CHAPTER 10

"Open the door, Jace!" Clary knocked one more time at Jace's door. She was about to get back to bed after killing time (since she can't sleep) star-gazing from her window when she saw Jace entering the Institute. It was downright two thirty in the morning and just from considering the time, Clary instantly knew where he was from—hunting demons.

"Jace!" Clary exclaimed again. "Open the door! We need to talk!"

"What?" Jace angrily swung the door open that Church, who was nonchalantly gazing at Clary the whole time, leaped and hurriedly left the corridor.

Clary thought that Jace may had been preparing his bath as she could hear running water inside, but it all the more confirmed his whereabouts in the wee hours of the morning. He needed to wash away the demon stench.

It had been three days since she and Jace had a real talk. And this was not what she expected from him now that they were only a week away from his departure. Clary was right in thinking that making a decision would not be enough in three weeks. But Clary was glad that she was honest with herself. And that her decision was what she truly wanted.

"What are you doing?" Clary exclaimed as she faced Jace. "You're hunting demons again? Alone?"

"That's what I do, Clary. I'm a Shadowhunter."

"But you were alone. I thought you said you'd never do that again."

"I never said anything like that."

"You promised!"

"That doesn't matter anymore."

"You're just doing this because you're mad at me!" Clary exclaimed.

Jace didn't respond. Staring at her and her green eyes, the ones he immediately liked about her. And then the knowledge that he might no longer see them again.

It was supposed to be a lovely afternoon—that day—Jace recalled. He had just finished packing his remaining clothes in the drawer and wanted to check up on Clary's room as well and see whether she was finished packing herself. But he went there and found the room empty, though her suitcases were all ready. So, he looked for her inside the Institute instead and finally found her in the library where she was busy with her laptop.

"Hey," He called for her. "What about some milkshakes at Taki's?"

Clary immediately closed the laptop, a tensed look on her face.

"You alright?" Jace had asked then.

"Yes! Very much."

Jace thought she answered too scripted. Like she had been caught doing something illegal.

"What's that you're doing with the board thing?" He sat beside her.

"Nothing. Looking for some clothes I could give to Isabelle."

No, Jace thought.

"Let's see. I may be able to help you. Although I'd rather give her kitchenware, if you know what I mean." Jace was pulling the laptop from her hands, but Clary wouldn't budge.

"No, Jace, it's a girl thing, you wouldn't—"

But Jace was so much stronger. And once the screen came back to life…

"Jace…" Clary whispered. Jace sat there in a frown, scrolling down and reading each tags and pages on the computer screen. And then slowly, he stood up and handed back the laptop to Clary.

"You know," he started pacing in front of her, scratching his chin once in a while. "I may have never known your world that much, but I know what college application means."

"Jace…" Clary stood up and reached for him. But Jace backed away, with that same frown and angry look on his face.

"College means school, Clary. And school means staying here."

"Jace…" Clary tried to explain again.

"Are you planning to stay here?" Jace asked loudly, not allowing her to finish and not minding either to hide his anger. He looked at Clary and saw how fast her eyes brimmed with tears. With his training skills, he immediately saw how she fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, how she bit her lip trying to control her sobs… He knew he wouldn't like her answer.

"Yes," Clary finally spoke. "I'm moving back in at Luke and my mom's."

Jace looked at her still with bewilderment and much more with anger as Clary looked away from his gaze and down at her foot.

"I'm staying, Jace."

That's all what Jace needed to hear to run away from her. And it took him days to face her again. Isabelle had asked him countless times what had happened but he had never spoken, nor did Clary, he thought. He cancelled their trainings as he thought them to already be useless. The façade she was showing was departure alright, but not for Alicante and definitely not for him.

"Jace!" Clary shouted once more. "Why are you hunting alone?"

"It's none of your business." He answered bitterly as he gripped the door knob tightly.

Clary looked back at him in disbelief. A sad look flashed on her face, but she immediately composed herself, he noticed. She didn't want him to see her so weak and vulnerable. Jace knew she would be leaving soon and Luke called up yesterday and wanted her to settle in with them by tomorrow. Clary asked for two more days.

"Well, I'm sorry!" Clary raised up her hands in surrender. "I won't bother in the future."

"Good! I didn't ask you in the first place!"

Jace and Clary stared at each other, fuming.

"What's this all about?" Suddenly, Isabelle was walking towards them, yawning and scratching her still ruffled hair. "You're waking everyone up."

Jace sighed, trying to hide his annoyance from his sister. "It's nothing. Go back to bed."

But it was too late. Alec was also on his way towards them.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Isabelle shrugged and pointed at Jace and Clary. "They were shouting nonsense to each other."

