible level of lowness there could possibly be!" James moaned hitting his head against the wall.
Sirius nodded glumly, not even having the heart to make light of the situation. "We all are, mate," he said sadly.
"Merlin! I never wanted to actually hurt her!" groaned James pleadingly to Sirius. "I never really thought that she'd be afraid of heights! I mean, last Quidditch game she was sitting at the top stands!"
"None of us actually thought, Prongs," said Sirius with a bitter smile. "That was the problem. We didn't weigh out how dangerous the bleeding idea really was. Kind of like me and Snape last year, eh?"
James stood motionless before sitting next to Sirius on his bed. "Rose was right," he sighed. "We are one damn bunch of brainless prats."
"A-at least we didn't get in trouble for releasing the Boggart," said Peter. "Dumbledore thought that it just escaped."
"That makes is worse!" yelled James. "Right after I apologize to Lily, I'm turning myself in."
"I'll go with you, mate," said Sirius, he laughed bitterly. "You'd think that I'd be smart enough not to make the same mistake twice."
Peter didn't say anything, instead choosing to shrink quietly in a corner.
"I'll do anything to make her forgive me," said James desperately, "I'll tell the entire school that we lost the war, I'll say that they won and beat us flat, I'll… I'll kiss Snape!"
"Don't think that that would help things much, Prongs," said Sirius wryly. "This is what we're going to do, you'll beg Lily to forgive you personally first, and after she's cooled down, or after you've failed, Peter and I will try our luck. Then we'll go to each of them separately and do it. The next day, we'll announce it to the school and do whatever they tell us to do."
"God, Padfoot, you make it sound so easy," he said miserably, hitting his head on the bedpost. "What do I say? I've never really done it before."
"We'll grovel, beg and lower our image as it's never been lowered before," said Sirius bluntly. "Let's just get started on thinking how to do it."
……
Lily woke up with a raging headache, she grimaced and held her head in her hands. She felt sore all over and was pretty sure she was completely covered with bruises. She wondered vaguely what had caused it, frowning; she felt the bandage on her head and remembered. The broomstick… heights… slamming against the wall… being tossed up… falling… falling… falling…
She pressed her hands against her forehead tightly and tried to make the images and fear that was eating through her go away. She glanced around the dim hospital wing grinned to herself when she saw Taylor and Andrea near her bed, the latter gave a sort of grunt before turning over. They must've been persistent, she thought, or Madam Pomfrey'd never have let them stay.
Why am I still alive? The thought struck her suddenly. Unless Dumbledore had managed to save her somehow… then she remembered being held carefully, her cheek pressed against a firm chest… Remus. She flushed as she recalled how she cried, she hadn't done so in a long, long time. Getting up carefully to obey the unexplainable urge to see him, she put on a dressing gown that was lying near her. Walking quietly as not to wake her sleeping friends, she slipped out of the door unheard.
Glancing at her watch, she realised that it was already past curfew. Nevertheless, she knew from her patrols around the school that there were bound to be a few couples snogging here and there who could possibly tell her where Remus was. Nearing one of the broom closets near the stairs, she was right. Soft moans and groans could be heard from the inside. Wrenching the door open, she glared at the two inside, recognizing them to be from Ravenclaw. The girl let out a small shriek, making Lily wince. Besides the fact that the shrill sound hurt her head, she already knew she looked like hell.
"Did you see Remus Lupin?" she asked.
The two stared at each other in confusion, having expected to get in trouble.
"Tell me and I'll just send you off with a warning," she tried again.
Their faces brightened visibly, "We saw him head to the Astronomy Tower," said the girl.
"Thanks," said Lily, walking quickly, knowing that the moment she left, the closet door would probably close again, but not really caring.
She wasn't sure what she wanted do, but she knew exactly what she wanted to say. She'd harbored her crush for him long enough, and regardless of whether she thought there'd be a chance with him, she was going to tell him. 'The truth will set you free', wasn't that the saying? Well, something like that anyway.
Reaching the tower, she walked up the steps, wondering suddenly whether she would find him making love with a girl. Steeling herself, she pushed the door open… to her relief; he was leaning against the ledge, staring at the stars.
She padded towards him, although he gave no reaction, she knew that he could sense she was there.
"Thank you," she said simply.
