Chapter 7! (I really need to update more frequently…)
Disclaimer: There are a lot of things in this chapter that I don't own—like the Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker, and several other things. Which I am too lazy to go through, and find them all. Like that one Pokemon reference later on. And that Charlie the Unicorn reference. Hey, I don't own them, and the very few things I do own are previously mentioned and established that I own them.
Cherry-sama: Hi and—
Toon Link: WHAT IS TAKING YOU SO LONG?
Cherry-sama: Relax, I've posted the chapter.
Toon Link: But STILL!
Aryll: (unfazed) Oh dear. It looks like onii-chan is losing his sanity. Much like the rest of the readers.
Cherry-sama: …Gahh…
"Ahhh…" Navi smiled.
Navi took a deep breath in, savored the moment, and then exhaled with satisfaction. She stretched, and readjusted her position the part in Link's hair.
"What's with you?" Link raised an eyebrow, "You're never this cheery."
"Ohh, nothing," Navi watched the waves, "Just the scent of the ocean."
"Wha—?" Link blinked.
"The waves…" Navi said, "The smell of the salt… The blue sky's warm embrace…"
Link rolled his eyes, "Uh-huh…"
"Just…being on the open ocean like this…" Navi sighed wistfully, "Oh…I could never get tired of this."
Five minutes later…
"Uggghhh…" Navi groaned, "Are we there yet?"
Link's boat sailed past Fire Mountain.
"What…a complete waste…of a boat ride…" Link groaned.
"We were soooo close too," Navi moaned, "If only Ivan's O.N.A. didn't set in when we were about to enter the square with Forsaken Fortress in it."
Ivan's muffled giggles were barely audible.
"How do you think he managed to stop the boat like that?" Link asked, "Well, his O.N.A., I mean."
"Very strange," Navi shook her head.
"Well, the boat ride wouldn't have been a complete waste if you had let me stop at Windfall Island on our way back," Link pointed out.
"And waste another chapter on that place?" Navi asked, "No thank you."
"Besides, why are we listening to him again?" Link asked.
"Because if we do what he says, then maybe his O.N.A. will finally let us into Forsaken Fortress," Navi answered.
"Oh… Okay… Gotcha," Link said.
There was a pause.
"You know, it's a good thing that the writer can just skip to another location instantly," Link said, "Otherwise, the audience would have to read pages and pages of dialogue, where nothing would really happen."
"Hey. Less talking, more rowing," Navi ordered.
"But this isn't a row boat," Link said.
"Keep moving!"
Another half day of ocean sailing later…
The mast of the boat pulled itself in.
Link paused, "What the—?"
Ivan popped out of the boat's mouth—body in full twitch.
"Yes! Do you not see what rises up from the horizon?" Ivan jolted, "That is where you must go, Link... The Forest Haven."
Link lazily lifted his arms in the air, "Hooray…"
There was a tiny splash. Link and Navi peeked around the head of the boat to see Ivan do the backstroke.
"Well, that was anti-climactic," Navi said, "I thought he was going to say more than that."
Link shrugged, "I guess not."
Link pulled the boat into shore. Correction: Link would have pulled the boat onto shore. However, this island, for some strange reason, had no shore to speak of. So Link pulled over to the shortest ledge sticking out of the water.
"It may appear as though this is but a great tree rising far above the ocean's surface..." Ivan buzzed, "But it is a sacred place. It is inside this grotto that you will find the spirit of the earth, the Great Deku Tree."
"Oh, there he goes again," Navi said.
Link groaned, "I'm getting history lessons now?"
"He's giving us history lessons?" Navi groaned, "How come his O.N.A. was more useful than mine was?"
"You must speak with the Deku Tree and receive from him the sacred gem known as Farore's Pearl," Ivan continued, "I fear that Ganon—gack! Glug glug glug…DORF!—'s vile hand may have already reached this most sacred of sanctuaries. Go forth with caution, Link."
"Whoa!" Navi gasped, "He just interrupted his own O.N.A. ! I've never seen anyone do that before!"
"Wow, he really likes saying 'dorf', doesn't he?" Link asked.
"I suppose that could be one reason," Navi paused.
Ivan's body relaxed, and fell to Link's feet. Within this short silence, Navi had a moment of sudden realization.
"Wait a minute…the Deku Tree?" Navi's face lit up, "The Great Deku Tree! As in the one in the Kokiri Village and Lost Wood's Guardian?"
"You're sure perky today," Link said.
"But, it's the Great Deku Tree!" Navi exclaimed, "The one and only! Ivan, isn't that great?"
Ivan gargled in response.
"Dumb question," Navi sighed, "Ignoring him—"
"He looks pretty wasted… O.N.A. isn't fatal, is it?" Link asked.
"Who cares!" Navi hummed, "The Great Deku Tree is here! Wait… How did the Great Deku Tree end up in the middle of the ocean?"
There was a pause.
"Well, whatever," Navi said, "Either way, the Great Deku Tree has got to have some Kokiri nearby! That means we can give Ivan to one of them, and we can get back to rescuing your sister!"
"Wow," Link said, "Who knew that Ivan's own O.N.A. would lead us to a place where we can drop him off?"
Ivan rose up from the floor.
"Wha…wha?" Ivan asked.
Navi grinned, "Let's go!"
Navi grabbed Ivan, and grabbed onto a part of Link's sleeve, and pulled them forward. Link, with no real desire to rip his shirt, followed behind her like a good little boy.
It was not long after that that they came across a bulbous plant. Upon Link's approach, a head of a monster popped out, and drooled menacingly.
This startled Navi into letting go of Link's sleeve, and dropping Ivan. Ivan began to roll downhill.
"It tingles!" Ivan's voice grew slowly fainter.
Link smirked. Now he could prove—
"I recognize that look in your eye," Navi said, "Don't even think about it!"
Link raised an eyebrow, and thought about Navi's ironic choice of words. He pulled out his Grappling Hook, and tossed it at the new enemy. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Boko Baba Seed! This is a spiky seed, which can be cooked up into something! …Apart from that, these things will clog up your inventory…
"What the?" Navi paused, "When did you learn that would happen?"
"I learned it last chapter," Link said, "However, the idiot authoress forgot to mention my discovery until now."
Navi nodded, "Oh. I gotcha. The Zubat method."
"Exactly," Link smiled.
Ivan's voice was barely audible, "Spinny, spinny, spinny, spinny…"
"Oh, dang it, Ivan!" Navi called out, "You're going to roll into the ocean!"
While Navi flew back to retrieve her fairy companion, Link slashed away, until the plant monster, a Boko Baba, became stunned. When stunned, it struck a pose, taunting Link with its open neck. Link slashed once more, and the Boko Baba's head fell off.
Sweet. He decapitated something. In a K+ fanfic, no less. Wait, this was a children's game?
"Well, that took longer than necessary," Navi said upon return.
"What?" Link asked, "You act as if I'm going to get another item later that allows me to kill these things in one hit."
"Look, Navi!" Ivan pointed to what remained of the neck, "It left a stick behind!"
"Whatever," Navi said, "I hope it doesn't take much longer to get to the Deku Tree… Otherwise I'll—"
"Whoa! Look! Another Boko Baba!" Link exclaimed.
"DANG IT!"
Much, much later…
"Why did I have to open my big mouth?" Navi groaned.
"I'm sure the rest of your haters is thinking the same thing," Link said.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Navi buzzed.
Ivan gasped, "Great Deku Tree?"
"Huh, what?" Navi spun around.
