Hi, I know there are plot holes in this draft, but I'll sort them out later. So.. try to ignore them, please.
Getting a little back on track. A little..
Raph walks down the street. He has red creeping at the edges of his vision. Then a form blocks his path. "Move Rez."
"I'm not going to move. You aren't thinking straight." Miwa and Sursh arrive, flanking the crocodile.
"I said move!" A comes in contact with his mouth. Sursh looks around and the four get off the road. Raph pries the hand away. "What?" He whispers, angry.
"Don't you remember the curfew after all those incidents?" Sursh whispers, "Guards will hear and find you if you are any louder."
"Well maybe they can bring me ta Saki!" Raph argues. His shell is pushed against the wall behind him. He struggles to be free.
"Or they will kill you," Rez reminds.
"Then let them. Do ya think I care anymore?"
"You aren't sounding like a prince," Miwa states, snake arms crossed.
"I'm not a prince," Raph turns to look back at Rez after addressing Miwa, "Yer wrong Rez. I'm not a Great Kame. I lost that title."
"But here is where I am right, my friend. You do care. You care about others."
"I'm thinkin' of ma mother!" Raph yells. "He murdered her! She deserves peace after what he did!"
"Would she want you to lose yourself over something that happened six years ago?" Raph stops trying to break free. He doesn't look at who is talking, but at the hands that hold him back.
"..I'm already lost, Miwa.."
Miwa steps closer and uncrosses her hands, "What is it you really hope to gain from this Raph?"
Raph is quiet again, breathing heavily. He's thinking. He's thinking hard. Beating at every part of his brain to figure it out. He knows there is some kind of underlying meaning to this. A part of him says this isn't pure revenge.
"..I don't know," Raph answers quietly. He looks like he is physically struggling to come up with an answer. His friends stop holding him to the wall and Surshu puts a firm hand on his shoulder.
"Then stop and let us help figure it out," he advises. Raph looks at him and nods. He bows his head in defeat. "Let's go back."
"No, I.." Raph says quickly, only for his voice to fade away, "I want to stay somewhere else."
"Why?" Miwa asks, "They are a good family."
"But I don't want to remember someone and.. Chika is too close of a reminder," Raph explains.
"Okay. I have a spare pallet. You can stay with me," Rez says. Raph agrees to this. Miwa and Sursh walk out of the alley first and the others back track through the hidden roads between the buildings to Rez's place.
It is small, for a croc. There is a main room, a bathroom, and a bedroom. He pulls out a pallet for Raph and the turtle collapses the moment he can.
"Raph.." Raph looks up. He sees nothing but white, yet the colorless void isn't blinding to him. He hears a voice, but other than his name, there is nothing else he can understand.
"Stop.." He pleads, holding his hands to his ears.
Leonardo's voice suddenly booms, "Raph! Why are you doing this!?"
"I need to.." Raph says. He's on his knees, "..Just leave me alone.."
"We need you." Raph closes his eyes. He won't succumb to what the dream wants him to see. He won't be swayed by it. He hears a clink, like someone just set metal on polished wood. "Raph.. we miss you."
Raph feels the presence move away and he dares to open his eyes. On the white void-like floor.. are his twin sais he left behind. He looks up, tears dotting his eyes. A shell disappears through a misty curtain. "I miss you too, brother."
Raph looks up. It is midnight, the moonlight streaming through the glassless window. He sits up and leans against the wall his pallet is next to. He does miss them. He wants to be with his brothers no matter what. He'd do anything to be able to go back home.
'Anything..' Raph looks up from his lap with wide eyes, 'Even kill an emperor. The one that has ripped an important part of my family apart, someone.. someone that I was close to.' Raph's thoughts bounce off of each other and then they all come together in one sentence. 'I want to redeem myself. The act of finally ridding the world of Shredder would bring peace to my mind and give me a reason to go home.'
He stands up and paces the room. He knows now why he is so anxious to get it over with. He wants to get home as soon as possible. And eliminating his enemy gives him another incentive.
He knocks on Rez's door. After a few minutes, Rez opens it and looks at Raph. "Yes?"
"I'm still going." Rez sighs. "But I'm not going to be able to do it alone."
"Raph, try to get some more sleep-"
"I can't. I have these dreams that make me miss home more and I can't jus'-" It hits Raph like a sucker punch. He wants to go home. Home is with his brothers. Home is near her.
"Are you okay Raph?" Raph is led to sit down because he feels like he'll puke. He wants to go home, more than anything. But when it comes to being near her, he doesn't know if it is worth it.
"There is.. someone back home that I wish to forget. But going home.. I will see her every day."
"This girl," Rez sees the look Raph gives him, "I know what you mean, Raph. Who is she?"
"..My brother's tsuma," Raph admits, "I was rash and I was banished because of it. I don't trust my heart."
"Hm, Chika gives you something like you felt before, doesn't she?"
Raph nods, "I can't feel that. I don't want to see her again. It's better for both of us... I think she feels the same."
"Why not cherish this-"
"Because I don't want to fall in love," Raph states, standing up. "Not again. I'm not cut out for it. I can't handle it." He looks at his empty hands. "I don't know what it means."
"...Don't leave tonight. Wait. Be sure that you know what you are doing more than storm the fortress and kill the king. And think, Raph," Rez says, standing behind his friend, "if this is what you truly want."
"What I want is my brothers, whether I can see them again or not." Raph strugs the hand on his shoulder and sits back down on his pallet. Rez leaves him alone, but Raph can't fall back asleep, no matter how hard he tries.
Okay, so.. again, I know this is full of holes and non-mentioned points. So.. bare with me.
Questions, comments, and critiques.