"Oho? Now they're on speaking terms again?" Alec inquired his sister, a mischievous smile forming across his face.

"More like ripping each other's throat." Isabelle replied.

"I told you it's nothing." Jace told Isabelle and Alec more firmly this time. Then like the authoritarian that he was, he looked at Clary, expressionless, and said, "Go back to bed." "Jace…"

But he ignored her. And without another word, Jace slammed his door shut, leaving Clary and most especially his siblings, in an awkward silence.

"I… uh… Well, I'm going to bed." Alec finally said soon after, breaking the silence between them. He was not so sure—as it was really that quiet in the corridor—but the thought that he might've heard a small sniffle from Clary already scared the hell out of him. He didn't want any part in this and might as well be the first to move.

But Isabelle was far more sympathetic. She stood there in front of Clary, waiting patiently for her to speak up. And when Clary finally looked up, Isabelle immediately gave her a hug and had themselves settled in the kitchen with warm tea mugs in hands.

"Thanks, Izz." Clary sniffled.

"Well, heating water and popping some tea bags are no biggie." She shrugged back. "So," Isabelle added after a little while. "What happened, Clary?"

Clary smiled sadly at her and sighed. "I… I don't know how to say it."

"You could trust me… I'm practically your sister." Isabelle offered a small smile.

"Oh, I know Isabelle, I know. That's why it's harder to tell. "

"Is it that bad? That's why Jace is so mad at you?" Isabelle said softly. But even though Clary knew Isabelle didn't intend to, she had her wincing. Jace hated her. A fact Clary didn't need any reminding.

"Yes. It's that bad." Clary nodded then sipped her tea. "Isabelle. . ."

"Hmm..?"

Clary looked at her sister. Sister. That made her wince in pain again. Isabelle would be another person she would be hurting.

"Clary?" Isabelle spoke cautiously.

Clary took a deep breath, and finally she said, "Izz, I'm staying."

Isabelle almost choked on her tea. "Stay?" she asked in disbelief. "But…but—why?"

"Because I want to, Izz." Clary explained. Is there any other reason?

Isabelle went silent, then frowned—almost sad, disappointed.

"Are you not happy with us, Clary?"

"No! Oh God, Isabelle! Don't ever think that!" Clary grabbed Isabelle's hand and gripped it tightly. "I love you guys! It's just that…"

"It's just that?"

"It's just that… I really don't see myself as a full-time Shadowhunter… like you guys."

"Oh, Clary," Now it was Isabelle's turn to grip Clary's hand. "You could easily catch up! Training in Alicante would be better!"

"Izz… It's not the training. It's really as simple as… I don't want it anymore." Clary shrugged. "It's not me."

Isabelle found no words to reply. How could she top that? Clary just didn't want it anymore. How could she persuade Clary when she's already all determined to stay? Would she listen to Clary if she, for example, asked her to stay in the Institute rather than go back to Alicante, her home?

No, Isabelle realized.

It was like taking away some part of her life. And asking Clary the same thing, for her to go with them in Alicante, was like taking her away from her home. Isabelle had to admit, New York would always be Clary's home, no matter how hard it was to accept that fact.

"I didn't ask to be a hero of some country, Izz." Clary continued. "I'm just a redhead who loves to paint." Clary almost chuckled lightly.

"Oh, Clary…" And that did it. Isabelle walked around the center table of the kitchen and sat beside Clary.

With arms around each other, neither could remember when they both stopped crying.

Clary felt like an intruder inside the Institute, now that she realized that it will be her last night. But Isabelle was all busy searching her luggage filtering and adding, omitting and cursing at some clothes Isabelle said was unpackable that she couldn't help but still feel… okay.

"The least I could do is to teach you the rules of fashion, Clary, before we part ways." Then Isabelle blinked. Realizing what she just said. Then almost choking up, she continued, as if she hadn't spoken. "Well, remember, don't mix the turtle neck with too many shiny jewelries. And don't even think about wearing a sweater while going to the mall!"

And Alec, to Clary's surprise, also seemed to be saddened about her news. He gave her a warm hug while Magnus, the drama queen that he is, actually walked out politely, saying that he needed a solitary moment to cry out his sadness.

Isabelle, Alec, and Magnus kept her company for her last remaining hours in the Institute, making her comfortable, retelling her stories of their adventures, and sometimes even bickering into who will walk Clary to her room—into which all three of them agreed to do.

But Jace.

Jace would always be Jace, sneaking in and out of the Institute, pretending that all of them didn't exist. If he were only allowed, Jace would've wanted to already go along with Maryse and Robert in their earlier departure for Alicante two days ago. But his parents wanted him to stay.

