TO: Shepard, Erin

FROM: Williams, Abby

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Commander Shepard,

I finished basic today. Arcturus is a bitch, and coming in as enlisted instead of officer is not the way I always pictured it in my head. But it's a trial we all have to go through, I guess. And I can't say I haven't come out of it for the better. I'm stronger, faster, smarter, and a way better shot. You may now address me as Private Abigail Williams, Systems Alliance Marine. Muahaha.

Alright, so you've never even met me, and I'm probably scaring you a little by now. For that, I apologize. I don't know you, and I don't know your sense of humor. But Ashley always held you in the highest regard. So I guess I feel comfortable being my own weird self around you. Apologies in advance.

Admiral Anderson gave me this email address. Two years ago, they were all saying you'd died, but I never believed it! Mere mortals cannot fell Commander Shepard. I knew your death was just a cover up. I bet they sent you on some top-secret mission, right? Anderson wouldn't tell me. Hell, you've probably already destroyed the geth by now. We haven't seen any more from them since you saved the Citadel. Did they have any more of those big Sovereign ships? Did you steal any awesome technology? Oh, hey, is it true that the geth unlocked the secret to converting energy into matter, thus giving us those awesome replicator things that science fiction promised us we'd have by now? I eagerly await the press conference.

Okay, serious face now. There's a reason I decided to contact you. It's about my sister's death. The media doesn't like to talk about it -- to them, you're a fallen hero to be worshipped, incapable of human error. They don't like to bring up the fact that you lost one of your team on Virmire. I had wanted to talk to you sooner, but the Alliance sent you straight into geth space after the battle at the Citadel. Then you disappeared. I didn't think I'd ever get the opportunity to say what I wanted to say. Now I do, and I don't want to wait around any more.

Anderson told me how hard you took it when Ashley died. He said you blamed yourself for it, that it drove you like a bullet to take down Saren. I guess I can understand. I'm still new at this whole soldier thing, but if I were to lose someone under my command… I don't know how I'd react. It's not something I really want to think about. I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself, especially if it were someone I was as close to as you were with Ashley.

And you know what the hardest thing would be? Facing the family.

I guess you got lucky in some ways. You had already been shipped out to clean up the remnant geth by the time her funeral was held. You never had to face Ashley's family, to look her mother in the eye and try to explain what happened. I don't know. Maybe you're stronger than me. But if I were in that position, my God… I don't think I'd be able to do it. Few things could be as difficult as meeting the family of the soldier you lost under your command.

Though in some ways, you were unlucky too. Anderson talked about you at the funeral. He talked about your friendship with her, told us how badly you had wanted to be there. Because Ashley was more than just a fallen soldier to you, wasn't she? At the core of things, she was a friend. And despite all the pain and guilt it would have brought, I bet you still wish you could have been there. I bet you wish you could have spoken at the podium, and I bet you wish you could have talked to her family. That sort of stuff helps you let go. I know it would have been all but impossible for me to get over it had I not been given the opportunity to say my piece at the funeral. Being there, staring at a closed casket with her name on it and knowing she wasn't even inside it… that was hard. But not being there to say goodbye would have been harder.

Hell, I don't even know if I'm making sense. I guess I might as well say it outright. If it were me, if I were the one who had lost a friend under my command, I know I wouldn't be able to get over it until I heard it from the horse's mouth. So here goes: I don't blame you for my sister's death. None of us do. Mom, Lynn, Sarah, all of us. We forgive you. No, scratch that. We don't forgive you, because we never blamed you. Ash's death was not your fault. Had you been at the funeral, we would have been quick to tell you.

Shepard, the Williams family knows you were the best commander Ashley could have possibly had the good fortune to serve under. We know how much you cared for her, and we also know how huge your mission was. The chain of command exists so that the hard decisions can get made, and you know what? You made the right one. Everyone knew you were a great soldier, but you proved that you were a great commander that day. You were strong enough to make the call. Had you let your emotions get in the way, that facility might not have gotten destroyed. Ash would have died. You all would have. And it would have been for nothing.

Yes, I read the mission report. Do I wish it hadn't been her? Of course I do. Do I wish, sometimes, that you would have gone back to save her, and left that other soldier, Lieutenant Alenko, behind? Yeah. It sounds awful, but yeah, I do. Of course. It's human nature. I loved Ashley, and I don't know a thing about this Alenko. Had you sacrificed the mission to save her, she might still be alive. But we both know she'd be miserable about it. She was willing to do what she had to, and she would have blamed herself hard if you had let the mission fail on her part. You made the choice, you went after the nuke, and you succeeded. You stopped Saren. And Ash died a fucking hero.

I don't pray as often as I should anymore. But when I do, I talk to her. Sometimes I think I can feel her talking back. She always said you weren't very religious, so you might think I'm crazy. Maybe I am. But how else can I explain it? I think about Ashley and I get this rush of energy, raw strength and power and passion. It's wonderful and invigorating. She's there, I know it. And she's at peace. She knows you made the right choice, Shepard, and she doesn't regret a goddamned thing. She did exactly what she wanted to do.

The Williams name has been cleared now. I wasn't going to enlist at all after watching the Alliance screw over my sister with crap assignment after crap assignment. Now, they're happy to take me, and I'm happy to serve. It feels a bit weird, like I should be holding a grudge against them for blacklisting my family all these years. Yet I can't help feeling anything but at home here. Everyone is as friendly as can be, and they've shown me nothing but respect. Basic training was tough, but… this feels right, you know? It feels like it's where I belong.

If there's one thing wrong, it's that I don't know how I can live up to Ashley's example. In death, she's been given all the medals and accolades she deserved in life, and then some. She's a hero. Me, I'm just a private with a weird streak and some above average accuracy test scores. I scored top of my class in long-range shooting, though. Who knows? Maybe I'll become a sniper, like you. Ashley would call me a little pussy who didn't have the guts to get up close and personal with the enemy, but I'll do what I'm good at, right?

I just thought you should hear from me, Shepard. I know I would have wanted to. And if it turns out that this is the wrong e-mail address and you've just read the strangest, most confusing message you've ever recieved, then I apologize again. No, Erin Shepard is not still alive. There is no cover-up, and there is certainly no top secret mission to destroy the geth. Forget everything you have just read. *Flash*

Sincerely,

Abby Williams, Systems Alliance