Our heroes gazed upon the sight before them with awe. Apart from the few waterfalls Link had to climb up, they had not really taken the time to take in their surroundings. Inside the hollow bark of an older tree, was a forest glade, with several trees spiraling upward. Fireflies and puffs of magic danced around the water's surface, and landed on grassy patches.
Link turned to the tree in the center of the getaway, and took a step backward. There was the largest tree Link had ever laid eyes upon. Yet, what startled Link most was not the size of the plant, but the large face that stuck out from the tree's base.
"Holy Mother of Zephos…" Link gaped.
Ivan flew forward, "Great Deku Tree!"
"Well, he's a little different that I remember him…shaved his mustache off and all," Navi paused, "but he's still the same old Great Deku Tree, right?"
Green and red acne pussed forth from the Great Deku Tree's face.
Navi raised both eyebrows, "On second thought…maybe shaving wasn't such a good idea after all…"
Ivan's voice grew fainter, "Great Deku Tree!"
"Whoa, wait, what is that?" Link paused.
The acne turned into green and red Chu Chus respectively.
Navi gasped, "The Great Deku Tree is in trouble! Quick, Link, do something!"
"Put him on medication?" Link asked.
"No, those aren't zits!" Navi face palmed.
"Great Tree Deku!" Ivan exclaimed with open arms.
"I know. I was just messing with you," Link smirked.
"WILL YOU JUST—?" Navi yelled.
"Okay, okay, I'm on it," Link sighed.
Link rolled into a large tree root that stuck out from the ground. All the Chu Chus fell off in unison.
Link paused, "If only something like that worked on real zits…"
Navi let out a gargle of irritated noises.
Link rolled his eyes, "On it."
"Gree Deat Teku!" Ivan clung to a far away branch, and didn't let go.
Link ran toward the cluster of Chu Chus, and began slashing around wildly. Several of them died, and left behind Chu Jelly. Link paused. He forgot to raid the Chu Chus.
Oh, whatever, Link thought. They couldn't sell for much anyway. He swerved around to gaze upon the battlefield of slaughtered goo. Link's smile was swiftly wiped off his face. He paled. He had managed to kill off all the Red Chu Chus, but the Green ones still stood tall.
Link found that his deep, childhood fear of Chu Chus returning. His knees began to knock. Could he only kill the Red ones? Do the Green ones have an immunity to his sword? Are the Green ones invincible? And Link thought green was his lucky colour!
Link swallowed, and held his sword with two hands. H-h-he-he-he could d-d-do this. Link gulped. A-a-after all—he was a m-m-m-man now. He-he wasn't a-afraid of no Chu Chus. They were a f-f-fear of the pa-pa-past.
Link slowly nodded to himself. Y-y-yeah. M-m-men like him weren't afraid of no C-C-C-Chu Chus…
Suddenly, a Green Chu Chu made the first move, and lurched toward him. Link's eyes widened. Oh boy. He was a goner now. Nope, no chance at all. Not even Navi could save him. Nothing would remain of him except a puddle of dissolved goop. They couldn't even have a funeral, because they wouldn't be able to pick up his remains to put him in the grou—
The Green Chu Chu hit Link's sword and splattered into a million pieces. Link blinked. Oh. They took two hits. Great. Now he looked like an idiot.
DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got Green Chu Jelly! Trust me, Link, you'll be sick of this stuff before you know it. Soon, your Spoils Bag will be lined with green goop.
Link ignored the heat coming from his cheeks, and ran widely through the field of Green Chu Chus, picking up the Red Chu Jelly as he went. Soon, nothing remained but a plain of Chu Jelly.
Navi was looking to the side, but turned toward him. They made eye contact. Fortunately, Navi hadn't noticed Link's little awkward moment. Or, at least she pretended like she hadn't. Either one worked for him.
Suddenly, the giant lily pad beneath Link's feet lifted him above the ground. The Deku Tree opened his mouth to say something, but Link's squirming cut him off.
"Hey! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! I haven't collected all the Chu Jelly yet!" Link protested.
The Deku Tree paused, lowered the lily pad slowly, and watched the young lad as he systematically collected all the goop. Apparently he wasn't worried about them respawning in his pack, or anything. As soon as Link was finished, he hopped back on the lily pad. Link gave his direct attention to the Tree.
Unfortunately, the Deku Tree didn't respond in modern Hylian.
"No, not quite," Navi said. "But, I know! The resemblance is uncanny!"
The Deku Tree spoke once more in another tongue.
"…'King'?" Navi asked, "Sorry, I don't know what 'King' this is you speak of, but, the one you're looking for is right here!"
Link stared at the Deku Tree as if it was on crack.
The Deku Tree seemed to notice this, yet it continued to speak in another tongue.
"Hey, hey, hey!" Navi buzzed up and down, "Who said HE was the one? You're staring right at the person you're looking for! Me!"
The Deku Tree looked at Navi in disbelief.
"But wait…" Navi paused, "If you mistook me for him, then that must mean he's been here… In other words, there's a possibility that he's somewhere in the Great Sea!"
The Deku Tree blinked.
"Yes!" Navi danced, "My life doesn't hate me after all!"
The Tree sighed, and turned to Link.
"I must apologize. I was in error," the Deku Tree said, "I saw your clothing and suddenly I felt a longing for an age gone by. That longing caused the ancient tongue to pass my lips."
"Ancient?" Navi hissed, "I haven't been gone that long!"
"Holy crap, the tree can talk!" Link gasped, "Like, actually!"
The Great Tree blinked.
"Of course he can, you idiot!" Navi said, "The Great Deku Tree can do anything!"
"He couldn't get zits off his face," Link pointed out.
"Don't insult the Great Deku Tree!" Navi snapped.
"Sorry," Link sighed.
"Shall we begin with proper introductions?" the Deku Tree asked.
"Sure," Link pointed to Navi, "Well, this here is Navi. She's looking for a friend, and can be pretty bossy sometimes, but she's cool."
"And this is Link," Navi said, "He has procrastination issues."
"He-Hey!" Link stuttered, "I do not!"
"Ahh…" the Great Tree smiled, "Welcome Link. Welcome Navi."
"It is an honour to be in your presence," Navi bowed.
Link stared at Navi as if she was on crack. He was a little freaked out by Navi's respect for this tree they just met. She never treated him with this much respect when they met.
"Now then…" the Deku Tree continued, "Can either of you explain why this little fairy is hugging my branch so tightly?"
One of the Great Deku Tree's branches twisted itself in front of Link and Navi's vision, and revealed a green ball of light clinging to onto the branch. The green ball looked as if it was in utter bliss. Navi did a face palm.
Ivan's happy garbles were no longer understandable: "Dkeu Geart Tere!"
"That is our Zero I.Q. Partner, Ivan," Navi groaned, "Here, I'll try to pry him off of you."
"Ah, yes, please do," the Deku Tree nodded.
"So that's what happened to him…" Link paused.
Navi flew over to Ivan, and tugged on his middle.
"You know, we've got to stop losing track of that guy," Link said, "It could get him killed."
"Ah, but Link, you forget!" Navi grinned, "We're getting him a Kokiri of his own this chapter!"
"Oh, right."
"After that, it'll be their fault if Ivan dies!" Navi smiled, "In which case, I would beat them into a pulp! But we'd still be rid of him!"
Link groaned, "Aren't you the nicest soul."
"Tere Dkeu G—wait, whaaa?" Ivan blinked.
The Deku Tree coughed.
"Sorry about that," Link turned to the Deku Tree, "You were saying?"
The Deku Tree smiled, "I am the guardian spirit of this Forest Haven—the Deku Tree, as you may already know. I owe you my thanks for your aid in ridding me of those foul creatures..."
