DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything (including any characters) in USA's Monk

When Natalie's eyes fluttered open she saw that she lying in a hospital bed. It wasn't an emergency room, just a regular room and when she looked around she didn't see anyone.

Ugh, her head ached tremendously as she sat up, my god, what happened? She wondered for a few minutes, scraping the inside of her mind for any recollection of how she had ended up there. She looked down and saw that her body was wrapped in an off-white heated blanket and its dial was set all the way up. She stared at it for long, draw out moments, trying hard to remember…then it came rushing back so suddenly.

The water came splashing through Natalie's broken and incoherent memory, staining her eyes with blistering arctic chills, and her body shuddered heavily. She pulled up the sleeves of her attire and stared at the swollen marks she had carved so delicately into her skin and remembered why they were there… Natalie sunk back and held herself tightly.

How'd she get here? Disappointed, Natalie sat by herself, feeling as helpless as ever. She couldn't stay like this forever; she couldn't depend on herself to get over this because it was imperative that she rely on others around her. She knew she needed help to crawl out of this mess.

It was almost as if for the first time ever, that she felt somewhat home -back in San Francisco; for a long time it didn't feel like home, it felt a like nightmare; taking and dragging her into hell, forcing her mind to relapse between reality and dreams. Even if she had maimed herself it felt good to know that she wasn't in Florida, she wasn't in some else's bed and she wasn't being hurt by someone else. Maybe it was because she had inflicted such pain on herself that made her realize that she was awake, breathing and alive.

"Mom?" Julie suddenly appeared in the doorway holding a bagel.

Natalie glanced at her and nodded to her, "Julie, hey baby," she said quietly encouraging her to come in.

Julie stared at her mother, shell-shocked by her mother's instant reply. She hadn't heard her speak yet and was caught stunned and staring at her.

"Are you okay?"

"Sure," Natalie answered as she watched Julie seat herself adjacent from her. They only watched each other for long moments as Julie ate her bagel.

"What happened?" Natalie asked haphazardly feel incredibly tongue-tied. It wasn't like her to feel out ofplace in the same room with her daughter but it felt like years since she'd seen her. Natalie was beginning to feel uneasy all over again.

"You tell me," Julie said quietly, "I found you in the tub with the cold water going."

"Oh." Natalie looked down at her palms and pressed them together. She glanced back up at Julie who only stared back, trying to understand her mother. Her eyes were wide with worry.

"I-I was taking a shower and-and I don't really know. I guess…I guess," Natalie tried to understand herself and what had happened exactly to explain it well enough for Julie. She never finished her sentence.

"Mom?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay? I mean, really…are you okay? We found you with scratches all over yourself."

"We?" Natalie perked up suddenly with apprehension building behind the tension of her mouth. Did she mean, we, as in us? As in, her and another person?

"Well-I found you. Mr. Monk helped me after I dried you off and put a blanket on you. You know he wouldn't…"

"I know, I know it just threw me off when you said it like that. I was about to freak out." Natalie sighed with relief.

"Julie, um, look it's not easy for me tell you what I went through and what I am going through. I just want you to know that there are good people out there, wonderful and gentle people. I just got mixed up…"

"Like Dad?" Julie interrupted.

Natalie paused and could vividly see Mitch's beautiful face; his smile and could even still feel the warmth of his touch and his kiss. It made her melt and close her eyes.

"Mom?"

"Yes, yes. People like dad. "

A few minutes of silence passed by when Adrian peeked in. He saw Natalie was awake and paused at the door watching her cautiously. Julie invited him in with a casual nod of her head and Adrian nodded back still hesitating to come in.

Natalie watched him with hidden humor, seeing the stutter in his movements and noticed that he was very cautious as he sat down.

"Ah," Adrian sighed, looking nervous, "so, you're awake."

Natalie merely nodded and for that moment in time it felt completely awkward. She had never felt this way around the two of them. They were her closest and dearest loved ones and it was almost like she had never met them before. Suddenly, she felt like a complete stranger, searching for the purpose in her life, wishing she had never responded to her brother's proposal because it was entirely his fault that she had been put through his. She gritted her teeth wishing that the silence of all sitting in the room would magically disappear. How could it? What could she say? How could she talk to Julie and find the right words to explain her experience to her daughter? How could Adrian ever overcome his fear of attachment to reach out and listen; to comfort her in her time of need? It was driving Natalie into a state of confusion and disarray and there she sat, completely quiet, afraid of her own silence.

"I'll be right back, I have to p …use the facilities." Julie announced exiting the room, leaving Adrian by alone with Natalie. He felt incredibly distant despite he was sitting a mere two feet from her. She watched Julie go and continued to stare at the door…

"She has no idea, does she?"

"No. I won't tell her." Adrian perked up hearing the desperation in her voice as he watched Natalie watch Julie's tiny body finally disappear down the hallway.

She turned her attention to Adrian upon hearing him answer her and she just watched him for a moment admiring the privacy of the trauma Natalie had experienced. It was in that single second that Natalie's respect for him grew solid. He hadn't broken any of Natalie's trusts and she valued him so much more for keeping her secret from Julie.