"For your sibling's sake," Robert said before he entered the portal. "I think they are having a hard time leaving the place. And I know you are too." Then he winked at him and left.

But Jace knew better. Of course Robert and Maryse knew Clary wasn't coming with them. And they thought of giving him the time to accept that.

But it wasn't easy.

So as much as possible, for him to no longer feel the pain, he stayed away, as far away as his feet would let him.

But there were also the moments where fate would play a trick on him and let him accidentally bump into Clary while actually looking for his siblings. He didn't speak. Nor did she. But he saw that longing in her eyes that he wanted to stomp his foot to wake him up already from the nightmare, swallow in his pride, and just… talk to her. Hug her and tell her everything would be alright.

But his stomach would always churn every time he remembered that it wouldn't last for so long. She'll stay. He'll leave. What did that make of their relationship? An attachment. An unnecessary attachment.

End it, he told himself one time. It would be that way, eventually.

So Jace did what he always did best. He left. Whenever the opportunity of reconciliation arises, he leaves. And he thought of it, always, as hopelessness. He and Clary could never be together.

But still, he watched—in the small gap of his door and the frame, hiding from everyone's sights—while Alec, Magnus and Isabelle led Clary back to her room, he pretended it was him she was with. Just like the old days.

"Goodnight!" He heard Clary say. And as the three walked to their respective rooms, and Magnus heading towards the elevator, blowing out kisses to the others, he saw Clary, for a millisecond or so, glance towards his door. She frowned, wondering why the door stood ajar; maybe wondering if he was there or out trying to kill more demons.

For a moment there, their eyes met, despite Jace hiding in the shadows. They made contact after days of denial.

But quickly and silently, as if a hot knife pierced through him, Jace closed the door.

"Clary?" Clary was disturbed by her mother's voice. She was again, gazing from her window, resting her head on the window pane, letting the cool breeze take away her worries, her what-ifs, her pain…

"Mom?" she turned around.

Jocelyn smiled softly at her. She crossed the room, bent down a little and hugged Clary.

Clary laughed. "What is it with you?"

"Can I not hug my daughter anytime I want to?" she looked at Clary sternly, though clearly joking.

"Mom…" Clary exhaled. Jocelyn smiled sadly again.

"You've been up here for so long now. Maybe you want to go to the movies?"

"Uh… No. I'm fine."

"Really, Clary?" Her mom replied, not believing her.

"It's going to be over soon. They'll be leaving tomorrow morning."

Jocelyn paused for a short while she watched Clary gaze again, outside the window.

"Are you happy, Clary?" Jocelyn finally asked.

Clary turned her head. "Of course I am! Why do you even ask?"

Jocelyn pulled the chair from Clary's vanity table then sat down beside her. She took Clary's hand in hers and gripped it.

"Is it a right decision? To stay here? You could always turn back…"

Clary admired her mother's courage. Of course she knew Jocelyn didn't want her to go, but like the caring mother that she is, she will be thinking of Clary's happiness, even if she can't have what she wants.

"I don't need to change my mind, mom. This is it. It's final. This is where I want to be."

"Won't you miss it? Miss him?"

"Of course I'll miss him. I'll miss him, and Izz, and even Alec. But life has to go on, doesn't it?" Clary explained. "I love Jace. But not everything about my life is about him."

It was the first time she had been that vocal about her relationship with Jace. Especially right in front of Jocelyn. But that didn't matter anymore. Jace would be gone in a couple of hours and Clary didn't need to be in denial.

It wasn't hopelessness.

It was simply a choice.

Jocelyn let out a breath and stroked Clary's head.

"You know what Luke said, before?"

"What?"

"That the people you love and who loves you back would always be the first to understand your decisions?"

"You heard that, didn't you?"

"Yes," Jocelyn nodded and chuckled lightly. "I was afraid Luke was the one who ruined your evening, that day at the Lightwoods. But he just missed you so much… I miss you so much."

Clary let her mother finish.

"He would understand." And by 'he' Clary knew her mom was pertaining to Jace. "Eventually, he will."

Clary nodded, receiving another rib-breaking hug from her mother.

"I hope so." she murmured back.

"I suggest you keep your windows up tonight. The night breeze will help you clear your mind." Jocelyn said as she walked out the room. And as she closed the door behind her, she gave Clary a wink.

Peculiar, curious yet warm. As if a secret would be unveiled tonight.

So Clary trusted her mom, as she always did. She left her window open that night, hoping a stranger would find his way in.

Author's note: I'm so sorry for uploading this chapter this late! Thank you to all the reviews! Two more chapters to go before the end of this fanfic! Enjoy reading! :))