Link looked at his fingernails, "Heh, no problem. A man like me can bring down a whole army of monsters, if need be. Let alone an army of acne."
Link squinted at his fingernails. They had become rather dirty since he last saw them. Link made a mental note to clean them before bringing Aryll home. Navi brought Ivan down in front of the two, for she had finally plucked Ivan off the tree.
"Sorry about that, Great Deku Tree," Navi said, "He tends to be clingy sometimes."
"Navi… Guess what," Ivan smiled.
Navi sighed, "What?"
"It's the Great Deku Tree!" Ivan pointed to the tree.
Navi face palmed.
"Hmmm…" the Deku Tree paused, "You two fairies seem quite familiar. Have we met?"
"Great Deku Tree!" Ivan squirmed to get closer.
"Of course we have," Navi said, "Back then you had a mustache, but we go a long way back."
There was a pause.
"Oh wait," Navi said, "The Great Deku Tree died. In chapter one of Totally Messed."
Ivan gasped, "Great Deku Tree?"
There was another pause.
Navi spun around, "DEKU TREE SPROUT?"
"Ohhh…" the Deku Tree nodded, "That right…I met you two briefly as a sapling."
Navi's jaw dropped, "DEKU TREE SPROUT?"
"Yes… It is me…" the Deku Tree said, "However, I am no longer a sprout."
Navi was at a loss for words and stared at the Deku Tree as if it was made of crack. Navi dropped Ivan, and he promptly flew towards the Deku Tree again. Link grabbed the little fairy before he could latch on again.
"Great Deku Tree!" Ivan exclaimed.
Link sighed.
"By the way," Navi regained her composure, "Do you have a pearl we can bet Link's life on, like the last guy did?"
Link went wide-eyed, "He-he-hey!"
"Actually, I do have that sort of object," the Deku Tree said, "However, there is no need to bet your friend's life on it."
"But that's no fun!" Navi protested.
"Sweet!" Link exclaimed, "I don't have to die!"
"Also, do you have an acne problem, Great Deku Tree Sprout?" Navi asked, "If you do, I'm sure we can find an arbourist that prescribes to trees—"
"No, I do not…" the Great Deku Tree sighed, "I fear that the enemy is after the goddess's pearl. For some time now, the monsters have begun to congregate in the regions around my wood."
"Great Deku Tree!" Ivan turned a blue tint.
"Why do you think that is?" Link asked.
"He has returned..." the Deku Tree paused, "Ganon has returned..."
Ivan didn't skip a beat, "Dorf!"
The Deku Tree stared at the little fairy.
"Erm…what?" the Deku Tree paused.
"Don't worry," Navi said, "He does that sometimes."
"If you insist…" the Tree paused.
"So are you giving us the pearl at all?" Link asked, "Or are you two going to criticize Ivan for the next two and a half pages?"
"Ohhh, Link, don't tempt me!" Navi said.
"Yes, yes, indeed. I shall give you the pearl," the Deku Tree nodded, "In that case, we must make haste."
The Deku Tree's face tilted slightly upward.
"Koroks! Little children of the woods! This traveler is not your enemy," the Great Deku Tree let out, "Let your hearts be at ease, and show yourselves!"
Almost immediately after the Deku Tree said that, small flying things blew out of the Deku Tree's higher branches. Link squinted. Soon the things came close enough to see properly, and landed on the lily pad around Link. Link found himself surrounded on all sides by what looked to be withered tree stumps. Link hoped they weren't hungry.
"These are the Koroks—the spirits of the forest," the Deku Tree explained.
"Hello, young adventurer!" one of the withered trees lifted up a stubby arm.
"Hi~…" Ivan waved back.
Navi's mouth hung open, "What happened to the Kokiri?"
"Once upon a time, long ago, the Koroks took on human forms," the Deku Tree explained, "but one day, one of them failed to pay their parking ticket on their campervan. When the debt collectors came, and found that the one they were looking for had fled, the debt collectors transformed the rest of them into the forms you see before you. And the debt collectors refuse to turn them back, until every last penny of that one particular forest inhabitant's debt is paid off."
"That darned Saria!" one of the stumps spoke up, "She thinks she can just get away with things like this!"
Link and Navi blinked in unison.
"Hee hee hee…" Ivan giggled. "I remember that."
The Deku Tree sighed, "Now they fear people, especially debt collectors…but to me, they will ever be my cherished little children."
Link raised an eyebrow, "That is the weirdest story ever."
"So, Saria's still alive?" Navi asked.
"She's still alive with the transport device she made, that Rauru gave to her?" Ivan asked.
Link took a step back, "Wait, what?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Navi piped up, "The Koroks… Why don't they have fairies?"
"Uhhh…" the Deku Tree paused.
"We haven't had them for many years now," a taller Korok said.
Navi turned red, "So, wait… You don't give them fairies anymore?"
"See, when the debt collectors came, they took the fairies as temporary pay, and they've been kept as slaves for them ever since—" the Tree tried to explain.
Navi flew up to the Deku Tree's face, "You got rid of us? You got rid of US?"
"In a sense, but—" the Deku Tree started.
"What, we weren't good enough for you?" Navi yelled, "Sure, Ivan's a rare exception, but I knew several fairies who worked their hearts out day in and day out for their Kokiri!"
"I remember those days," a Korok with a high pitched voice said.
"Ahhh… That was the life…" another Korok said.
"My parents were Guardian Fairies, my grandparents were Guardian Fairies, and everyone I went to High School with became a Guardian Fairy!" Navi yelled, "And, sure, while I didn't want to be one at first, I have become accustomed to that way of living!"
"Really?" Ivan cocked his head to the side.
"My apologizes—?" the Deku Tree began.
"And now look what you've done!" Navi added, "No more jobs in the Guardian Fairy Market today, now huh? Think of all those poor innocent fairies, left unemployed in the streets! Does that make you feel better, punk? DOES IT?"
"That's enough, Navi," Link sighed.
Link waited until Navi got within arms reach. As soon as she was, he clasped his hands around her, and thereby plucking her out of the sky.
"I want a lawyer!" Navi's voice came from Link's hands, "And I probably won't have any trouble finding one, since all the fairies probably went into Law School, instead of Guardian School!"
The Deku Tree's eyebrow twitched, "As it happens, you have come just in time for a ceremony that the Koroks hold but once ever year."
"You don't say!" Link said with false enthusiasm.
"This is treason!" Navi bellowed, "TREASON, I SAY!"
"It is about to begin," the Deku Tree nodded, "I shall grant the pearl to you once their ceremony is complete. I must apologize for the brief delay, but if the ceremony is not completed soon, an ill fate could befall us."
"But Great Deku Tree," one Korok piped up, "An ill fate could befall us if we start the ceremony."
"We might as well get it over and done with," the Deku Tree sighed, "So, let it begin. Are you ready, my children?"
All the Koroks visibly got stiffer, as if they were both physically, and mentally preparing themselves for something.
"Great news, O Great Deku Tree!" a voice came from above, "Great news!"
From the open sky overhead, came another Korok. Link let go of Navi due to his surprise. Link, at first, thought the Korok was extremely shaken, but Link soon realized that it was just jittery from excitement.
"Something terrible has happened!" the Korok said, "It's Makar! Makar!"
"What is the matter, Lindar?" the Deku Tree sighed, "You and Makar are always late..."
"And you always seem to ignore me in return, O Great Deku Tree," Linder sighed.
"Did you say something just now?"
Lindar sighed, "Nooo…"
"Then what is all the commotion about, Lindar?" the Deku Tree asked.
"Makar... fell into the Forbidden Woods!" Lindar exclaimed.
There was a pause.
"You aren't pulling my roots, are you, Lindar?" the Tree asked.