He nodded and sighed. "We were so close to finally having peace," he said, smiling sadly. "Don't worry," he added quickly when she opened her mouth, "I don't expect you to ask James for forgiveness, I'm not even going to defend him anymore. If I know him well though, he'll be coming pleading to you soon."
Instead of making some skeptical remark, she just nodded. Even she, who barely knew James, doubted that he would pretend something like this never happened. She glanced at Remus and her heart skipped a beat. He looked so handsome, with the stars light illuminating his face faintly. She sucked in a breath and braced herself, "I like you."
Remus looked at her in surprise and said, "I like you too."
"No, not like that," she said with an unreadable expression on her face, "I mean that I like you."
"Oh… oh…" Remus stuttered. "I mean… umm… I… well…" he took a deep breath and said quickly. "I'm sorry, but I like someone else."
"Oh…" said Lily softly and glanced down at her feet.
"You're a really great girl and all, Lily," he started babbling nervously, "but my best mate likes you, and even if I did like you which I don't because I really like this other girl, I couldn't possibly think of dating you because-"
He stopped his mindless chatter when she solemnly held a finger to his lips. "I'm going to borrow Andrea's bluntness for a while now," she said seriously. "I'm not going to pretend that I'm not disappointed, because, frankly, I am. I've liked you ever since you helped me in first year. Now, I'm not going to stalk you or try to force you to like me, but I need you to do something. I want you to pretend that I never said that, I don't want you to look at me any differently than before or with sympathetic eyes, I don't want you to be uncomfortable around me or try to comfort me… because one day, I know that I'll get over you. It might not be any time soon, but I will."
He opened his mouth, but Lily held up a hand. "Just do that, okay? Because, most of all, I don't want to lose the friendship that I have with you."
"Lily Evans, you are something else," he said with a laugh, admiration in his eyes. "The guy who gets you had better know how damn lucky he is-"
She laughed and silenced him again, "I told you, no comforting," she smiled. That stupid proverb really was true. Though her heart ached slightly when she saw his happy smile, she felt as though a huge burden had been lifted from her shoulders. "Friends?" she asked, holding out a hand.
"'Course, Lily," he said, shaking her hand. "We always will be."
Lily grinned again and released his hand, abruptly wondering who he could like. "So," she said casually, "who's the lucky girl?"
"Umm…" he mumbled, deeply absorbed with his fingernails.
"She's a Gryffindor, isn't she?" she asked, enjoying his discomfort. He blushed and studied his fingernails even more seriously.
"I'll take that as a yes," she said triumphantly. "Is it Bridget from fourth year? Or how about Celeste from fifth? Natalie from sixth?"
He shook his head at each of then names; she frowned, setting her well-trained brain to work. Who had she seen him with… staring at… or talking to? During the Ball… did he dance with anyone besides her? She gasped, remembering, when James had cut in and passed Taylor over to Remus, he had hardly protested, instead seeming pleased… During the Quidditch game, how he'd wanted to sit with them after he heard Andrea say that they were there to cheer on her… And about every time she was around him, he'd blush… and when she talked to him…
She looked up and saw him looking down at her apprehensively. With a sly smile, she said triumphantly, "Taylor."
"What? How did you know- I mean, no- I mean, yes- I mean, umm… no!"
"So, it is true."
"What's true?"
"You suck at lying."
"I do not!" he protested, then he thought for a while. "Okay, maybe I do. How did you know?"
"There were so many hints," she chuckled, shaking her head. "I'm just amazed that I didn't see it before. So," she said again. "How long have you liked her?"
"About as long as you've liked me, I guess," he said. "I noticed her that day in the Hospital Wing…" he reminisced dreamily. "But you can't tell anyone!" he added.
"Why?" she asked in confusion.
"Nobody knows," he answered. "I just don't want her to know."
"Why don't you tell her then?" she said impatiently. "I know that she thinks you're cute."
"She does?" he said hopefully, then he seemed to deflate. "I can't… I just can't tell her… I'm not good enough for her."
Sensing that this was part of some internal struggle, Lily fell silent and went back to star gazing. "You like coming up here?" she asked after a few minutes.
"One of my favourite places," he said. "Barely anyone comes here because of all the rumors that they'll stumble upon some shagging couple… so it's pretty peaceful… and it's the best place to just relax on nights like this..." he made a wide gesture at the twinkling stars the decorated the inky sky. "It's just beautiful."
