Both women were quiet for most of the drive, allowing the radio to fill the silence. Catherine fixed her eyes on the road while Sara kept her own gaze directed out the passenger side window.
Sara tried desperately to think of something to say. She didn't want Catherine to feel bad, or think she was mad at her. But unable to think of anything, she remained silent, even as Catherine pulled into the lab parking lot to drop Sara off at her car.
"Thanks," Sara said, opening the door and getting out.
"Sara?" Catherine called quietly. Sara turned and leaned down to peer into the car, pushing the bangs that fell in front of her face back behind her ear.
"Yes, Catherine?"
"Please, don't feel awkward. About… what happened," Catherine said weakly. Sara felt her heart breaking for her again. "I just… I didn't…" Catherine stuttered before sighing heavily. "You don't have to feel awkward, ok?" The last word again sounding more like a plea.
"I know, Cat. It's fine," Sara said, trying her best to smile reassuringly, "Really."
Catherine nodded, eyes fixed on her lap, a forced smile on her mouth. Her eyes returned to Sara's as she all but whispered, "Well… guess I'll see you tonight then."
"Yea," Sara replied, holding Catherine's gaze a moment longer before she stood up and shut the door. She turned and walked to her car, expecting to feel relieved. She instead only felt her stomach twisting in knots as the weak tone of Catherine's voice still ran through her mind.
Nice, Sara, real nice, she chastised herself as she climbed into her car. Christ, what have you done to her? You've got the always strong, always commanding Catherine Willows pleading you weakly not to feel awkward about the fact that she fucked you senseless last night, and you liked it. Way… to fucking…go.
She continued mentally kicking herself the entire drive home. Finally inside her apartment, she suddenly felt very tired, despite having only woken up not 2 hours ago. She made her way towards her bedroom, finally changing out of yesterday's clothes and into clean, comfy pajamas. She contemplated brushing her teeth, but the inviting comfort of her bed was too enticing, so she crawled in. Pulling the blankets all the way over her head, she buried herself as deeply as she could into the mattress and shut her eyes.
Again, the images of Catherine flooded her mind, and she groaned out loud in frustration. She was so tired, it was way too exhausting trying to fight with her own thoughts. Certain she wouldn't get any sleep until she stopped fighting, she finally allowed all thoughts of the previous night to fill her head.
Sara threw the blankets off her head as her alarm screeched, completely unaware she had even fallen asleep. Again she groaned in frustration as she felt the familiar throbbing between her legs, realizing the thoughts of Catherine had infiltrated her dreams as well. Turning off the alarm, Sara buried her face in her hands and just cried.
Why are you crying? She asked herself. She wasn't sad, not really. Regret? No, not regret. What was it then? Confusion? Frustration? Probably both, she concluded. She needed to figure this thing out, and fast. Or she just couldn't work with Catherine, not like this.
Pulling herself together, Sara set about getting ready for work, and what she imagined was going to be a rather painstaking shift.