"No, Great Deku Tree!" Lindar replied, "It's true! I even helped a little!"
The Great Deku Tree chuckled, "Well, bless my soul! What luck we are having this year!"
Link and Navi went wide-eyed. The Koroks encircled around them, cheered.
"Splendid!" the Deku Tree smiled, "Splendid! My dear children, we are so fortunate this festival to have such splendid luck! Now, then, let us begin—"
"Wait a minute, wait a minute!" Navi said, "I thought I heard that one of your ex-Kokiri fell into something."
"Yes? And?" the Deku Tree asked.
"And you're starting the ceremony without him?" Navi asked.
"Of course!" the Deku Tree chuckled.
The Koroks cheered again. Ivan cheered with them, until Navi glared at him.
"Isn't that a bit harsh?" Link asked, "After all, it is one of your own, right? You said that you consider the Koroks to be your children."
"Yes, that is true," the Deku Tree admitted, "However, in every family, even a father has his favourites."
"I can't believe you!" Navi let out a sound of disgust, "First you make the fairies unemployed, and now you're leaving a fellow Korok in…what was it called again?"
"The Forbidden Woods," the Deku Tree said.
"Why are the woods forbidden?" Link asked.
"The Forbidden Woods are right beside the hollowed island of our Forest Haven," the Deku Tree explained, "Those woods... The whole region is a vile place that is home to evil beasts."
"And you're leaving Makar to die?" Link asked.
The Deku Tree grinned, "Exactly."
The Koroks cheered even louder.
"Disgusting!" Navi huffed, "The Great Deku Tree I knew would never abandon a Kokiri in need!"
The Deku Tree had a grim expression on his face, "Ohhh, trust me… You do not want to save Makar."
"Why?" Link asked.
"Is the Maker bad?" Ivan asked.
Navi turned to the Korok in front of her, "Which way to the Forbidden Woods?"
The Korok trembled, but didn't say anything.
"Now, now, Drona," the Deku Tree sighed, "there is no need to conceal the location of the woods. If they want to go on a suicide mission, then so be it."
Drona gulped, "U-u-u-up there."
Drona pointed to a ledge fifty feet above the lily pad Link stood on.
"Well, that should be easy enough," Link sighed.
"Excellent," Navi smirked, "Let's go."
"Adventure!" Ivan exclaimed.
"Have fun," the Great Tree smiled, "That is, if you make it out alive."
"But, Great Deku Tree!" Lindar piped up, "...People cannot fly through the air..."
"Neither can trees," Link pointed out, "Withered tree stumps or not, you shouldn't have been able to float down earlier. Heck, Linebar, how are you still airborne?"
"The traveler makes a good point, young Lindar," the Deku Tree said.
"Great Deku Treeeee!" Lindar wailed.
"Do I really need to fly?" Link asked.
"It is not possible to enter those woods from the sea..." the Deku Tree explained, "Link, I would guess from your size that you are heavier than my Korok children..."
"And they technically shouldn't be able to fly either," Navi said, "Come on, Great Deku Tree, they're made of solid wood!"
"In other words, this mission was impossible from the start," Link sighed, "And Mackar shouldn't have technically fallen into the woods in the first place."
"Then how am I still flying?" Lindar asked.
"You have a hollow head?" Navi asked.
"Huh. That explains a lot," Lindar paused.
"…In any case," the Deku Tree sighed, "Link, if you are confident that you are able to defy the laws of physics, feel free to the item I shall bestow upon you and fly through the sky."
"Is it fairy dust?" Link gave the Deku Tree an unimpressed face, "I certainly hope not. It'd be way too clichéd and feminine."
"And you'd be able to sing that strange song from the last fic," Navi sighed. "So, no, I definitely, hope not."
The Deku Tree began to shout loudly, until a leaf appeared on a high branch. Okay. That took way too much effort for just one leaf.
The Deku Tree paused, "Forgive me, Link, but could you climb up to my crown and get the leaf from up there?"
"All the way up there?" Link asked, "Are you trying to slow us down?"
The Tree grinned, "Yes."
There was a pause.
"I hate you," Link grumbled.
"Hey, at least he's giving it to you," Navi huffed.
"Navi," Link turned to the fairy, "My little nagster with wings. Why don't you go get it for me?"
"N-N-N-Nagster!" Navi buzzed up and down, "That's insulting!"
"It's not even a word," Link rolled his eyes.
"Still!" Navi huffed, "Just for that, I'm not doing to get it for you!"
"Oh come on," Link groaned.
"No," Navi said, "I am not your dog. I'm not even your fairy. And it just so happens that I'm feeling lazy today. So there."
"Well, maybe I'm feeling lazy today too," Link crossed his arms.
Navi paused, "Don't make me take your hat."
There was a moment of silent tension between our heroes.
"It's at times like these…" Link muttered under his breath.
Link hopped off the lily pad, and went on his way. He ignored the uneasy glances of the Koroks all around him. He soon noticed something purple, and walked over to it. It looked like a Boku Baba bulb, only it was purple, and lacked a Boku Baba. Link examined it closely.
"Hmmm…" Link stroked his chin.
"Hey!" Ivan twitched, "This is a bulb which isn't in my database right now. Use it to launch upward!"
With that, the O.N.A. state fairy pushed Link into the bulb. Soon afterward, it spat Link out. Link flew a few feet in the air, then landed on his face.
"The one moment when Ivan's O.N.A. has been useful," Navi said.
"And I end up with my face in the dirt," Link's muffled voice came, "Greeeeaaaattt."
Ivan fell out of the sky, and bounced off of Link's head.
"It's better than you climbing branch by branch," Navi pointed out.
Link looked at the green ooze on his arm, "Is it?"
Link took a glance up at the Deku tree. He paused. He looked higher. He paused again. Link rolled on his back, and as his eyes followed the truck. Finally, he was able to see the top branches. Link paused again.
"Okay, yes. Yes it is," Link said, "Let's go."
Link held his breath, and plunged forth into the bulbous plant. It spat him back out again, but flung him into another bulb. Link took aim (somehow) within the second bulb, and was flung onto a branch. Link managed to land on his feet, yet he was slathered with the green goop. Large droplets flung off of his tunic when he landed—one of which pelted a Korok in the face. The Korok tipped over.
"Ouch!" the Korok let out.
"Sorry," Navi said.
"What is this stuff, anyway?" Link made a face.
The Korok stood up, revealing his mask—a long, oval shaped leaf. Link tried to withhold a smile.
"Heeeeey, fella," Link snorted, "Why the long face—"
"No! No! Stop it!" the Korok growled, "I've heard that joke way too many times. It wasn't even funny the first time! So stop it."
"But—"
"Sure, when I was a newly formed little Korok, I picked out an oval shaped leaf. The leaf was the nicest shade of green, in my opinion. And ever since then, I've been hearing the long-face jokes non-stop."
"Uhhh…"
"You know what? Fine! I'll get another leaf and stick it to my face!" the Korok yelled, "And it'll be short and circular! And on it, I will carve 'Mr. Swordsman is the biggest jerk EVER!' Who'll be laughing then? Huh? Huh? HUH?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Thank you!" the Korok huffed.
There was a pause.
"Why'd you choose a long face?" Link asked.
"GAH!" the Korok let out.
"Link, stop offending the little people," Navi said.
"But I was just asking why he—"
"Link, its obvious that just talking to you will make them upset," Navi explained, "So just avoid the jokes, and maybe avoid conversation with them all together."
"Fine," Link sighed. "That's kinda what I've been doing, anyway."