"I'd find it hard to believe," she said, choosing her words carefully. "That you, of all people, would think that anything related to the night sky is beautiful."
"I know," he muttered sadly. "At times like this, I just can't seem to hate it, because it has this immortal sort of beauty." Then, the meaning of her words sank in. He turned sharply to face her. "What? What do you mean?"
"I know, Remus," she replied. "I know."
"How? When?"
"Third year, I read ahead in our Defense Against the Dark Arts book, and it all came into place. I'll admit that when I have a crush on someone, I become rather like a stalker," she said sheepishly. "And I did notice that you disappeared every month, and your excuses? They weren't all that good."
"What do you mean?" he asked in confusion. "I could have a lot of sick relatives."
"Remus, so far you've had over fifty."
"I could have a large family."
"True. Let's not forget Uncle Hubert who died three times, or Cousin Larry who got the chicken pox five times, and of course Aunt Katy who got pneumonia after she was struck by lightning the month before."
"Oh."
"And the time in third year when I asked Sirius and Peter where you were, they said that you had a blocked Fallopian tube and needed medical attention."
"Damn. Should've known better than to trust those two. You'd think with all the experience Sirius has, he'd actually know this."
There was an awkward silence after his forced lightheartedness. "Do any your friends know?" he asked with difficulty.
"She doesn't know," answered Lily simply. "But I'm not sure about Andrea. She acts really oblivious, but she can pick up stuff that no one else sees, I guess that's how she knows who's going out with who and who's doing what."
Remus nodded warily and sighed.
"Remus, why did you hide it?"
He laughed bitterly, "Don't play with me, Lily. You know as well as I, I'm a monster. There's no pointing denying it," he turned away so that she couldn't see the hurt look on his face. "If people knew, they would treat me differently. I wouldn't be Remus Lupin anymore; I'd be The Werewolf. The dangerous beast who would eat you and kill you without a second thought. Nobody'd want to be around me anymore-"
"Tell me then, Remus," said Lily firmly, making him face her, "D'you think I look at you with aversion? Have I treated you so differently? Do I look at you in hallways and run away madly for fear that you'd decide to attack me suddenly?"
Remus looked stunned. "Y-you mean you really don't mind it?"
"For God's sake, I've known what you were for several years now! And you think I'm suddenly going to change because you know that I know?" she shook her head disbelievingly. "I don't care about your lycanthropy, I care about Remus Lupin. The student who hates Potions, the loyal friend to a bunch of prats, the guy who tutors students who are weaker than him, the-"
She stopped talking when he pulled her into a hug, his body shaking with emotion, in the distance she thought she hear a 'flump' of something falling, but the thought was blown away when she felt wetness on his cheeks. "Thank you, Lily," he said gratefully.
She returned his hug tentatively, encircling her arms around him and leaning against his chest. She stroked his back comfortingly. After what seemed to Lily like endless moments (apparently it was going to take one whole ton of work to rid herself of this crush.), he pulled away and smile shakily at her.
"Is this why you won't ask Taylor out?" she couldn't help asking after they drew away.
He compressed his lips. "Lily, what could I possibly offer her?" he asked sadly. "Let's be realistic here. I'll never be able to offer her decent home, or get a decent job. Let's face it, even if I do date her, I don't want to love her just to have her leave me when she finds out what I am."
"There are people who don't see you this way, Remus," said Lily, trying to be positive, trying not to remember how Taylor had mentioned how she was afraid of anything with sharp teeth and ripping claws. "Me, your friends…"
He smiled, "They've helped me so much… I've never been so happy before."
"Maybe they aren't as bad as they seem."
"They aren't," he said. "They just do things they don't mean sometimes."
The expression Remus had clearly meant that he was thinking of other things besides the Boggart.
……
Lily, I know that I am far by the hugest, prickiest and most annoying prat in the world. I'm sorry for what I did with the Boggart today, and I'd never have done it if I'd known you were afraid of heights. I wasn't thinking clearly, I'm a complete idiot, and you can… can put a great fight with the Marauders any day, any time at anything. I shouldn't have underestimated you at all. So will you please, please, please forgive me? I'll do anything you want. I really never meant to hurt you, and I'm really, really sorry.