"It wasn't my place to tell her, you can tell her when you're ready…" Adrian added quietly, feeling awkward sitting there with the unbearable silence rearing its ugly head against his wishes. He didn't know what else to say after that but he noticed Natalie staring at him for a long time after he mentioned it.

"Or you could…"

"You're such a good man," she interrupted suddenly, smiling a sad and unproductive smile, "You're right, I would like to tell Julie in my own time." It temporarily discarded Adrian's troubles until silence crept between them once more. Adrian found himself admiring Natalie's incredible strength in dealing withall of this by herself. By no stretch of the imagination would he ever be able to understand the horror of what it must have been like to be taken advantage of like that but he surely knew the anger and hatred that boiled in his veins every time he thought of that man touch her like that. He couldn't even understand how any man could maim someone so beautiful and magnificent as Natalie. She truly was a most stunning woman inside and out. He studied her face as she glanced at her arms, rubbing them softly over the sores that painted her delicate, smooth skin.

"Do they hurt?" he asked suddenly, feeling curious as he surveyed the bumped and irritated flesh that rose in rigid flares. They made him so uncomfortable.

"Not anymore," she answered.

"Natalie," he asked, groaning with discomfort, "why did you do it? Why would you…"

"You're asking me? Coming from someone who has always been afraid of germs? Someone who doesn't like feeling dirty?" she snapped, trying to refrain from formulating an argument with him. She didn't know why she insisted on being so cold towards Mr. Monk but there was something so terribly uncomfortable about his question.

But when Natalie saw him rub his temples and rest his head in his palms she felt worse for saying those things to him. He couldn't bear to look at her. Why has she insisted on being so ill-acting towards him? He understood she had gone through hell and back and it was expected to have baggage lingering but my god! He breathed in very deeply. Was it really necessary to be so mean?

Natalie watched him cower away from her and she unexpectedly apprehended the meaning of such a question. It wasn't to invade or disrupt Natalie's integrity. It was because he cared! She took this revelation so very wildly to heart that it made her chest burn with butterflies. Oh gosh, she thought, he really does care…

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "I didn't mean it, Mr. Monk, I just…. I could still feel him on me. So I scrubbed and scrubbed until I was too tired to move anymore. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I just couldn't get the feeling of him off of me. I don't expect you to understand what it's like to go through…to go through someone doing that to you but…"

"But you thought that I thought you were disgusting!" he interrupted.

"Don't you?" She asked the golden question, not that it really mattered; or did it? Could it really be what drove her to clean herself so viciously for the mere approval of her boss? All because of Adrian's opinion of her; the darkness of such a mysterious and deep secret started to unravel itself at that very moment; the moment when she realized that she cared so very profoundly for him…

"No! How could you think that, Natalie? You're more than my assistant, you're my friend. Someone that I love…" He stopped himself suddenly, almost slipping on an unconscious demon that surfaced for the first time and it baffled him, but he continued, "uh-uh-uh, that I-I care about."

"So," she said, not picking up on his slip of the tongue, "it's still a two way street?"

Adrian for the first time smiled at her, feeling warm and comfortable inside. His chest heaved with such glory that not even he could harness it in at that moment because it was as if his Natalie had come back to life with such a simple but meaningful question.

"Yea, it's still a two-way street," he mused.

Florida Correctional Institute

"Do you know who I am?" The man asked into the receiver, staring straight into Johnny's eyes. There was a certain anger replicating from his rounded, charcoal stare. It was cold, and ill-willed, merely reflecting evil itself.

"No-no, I don't."

"I'm Randy Jones," He said, watching Johnny's eyes widen.

Oh fuck, Johnny cursed under his breath, it can't be. He stared at the man before him now piecing it all together. It took him back to the past, as if staring through a clouded dream, and bringing Grim's face to life.

When Johnny first introduced himself to coke, it was all because he was established to a chain, rather a family, of dealers. Grim was one of several, well-known, leaders of the business, negotiating all necessary attractions for slum students or college drop outs and any other fucked up kid rounding the streets in Miami.

Jonathan could now place it, the exact memory in which that frightened him the most when encountering the man before him, it was because Grim was just a nickname for his former, now dead dealer, all drug dealers had one but his real name was in fact Gather Jones…

"Did-did you say Jones?" Jonathan asked.

"That's right. I'm Gather's brother, you know -Grim. The one you fed to the police. Wanna know why I'm here?"

"Not really"—

"Well either you tell me what I want to know or I'll have some of buddies, roomed with you here, give you a piece of my mind for me instead –you wanna go that route?" He growled into the receiver.

Johnny hesitated for long moments not knowing how to answer…He reluctantly nodded.

"I want the name of the officer that you squealed my brother to so I can kill him with my bear hands."

I know it's been long and I apologize a thousand times over it you guys. I've been boggled down with so much work here at school I've hardly had time to myself much less to anything else, however I want to save this for last because it's something exciting I've been meaning to share with you guys. It's basically a playlist I've made for this story and you can access it by this link " .com/ " . It'll be updated periodically with new songs as later chapters develop. If you have trouble go to my profile on here (fanfiction) and click on my homepage link and it should take you right to my livejournal) I hope you enjoy and please don't forget to review.

Again I am so very sorry you guys with delayed update!