Link continued his way up the Deku Tree's truck, hopping from bulb to bulb. Eventually, Link made it to the branch where the new item was. However, he was soaked head to toe with the green ooze.
"Auuuggghhh…" Link groaned, "I could really go for a dip in the ocean right now."
"Hee hee hee!" Ivan giggled, "Link's a frog!"
Link glared at the little fairy, which stifled the giggles considerably.
"You know, with all that goop dripping off of you, you really do kinda look like a—"
DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got the Deku Leaf! This leaf can, not only fly you through the air, but can allow you to fan people with it! Seriously. You do have to use it like a fan sometimes. Also, flying takes up magic for some reason. And—oh, hey look, Link got a Magic Meter too.
The green gloop that covered Link previously, got absorbed through his skin. Link went wide-eyed.
"Did that stuff just go into me?" Link frowned.
Navi nodded, "Yeah."
"…More like…a tree frog!" Ivan concluded. "Since he's not as gooey, and he's on a tree!"
Link began to rub his skin, "Ewww! Gross! Nasty! It was better when it was dripping off of me!"
"It filled up your Magic Meter," Navi pointed out.
"Still!"
"Tree frogs are magical?" Ivan cocked his head.
"Huh. I guess it was liquefied magic power," Navi pondered, "That's useful."
"It's gross!"
"Yet useful."
"Swordsman!" came a Korok's voice, "Over here!"
Link looked over and saw said Korok on the ledge to the woods.
"Please!" the Korok yelled, "You must fly from over there to here using your Deku Leaf!"
Link blinked, "I must? I thought you guys didn't want me to rescue Makar."
"Yes, well," the Korok yelled back, "I made a bet with Makar, in which he said that he would rake the leaves for the rest of the week. And since I won, I don't want him to go back on his word!"
"Meh," Navi said, "Sounds fair to me."
"Wow…" Link paused, "Even withered tree stumps hate raking leaves."
Link raised the Deku Leaf above his head. He fluffed it up a little bit, and held onto a protruding Deku Vein. He took a deep breath, and exhaled.
Link closed his eyes, and took a running jump off the edge of the branch. As soon as his sprinting feet met air, he clung to the Deku Leaf for dear life.
Link opened one eye. He opened the other. His face lit up.
He was flying.
He was really, truly flying.
"I'm flying! I'm flying!" Link giggled, "I'm not falling to my death or anything! I'm really flying!"
"Actually, technically you're gliding," Navi said.
Link didn't hear Navi through his laughter.
"Seriously, Link, it's not that impressive," Navi said.
"Weee! Woo hoo!" Link began kicking his feet in excitement, "Boo yah!"
Navi rolled her eyes, then smiled. Oh well. At least he was acting like a kid for once.
Link's kicking motion put him into a slight swing in the air. Link saw the ground. He gulped. That was a looong way down.
Link promptly shut his mouth, and landed quietly onto the ledge.
"Excellent work, Mister Swordsman!" the Korok exclaimed.
Link looked at the Deku Leaf. He paused.
Link sighed, "Man, if flying was that easy, then why did it take the Americans so long build the first flying machine?"
Link shoved the Leaf into his START Menu. …Somehow…
"Link, we've wasted enough time already!" Navi flew up to his ear, "Now, we'd better get moving before Ivan drives me crazy. And if we don't hurry, then that Makar guy will get killed."
The nearby Korok cheered in the background.
"Hey, I can't help it if flying is fun," Link said.
Navi groaned, "Link, less talking, more rescuing!"
Through a series of events, Link found his way into the Forbidden Woods. From there he used the Deku Leaf to the point where he could abuse it no more. Defeating Boku Babas left and right, and jumping into those bulbs, Link steadily made his way through the woods. According to the scriptwriter, this dungeon is very annoying. Can't argue with her on that one.
After several hours of dungeon crawling, Link was covered from head to toe in scrapes and bruises. Despite gaining two hearts from the previous room, Link still needed half a heart to fill up the meter. So, Link was more or less exhausted from the dungeon crawling itself, and not the monsters he faced.
Link wobbled when he walked.
"I suddenly understand why these woods are forbidden," Link groaned.
Link collapsed onto the floor. The grass responded to this rude gesture by poking their blades up his nose.
"Well, it wouldn't have taken so long if you hadn't been so insistent on raiding every single monster you come across," Navi said.
"But Golden Feathers are so shiny…" was Link's muffled reply.
"Anyway, Link," Navi sighed, "You'd better pick yourself up. That is, if you don't want to take four days to find Makar."
Link lifted his face out of the mud.
"Where is that guy, anyway?" Link groaned. "I thought I would have found him by now."
"Oh come on, Link," Navi huffed, "You think the game designers are that nice?"
Link sighed, "Yes?"
"Look, I told you exactly how this is going to play out," Navi said. "First, there's gonna be a whole bunch of weird rooms, in which we cannot do anything. Then, we'll find Makar in a room not too far in, but unfortunately, he will refuse to go back until he finds his mother's stone, and get himself even deeper into the dungeon. Then, with his help, making him press switches, throwing him at jellyfish, and what not, we will have to complete the dungeon. But he will get kidnapped after a while, but that won't matter, since after we defeat the boss, he will appear in the blue light, and then we will get him out. It's as simple as that."
Link stood up.
"Navi, you said that was the case for one dungeon your Link went through," Link moaned, "And we've been searching several rooms, and we still haven't found him. Are you sure that's the way it's gonna play out?"
"Either that, or we are going to have to go through this dungeon, using several Deku Flowers and whatnot, and finally find Makar after we beat the boss, being held hostage in a room covered by vines," Navi explained. "Then we're going to have to put him in a bottle, and release him in front of the Deku Tree to stop him from punishing the foolish monkey by boiling him alive."
"Wait, what?" Link blinked.
"I've got an idea!" Navi exclaimed, "We should split up. We'll cover more ground that way. And find Makar faster."
Link was in no mood to argue, "'Kay. Navi, you go with Ivan."
"What?" Navi hissed, "No way!"
"Navi!" Ivan exclaimed.
Ivan clung to Navi's arm, and refused to let go. Link snickered.
Navi groaned, "Why do I always get Ivan?"
"Because," Link began, "you've known him longer out of the two of us. Plus, he's your boyfriend."
"Hey, just because he's clinging to my arm, does not mean he's my boyfriend!" Navi blushed.
"Then how come you're blushing?" Link smirked.
"I am not!" Navi huffed.
"Navi, you're pink?" Ivan gasped. "Are you a pink fairy?"
"What? No!" Navi groaned. "And stop clinging to my arm!"
"Whatever!" Link said, "He'd be a lot safer with you. So just take him."
"We're going to be alone together?" Ivan asked.
Navi kept herself from sobbing, "Yes. Yes, Ivan, we will be."
"Can we go Asparagus picking, Navi?" Ivan exclaimed, "Just you and me?"
There was a long pause.
"You know…" Navi said, "…we could just leave him here. And nobody would ever find out…"
"And we can collect Asparaguseses to feed our Tree Frog!" Ivan pointed at Link. "It'll be so much fun!"
Link seriously considered this option.
"No," Link said after a while, "We can't be as heartless as the Tree and the Koroks. Abandoning Makar and all."
Navi sighed, "I guess you're right. We have to set an example, until we can get rid of him. Come on, Ivan, let's go."
"Are there any Asparagus here?" Ivan flew over to some grass.
"Ivan! No! Now come on!" Navi snapped.
"But, Navi!" Ivan pointed to a plant monster. "This one looks awful tasty!"
"Ahh! No! Ivan! That's a—"
Link snuck into the next room while he had the chance.
The wooden door slammed behind him. A couple leaves blew up when it closed. They fluttered down softly.