This was the speech that he and Sirius had come up with. Though James was chanting it in his mind several times, he knew that he'd have a hard time choking out the words. Partly because of his pride, and partly because he knew he might say something incredibly stupid, obnoxious or just plain stutter as he seemed liable to do whenever he was near Lily.
He pulled his cloak around him when he saw a couple come walking by so they wouldn't spot him. He's wanted to bring the Map as well to lessen his chances of getting caught, but Remus still had it from their last Dungbombing of the Slytherin Common Room. Dropping by the Hospital Wing, he found that she had already slipped out. After banging on several broom closets, he found one near the stairs that was occupied (coincidentally the same one Lily had gone to for information.) and asked them to tell him where Lily Evans went. Relieved that they weren't in trouble even though it was the second time that night they were caught, they told him where to head.
When he neared the Tower, he heard Remus's slightly muffled voice, "I like you too."
And then came a soft murmur of words that he couldn't quite make out, except for the last few "… like you, Remus."
James gave a loud gasp and stumbled backwards, but he tripped over a furry form… Mrs. Norris. She gave a loud mew and hissed, trying to spot the attacker. He growled in frustration and sprinted away as the cat followed his scent yowling loudly. The moment he reached the bottom of the stairs, he spotted Filch who was chasing after Mrs. Norris, it took him several secret passages and a good deal of running before they finally managed to escape.
Many minutes later he arrived at the Tower again out of breath. Without hesitation, eager to see what his mate and Lily were up to, he pushed the door open and strode in, only to see them…
Hugging…
He tripped over his own feet in astonishment and landed on the ground. He could see both of them because they were sideways. Remus's face was buried in Lily's hair as he held her tightly to him. He saw Lily embrace him back and lean against him with a blissful look and a happy smile. James felt a surge of jealousy. Lily never smiled at him like that.
Getting up hastily he burned with anger, watching the both of them wrapped up in their own little world. His heart hurt and he refused to see anymore, he went away swiftly, his heart aching. Was she traumatized? Hardly. She certainly didn't look it if she was well enough to be out and about to meet at a place like the Astronomy Tower. The rage and envy squelched his earlier guilt; there was no way he was going to apologize. Who knows, maybe she had even been faking the terror on that bloody broomstick to get Remus's attention.
Either way, he wasn't going to end the war.
In fact, it had just begun.
A/N : Well… looks like James's impulsive and jealous side is getting the better of him again. I'd like to remind you that he isn't you know… bad or anything, just seriously possessive, even if Lily isn't actually his. So… most of their characters are quite complicated… and I'm going to try to portray them as best as I can in this fic.
Oh, and Andrea, the way she acts blur and manages to pick up stuff? That's like my best friend, half the time she's off in another world, but then she'll be like, okay, that guy likes that girl… Or, those two over there? They're going out. And every single time, she's right. It's kind of annoying when you want to keep it a secret sometimes. Grr.
Sooo… we've finally gotten to important events. I've been planning this chapter for some time now, but I'm sorry if the part after the broomstick sucked, because I just wrote it one the computer without actually, you know, thinking it through. I was so eager to get to it. Anyhow, the next few chapters after this, I've got a bunch of events planned, but my ideas are all jumbled up, so it depends on when I decide to let my mind wander the great planes of imagination that is my sanctuary. I'll figure it out sooner or later. I suck at planning.
As you can probably guess, this is going to be like one of those 'perfect world' situations where the Marauders hook up with Lily's friends. If it's any consolation, I'm going to try to make it as realistic as possible. You know, not the, 'Ooh, I hate him,' and then they kiss, and it's suddenly 'Wow, I'm in love'. Well… there will be conflict, and I hate it when the three words 'I love you', are just said like that. As if it has no special meaning, I mean, they're barely out on two dates before they say it for goodness sake! So… I'll try to make sure that there's a gradual development of feelings… and I'll do my best, basically.
That's all for now! It's one in the morning and I'm hiding in the dark with a laptop and my legs are being eaten alive by mosquitoes, you people had better appreciate this. I've got to go find some ointment. Ta-ta.
P.S. D'you know that I wrote about 9000 words? This is about 3000 words longer that any other chapter I've written!
OMG! About 60 reviews! You people are amazing! Hahahaha, I reached over 300!