Link trotted along his way, quite thankful for some time to himself for once, when he halted suddenly.
Link paused. Something was missing. Something was off.
It was too…quiet. The air was too still. He could actually hear leaves falling onto the forest floor, and the wind blowing the vines about. Well, either that, or the vines were actually animated plant monsters that wanted to kill him, but he could still hear them really well. Link wasn't used to it being this quiet before. It was rather unsettling. The world was like an empty void, with nothing but him inside.
This puzzled Link. Why was he feeling like this? He knew he had just left Navi and Ivan off to do their own thing, but leaving them behind couldn't have made him feel like this. He had only met Navi a few days ago, and he knew Ivan for even less. Yet he felt like a sound that had been bothering him for many years in his life had abruptly stopped. And now he was in relapse or something.
Link came upon a sudden realization: What he missed was the rat-tat-tatting from Aryll's machine guns in the morning. The way the grenades woke him up during naps. The way the seagulls would throw sticks of dynamite back after her. All those craters in the sand. All that worrying about whether or not Aryll would live another day. Or he would live another day. Sure, he didn't really want to go back to that kind of living again—now that he was man and all. But all those noises… He actually kind of missed it, now that he thought about it.
Link blinked. How come he was only feeling the after affects of this now? Aryll was kidnapped days ago. Shouldn't he have felt it then, instead of now?
"Whoa. What happened to you?"
"For the Goddesses' sakes! Hurry up!"
"Great going, genius."
"You moron!"
Link paused. Oh. As soon as Aryll had been kidnapped, Navi filled in the void of silence with her constant nattering at him. In a sense, she had replaced Aryll's warfare.
That was actually really pathetic, Link realized, if Navi's blabbering was able to equate to the sounds of Aryll's war with the Seagulls. Link sighed. He guessed that Ivan equated to his Grandmother, rambling on about peace all the time. He didn't feel like he had even left home, in that respect.
Wow. Link didn't feel like he had left home. Now that was just sad.
The silence enveloped him once more. It was unnerving.
Okay. That was it. He missed the fairies a little. Just a little. And he was going to get this part of the dungeon over with as soon as possible to meet up with them.
Link came to a decision. After this dungeon, he would never split ways with the fairies again. Unless it was absolutely necessary. And whatever was absolutely necessary could always be left until the next day.
With that in mind, Link strode forward confidently until he again realized how quiet it was around him.
Link continued on his way, and quickly found the silence to be unbearable. Fortunately for him, the next room he entered had both Ivan and Navi in it. Link became so overjoyed (not that he would admit it, mind you) that he didn't notice the puffs of glowing dust fall onto his shoulders.
Link's face lit up, "You guys!"
"Hiii~, tree frog!" Ivan waved back.
"Watch out, moron!" Navi yelled.
Link sighed. Same old Navi. Did she even miss him? Then again, he had left her with Ivan. So she was probably a little ticked. Link sighed. Some glowing dust landed on his nose.
"Above you!" Navi pointed.
Link blinked. He looked up, and found himself eye to eye with a gigantic moth…butterfly…freaky thing. As soon as he looked at it, it flew toward him with fire propelling it forward.
Link's eyes widened, "Wahh!"
Link ducted. The flames scorched the tip of his hat. The butterfly moth thing began flapping its wings to hover before him.
"That's what we've been trying to tell you!" Navi yelled, "We've been fighting that thing for three straight minutes! And considering how fast time flows in this game, that's a lot!"
Link held up his shield pensively. He was mildly alarmed by the fire that spewed out of the moth's butt, but apart from that, Link found that this was another opportunity to prove his knightly strength—
"THIS IS NOT THE TIME!" Navi yelled.
"Weee~!" Ivan twirled around in the air.
Link slashed away wildly until the demonic butterfly fell to the ground. Unnerved, the butterfly turned around, and shot little black balls with eyeballs at him. The spikes on the eyeballs clung to Link's tunic, and their combined weight caused him to move slower.
"What is this, a Mini Boss Guide now?" Navi groaned.
"Hee hee hee~!" Ivan giggled, "What a nice sweater you have there!"
"Ivan, it's not a sweater—" Link began.
Now that Ivan mentioned it, Link noticed how much these little guys made him itch. Huh. It kinda was like one of Grandma's sweaters. It reminded him of the sweater Link got on his seventh birthday—
"Link! Don't just stand there!" Navi yelled. "Kill it!"
"Okay, okay!" Link groaned, "I know!"
"Well, obviously you don't know, since I have to remind you all the time!" Navi huffed.
"Gaaaahhh…" Link sighed.
Link continued to hack away until the butterfly moth monster died. It curled up on its back, and turned black before it finally went up in a poof of smoke. A door to a chest opened up in the corner.
"It has magical powers!" Ivan gasped.
"No, Ivan. It does not have—" Navi began.
There was a pause.
"Actually, maybe it does have magical powers," Navi said, "After all, I don't see how else a door can open right after something dies."
"Maybe this entire dungeon is rigged, and they've been lying to us the entire time," Link added.
Ivan gasped dramatically.
"Who's been lying to us?" Navi asked.
"You know…" Link looked around suspiciously, "…Them."
Oh crap. He's onto us.
"The tree frog knows all…" Ivan gaped.
"Link, just go open the chest," Navi sighed.
"Fine. Don't believe me," Link muttered.
DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got the Boomerang! A sunshine yellow one too! This nifty little thing can do a lot of things like stun enemies, cut ropes, and collect items for you! (It's still nowhere as awesome as the Grappling Hook.)
Link targeted Navi. He threw the boomerang at her. Navi stayed in the air, motionless, as stars circled around her head.
"Aughawagga…" Navi gargled.
"Sweet," Link smiled, "It really does stun enemies."
"Navi's the enemy?" Ivan gasped.
Link shrugged, "Sometimes, at least."
"…Th-th-that's n-not fu-fwunny…" Navi pointed a numb hand at Link.
"No. You're right, Navi," Link grinned, "It's not funny. It's hilarious."
"L-L-LWINK!" Navi yelled.
Many hours of dungeon crawling (and heart collecting) later…
"Okay… The boss's room… Finally…" Link wheezed.
"Fatty," Navi huffed. "You really need to get in shape."
"I do not," Link lifted up a weary finger, "I'm in shape in different ways."
"Ah, you mean the useless ones," Navi said.
"H-Hey!"
"Put in the key, already," Navi groaned.
Link straightened up, "You know, Makar'd better be in here. We've searched every other room in this dungeon, and we still haven't found him."
"Is Maker like Rhapsody?" Ivan asked.
"No, Makar probably won't be like Medli," Navi said.
"Do you think Maker can join us on our adventures?" Ivan asked.
"No, Ivan," Navi said, "That has got to be one of the stupidest ideas you've ever—"
A light bulb appeared above the blue fairy's head. Navi turned to Link. The lock clattered to the ground.
"Link, do you think that we could do a trade?" Navi asked. "The Deku Tree obviously doesn't want Makar, and I can't wait to ditch Ivan."
"That's not a bad idea…" Link paused.
"It's not?" Ivan asked, then paused, "Wait, what's not?"
Link nodded, "Okay then, let's get this Makar, and then trade Ivan off as soon as we get back."
"The Maker and I will trade together?" Ivan asked. "Oh boy, I hope the Maker's nice. And a good trader."
Navi rolled her eyes as the three of them walked through the door. Link peered ahead of him, and saw a withered tree stump—presumably Makar. He stood atop a large, open flower.
Upon seeing some form of rescue, Makar jumped up and down. He waved his arms and began screeching like a madman. Just kidding. He was just jumping up and down. Either way, none of them noticed the large flower as it began to move.
"Jeez, how did he make it this far inside the dungeon?" Navi asked.
"Good traders are hard to find," Ivan nodded.
Link turned to Navi, and shrugged. Link looked back just in time to see Makar get swallowed by the stigma of the gigantic flower behind him.
"The trader," Ivan flung his arms up in the air, "has been eated!"
"Well, that's the end of that," Link sighed. "Does anyone have a Plan B?"
"Pick Asparaguseses?" Ivan asked.
Navi face-palmed, "No."
"Besides that, Ivan," Link explained.
"Not get Vine Whipped by the giant Bulbasaur?" Ivan pointed.
Link sighed. "Okay. I have no idea what he's on abou—HOLY CYCLOS BABIES!"
An army of hooked vines almost sliced Link in half. Link ran like the dickens. In a brief moment of rest, Link noticed that the flower had decided to disregard all physics, rebulb itself, and hold itself up to the roof of the ceiling.
It took Link a while to figure out how to effectively attack the flower, but he soon found that the Korok-eating stigma was the weak point. Using his sunshine-yellow boomerang, Link defeated this boss by cutting the bulb from the ceiling, and slashing away that the 'head' of the stigma. Makar, who should have been fully digested by this point, popped out of the flower's remains, right next to the Heart Container. As soon as Makar regained his senses, he waddled over to Link.
"Ha ha ha ha," Link chuckled. "Who's the boss now?"
Navi groaned, "Augh…bad pun is bad."
"Link's a boss!" Ivan gasped. "That means he's the enemy! Quick, Navi, throw a boomerang at him!"
"Ivan…you fail," Navi sighed.
"Swordsman..." Makar paused. "Are you the one who rescued me?"
"Holy crap!" Navi turned to Makar. "How are you still alive?"
"Why yes, I am," Link grinned smugly. "Yes, I am."
"You have my thanks!" Makar bowed.
"Well, at least we can still trade him off," Navi sighed.
"Oh goody!" Ivan clapped his hands in excitement. "I can't wait to trade with him!"
"When all went dark around me," Makar began, "I thought my time on the earth was over."
"So did I, sprout," Link said. "So did I."
"But... why are you here, swordsman?" Makar asked.
"Uhh… Well…" Link bit his lip.
"You see, the Deku Tree…erm…" Navi paused.
"The Great Deku Tree wanted us to find you!" Ivan exclaimed. "And now we can trade! Isn't it great?"
Link and Navi looked at Ivan. That was the biggest lie Ivan had ever told, but it was probably the most appropriate thing to say.
"What? The Great Deku Tree sent you?" Makar gasped. "Oh! Th-That's right. Today's the day of our annual ceremony! I forgot! And after all this practicing I've done! Oh, this is bad! I shouldn't be here! If I stay here much longer, then they'll start without me like they did last year!"
Link and Navi looked at each other. Wow. That Deku Tree was harsh.
"And then we can trade?" Ivan cocked his head.
"I must get out of here immediately!" Makar exclaimed. "I can't miss it! I'm playing the music! And…and…and…!"
"Okay! Okay!" Link said, "We'll take you. Just let me go and get that Heart Container and then we'll go. Okay?"
Makar nodded. Either that, or he bowed a few times. Link couldn't tell.
DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got another Heart Container! One more heart onto Link's health meter! Lucky him!
"Let's go, Swordsman!" Makar exclaimed. "I haven't got a moment to lose!"
"Alright, alright," Link sighed, "Hold your horses."
Makar cocked his head, "What's a horse?"
"It's a maaaagical creature that comes from the sky, and takes you to Candy Mountain!" Ivan explained, "Either that, or Pegasuses…but…"
"Really?" Makar asked. "I should write a song about that! And it shall involve kidneys!"
"That'd be a weird song…" Link paused.
"Never mind," Navi sighed. "Let's just get out of here."
Link trotted up to the swirly blue wind wisps, and was warped away with the fairies. Makar followed shortly after.
Link was magically warped right onto the Deku Tree's lily pad, with the fairies on either side. Link looked up and saw Makar was standing on his head. Wow. Talk about convenient.
The Deku Tree paled, "Oh no… You actually came back alive…"
Makar didn't seem to hear, "I'm sorry, Great Deku Tree... I know you warned us many times, but still I did not listen..."
Makar burst into loud wails.
Makar sniffled, "Lindar said it seemed like a good idea, and I could have sworn he pushed me, but…"
Navi and Link went wide-eyed.
The Deku Tree obviously couldn't stand a crying face, "Do not worry, Makar. You are safe now. Just be more careful from now on."
"Oh, thank you, Great Deku Tree!" Makar's face lit up.
"Did you have to bring him back?" the Deku Tree gave Link a heartbroken face. "Did you really have to?"
"We couldn't just leave a person in need!" Navi retorted. "Well, maybe not a person, but he's still a living being!"
"Normally…" the Deku Tree sighed, "that would be the right thing to do…"
Both Navi and Link raised an eyebrow.
"Here, just take the pearl," the Deku Tree's voice cracked up, "and get out of here as fast as you can…"
The Deku Tree's leaves shook—either from his own will, or from his repressed sniffling. Out came a green orb, which nailed Link right in the stomach. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got Farore's Pearl! Only one more to go until you can catapult them at random Great Sea inhabitants—erm…I mean…
"Oh, don't cry, Deku Tree," Makar said, "Here, I'll play a song for you to cheer you up! I've been practicing really hard!"
"NO! No!" the Deku Tree gagged. "Anything but that!"
Makar pulled out his Violin…from somewhere. He held it like a Cello.
"But, I planned on playing this song for the festival this year—" Makar protested.
"Makar," the Deku Tree begged. "Please."
"And I'm sure you'll love it!" Makar nodded to himself.
"Noooo…" the Deku Tree sobbed.
"Is Makar really that bad?" Link whispered to Navi.
Navi shrugged. Makar began to play. The Deku Tree braced himself. Link braced himself too, just in case.
"I'm a little Korok~," Makar sang, "Short and stout~."
"Huh," Link relaxed, "This isn't so bad."
"Here is my arm~," Makar continued, "And here is my sprout~."
"It's actually kind of cute," Navi smiled.
The Deku Tree looked at our heroes with a wary eye.
"When I get all angry," Makar continued, "hear me shout~:"
Makar took a deep breath.
"YOU $*%#! I HOPE YOU GO TO $#(! YOU (#$*ING SON OF A )$*%! YOU $(#($ING #)#$! I )$*%ING HATE YOU, YOU $%*! YOUR MOTHER IS A $)(#$! $#%*(#! (#~#! $#*%$! )#$*! $(%! ()$%! )($! $()$#!"
"HOLY—" Link took a step back.
"KA$#$! U SHALL #)$(% IN #$*%! AND $#*%^ YOUR $#(%*! AND THEN YOU WILL #$%( WITH YOUR #$*%*$# AND YOUR #%($! YOU #$($%^IBBITY $#*$#* #(%$%! AND YOUR BEAGLE WILL $#( AND #*% WITH YOU, YOU #$*%$ING ($*$!" Makar screeched.
"I think I just lost my innocence!" Link's jaw dropped.
Ivan cocked his head, "Do trades normally start out like this?"
"Ah! Ivan! Cover your ears!" Navi covered Ivan's ears.
"AND YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK OF YOUR #$*%ING #*$ER? I THINK ITS A $#*%ING #$(ING (#$*! AND *#$% YOUR (#*#*ING #$*! BECAUSE IT #$(%*ING #(#$*ING #$*%! AND $%*^, AND #$*, AND #($* UNTIL YOU CAN #%*(# NO MORE! YOU SHALL NEVER #*$$% AGAIN!" Makar yelled.
Makar wheezed loudly to catch his breath.
Link's mouth hung open, "That song has more swears than the rest of this fanfic!"
"This, and the previous two fanfics combined!" Navi gasped.
"New record!" Ivan giggled.
"Thank you," Makar bowed. "Thank you."
Link turned to the Deku Tree. Link noticed he had lost a lot of colour.
"It gets worse…" the Deku Tree panted, "the more songs you hear…"
Link nodded, "Ah."
"And my next piece," Makar continued, "I wrote while I was wandering through the Forbidden Woods."
The Deku Tree gagged, "You have MORE?"
As soon as Makar began to play, the Koroks behind them erupted in a choir of wailing.
"I'M #$*%#ING STUCK IN A $#(%IBBITY $%*#(ING FOREST WITH $#%&*$ $#**# ^**$ING PLANTS AND #(#%!" Makar screeched. "AND THERE ARE #$%*ING CHU CHUS $%*#ING EVERWHERE! AND I $#*%ING SWEAR THAT #$*ING LINDAR #*%ING PUSHED ME! AND #$*%IBBITY #($#( (*#!"
From the Deku Tree's agony, a whole bunch of seeds burst out from within his higher branches. All the Koroks behind our trio, flew up to the seeds.
"Quick!" one of them yelled.
"WITH #*$ING ##( %)#% APPLESAUCE! AND #*$!" Makar continued.
"Get them far away from here, before they wither from Makar's singing!" another one said.
The Koroks plucked the seeds with their feet (not a very effective method), and flew away with the seedlings as fast as they could. Makar noticed their hastily rude departure, stopped playing, and yelled after them.
"FOOLS!" Makar screamed after them. "I AM AN ARTISTE!"
Makar began smashing his violin against the floor like some 80s rockstar. Link's eyes bulged.
"A MASTER OF THE ARTS!" Makar yelled on top of the ruins of his violin.
The Deku Tree gasped for air.
"And here I thought only Saria had an insane side," Navi said.
"Is this when we trade?" Ivan asked.
"No, Ivan," Navi sighed. "Forget the trade completely."
"Wh-what?" the Deku Tree stuttered. "There was a trade?"
"You know, I was considering on asking to trade him," Navi indicated toward Makar, "for Ivan…but now I've changed my mind."
"No!" the Deku Tree yelled, "Take him! Take him! Please! Here, I'll throw Hollo in for free! No charge! And I'll even let you keep your fairy friend. Just pleeease take him away…far far away from here!"
"Link," Navi said, "Ivan… Let's get out of here."
Link nodded slowly and the three of them left while ignoring the Deku Tree's pleas.
When Link stepped outside, he paused for a moment.
"I kinda feel sorry for the Deku Tree," Link said. "He can't run like the rest of us."
"Aww, man…" Navi gulped. "Now I feel like a jerk."
"Don't worry, Navi," Ivan smiled. "Even though we never got to trade with Makar, I bet the Great Deku Tree was happy to see us!"
"No, Ivan, I very much doubt that," Navi sighed.
Link walked forward, with his guilt weighting him down so much that he felt like he was being dragged on the floor. This soon ended, however, when Link spied a wiggling Postbox.
"Wait, what the heck?" Navi blinked.
"Ahh," Link said, "Looks like I have mail."
"Duuuude…" Navi's mouth hung open. "It…wiggles…"
"Yaaaaay~!" Ivan giggled. "It wiggles!"
'Gooood moooorrrning!' the postbox sang.
"Good morning to you too," Link said. "You have a letter for me?"
'Letters for Link?' the postbox asked. 'We have 1 letter! Here is your letter.'
Link opened up his hands in front of the Postbox. The Postbox spat the letter into Link's hands. Ivan clapped in amusement.
"Ewww!" Navi cringed. "That's nasty!"
Ivan smiled, "Do it again! Do it again!"
To amuse Ivan, the Postbox began blowing spit bubbles. Link tore open the letter.
'Dear Link,
If you are reading this letter, it can only mean you have peeked into one of our many postboxes. I am indebted to you. I am very sorry I let you leave without thanking you. Please accept my heartfelt apology along with my thanks.'
"Who's it from?" Navi asked.
"I think its from one of the Rito," Link replied.
'We cannot do much to help you, but we can at least do this: if we get any letters or parcels for you, we will deliver them to a postbox near you. If you see any wiggling postboxes, please look inside them.'
"But I already knew that!" Link huffed. "Do they think I've lived under a rock my entire life? I have picked up the mail before. Cyclos."
Navi blinked, "What is it you knew about already?"
"Nothing," Link sighed.
'I suppose you have a long way to go before your perilous journey is done. I have included a gift for you with my letter in the hope that it might help you. Please accept this small token. I look forward to the day that we meet again.
May Fortune Fill Your Wings
From Komali's Father'
"Ahh, it's from the chief," Link said.
"Hmm… That's cool," Navi said.
"Not really," Link shrugged. "Hey, look. There's something attached."
DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Heart Piece! Now you're halfway to getting another Heart Container! Dang! Komali's dad is generous!
"Well, Link," Navi announced. "I've come to a decision."
"What?" Link asked.
"Even though we didn't get to trade Ivan in, today was a pretty good day," Navi smiled.
"And imagine if we had gone through with trading Makar for Ivan," Link added. "That would really suck."
"You said it, Link," Navi said.
Navi turned to Ivan, who had just popped one of the Postbox's spit bubbles.
"Ivan, even though you're a pain in the rear at times," Navi sighed, "We're fortunate that we got you, as opposed to someone else."
Ivan blinked, "What?"
"Oh, Ivan," Navi chuckled. "You idiot."
"Yeah," Link sighed. "Uh-huh. Now that the moral of the chapter is over with, can we get on our way?"
"Sure thing," Navi said. "Just hop in the boat and—"
"So this place, too, has been attacked by Ganon—augh! D-D-DORF!" Ivan vibrated. "Could he already be regaining his power?"
"Oh, not again!" Navi groaned.
"Rito turds," Link sighed.
"Link, you must get the remaining pearl!" Ivan turned to Link. "It lies in a place northwest of here. We must set sail immediately!"
"Ivan, that's what we were trying to do, before you interrupted us," Link explained.
"Inte-inter-interpuppted?" Ivan blinked.
"Hey! He managed to stay airborne this time!" Navi exclaimed. "That's quite the accomplishment. Well, for Ivan, that is."
"Really?" Ivan asked.
"Yes, Ivan," Navi smiled. "Really."
"What does airborne mean?" Ivan asked.
Navi face palmed.
"Whatever," Link sighed. "Let's just get going. I'm getting bored, and there's nothing else to do here, except explore those other two small islands, but hey, there's probably nothing on them that's at all interesting: like a photo gallery place or anything. So, let's go."
"You said it, Link," Navi said.
Link hopped in the red boat.
"Hee hee~!" Ivan snickered. "He really is a frog."
"H-Hey!"
Cherry-sama: Man, I thought this chapter would be almost as long as the Rito chapter. Huh. I guess not. Also, I thought I'd mention that Bombchu Bowling Girl pointed out a grammatical error in the chapter. It has since then been fixed.
Toon Link: (gargles)
Link: What's with him?
Cherry-sama: He's dying because of my infrequent updates.
Ivan: That's okay, vegetable. (hugs Cherry-sama's arm) You're still going to be sour.
Cherry-sama: …whut?
Aryll: I knew it. The seagulls are driving everybody insane. SEAGULLS! (chases after them)